Im fed up of my spoilt sister- she has now demanded £100,000

[Roseflower]

My sister is 26 years old.

My parents have fully funded 2 higher education courses to date.

6 months ago she decided she wanted to become a vet.
She got offered a place. However since it is a second degree it will cost £100,000 over five years for this particular university. There are others that charge £13,000 for five years but they didn't offer her an interview.

She wants my parents (divorced) to pay for it and stated will not be paying them back

If my mum pays for her she will not help my younger brother fo to university as she says she can only afford 1 child. My brother has never been to university before.

This weekend she came to visit and it ended up in a an awful situation. She demanded I support her. I said in all honesty I cannot support a 6 month whim that costs £100,000 that would but a huge pressure on my ageing parents whilst knowing my brother would get nothing. She was furious and screamed (upsetting my 4 year old dc)

What upsets me is my sisters attitude. I am in shock she would even ask such a thing in the first place.She has no problems if only she benefits, she says her education is that matters and her need is great. She expects the money- it is her right in her own words. She doesn't want to pay it back.

I said are you sure if this money is the only lump sum of money you many ever get is spending It on a course you picked 6 months ago what you really want? Her reply was she expected a large inheritance one day anyway.

She has no idea of the problems she is causing. My father may have to sell his home to fund this. She is fine with that

Last night (after much stress and heartache) my father decided her would help her pay half the fees and my mother would need to meet the rest.

She said that was not good enough and he could keep his big house!

I was furious and said all along this is what I have been saying- her attitude is appalling.

However.... my parents have actually agreed to pay despite this text this morning!

I think it appalling. They both said they gave in as they are scared of her temper. How are they ever going to teach to grow up? She does have serious temper issues I think she needs to work on as priority.

The money is awful but the main issue is her getting rewarded for her behaviour and sense of entitlement. It sickens me. She has been like this for a few years she gets whatever she wants through tantrums but to me this is the final straw.

Whilst they are doing out of good intentions I think they are irresponsible parents and I cannot sit by and bite my lip. How will my brother feel?

What should I do?
I am being unreasonable as all she wants to do is better herself?

I dont know. She still wont really answer me.

How can a 5 yr course cost £100k if max fees are £9k per year???

She sounds unhinged and I can't believe your parents are going along with it

Are you absolutely sure about all of this? I tried and tried and tried to get into vet school 20 years ago, and even though I put years of effort into it I did not get in. So I did a degree in Neuroscience, one of the more complex life sciences, worked on a farm, in a racing yard, in a zoo, in a vets, had brilliant references, and reapplied, and still didn't get in. The competition is immense. Even then the fees for the graduate course were £40k, and that was just fees, not living costs. It was a 4 year course for graduates with a biology-related degree.

The 2 things that don't ring true about this are that your sister only decided to do it 6 months ago - it takes more than 6 months effort to get a vet school place, and that you think there are places out there for £13k. There weren't 20 years ago and as far as I can tell a university education is only getting more expensive.

FWIW I did not get in because I was deemed to be 'not clever enough,' not because I didn't have enough experience. My current job is as an airline pilot. (Also FWIW I think I had a very lucky escape NOT getting a vet school place!)

Im not sure what you are implying- she is lying or even me?

The 13k does exsist at three uni's one example www.rvc.ac.uk/Undergraduate/BVetMedAcc/Fees.cfm

Yes it might go up next year I dont know?

I didn't realise graduate courses were more expensive (yikes)!

It is all down to the fact it is a 2nd degree,it is not her 1st degree it would cost so much at the uni she got accepted at.

But there are ones like the RVC uni above that charge 'normal' fees hence why I agrued wait, reapply there and the two others are pay your own blummin' way. 13k isnt that hard to find it she really wanted this.

"so she just fell into this aquarium job"

Sorry!

I often get asked by the parents of children I look after when the tantrum phase will stop. I tell them in a year or so unless tantrums get them what they want, in which case it could be into their 20s.

Roseflower - I'm suspicious too. It's incredibly hard to get on a vet's course in the UK - same as medical school. You can't 'just decide to do it'. Does she have A grade A-Levels in science subjects and experience on volunteering for animal shelters/working on farms or in vets? Because that's what you'd normally need to get a foot in the door.

If she does get a place, she will be expected to work through her holidays on farms/PDSA stuff - often as a volunteer.

I think you need to talk to your parents about this. It's all very well for them to indulge your sister at every turn, but they have responsibilities to all their children.

OK - should have read the thread properly - just realised you answered those questions.

You still need to talk to your parents. It's not right and it's not actually helping your sister. It won't stop with the vet's course either, there will be something else after that (or when she gives it up in the middle). I think they need to hear plainly how their other children feel about this.

Well she said she has a place.
She is to her credit an clever person has good science A-levels, a 1st in Zoology degree and worked in an the aquariam, the vets and Im sure she most done some other things too?

I guess she has got the right a levels and experience as up to graduating she was wanting to work in animal conservation, but she never wanted to be a vet, ever.

I honestly cant see what she would gain from lying she had a place? My parents would surely give the money staight to uni anyway?

I finally got to speak to my mum.

Her attutude was but Im blessed as I have a home and a husband with good earning potential (er how about me? Ok he will probably earn more but still...)

I dont really understand how this justifies anything?

Her need is greater than mine I suppose?

And your brother? is he also blessed in ways your sister can only dream of? .

And your brother?

Where will your father be expected to live if he has to sell his house to fund this?

(you do not have to answer this out loud here )

X-post

No my brother has nothing. He is still at home with dad.

Well my father is not by any means a poor man, he is quite well off to be honest so techically he could sell up, give my sister the full amount and still be able to afford a good house (as could my mum)

However I still dont see why he should sell his and my brothers home for her!

So your brother will lose his home as well as his future education? .

TBH it is starting to sound less as if your sister is simply used to getting her own way, and more as though there are secrets, guilt and blackmail going on (as if your parents know something about your sister which is being kept secret but justifies their desire to make life so smooth and easy for her).

This is starting to sound very complex. Are your parents really that much in thrall to your sister? Dysfunction galore.

I agree that your sister's behaviour is very odd re the course, and I'm not sure I believe her entirely. I hope you don't mind me chiming in, but I have a few friends doing Vet, at both undergraduate entry and graduate entry. I'm pretty sure that you have to apply to veterinary (as with medicine, and anything at Oxford/Cambridge) courses through UCAS by 15th October (including references) the year before entry, they have earlier deadlines than other degrees and I think this is the same for graduate-entry programmes.

So, your sister would have had to have applied via UCAS and had all her references done by 15th October 2010 to get in for September 2011.

I guess you're just being approximate about 6 months so this is probably hyper-pedantic but the other thing that I don't think you've mentioned is a BMAT test or similar, and many vet courses require this for all applicants, including for graduate entry. This is normally done in November I think so she should have already done it... has she mentioned this to you/your parents?

Have you spoken to your brother at all? Is he even aware that his own sister is planning to turf him out of his home and steal his university funding? I wondered whether a direct appeal from him to your parents, as the person most affected by their decision, might carry more weight than anything you could say.

I've just been reading a true crime book. Apparently hiring an assasin is surprisingly cheap - £5k up front and £5k afterwards - sounds like a much cheaper option for your family ....

(Obviously I'm joking - I would never really advocate taking out your sister, no matter how selfish and unpleasant.)

your sister sounds atrocious.

do your parents not think they should be equal in what they give their children? sounds like they are pandering to the one who is shouting loudest. your poor brother.

who knows what the future holds for any of you. you might really need money in the future (illness, special needs children, job losses). not saying it's your parents job to sort this out for you but they might wish to. why do her needs take precedence? sounds fishy and guilt ridden to me..but they need to think this through and be fair to ALL their children.

I'd be fuming. think you are being quite restrained.

A few years back, my DB was in real financial difficulties (all of his own making for being feckless and irresponsible, but that's by-the-by, we all make mistakes).

I told my DM that I was in a stable job with a stable family life, and that if she wanted to give DB enough cash to get him out of the hole he was in then it would be absolutely fine with me (he would have needed enough that it would have affected potential inheritances). I also said I would be happy if she changed her will so he would inherit more than half in the fullness of time.

(I know it sounds like an odd conversation to have with your own DM. There's some family history which her brother, who's so irresponsible with money that when my gran died she stipulated that his inheritance had to be held in trust for him, with my DF as trustee. So we have talked about such things in my family a lot.)

Anyway, DM refused. She told me that my DB had to learn to stand on his own two feet, that it would be doing him no favours to bail him out again (I didn't know she'd done it before) and that I couldn't tell what my own future might hold and I might need some money myself one day....

I also think there is something going on here that you are not being told, such as your sister blackmailing your parents or them feeling that they have to make up for something and this is why she is indulged more than you or your brother.

Thanks for all the posts.

I admit I know nothing about vet applications as it would be the last thing I would apply for.

But I have just accepted she really has place- she mentioned nothing about doing a test to get in.

Is the test on the same day as the interview?