Please Help-- Advice needed re Emotional Affair is he seeing her i am sooo confused !!!!

[krissydw1]

Sorry for all if this message is long I just dont know what to think or believe anymore and need some perspective on the situation

My ex partner and father of my twins left me a week a go saying he didnt love me anymore etc . We have had problems and have broken up four previous times he always did the leaving saying he was unhappy with his life didnt want to be with me because i irritate him drink wine in the evenings etc he has hit me several times and i begged him back. All the other times he has returned saying he still loves me but later in a row says he wishes he was not with me then the next day he loves me so have been thinking he is happy but he isnt.

Anyways recently we set up a business started talking about a futire doing it together etc i asked him if he loved me and wanted to be with me he said he did. This same night he came home drunk and we had a massive row. I logged in to his fb and found out he was saying to a woman he works with he does not want to be with me he hates me and wants to leave but cant leave his kids and dreams about being with her. The next day i asked him of he loved me and to cut a long story short said yes. I did not mention that i know

Afew days later i was away and we spoke on the phone and textes he told me he loves me etc. Later that evening i loged on again to his fb bot expecting to find anything as i assumed the later contact was just venting after our row. What i found made me sick to my stomach messages to this woman saying he had to delete her coments cos i was asking questions about her that he hates me thinks about her everyday can even smell her. She responded with similar things gonna go to bed and dream about you etc and i dont want you to arguee with HER so will only text you on the mobile.

Two days later i went home and asked him if there was anything going on with her as have been asking for about a month before even finding anything because i had a feeling he said he loves me nothing going on etc. I could not let it go cos i know what i had read but did not want him to know that i had been snooping. Anyways he kept denying anything was going on. THE next day he was going on a works do with her and i kept asking him not to go because i thought something was going on he left me that day saying we just dont work etc maybe we dont but it seems that he was still prepared to work at it before he said we have just come to the end of the road etc. During the last three days leading up to this his phone had been stuck to him which it usualy isnt.

a WEEK LATER HE CAME OVER AND I GOT HIS PHONE LOADS OF TEXTS BETWEEN THEM HE SAID I LOVE YOU TO BABE WISH YOU WERE HERE SO I COULD TOUCH YOU THE OTHERS I DID NOT TAKE IT WAS IN SHOCK.

So i then went and confronted him i said why didnt you tell me there was something going on between you and her he went silent had a go at me for looking at his phone and said we are not together anymore so its nothing to do with you i asked to know what is going on and he said its not what i think he just felt sorry for her and after they went out for a drink he realises she is to needy for him that they are not together he does not want nothing to do with a married woman but at the same time says he left when he did cos he didnt want to lie but was gonna leave anyways. He was only telling her what she wanted to hear. I keep asking if he is with her and he keeps saying no but its nothing to do with me!!!!!!!! well maybe its not now but it kinda is cos they were carying on when we were together!!!!!

I just dont know what to think sorry for the long message

Hello lovely ladies just checking in as have not posted in sometime and really missing the support. This week have come away with my twins on what was supposed to be a family holiday which has been nice to get away but sad to the silliest things remind me of things we used to do together when things were good. I am still very sad because i made a famiy and wanted to spend my life with him. Even though he says he has NO Fond memories because all the time we weretogether and did get on that's only because he was being. FAKE And not being himself just to have an easy life so apparently that's the only reason we ever got on!

So here's me remembering all these times we had but it does not mean shit to him. That alone should be enough to make me move on but I can't seem to yet. I just wish he missed me at least a little but cos then I wouldn't feel like I had busted my arse trying to make him happy for nothing

Today it's his birthday and he has gone to visit mates he called me about a practical issue normaly I am just friendly and don't get ino emotion anymore But today I let it out and said I missed him dreadfully etc he said oh have a nice time away and hung up hence I sobbed I know he has been a shit but it still hurts. People think oh well they have been a complete tosser so what r u crying about but it realy is getting harder at the min. Maybe coming away started the grieving thing I don't know really just know I feel so desperatly sad and lonley right now

krissy I think you should try and get some counselling to get you through this. Go to the BACP website. the guy is a total shit - of course it's heartbreaking that you gave so much to something that he didnt care about - you are allowed to greive for the relationship you thought you had.

But you have to look at who he really is - he is unkind and uncaring and has nothing positive to offer you. Its natural you feel sad and lonely - but please look forward to a future without his unkindness and where you can meet someone who genuinely loves you. He is being horrible to you - you have rose coloured glasses about the past and need to see the truth about him.

I wonder what happened in your past / childhood that means you have such low expectations from relationships? Get some therapy - there are good books around - Oliver James, they fuck you up is good.

take care and remember, you are free now to live a happy life - new friends, new love are waiting out there for you. He doesnt deserve you.

Thankyou so much for your kind words bless u xx

The pain never seems to end when someone meant so much to u but u meant nothing at all

Hi Ladies i am here again asking more questions ad looking for awsewers.

I manage a day or so without calling him he will call me it will start out well then i will start to STUPIDLY DIVULDGE How much i miss him love him still etc he just says well i dont feel the same i will either cry saying i find it hard to let go of he will get so frustrated with me that he will screeam obseneties at me. Today when he started calling me a retard and a stalker cos i kept calling him yeserday after he had told me to fuck off i just wanted to resolve it and he kept being abusive. Today when i shouted back at him and told him i wasnt a retard and to stop berating me he eventual backed down and said ive got to go and hung up.

I dont understand why i keep letting him do this and further more the more abusive he is the more i go back for more. I am alright when i dont call him but when he gets me hocked again i keep looking for resolutions i guess cos i dont want him to be so vile to me.

The things he actualy comes out with stuff he said today make me think hes not right in the head at all and has this diluded idea that i cause all the rows even though i am not the person who stands there screaming in front of the kids its him

its like i have to agree or all hell breaks lose if he asks me a question and i say i disagree he still counters it

Please tell me i am not the only one who keep coming back for more

I know it very weird behaviour on my part

Thanks

Kristin

Hi guys just checking in had a few developments been split up for about ten weeks and he has Bren a nasty bastard in between being nice. I have gone back to the flat but feel guilty cos he has no where else to go.

Anyways two weeks a go a nice chap from my past asked to take me for dinner he also has children and has a lot of rubbish in his previous relationship. We have been sort of dating for two weeks seem to really like each other. I am just worried things have moved so quick and feel guilty for moving on. It's not like I am gonna move in with him or anything but he and I ge. On really well and he gives me a stronger perspective on what I have been through. Kinda reinforce the fact. I have been treated like shit and is a total gentleman and a hard worker unlike my ex

is this bad.....should I end it cos we are both on the rebound and don't want to get hurt again confused as have never done this before xxx

Hi guys just checking in had a few developments been split up for about ten weeks and he has Bren a nasty bastard in between being nice. I have gone back to the flat but feel guilty cos he has no where else to go.

Anyways two weeks a go a nice chap from my past asked to take me for dinner he also has children and has a lot of rubbish in his previous relationship. We have been sort of dating for two weeks seem to really like each other. I am just worried things have moved so quick and feel guilty for moving on. It's not like I am gonna move in with him or anything but he and I ge. On really well and he gives me a stronger perspective on what I have been through. Kinda reinforce the fact. I have been treated like shit and is a total gentleman and a hard worker unlike my ex

is this bad.....should I end it cos we are both on the rebound and don't want to get hurt again confused as have never done this before xxx

He is the nicest bloke have ever met but am I just vunerable ? I don't know but there is defo a connection so should I just see what happens ?

i think you would probably be happier in the long run if you learned to be happy without being in a relationship first and then finding someone who really deserves you.

Well have made a total mistake got all involved with this guy on the rebound. It only lasted two weeks but he was well into me really intense feeling passed between us he really came on to me stron and we went out had fun and stayed in a hotel then all of a sudden he blanked me told me he not I interested and has gone back to his ex. I can't get my head around it cos he was so full o. Seemed really honest and told me he was falling inlove with. Me all that effort just to fuck off he made me feel so much better now I am feeling even worse than before please help

What stupid men Krissy. I've read similar on here before and just wondered if it would help you to look at it from this perspective.

Imagine one of your friends comes to you and says 'I've had a really awful time recently. My partner, who by the way used to hit me, has been messaging/texting another woman telling her he hates me. We split up and sometimes, out of loneliness, I ring him and end up crying and wishing him to come back to me. Rather than him gently telling me it isn't going to happen and sensitively finding a way to end the call, he shouts and rages and calls me awful names, hanging up on me. When I started seeing someone new, again looking for support and love, he swept me up in promises, and then two weeks later abandoned me.'

You'd say the same as me. You're brilliant. You're a brilliant mum of twins (Fuck me, thats a full time job), you gave up everything you were excited about to be with the first nasty bastard, and you're now fragile, which is sadly a fucking massive beacon to some twats out there that call themselves men. These are not men. They are pathetic, unfeeling, selfish, deluded....there just aren't enough words. Stay strong sweetie, we're here for you xxx

Hello thanks for your response i really need the perspective and feel so stupid. This rebound guy really swept me off my feet but as he was on the rebound to i thought it would all be ok we say each other everynight for a week and spoke all the time. It was so nice to have someone to talk to about my ex and he made me feel like i was a nice person and not the twat my ex makes me out to be.

i KNOW ITS RIDICULOUS i only knew him ten days but i thoguht there was something there and the feeling seemed to be mutual in fact more from him than me. Then he just blanked me then after texting him to find out what the fuck was going on eventualy told me he was going back to his ex. After the intensity of the time we shared and what we said i just wanted to know what was going on. BUT instead of just telling me that he went back to his ex he just said he wanted to leave it it all happened to quick so i continued to dig for answers until he finaly told me he had gone back to his ex.

And to fucking stop harrasing him. If the prick had told be that in the first place rather than just ignoring me i would have left him alone......so he has made me out to be deranged in the process.

Now i am feeling even more hurt than i did before how is that possible i only knew the guy 2 weeks for heavens sake

And he chased me badly then fucked me off i dont get why he made such an effot and spent so much money on me if it was nothing he made more effor than any guy i have ever met!!!!!!!!

Please help am desperate for answers again !!!!!

Why do me have to be so vile and hurtful he is having the kids for the weekend and called me for a friendly chat to see what i was up to

When i asked him what he was doing he said he was going to do a roast dinner and loves spending time with the PARTICARLY JUST THE THREE OF THEM.

Ie he does not like spendign time withthem with me there that really hurt when we have been a family for three years now he has really upset me again why did he have to say that

it used to be the whole four of us having sunday dinner

Hey Guys how you doing well its been ages now have up days and bad days but everytime i have to speak to him hes abusive most of the time about practical issues.

Am moving out of the flat and he doesnt like that much and is being really awkward about it cos he has no where else to go but i cant keep stagnating in the flat which used to be our home.

Have just been drinking loads to blot it all out which has not helped as feel even worse when i dont drink

Hope you are al doing well

Ladies