The Brave Babes Carry On Past The Easter Booze Offers.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Hello,

I'm Mouse, well, I am usually!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus.

This is a journey of sobriety, started almost a year ago by the wonderful jesuswhatnext. So why not come aboard and find a seat. There's heaps of support on here whether you are sober, drinking or somewhere in the middle.

And, for those of you who want a bit of history, here are the Previous Threads

Well done Changeling
I got 5 months yesterday!
It's a pretty awesome feeling isn't it!!

ladies that is fantastic. Im really going to give this a crack......I will be back for support.

just checking in. having a bad day. Dh left without speaking this morning because he didn't get his end away. Makes me feel so valued. Havn't heard from him all day, he's not due home until tomorrow and that's too soon. I have spent the last 25 years putting other people first - him, 3 DCs and now my elderly parents who live apart in different houses. DCs want to know what's for dinner, WTF do I care. Get it yourselves.
I have seriously had enough but am bound by debt and the DCs and there is no way out.
How did I get to be a penniless, pisshead with no identity other than as someone's wife and daughter and mother and possession.
Sorry for rant, ADs don't seem to be helping. need miracle pills I think!

BOO

Evening Campers

Just checking in - been in France for the last 8 days and soooooo glad to be home - tiny flat and 3 hormental kids in tow AAARRGH

Haven't had time to catch up properly but a big HELLO to everybody

Off for a much needed shower after two days in the car................ xxx

Hi all,

Clean and dry here, and hoping to get DD back, and my mum to nursing home. 6 weeks today since last drink. Maybe unwelcome by some, but hopefully with something to give.

Alcoholism is bloody difficult.

Changeling well done you, enjoy - are there really UK groups who use the Americanised medal things?!?! - not in the North, as far as I know, it's much less sensationalist here, do you find the ceremony in your local groups helps or hinders??

onthebackseat I have a fairly well known job locally and I go to AA. Because, I want to get well, more than anything else in the world. Do you?
(I recognise people there from my professional capacity, and they have recognized me at work. OK. Recovery is more important, to me and the people I know.)

wasonce and sunday just do it - go once, it's 90 minutes out of your life, if it's rubbish, have you not wasted one 90 minute time drinking?? AA has changed my life and many on here - maybe there will be some hope, but you won't know if you don't go.

Golly keep being utterly honest with your sponsor, a day at a time, it's the only way it can work with mine

Mouse be hugely careful with morphine for non-malignant disease if you think you have a problem with alcohol!!

And, Silver, drinking, not drinking, sharing, judging??? (You tell me I am not for real - maybe a statement to turn around? I share honestly - that's my start.)

I find it really helps - it may seem a bit silly, but it kind of validates my hard work I guess. the only problem is, it's my ex boyfriend (sober 11 years) who hands them out and i have to hug him ! . It's a bit weird having him there - we were both serious active alcoholics during our time together and it's scary remembering back .

oh, noteven, I am so proud of you!! after what you went through, you seem to be on track. hope you get your dd back soon and that things continue to improve here. Thanks for the update.

thanks Indie. I don't really want counselling - it will just be more papering over the cracks again. I just want it over...........

I'm really struggling, I didn't get to sleep til 1/4 to 6 this morning and even then it was only dozing really, as I kept waking.

I don't want to leave my house, I don't want to see anyone and I don't want to speak to anyone - but my phone is ringing non-stop because people are worried about me. I've been ignoring it all day but thats worrying people even more.

I just want to be left alone, I wish I could disappear

qo can you record an answer phone message to let people know you are alright but that you just need a few days peace? Or can one friend do a ring round to ask people to back off?
people WILL be worried - this is good because it means you have people who care about you and who can help you

- interesting

Just popping in Babes, quick hello as my dinner is almost ready, PJs are on and TV is waiting. Chiiling night with the family.

Noteven - I'm so glad you've made SIX WEEKS! Well done. Thanks on the heads up re morphine, I'm not drinking at all at the moment.

Silver - I wondered what that pong was! xx

See you tomorrow babes, stay strong!!!

Oh, JWN - I wasn't ignoring you, been DIYing all day and last minute school shoe buying for DD! Kids!

I made it back tonight, sober!

Thank you all for taking the time to offer advice - it all makes sense and I've been reading it over and over a few times which is helping me get over this wobble I'm having (got the usual debating society jabbering away in my head, that "g'wan, one more night, start again tomorrow" etc)

Qo Just wanted to reach out to you as you sound in such a dark place right now - part of the dreaded hangover allows us to become trapped in a circle of negative thinking and when it happenes to me, I imagine that things are far worse than they really are. Please answer your phone if you can - if people are worried about you then chances are it'll be a friendly voice on the end of the line? Whatever happened last night has been and gone now, be kind to yourself.

mouse yes name change here but I remember the drill (am just about to make a soda water with ice and a slice of lemon and have a Creme Egg to hand

Again, thank you all for your advice - hope you're having a good evening wherever you are x

Thanks ma and wasonce, I've just emailed 2 people telling them I don't feel I can speak to anybody at the moment.

It isnt hangover that was yesterday its the sickening guilt about the things I've done, and knowing there's nothing I can do to fix them - and also the shame - that's torturing me. Speaking to people just reminds me of what I've done and what I've become.I really don't feel mentally good at all right now, and I don't see a way out.

I don't know if the way I'm feeling is making me paranoid, but was the raised eyebrow and intersting aimed at me silver? I'm sorry if not, but I had to ask?

qo, don't worry, Silver's raised eyebrow was not for you (bit of ongoing history from previous threads I think). Mostly on these threads we put people's names in, so you can see if anyone is addressing a comment directly to you, and in any case, remember we are all just a bunch of people who can't drink normally. If anything we say rings a bell with you and is useful, then grab hold of it. If anything rubs you up the wrong way or leaves you cold then ignore it.

It sounds as though you are being very, very hard on yourself qo. Of course you can look inside and you can remember every bad thing that you have ever done in your life. It will make you feel sad and guilty and scared. But you know what, the exact same would happen if I looked inside myself and remembered every bad thing I'd done, or if JWN did, or if any other person who is a human did. It is one of the amazing, wonderful things about being human - that we can remember and feel emotions of things that are no longer happening to us. But qo, it doesn't sound as though that process is helping you just now. It is keeping you in a very bad place, and stopping you from looking forward. Whatever, WHATEVER you have done, you can be sure that no-one is judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself at the moment. So please, take some quiet time if you need it, but then think about letting some of those people help you. Talk to them on the phone about ordinary mundane things, meet someone for a coffee and a chocolate biscuit, get someone to help colour your hair. Anything, to let them into the normal part of your life.

Thanks for your post venus, It makes so much sense seeing it written down but I just don't think I can do it - I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to speak to anyone and right now I can't see that changing.

I've had to put off going down south to my mates, as I can't even face the 5 minute walk to the shop, a 7 hour train journey would be just too much, and plus I can't really afford it. Also the thought of having to come back here again :(

Anyway, I now feel like a broken record and really have to stop whinging as I'm starting to torture myself about that too. I'll be back tomorrow hopefully having had some decent sleep.

Thank you all again

and p.s I haven't drank today

merlincat welcome - please share your wisdom, i could certainly use some!
qo I understand the not wanting to go anywhere etc. You have done SO well not drinking today after a binge. Can you identify the least awful thing that happened and put it right by apologising to any individuals hurt? just one thing, not all of it?
Not tonight, I mean tomorrow.
Do you have a close friend who can help you with you alcohol problem? Someone you can really confide in who will fight your corner?

I've already apologised to everybody concerned, most people have been really good about it but the one that hasn't (and probably wont ever) is the one I'm closest too and the one that has been the most supportive out of everybody.

I really don't blame her, after the disgusting things I said to her, and all for no reason too. I don't even know why I did it and I'd never ever intentionally hurt anyone, that's what's killing me the most. I cant sleep as when I try to close my eyes, everything runs through my head 100 times worse.

I've done so much bad stuff I can't ever put it right, and not sure I want to either - I can't bear the thought of seeing those people again and the shame that would come with it, and the knowledge that they've all been (understandably) talking about me. Things are never going to be the same again for me and it's all my own fault.

I'm going to try my hardest to move away and start afresh, it's the only samll light I can think of at the end of this fucking horrible tunnel.

yes, they will be talking about you but no more than you would be if you had seen someone else off their trolly. Today's news, tomorrow's chip paper!!
Try the closest friend again - once she has had calmed down a bit she will listen if she cares about you.
I think all you can do is really really be honest - talk to her about your alcoholism honestly and frankly and ask for her help. Hide nothing, you have nothing to lose now and a lot to regain.
Good luck

dementedma is right - they'll soon all have something/someone else to talk about, I'm sure.

I've said and done some terrible things in the past whilst drunk; my mantra used to be an old saying of my mum's "you're never more than a fleeting thought in Other People's heads" which helped me realise that people weren't all sat around talking about me for hours and hours (it feels like that at the time, I know, but try to remember things other people you know have done whilst pissed. I bet you've either forgotten or rarely think about it and I'm sure it'll be the same, in time, for you and your friends.

Perhaps once the dust's settled you could write your friend a letter?

Plus things always seem worse the first few days afterwards x

oh qu!! , you poor old thing!, one thing that strikes me about your posts is you saying that you cant face anyone and yet they all keep calling!, it sounds to me that you have some good friends there!, they sound kind and caring, TALK to one of them!, im willing to bet they are worried sick about you and will try everything they can to help! - it may well be that you have pushed one particular friendship too far, all you can do is apologise, let the person calm down and work out what she wants to do for the best, she may just need a bit of time, just apologise and then leave her alone! as to moving away, i think you amy be over-reacting a bit! , again, let the dust settle, you will soon be chip wrappers in the gossip stakes!

now be kind to yourself, get a warm bath and go to bed! things will look a bit better in the morning!

oh and btw, hello merlin!! WOW!! 17 years sober is fantastic! (im only 16 behind you! )

it will be great to have an 'old hand' aboard! , just what we need tbh on a night like this when we are all hoping that we are saying the right thing to qu but are never quite sure!