The Brave Babes Carry On Past The Easter Booze Offers.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Hello,

I'm Mouse, well, I am usually!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus.

This is a journey of sobriety, started almost a year ago by the wonderful jesuswhatnext. So why not come aboard and find a seat. There's heaps of support on here whether you are sober, drinking or somewhere in the middle.

And, for those of you who want a bit of history, here are the Previous Threads

Good for you chengeling. I've had many days without drinking now, but I haven't yet felt the desire to go to gym . However I am off to the shops in a mo. Our Trading laws mean that you can't buy alcohol until 10am so the drink aisles in the supermarket are roped off.

So I'm off to buy everthing I need for Easter lunch, without temptation.

ma (shouts to wake you up). I can see your area of the country, and it looks bright and sunny there this morning

We had a bit of horrible evening yesterday - heard a noise outside at about midnight, and looked out to see our neighbour absoloutely legless falling about all over the place. I really don't know how he managed to stay upright. He couldn't get his key anywhere near the keyhole, and I was really worried that he was going to fall and hit his head. His wife was either asleep or pretending not to hear him. My dp went out just in time to see neighbour pissing himself . Eventually his wife heard, and came and answered the door and she and dp got neighbour inside and laying on a matress on the floor. Goodness only knows what kind of a night they had. He's a lovely guy in his 60s and I've never seen him have more than a couple of beers before. It was just awful to watch, and has certainly made me know that, Today, I will not be drinking.

Have a good one, everyone, and happy easter.

God that sounds horrible. So many times i was like that - staggering home, having cycled (somehow and having fallen off into nettles, onto the path all over the place..) back from some hideous binge with people I would never normally be seen with, purely because I knew they would buy me drinks, unable to get in the door, my beloved dh waiting for me - furious but helpless. I am going through such a bad time inside trying to get to grips with the pain I caused so many people. Dreading my step 9 - I really don't feel ready for it.

morning all. venus yes, it's sunny here for a change although quite windy.
should really go out for a run but seriously can't be bothered. Feel a bit "meh"
Dinner at mums later.....

Morning Babes

Lovely here too!

Changeling - Well done on 58 days, I clearly missed that you were stopping altogether! Daft old tart that I am!

Happy Pagan Sunday all.

Ma - hugs to you sweets. Feel free to let it all out here xx

thurso - sorry your weekend isn't what you hoped. xx

Sunday - I hope that you can find a local meeting and that DH can attend. Maybe someone can meet you there or come get you if not? Be strong Babe, nothing bad will happen to you, you can share or not. Just go with the flow of how you feel. xx

morning all! and a happy easter!

venus, we had a very similar night! , at 4am i was listening to one set of neighbours that i knew had been drinking out in the garden all day, have an almighty drunken nonsencial row, he hit her, she retailiated by wacking him with childs toy, police arrived etc etc, so much for that lovely afternoon sitting in the garden with a civilised glass of wine eh!, btw, we live in pinot grigio land too, not cider central, just goes to show we all have an inner chav!

welcome to you sunday!, i hope today goes ok!, i know you will find loads of help at aa!, tbh, i have only ever used to numbers i was given a couple of times regarding the desperate urge to drink, now i phone them to arrange a coffee or a trip to the shops etc because they have become my friends!

it does get easier on a day to day basis, every so often i get kind of sucker punched and have a couple of days of real effort, a real struggle, but it does pass and with each one, you learn a new way to get over it, that makes you feel stronger and now i can look back and think 'well, i got over that time, i can get over this one too' iyswim?

i never think long term about not drinking, i actively avoid the thoughts in my head about 'forever', i shake them off and find something else that requires thought and the panic soon passes! - i know i cant do what mouse does and just have a glass now and then, i have spent years trying to regulate my drinking and failing every time, dosnet do much for ones self esteem tbh and me is a sure fire way to feel bloody miserable!

i too like to sit in the garden in the sun, i get myself all set up with the garden furniture and the parasol, make it all look lovely and pour myself a long cold drink, last summer it was N&T (nothing and tonic), this summer im much more au fait with the drinks avaliable and right now my chosen tipple is cranberry and soda over ice with a dash of fresh lime juice - i promise it is delicious and i can honestly say i dont fancy the cloying smelly taste of wine!, i dont get dehydrated, get a headache, smell of booze, nod off after half an hour or talk drivvle (well not much! )

Afternoon Jesus

Hmm, seems like we all have noisy neighbours regardless of where we live. We are in a quiet little rural village. However, I saw in the week that houses in the nearest town to us, 10 mins away, had been raided by the Drugs Squad and 12 people were arrested in the dawn raids.

One police officer actually cut the UPCV door open with a chain saw!

I was sat with my jaw on the floor thinking OMJ, what have we done by moving here.

And then I remembered the reason it made the news, is because it's such a rare thing to happen here.

When we lived near Manchester, it was an everyday occurance to have the police fly over more than once a day, someone shot, stabbed and robbed etc......

The worst thing that has happened in our village was a For Sale sign moved from one garden to another.

dont talk to me about police helicopters, they hover over our house at least 5 times a week!, the town we live in has a dreadful drug problem, real hard stuff, the dealers find it an easy spot as we are only an hour from london - i love living in the centre of town, but there is a price to pay!

oh well, must go, am off to mils!, looking forward to it like a hole in head!

laters babes!!

Afternoon. Im pretty down today - just cant face the going to AA this afternoon - i know for sure i wont drink today or tomorrow or even the whole of next week - Friday is my trigger day but its DD2's 16th birthday party so will help out with that and maybe go to the movies as well - keeping busy seems to be the key.

I might go during the week to a meeting or even try again next Sunday, not sure as im feeling confident about the next few days - i just need to take it a day at a time.

venus thats a bit we live in a pinot area too but its pretty quiet most of the time. Where i used to live in Surrey was quite hairy at the weekends though - it was in the town so lots of people walking past at kicking out time.

Hope you are all having a nice Easter Sunday, mucho chocolate was eaten here by my lot (including DH) but i have been saintly (had half an egg last night ) and i really fancy a curry later!

Happy Easter[busmile] On Thursday I caught the train up to London and met my DH for dinner. It was a glorious sunny evening and the pubs and bars in central London were packed, with people spilling out on to the street. You could smell the alcohol in the air and the mood was electric. I noticed one very attractive woman, laughing looking healthy and confident, with a big glass of white wine in her hand(my old favourite poison). I had a really strong urge to say fuck it and order a big glass of something similar and be a grown up!! Then I took a deep breath and out of nowhere the thought popped into my head, that I was not seeing the picture through to the end. I am used to applying that to my own drinking, but this time it was somebody else. Who knows what her story really was, she might have been obsessing about that glass of wine all day! How would her evening pan out? She might end up staggering home with sick down her top, or embarrassing her self. How will tomorrow be for her?? Then my DH turned up and gave me a kiss and I asked for a huge glass of Diet Coke We had a lovely evening. x

MissP - that's fab, well done you for not giving into the temptation from the Garden of Evil, aka the pub garden!

We're off out for a wander with Nemo and the wolf, we pass 3 pubs along the way. Amazingly, only one is where we would ever consider going for a drink.

But we won't be going there today. We'll be breathing in the fresh, meadow air, watching the baby ducks swim around the moat at the castle and see the children playing in the park.

The pub nearest to us has a bouncy castle in it. There's a bloke with an England shirt on, fag in his mouth, pint in one hand and his daughter in a plastic car thingy, who he is pushing round in the car park. We can see this from one of the bedroom windows.

What a lovely image.

hi all. forced myself out for a run this morning. Week 6 Run 1 of the nine week programme and the 5K run is 4 weeks today.Going to be tight.
had a lovely lunch at mums with the DCs who were all on form and did the dishes etc. I have been drinking again, though, couple of glasses with lunch.
I won't be adding to that though, I feel very sleepy and will probs crash out for a snooze
Don't know why I feel so down again. Still taking ADs but only have 4 left - must try and get to the doc this week.
I am off work tomorrow and DS is in school. I plan to steal a few hours to myself and go along the coast path, read a book, listen to my ipod, just be on my own.
Bliss!

Ma - you need an emergency appt at the docs if the won't re issues you without seeing a GP. If you miss a does or two, you'll soon know about it!

I can't remember what you are on? Can you tell me or PM me if you'd rather not say on the thread?

I'm glad you've had a nice day with your DCs and mum. I take it DH didn't go too?

I am at you plans for tomorrow.... more DIY chaos here! DH is 'on a roll'!

Oh that is better. I feel all dirty again now!

Right, DIY needs tidiing away now DH has spent most of the day banging and hammering and yelling at inanimate objects!

Be good Brave Babes xxxx

Just got my two month coin at AA . Feel very chuffed!

off to bed now. didn't have any more to drink once we got in after lunch at mums, had a lime and tonic instead.
Tomorrow is another day......

I have been on and off this bus more times than a yo-yo - not very often mind, more of a lurker.

However I've stepped back on tonight, with a new name and hope no one minds if I come back?

I'm making my own life a misery with drink - I'm doing a fairly good job of hiding my issues but know deep down that what I'm doing to my body isn't normal. I've had major paranoias about my liver for about 2 years now (I keep Googling 'symptoms of liver disease') and wake up after each and every bender saying to myself 'urgh, no more drink for a while' but the most I can manage is 2-3 days and I'm soon back on it.

I often wish I could try AA but I'm not ready for that yet - I live in a very small community and a real fear that stems from that, is being 'found out'.

I hope to be back tomorrow - once I've slept off today's binge, that is.

I really want to crack this - and I know there's only me that can do it

Sorry for offloading - hopefully I can read this back and realise what a knob I really am. A knob that's letting her family down.

Thanks for listening

I've been in total crisis today, after a spectacular 4day binge, I've managed to alienate almost everyone I care about.

This morning I just didnt want to live anymore and scared myself with the thoughts of how I was going to do it and how I'd take the little one with me. Luckily one friend that I do have left let me stay there all day (I slept for most of it) I was scared of being on my own with dd, i really didnt trust myself.

I've apologised to the people I've upset - some have been good about it, others do not want to know me anymore, my longest dearest friend will never speak to me again. And to be honest, I'm far too ashamed to even want to speak to any of them anyway.

I'm going to leave town for a few days, going to stay my dear friend (who also happens to be a psychiatric nurse) and hopefully attend an AA meeting while I'm down there. (wasonce I have the same problem as you, small town, fear of being found out)

At the moment I just cant sleep even though I desperately need it, because of the guilt, regrets, the realisation of just what a huge fuck up I've made of everything and how I really don't think I can live with what I've done.

was and qo.......i have the same problem too.

I need help but I cant ask for it as I have a very high proile job and live in a small town.

I feel crap this am after 2 bottles of white wine last night and nearly as much the night before.

I HATE THIS and so desp want to get out of it.

Im going to really try this week and deal with my stresses in a different way.

Morning Babes.

TOUGH LOVE ALERT!!!!!

qo - I'm sorry that you have had such a hell of a weekend. BUT, you realise why. So now you need to act upon your behaviour, and you are.

Draw a line under the last four days otherwise it will eat you up. Go and spend time with your friend. Do what you have to but one thing you need to remember is, you only have this one life. Don't do anything to end it, do something to change it my lovely.

It's so very hard to wake up and see the damage done but do you know what? It's fantastic to see the repairs YOU have made. You can, it's NEVER too late to change. Just be gentle on yourself.

Your family need you, even if you don't feel like they do right now, you not being in their lives would be far, far worse.

Small steps, small changes and big deep breaths. Please keep posting, we all care about you. We've all been where you are. I know that you feel so lonley but you're not alone.

We can listen whenever you need us too, there is always one of us around.

Keep going qo, keep moving forward. xx

onthe - you have no reason not to seek help. You don't have to go to AA, you can go and speak to your GP. No-one will know why you are there except YOU and the GP.

Please don't feel you have nowhere to turn to get the support you need. You know that you can post on here. There are so many wise Babes aboard this Bus.

Do you have an AA near you in another town if that is what you'd like to try?

Keep going, keep trying. Dust yourself down and start today as a whole new day. Don't worry about not drinking, just get through an hour at a time.

The pressure of not drinking can be just as dangerous as getting wasted!

Keep busy, plan your day away from booze. Do something different today. xx

WasOnceAnEight - so are you a namechange then? I'm sure if you are, you know the drill!

Why not stick around for a while longer and use the support of the Bus? Can you get any support? GP? CAT? I know that where we are, they are rolling out a new Community Alcohol Team across the county...... all confidential etc..... worth looking into?

You know what you have do, you've said so yourself. Only YOU can change the way you feel, act and behave. xx

morning everyone! - looks like we have a few with the 'alkie miserys' this morning!

qo, was and backseat - i honestly truely do understand and remember only too well how you are feeling today! - PLEASE look at the first thread!, i think that anyone can see the desperation i felt when i wrote the first post!, im asking you to do that because i really want you to feel that you are understood and to see that it can get better!!

i have a very high profile job in a very small business niche, i would say that 75% of the people i know through my work now know of my alcholism and that 74% of them dont care! - being too 'ashamed' to deal with your drink problem could kill you!, you HAVE to face the fact you need help!, you will find all sorts of people at AA, including doctors, dentists, MPs, policemen and i have also met a magistrate!

the only shame i can see in being an alcoholic is knowing that you are one and not doing anything to help yourself!, i feel ashamed of all the years i drank and spoilt things for my family, i feel ashamed of all the worry i put them through and i feel ashamed of all the time i wasted by not admitting i was an alcoholic - i feel very proud of the way im turning it round, i know my family are proud and pleased and my friends, my true friends, have been nothing but kind and supportive!

it has been hard, but my god, its been worth it!, what you HAVE to do now is decide what you REALLY want!

do you want to keep drinking or do you want a sober life? - the question is as simple as that!, YOU have to decide though!, its no good messing around with it, if you want to be sober, you HAVE to stop drinking!, i know that is stating the bleedin' obvious, but ime, you have to start somewhere and that is the first question you to answer honestly, if you still want to drink then no one can stop you and the choice is all yours! if you HONESTLY want to stop then you have to dig deep, really deep, it hurts, its painful and its fucking hard!, it does get better though, everyday you can live sober makes the next one just that bit easier!, the clouds will lift, you will smile freely and often and life will begin to sort itself out (particuarly once you have stopped fucking it up yourself!)

i suppose i asking 'just how low do you want to get before you sort yourself out?' - the booze will take you as low as you allow it to!, it wont stop taking just because you think its unfair, it will take and take, regardless of your status, your profession or your 'class', it dosent care!

i promise you, if i can do this then anyone can!, being sober dosent take a genius or anything, it just takes effort!

x posted mouse!, how are you this lovley morning?

I couldn't agree more. It has been made to be thought of as a shameful disease because people don't understand it - you only have to look at some of the unpleasant comments on this and other forums about 'alkies' bringing it on themselves etc. I daren't respond to things like that, as I would surely be banned I have seen, at the last count, four people from my last job in AA groups. This was my greatest fear but has become a total relief. Keeping busy is vital. I'm suffering from a really rubbish depression now as well, so made the biggest effort ever today to go to the gym and play tenis with my son and then have a swim with my dh, son and daughter. I feel physically shattered but so much better and certainly don;t want a drink! And, OI you lot, where's my congrats for my 2 months {grin} !!!!