The Brave Babes Carry On Past The Easter Booze Offers.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Hello,

I'm Mouse, well, I am usually!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus.

This is a journey of sobriety, started almost a year ago by the wonderful jesuswhatnext. So why not come aboard and find a seat. There's heaps of support on here whether you are sober, drinking or somewhere in the middle.

And, for those of you who want a bit of history, here are the Previous Threads

Hello ladies

I've been away for a few days hence the silence - it's not that I only talk to you when I am struggling.

Welcome to the newbies, I'm really pleased to see you here! I know you don't feel happy about being here, but you'll be glad you did in the long run. I won't name you because if I forget one (and this is a long thread to read and re-read) I'll feel really bad.

For newbies - I am a new attender (6 weeks) at AA and if you have any questions about your very early days, such as plucking up the courage to go to your first meeting (that's you, sunday ) then ask me. For the record, I had no idea if the first meeting I went to was open but I took my dh with me anyway because there was no way I was getting through the door on my own. Turns out it was a closed meeting. Dh kept schtum, no-one said anything and no-one died Since then I've been going alone, often.

I tried to go to a meeting whilst I was away. It was in the city where I grew up (was visiting my brother and his family), but I could not find the bloody thing for love nor money . I was wandering in the rain for bloody ages, which was actually quite nice and gave up in the end. After my disaster of accidentally showing up at an NA meeting last week it felt like a bit of a kick in the guts, but I went to a meeting tonight so the spirit is still willing!

New people, please keep posting. Don't feel shame. I felt a lot of shame for years, and you know what? once you admit the problem and start to do something about it the shame dissipates. Like someone said upthread - the shame lies in knowing that there's a problem and not acting, there is absolutely no shame in seeking help. I know I'm only a few weeks in with AA, but I no longer freak out at the idea of someone I know seeing me walk into a meeting. If anything, I'm proud of myself

Oh, I'm a bit sunburned on my nose, which is hugely bizarre for having been in Northumberland at easter.

hi golly, sure its not windburn?

well i've been drinking tonight, DH hasn't phoned at all after leaving here sometime this morning in a mood so i don't know where we are at. That maybe doesn't sound much but when he is on an overnight he ALWAYS phones. Always! Can't remember a time when he didn't. interesting. maybe he texted - have had my phone turned off all day so wouldn't know.
Suppose I'll see him tomorrow sometime......

Qo - sorry, just caught up with your post. Just to let you know that I've been there too and I sympathise (empathise?). If I were you I'd take a few days to lick my wounds and gather some strength. If that means not leaving the house then so be it, I've done loads of that! Take it one day at a time. A big bender like that will make you feel utterly crap for several days, but you know that already, especially day three. I always found that the third day after a big binge was hellish. Hangover was gone, but a massive big black hole would threaten to swallow me up. I had an answer to that, guess what it was

Maybe this is the end? You never have to feel this way again, you know, by doing a simple (not easy) thing. There is a life out there beyond having a drink to stop the inner screaming, but you have to go looking for it I think. Take care x

Hi jesus, could be wind burn I suppose! it was a little bit windy, but mostly it was sunny and hot and bloody lovely! I did the farne isles boat trip (dunno if you know northumberland) and it couldn't have been more perfect. Sunny and warm, visibility was brilliant and even the sea was so clear we could see grey seals swimming in the wild.

If I had been hungover I wouldn't have appreciated it all, but WOW. Just wow. Wonderful.

night babes
x

ma

Goodnight. Tomorrow will be be a better day x

Will be on properly tomorrow.

Anyone who is worried about being "found out" if they attend AA in a small town ... if the community is that small and close knit, are you REALLY still kidding yourself that your drink problem is a secret to anyone except you? Uner-7s aside, you can count the people who don't know on one hand! At least if you are in AA, anyone who sees you there will know you are trying to sort it out!

Morning babes, and Miflaw,

Busy weekend here, but really took an upturn after Saturday's blip with DH, long may it continue . Not drinking makes me so less "brittle", and so that helped a lot too.

I have to go to work today, so will speak more later, but....

Qo I hope you are feeling better today, lots of good advice on here, and the main thing is that you do want to make a change, which is the first huge step.

Merlin and Eight, good to meet you, also anyone I've missed, who isn't on this page!! (if I look back, I'll lose this, usually do!).

Congratulations Changeling and Bafana, way to go, girls .

Noteven Lovely to hear from you, good luck for all proceedings with DD, and Bl**dy well done on 6 weeks.

JWN how are the wedding plans going?

Ma I hope DH has at least let you know he is ok, and that you are alright this morning. Take care, hon.

Mousie, Mouseface How are you, I hope you got some restfull sleep.

Please excuse me, anyone that I've missed, I'm sending my love to all, and hopes for a happy new day. xx

P.s Indie How are the DT's sleeping these days?

No wrd from DH. Don't even know if he's in work or where he is. I'm assuming he is as his work haven't phoned here looking for him.

MIFLAW You could well be right about people 'knowing' about me. However they probably think I'm an ignorant tosser, as I shy away from social functions and avoid any kind of chat (I've always been an anxious People Phobe, well before I started abusing the booze).

Still it's ironic that I place not being 'found out' higher than the importance of staying alive, which highlights to me how screwed up my priorities are right now.

One thing that keeps me going, is that not one person on here that's ditched the booze, says that their life is worse for it (I appreciate that life doesn't automatically become a bed of roses either, but you all sound so strong). The opposite however, that booze is ruining people's lives is spoken so often on here, which speaks volumes to me. I just have top open my ears and bloody well listen!

A big part of this struggle is going to be DP - he's also a boozer and I suppose it's fair to say we encourage eachother. He gets defensive when I say I'm stopping and tries to make out that as I don't drink spirits or start in the morning/afternoon, I'm alright.

I think I need to find tactics to ignore him and let him come to his own senses, without letting him derail me. I also need to avoide becoming all evangelical about stopping as that's really irritating, isn't it?!

Morning Babes.

Wow, a lot to take in here.

thurso - I have an announcement to make, no, not that kind. Nemo slept in his very first big boy's bed last night, ALL NIGHT LONG!!! From 8.30pm to 7.30 am.

His bed is in our bedroom, as his new room is not quite finished but he is in a BIG BED! He looked so tiny, I kept checking on him every few hours, drove myself mad so I'm just as shattered today!

Bafana - 5 whole months!! Go YOU! xx

Changeling - 2 whole months!! Go YOU! xx

Ma - you know my feelings about all of this. You know that if this was your own thread in here, I'd be coming to get you and the DCs the hell out of there.

How much more are you going to put up with? This is emotional and even physical abuse. And you know that Ma, I'm so worried about you. You also know that this is not a 'normal' or even pleasent relationship anymore, or maybe hasn't been for some time.

What's it going to take to make you change things? You've not heard from DH in a day or more? Why? What do you think his reasons for that are?

So you didn't give into him and have sex. BIG DEAL! He needs to leave you the fuck alone Ma. I can't bear reading about how his sulks if he doesn't have sex with you. He makes my skin crawl.

You know I'm being honest and you know why. Men like your DH don't change and I bet my tiny furry ass that most of his 'issues' with you, are projected guilt for his behaviour towards you.

He has no respect for you. You have no life anymore. What is there to stay for? NEVER stay together for the children, you will start to resent them, blame them for your unhappiness in time, wish you'd gone sooner, regret staying when they turn around and tell you how unhappy they were living with two sad parents etc.

And that's not fair Ma. So what if you've no money. Nowhere to go. Start to make calls, make plans. Women's Aid HERE

I didn't have a pot to piss in, no money, only the clothes on my back and DD. Nowhere to go, no belongings at all. He'd bought me everything. He owned me.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS, EVER.

I'm sorry if I've upset you Ma, I'm so worried about you and wish I could make it all go away for you. I can't, only YOU can change this. HUGE HUGS to you xxxxx

qo - I've PMd you lovely, just because I've asked you a personal question and did't think you'd want to answer it on the board.

Morning to the rest of the Babes. All is okay here. I'm so glad to have my routine back! DD back at school, DH back at work.

Off out later for coffee with friends and then back to do yet more cleaning! It's never ending!

Oh, hello merlin

hi ... waves at Mouseface and JWN ... not sure if Ma or any of the others still remember me ... are Red and Wasindie still around?

I'm just jumping on the board very quickly to let those of you who remember me and my on / off relationship with the bus know ... that I am pregnant! 8 weeks, so still very early days - and I am most definitely off the booze (although eating for many).

Anyway, this is the furthest along I've gotten in a pregnancy since DD was born and I am sure that I wouldn't have had the courage, health or energy to try again had I still been boozing. I got pg very quickly and am sure it was because I was in such good health after all the support from everyone here. So I just wanted to say thank you.

So ... I assume this means you are all up for helping with nappy changes???

"MIFLAW You could well be right about people 'knowing' about me. However they probably think I'm an ignorant tosser, as I shy away from social functions and avoid any kind of chat (I've always been an anxious People Phobe, well before I started abusing the booze)."

I bet you there are people who know about the drinking - no one who drinks properly can hide it 100%. (Well, not completely. I met a bloke once whose boss was convinced that he had a drink problem because he always smelt strongly of Listerine, which his boss thought was to cover up the smell of the drink. In fact, he was cutting out the middle man and drinking the Listerine.) It might not be people you work with - but the guy in the off-licence knows, as do your binmen, as do any neighbours who've ever seen you coming back from the shops with bags of drink ... I'm not trying to make you paranoid (you probably are already), just trying to show you that the game is up.

But, even if I'm wrong and no one knows, do you really think it is preferable professionally to be thought of as ignorant?

I can almost guarantee that your issues around your drinking are at the very least exacerbating that image - is that what you want? Surely you'd rather get it sorted and start living a happier, fuller, less frightened life?

Hope i don't sound like a nag. I used to share many of your fears and misconceptions. I have not had a drink in over 8 years now. Some bad things have happened in that time - some far worse than what happened to me when I was drinking. (Thinking your 11-month-old child is about to die rates right up there, for example - even if it turns out not to happen, at the time the fear is very real and unpleasant.) I can honestly say that I would not swap that day for the BEST of my days drinking. You could not pay me enough to start drinking again, even just to taste it. That doesn't mean that I will never drink again; I have no idea. It does mean that, while I'm in my right mind, I know it is an incredibly bad idea and I want no part of it.

"I also need to avoide becoming all evangelical about stopping as that's really irritating, isn't it?!" Hell yes. Most of the people who do that are still "white-knuckling" it though, uncertain of their own sobriety.

I really could not give a monkey's about whether other people drink or not; my partner drinks, for example. It just makes me sad to see people flogging a dead horse, especially when the admission fee to do so is so very high.

Congrats MsGee, I remember you from earlier threads (my name used to be desiretochange*):):)

Thanks MIFLAW.

No, I don't see you as nagging, not at all. Your advice always comes across as constructive and thought provoking

What you say is true, especially the bit about the binmen/neighbours; I've been hiding beer cans in the main waste bin as I was getting paranoid, especially when doing the walk of shame down the garden path with the recycling boxes

A less frightened life is exactly what I want - at the moment I'm shovelling down booze and antidepressants which is crazy, as I suspect one is cancelling the other out and I'm on a hiding to nowhere.

MsGee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

That's great news. Oh another Bus baby (maddogs beat you to the first Bus baby )

Congratulations sweets. I hope that this proves to be a very happy and healthy pregnancy. xx

Congratulations, MsGee!

"at the moment I'm shovelling down booze and antidepressants which is crazy, as I suspect one is cancelling the other out and I'm on a hiding to nowhere."

Well, yes and no - you are overlooking the fact that alcohol can have some nasty side effects when combined with prescription medication, and it is explicitly stated that this is the case with anti-depressants.

So not so much cancelling out as making even worse.

WasOnce

I'm on Citalopram, the maximum dose for anxiety and panic attacks. Funny thing is, those attacks were triggered by alcohol abuse. It's a spirling circle that I couldn't get out of. The first lot of ADs I was on, I still drank.

The second lost, last October, I still had the odd drink or blow out. It was like starting from the start every time I drank.

Only this time am I followinf the advice of the GP which is no or very little booze. Plus, being on morphine means that using alcohol is even more dangerous.

Booze and ADs are a nasty cocktail to more depression, panic attacks, mood swings and feeling so utterly low that you might not get back up from it.

Please don't let that ever happen to you xx

Golly - sorry, I didn't say hi.

Tortoise!! Where are you??

Silver - have you had that shower yet? How are you now you are back from sunny ol' France? Was it gorgeous weather?

Afternoon all.

ma I'm so sorry I just rode roughshod all over your posts last night, I was so self-absorbed I never even saw what you'd written till this morning. HAve you heard from DH yet? could you phone him? hope you are ok now xx

mouse thanks for the lovely PM I have replied :)

mrsgee I'm a newbie so wouldn't remember you but congrats on the lovely news.

jwn and everyone else who posted to me last night big big big thank yous.

I'm a little calmer today, but still not wanting to go out, answer the phone, answer the door or see anyone at all. On the plus side this mean I can't go for drink, but on the other hand I can't see an end to me feeling this way.

I've considered reporting myself to social services, as I'm really not functioning properly and of course thats going to be affecting dd. The house is a hovel, I stink - have had the same pyjamas on since sunday, but cant seem to pick myself up off this sofa to sort myself out. Me and dd have been sleeping on the sofas for the past 2 nights, and we're spending our days with the door locked and the blinds closed.

I'm still ignoring the phones,emails and door knocks but starting to get scared that someone will ring the police soon, or be angry with me for ignoring them. I wish I could just leave today and never come back

qo -

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT CALL SS! Trust me when I say that the second you do, you will lose all control of your life and your DD.

Find someone else to help, anyone other than SS. This is a really raw nerve for me but I can't say why on here. Will answer your PM lovely.

Hang in there! xxx

WOW!!! what a big afternoon! MSGEE!! so so many congratulations!!, do you know, this will be the FOURTH bus baby! , oohhh excitment building!!!

MA, i agree wholeheartedly with mouse!, when dds father left us, i was living in a shitty flat with a leaky roof and no job!, he did us a fucking favour!, i havent looked back since!, please tell this man to go!, he is basically torturing you!, believe me, freedom tastes good, even when you are scrapping by!

btw, i was on floxutine (sp?) ADS when i started the thread, have been off them altogether for the last 3 months , connection i wonder?