The Brave Babes Carry On Past The Easter Booze Offers.

[NotTheMessiahJustMouseface]

Hello,

I'm Mouse, well, I am usually!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus.

This is a journey of sobriety, started almost a year ago by the wonderful jesuswhatnext. So why not come aboard and find a seat. There's heaps of support on here whether you are sober, drinking or somewhere in the middle.

And, for those of you who want a bit of history, here are the Previous Threads

Hello, can i join? I need to read the thread i think (its quite long) but i really need some help and support and i dont know where to go or turn.

Ive been drinking heavily for a long time but its out of control now, i cant stop - i can go two nights max without a couple of bottles of wine and i so desperately want to stop but i just dont seem to have the strength.

I am contemplating AA but i am scared to go because im so ashamed of the problem i have - there is a meeting in my area tomorrow afternoon, if i went does anyone know if i can take my husband with me for support?

I so desperately want to stop, and im so scared i cant. I have lovely teens who worry about my drinking levels as well as my husband, i also have a beautiful toddler that i really want to stay alive to see grow up but im so scared as i seem to love a drink more :(

I will read up the thread today, some of you go to AA right? Whats it like? I know i cant cut down as its a crutch i have to stop i just cant imagine my life without it thats the problem but i know i HAVE to, i hope you dont mind me joining in, i really am desperate for some help but unfortunately my embarressment (and i know thats wrong) has stopped me from getting any.

Hi there sundayschild and well done for posting. Even just doing that is a big step in the right direction, and probably took quite a lot of nerve. I remember how scared I was when I first posted. I think it was such a relief that I cried.

Don't worry too much about trying to read the rest of this thread - it is a real mixture of all of us talking about our drinking, talking about the struggles we face and supporting each other through them, talking about being sober. But there is also quite a lot of day-to-day nonsense. Please don't let any of it put you off, and just post here whetever you feel you want to.

There are lots of people on here who go to AA regularly - some have been going for a long, long time, and some go occasionally, and some do not go at all. There is no particular theme being encouraged on here, except that we are all people who have a problem with our drinking, and we're doing things to try and address that. You will find that each of us will post from our own point of view.

I am not a regular AA attender, but I have been to some meetings. I can say that there is absoloutely no need to feel ashamed. Everyone there is going for exactly the same reason as you are. Is there a phone number for the meeting you are going to tomorrow? Some meetings are specifically 'open' i.e. open for people's husband etc to come to, however I think that if you call them and say that it's your first time, then they won't mind about you dh being with you. Also if you let them know you are coming for the first time, then someone might offer to meet you outside, so you don't have to walk in on your own. Please, please don't let your worry or embarassment put you off - it will feel like a massive relief to be in a room of people who know what you are going through.

Keep posting on here in the meantime, others will be along soon to add their own perspective and to encourage you.

sundayschild One of the main things we all do on here, is we try not to project into the future. You say you can't imagine your life without alcohol. That's OK. Even at this stage, I'm not sure I would want to imagine that. What I can imagine is that TODAY I can manage without alcohol, and that's enough. Tomorrow I can wake up and do the same again, but I'm not going to worry about that now, I'm just going to concentrate on not having anything to drink today. That is what we mean when we post on here about taking it One Day At A Time (you will hear this phrase a ot in AA too, sometimes abbreviated to ODAAT).

However, all of us on here know that even one day can feel like an eternity when you're craving for a drink, so sometimes I'm talking it one hour at a time, and sometimes I'm only managing one minute at a time. But if I can survive another minute, then it makes me believe I can survive one more, and then maybe another after that. And then sometimes I find that after enough of those minutes, the craving seems to have reduced a little, and I can manage another 5 minutes. In those intense times, a thread like this, or some people in AA that you can call and speak to are a lifeline.

Be good to yourself today, and see if you can find the phone number of your local AA meeting. It will all feel much less scary once you've made that first call to them.

welcome sundayschild - this is a good place to be.
Could you all stop banging on about balmy evenings, sunshine and BBQs? the next person who says it must be lovely living in Scotland is going to get a smack in the mouth! It is grey, drizzly and cold here and i feel miserable even though DH is going to be at work all day and all night so I should be feeling happy.
i am about to pay a couple of bills online and then am too scared to survey what is left for the rest of the month. I am sick to death of living like this.............

Thank you all for the kind welcome - it means alot. I have spent most of this morning in tears after the usual guilt i get on the back of a bender (yesterday). I know i have a problem and i know i need help. I have tried and tried and tried to stop of my own accord and i think aa is literally my last hope because i dont have the strength to do it myself.

I looked on the aa website and plugged in my postcode and whilst it came up with a meeting locally tomorrow there was no phone number - not sure how to go about getting it, perhaps i am looking in the wrong bit.

I do the one day at a time thing too, most of the time i last one night, one night drinking and one night getting over it. Sometimes i last two or even three nights but i dont need much of an excuse to drink. An arguement with DH, or with one of my teens, my default seems to be alcohol.

Im not even a maudlin drunk, i love wine but it doesnt love me because i cant stop drinking it, i can never have just one - its got to be two bottles (or more!) This weather makes me want to sit in my lovely garden and drink as thats what ive always done, a cheeky few whilst im doing the bbq or sorting out tea. I have been lying to myself that i am able to stop by myself as clearly i cant.

I stopped for 9 months whilst i was pg with my son (had 3 relapses in the shape of 4 glasses of wine but i was sober apart from those slip ups) so i know it can be done i just feel so weak when it comes to drinking, i wish i didnt enjoy it so bloody much - its ruining my health and in turn my life. I am glad that you have had success on this thread because it tells me it can be done.

venusandmars something you said in your post has really struck a chord with me, fighting the urge minute by minute, hour by hour ect - thats exactly what its like! I usually know in the morning if im going to drink that day, i look forward to it so much and i fight with myself internally because i know i shouldnt be drinking but its not so much a physical craving but a mental pattern IYSWIM? Once ive made up my mind to drink i rarely get swayed from that and thats what scares me so much - its controlling me :(

Sorry if im rambling, i dont mean to but its such a relief to talk about it and to people who understand what its like. Thank you.

ooh I could spit - i wrote a really long post and it disappeared! Anyway, i was saying 'welcome' Sunday too, and that I go to AA, some of it i love, some of it I let pass me by. the way i got to my first meeting was by calling the national number ( very pissed one Friday night ) and the guy i spoke to got a local lady to call me back - she told about the meeting that night and met me there which really helped - I was a nervous wreck to be sure!! You'll find it like any other group of people i expect, some lovely people you instantly bond with and some you may not want to really get involved with - I hope you do it, it's worth it. I was so anti AA for years but it does seem to be the best way for keeping me off the booze - I collect my two month coin tomorrow night Little things like that and the encouragement from the others really does work.

Personally today, i am feeling very low. This weather makes me want a long cold glass of white wine in the garden . I'm in a state as am not working at the moment and am worried about money - basically i walked out of my job three months ago due to a bullying boss who was making my life hell - sadly I was not believed and had no choice but to leave - nasty incestuous little place. Anyway enough of that! I am applying for jobs and as i am sober, not getting myself into hideous trouble by sending abusive late night e mails to people - which is positive!! Absolutely gorgeous day here, my children are healthy and happy, I have a wonderful dh and i am alive. There's my gratitude for the day - I intend to make that rise above my pain!

I hope everyone has a a good and positive day (sorry to mention the weather ma ) !!

Morning Babes,

Just a quick post but will be back later once I've been shopping and caught up.

Horrible night here, my IBS flared up like crazy so I spent most of the night on the loo, drifting in and out of sleep. No meds so just had to sit it out as it were.

Welcome to Sunday

Back later.

Ma - didn't even get the glass or Rose, went to bed in agony, now I know why!

xxxxx

still raining......have done ALL the ironing and had a bath. that's about it. DD1 and DS are making a chocolate and raspberry torte for tomorrow's dessert, DD2 at the stables then partying (again!), and DH in work.
Not going to visit dad today, had about enough for the moment, so will settle for living with the guilt.

Sunday - I just wanted to share part of my drinking life with you. I will never say never to drinking again and can handle a glass ot two of wine, but that's where it ends for me these days.

I have to plan those two glasses or just that one. I have to make sure that what is in the house is just the right amount so that I can't get hammered.

There's vodka in the house, I think, I gave it to DH and told him to put it somewhere I won't go, like I did with the house keys the other night so I couldn't go out and buy wine.

See the thing is Sunday, I can function without a drink, I just choose not to some days, so will have a drink. I take the pressure off not drining otherwise it goes round and round and round in my head and that's far more dangerous than having 2 bottles in the house. If I 'let' myself have a glass or two of wine, then the craving goes away, the fight ends, the guilt buggers off.

My wake up call was my son, who no doubt you'll hear lots about, called Nemo (that's his nickname, our little survivour against the odds) and the night I don't remember picking him up out of his cot.

I don't remember DH coming to take him off me because I was far too pissed to be in charge of him. I don't remember snarling at my wonderful DH to 'give me my son back, now!!'

I do remember the tears in my DH's eyes when he told me what had happened.

For me it's easy, well you know what I mean. For me you either take control and STOP or you don't. It's very black and white.

I stopped. August 2nd last year. It took me a while to not drink, and I've had plenty of wobbles since but I stopped. I took control and looked at what my drinking was doing and I stopped. I stopped for a good few months and slowly, I've taken back the control that I needed but I will never take that for granted.

Not all of the Brave Babes on this Bus can stop or even want to. Some have cut down but the ones who have stopped completly, those who have shown drink the red card, told it to fuck off, are amamzingly strong. Stronger than me.

Those who are still drinking each night, are still posting which helps us all to understand the individual struggles we all face, day in, day out. And a lot of those Babes have reduced their drinking dramtically, all thanks to the support of this thread and the wonderful posters who listen and who give out very unMN hugs!

You will see that some posters are rather friendly with one another, well, that's because a lot of the Brave Babes are at the same point in their quest for sobriety.

Plus, we're such a friendly lot, you'll soon get to know us and fit right in! We don't judge, well maybe sometimes it appears that way, but it's more tough love and raw truth that anything at all spiteful.

We're not cliquey, anyone can jump right in and post, we're all after the same thing at the end of the journey, after all aren't we?

So there you have it Sunday, a bit about me, Mouse

I hope that you find something that helps you to reach your goal.

Ma - give yourself a break sweets. You owe that to YOU! You need to have head space. xx

I wish wish wish I could have one or two, I know I can't - it's really got to me today . Lovely day, nice garden all that stuff. Thing is, i wouldn't have one or two, well I would - one or two bottles , be vile to everyone around me, pass out and feel like shit in the morning. It's really really hard sometimes .

Changeling - yes it is hard but do you know what? You realsie that. You understand that your 'normal' drinking habits make you and your life not very nice!

Have you stopped all together or are you aiming at just cutting down?

One thing I will say to anyone on this Bus is you have to be ready, in your heart and in your head, to act on your drinking. You have to either hit rock bottom or have a wake up call.

You can't do it otherwise, you really can't. It has to be what you breathe, what you eat and sleep. It has to be all of you, every fibre within you has to want to stop or to take back that control.

And, if you're not there yet, then maybe cut down until you are, change tactics, plan your evenings better, more, plan your life away from alcohol?

I could easily get pissed today. It's the weekend, DH can look after Nemo so I can have a night off, it's sunny, warm, lovely out there, drinking in the garden, in this beautiful weather, on our lovely garden bench.

But like venus said, move the bench. Move away from your usual drinking spot, move yourself away from your triggers.

It's about re-educating yourself too. Small steps though, nothing happens overnight, as much as it would be wonderful to wake up 'cured'

And, FWIW, don't give yourself such a hard time! Take the pressure off, it will help. Don't make the beast bigger than it is

changeling sunday - it is very hard to admit to a drink problem and then to try and change it. Those of us on the bus use different tactics, have different triggers, and have differing success rates from the long-time sober to the serial offenders. I am one of the latter, but since joining this thread last year have probably cut my drinking by 50% on average, and am much, much more aware of my drinking habits and the need to change my relationship with alcohol. I have good spells and bad ones - I am drinking tonight and will probably finish the whole bottle because I want to. Next week, I will try again to increase the number of alchohol-free nights - maybe I'll be successful, maybe I won't. but I'll still be here, trying.

that should read Changeling AND Sunday......

Well said Ma xx

changeling the reality is, you don't really want to sit in the garden and have ONE glass of wine. You want to have one, then another, then another. And then you know how you'll feel tomorrow - guilty, sick, unhappy, foolish that you gave in. You're doing to right thing to acknowledge where you are, to know that you wouldn't stop at one, and not to try and pretend that everything is OK and fine and hunky dory. Yes it sometimes feels fucking unfair. Go on, have a rant - just get on here and bash it all out about how unjust it is that other people are just sitting there, drinking and enjoying it.

It's OK to be angry about it. It's NOT OK to let that anger drive you towards having a drink - you know that it won't solve how you feel.

And fwiw changeling, I think you CAN tell that feeling to just go and fuck the fuck off. I think that you're bigger than it is. Give it a try.

Evening venus - hope you are okay lovely

Off to cook some dead cow and wedges. I'm knackered so might not be back until tomorrow.

Have great evenings if not Babes xx

Hello again babes :) Thanks for the advice, i can see some of you are right where i want to be - i dont think that there is a chance i can just have one or two (tried that and just ended up making excuses as to why i had to have more).

I do think that the one day at a time philosophy is a good one, especially as i think ive been drinking heavily for about 22 years or so - obviously with periods of sobriety usually involving being pg 4 times or a few months off for bf'ing - never lasted too long at that though as i couldnt wait to get started on drinking again :( I remember being terrified when i was pg with my DS who is 2 now and thinking omg what if i go back to how i used to be, he wont have a mum for long and i am using my DC and my DH as my motivator
right now.

mouse thats a sad story about you and your baby - i can probably tell similar ones although i tend to let DH or my eldest DD deal with DS when i am drinking - the scary thing is only my family know i am pissed as i seem to tolerate it very well just feeling like shit in the morning.

Triggers, now thats a scary thought - i have loads - Friday nights and get togethers, even this weather is a trigger - the thought of a bottle of wine on the garden is going to be very hard to deal with over the next few months. It sounds crazy but i almost was scared of the summer coming as i loved sitting outside under the fairy lights in the evenings with wine.

I have got to stop, i know i have. I wish i could cut down but i cant ive tried. Im bloody surpised i managed it when i was pg with my son tbh (although i did have those couple of relapses-cue mega guilt!). ma at least you have cut down and i would much rather be in a postion myself whereby i only finished one bottle but unfortunately i am not like that and dont know when to stop. I think its great that you are where you are, and that your still trying :)

Im going to go to AA tomorrow afternoon, im absolutely shitting myself - im also considering phoning the main phone number and hoping that someone more local calls me and says its ok for DH to come - i dont think i can go in there for the first time without him. I just pray and pray to God that this works and keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Sunday do call the national number, they will ask someone local to call if you explain the situation. As for me, I'm 58 days sober now - just struggling a bit with life as it were. I know drinking will not solve anything so won't be doing it, but sometimes it hard..Just been to a meeting which,to be honest, i didn't enjoy too much - the theme seemed to be 'how difficult it is when other people are drinking in the sunshine!' Still, good to know I'm not alone.
One day at a time - this is definitely the way to go!

Ok i called the local number for my county in their directory and i asked about the meeting tomorrow being open and he just said that its open by request so to go along there and ask if DH can come in. He didnt say anything about anyone phoning me locally though - maybe you have to ask for that - its ok though as long as DH can come in with me as im terrified at the thought of going.

changelingforthis thats the thing isnt it? Is is going to be hard forever or is 58 days quite early on? I feel for you wrt that meeting - thats going to be my hardest thing to sort out is triggers, will there be anyone to phone or to talk to from the meeting or AA after my first meeting? I just dont want to get that feeling at lunchtime that its only a few hours till i can have a drink and i know im going to have one - i will need someone to turn to to tell me i can stay strong and do it IYSWIM. Dh will be as supportive as he can be but he is a bit soft with me sometimes and im a bit willfull here and there and he knows he cant stop me if i want to drink but im hoping that i will have the strength to and if i dont there will be someone to turn to in AA?

They should, if they're anything like my meetings, all be queuing up to give you their numbers! That astounded me at first - the 12th step of the steps is that AA's main purpose is to help the 'still suffering' alcoholic and people are always chuffed to be called if you're feeling down or worried or just want to drink. I was really scared the first time I called someone but she was so pleased I had. I really hope it goes well! You'll feel really proud when you've done it!

good luck.

Would it be rude to ask what area of the country you're in?

Im in Wiltshire changelingforthis Im really glad that there will be people to turn to, im rubbish at asking for help but this is the one time in my life that i know i need it.

Hello any of you lovelies still up,

DH has been looking over my shoulder a bit today, so haven't been able to post.

Just a thought.. but my earlier post this morning said "doing quite well on the sober front", reading it back I realised that, that said a lot about me.

I can do "sober" or I can do "drunk", I don't seem to be able to do "a nice glass of wine, and that's it for me, thanks". I think that says it all, really.

I can do one glass of wine at a "do", but almost have to grit my teeth to get it down, because I know that then I'll have the old argument with myself about stopping for a bottle on the way home.

Heaven knows what's stopped me on the last few days, probably knowing that it's all down to me, in the house. To be honest, it is only the frighteners that have stopped me, because I would dearly love to have got shit faced a bit tipsy, during these last few nights.

So, I would say to all you lovely new poster's, that stopping drinking, doesn't stop the rubbish happening in your life, but in the words of one poster (you know who you are Miflaw ! ) "nothing is so bad, that drinking won't make it worse".

One day, one half hour, or 10 minutes at a time, will make all the difference.

P.s DH went to bed at 9.30pm on a weekend , so feeling a bit flipping mizz at the mo.

Sleep tight babes.
xxx

Morning all - I have just made myself go swimming - 24 lengths without stopping - woo - hoo! A personal best . I know that this is one of the reasons I stop myself from drinking - waking up and feeling good enough to get up at 7 am and get to the gym. Hoping to feel less depressed today after that. HAPPY EASTER ALL!