I'm so overwhelmed by all your messages of support! Thank you so much, everyone, the police, my friends, my work (they will do a formal risk assessment and make sure I am chaperoned to the car park even) and you!
I have so many more friends than I ever thought possible and I am overwhelmed that every person I have spoken to about my story has been absolutely horrified and validated what has been going on was very wrong and not right at all.
It wasn't just an isolated violent incident; it was several over the course of our relationship, some of which I had blotted out until now; but worst of all was the constant control; the rants and arguments that lasted for hours because I disagreed with him or did something in a different way to which he was accustomed. He used to always bring me up if I said 'dustpan and brush' and made me say 'brush and dustpan' because that was the way his mum said it.
There were so many things looking back now; one evening when we were going to the pub with his family in the summer he went absolutely ape when he found me pegging out the jeans legs first because I was really pissed off with soggy waistbands - he yelled at me for about an hour and insisted on re-pegging them waistbands first because that was the proper way and he insisted that my empirical scientific observations that waistbands dried better with more air circulation was WRONG WRONG WRONG.
He never used to listen to me or compliment me. He said that in order for him to find me physically attractive I had to always dress up for him a la the hooker look after I had washed thoroughly. I was so depressed that he never wanted the 'real' me in my own naked skin. And I was so depressed that he rationed sex to a few times a year because he was 'too tired', but not too tired to play 190 minutes of football a week.
He said that I wasn't attractive. Not for him. I believed him; when the worst incident so far happened last month he told me that the reason he no longer found me sexually attractive was because my stomach was saggy and I have stretchmarks (I am a size 10). The policewoman who came to the house last night when told me he was wrong and that I was beautiful. No-one has ever told me that so far. It is so sad that it should have been my husband.
I have to say that when my husband did tell me that i was sexually repulsive to him before this all happened; I told him that i was not really surprised as I suspected that he no-one really matched up to his mother and that he probably wanted to sleep with her instead. I'm really not sorry for that comment; I'm particularly proud of that one, actually.
Tomorrow will be difficult as I have reluctantly agreed to contact with his son in a supervised setting with a mutual friend. I have told him however via text (and through the friend) that it is strictly about seeing our son. I reluctantly agreed as our mutual friend told me that he really was in a very bad mental state (and although on my side) part of her thought that just seeing his son might help in.
I have told him that I am worried for our son's welfare and he has to be strong enough to hold it all together tomorrow and pretend to our son as much as possible that nothing is wrong. If he distresses my son by becoming upset, crying, or ranting, I will leave immediately. His behaviour tomorrow will influence how ready i feel he is for more contact; if he blows it then he has to prove to me that he is sufficiently stable to have contact in the short and long term.
I will dress up tomorrow in new clothes and wash my hair and have a full face of makeup. I expect that he will be looking very, very forlorn and a bit feral,but while he may not be able to cope I will be illustrating to him that I am strong enough without him and able to provide stability for our son.
And any relationship discussion is absolutely out of bounds. He is a man who recently argued with me for 3 hrs before work in front of our son who was crying the whole time. He wouldn't let me leave and threatened our relationship was over if I didn't come back to finish yet another circular point. When I saw my son's tear stained and anxious face and my husband's unconcern I made up my mind there that I could not let this go on.
In the meantime I will be enjoying a full 
courtesy of my husband who when unable to leave me alone yesterday left flowers, chocolate and wine on my doorstep. The stingy fucker had actually paid out for a decent bottle of wine and it is very nice actually, as were the chocolates. Couldn't buy me back though 