Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

Beem following this thread since the off. Struggling to keep up with it, if I'm honest.
Keep logging on every few hours, but it just gets mad.

MOSP < hug >

lovely Mosp. thinking of you.

it's one of those things you really do have to be a woman to fully understand

Fine; me told. Walks away.

Onemorechap I'm a woman and I'm as bemused as you are.

I was raped in spain by my ex husband and raped by him financially. The men that contributed to that desperate part of my posts said along the lines of 'it was consensual sex but, well, ok.. .not that welcome by her..but hey she didn't push him off and they were married' kind of thing.

I have since read my ex husbands emails about out how he has been 'poking' and fucking his thai prostitutes. Laughing about it.

I knew what he did. I knew what it felt like. I looked in his eyes. And yes I went along with it.

When I had our baby and stopped earning money....then he raped our finances.

Can't bear using the word "I" eversince SolidGoldBrass made shit comments about me making every thread about me but I see lots of others have contributed their "I" experiences.

Well I just did too

All the ladies who have been raped have my heartfelt sympathies.

The OP was not raped.

Ms GORGEOUSX Let's see your pics then.

Still shocked at Libsters comments on OMC being a man, thus not understanding. Well I think his comments have been very valueable , in amongsty the other 800 odd.

Charming theladybiscuit Very good riposte.

where's the meaningful discussion when opposing views are met with vulgar attacks? I do see both sides of the argument as both are valid...but speaking for myself, I believe that I would feel very differently for having had sex reluctantly at the onset and then a. it been fantastic sex or b. awful sex. Are one or both rape?

Above question is rhetorical as I won't be engaging in this unseemly bunfight any further.

Good luck with everything OP, take care of yourself.

Rhadegunde
Please remember that there will alwaysbe people who believe you. - unless, of course, you say you weren't raped.

OK GORGEOUSX let's say you have to e a woman and have experienced this kind of rape to understand.

The OP said she was not raped. If you choose to say that she was, that's up to you.

Since the riven story broke lots of little boys have turned up. Wonder how many Uni theses will be about the impact of MN?

If the OP came back later. Weeks, months or more and posted that she did see it as that afterall. Would you believe her then, or would you continue to convince her that it was not? When a person is in shock, (and also if a person is abused and conditioned), they may deny or be confused about what really happened.

That question is for the people who keep arguing that it was not because the OP says it wasn't.

Yes that's right thebrownstuff - presumably if you enjoy your rape, you haven't actually been raped. What a fuckwitted thing to say. And report my posts, feel free.

This thread has made me really angry. And incredibly sad.

Amazon, I don't understand your posts .
I think you may have misunderstood the poster you were quoting, when they said they had sympathy for those that had been raped, I assumed they meant that genuinely.

hard to tell what this guys intentions were or how he perceived the H2O. he might be preying on women looking exactly for these opportunities. He's good looking, a dad at the school - flirts a bit with women, finds an opportunity to be alone with them, especially vulnerable ones - before the women knows exactly what hit her he's moved quickly and had sex with her before she really gets a chance to think what she wants or what's happening. In this occasion H2O went along with it in a way - if she had really resisted we will never know whether he would have got nasty and forced her anyway still knowing that these scenarios rarely end in a conviction or even a report. If this is the case he could be a very dangerous man, devious and manipulative and knows exactly what he was doing and had previous for this.

On the other hand, he could be a sleazy chancer who took his chances with someone he thought was available and interested - he is insensitive and immature and no gentleman and did take advantage of the OP - but believed she was wanting the same outcome.

Either way he really is quite nasty and the OP was steamrolled a bit - i can see why you might go along with something like this as you are taken by surprise and don't have time to think how to deal with it at the time.

OP you are much better than this guy - hope you can move on.

I am not sure what I think any more but I have a genuine question.

Someone - maybe the OP, maybe someone else- consents to sex for a reason other than mutual desire, but not out of (conciously feeling) fear. Maybe because:

They felt they had led someone on and thought it was only 'polite/fair' to follow through

They have been in intimidating relationships in the past and are conditioned to 'please'

They have low self esteem.

But they show physical signs of consent e.g kissing back etc, even though their heart isn't in it. What woud make this become a rape?

Reading this thread has got me thinking about a time years ago when i had sex with someone at a party that i really didn't want to have sex with. I was young and i did it for a number of reasons, namely alcohol and low self esteem. With hindsight, i recognise that a 'decent' man would have realised that I was just going through the motions and would not have persisted, but the bloke was a chancer and he took his chance. I do not consider for one moment that it was rape and for me it was a learning curve. I am genuinely confused as to when a sleazy chancer becomes a rapist.