DH makes me feel like a crap mum

[fairycakesandsprinkles]

I have been with DH for 2 years and we have a three month old DS.
I feel really low right now and everything I do seems to be wrong.
For example when DS cries I pick him up straight away to comfort him but DH says I should leave him to cry or I will make him too needy.
I tried breastfeeding but stopped a month ago because I found it so painful but DH says I have given up too easily and need to persist.
Does he have a point?
Am I completely overreacting here?

[MadAboutQuavers]

His aggression will appear again, Fairycakes

I guarantee it

Just as soon as you do or say something he doesn't like or agree with

[Longtalljosie]

Have a look here

[mummytime]

"doesn't usually apologise for anything" sorry but do you really want to bring up a child with a father like that? Someone who never says sorry? However out of line they have been?

That is a real no no in my book. Do think of the consequences of that simple statement.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

So what do you think might happen in the future when it is DS that upsets him? Leaving an abusive relationship isn't letting your child down. It's staying that would do that. You just have to decide if it is an abusive relationship. Only you can truly answer that.

[maxybrown]

Oh dear Fairycakes, please please don't accept that this is all ok. I was updating my DH on this yesterday and he said oh yes, that effing weirdo. He also said off his own back that it was rape effectively, and he would never normally go so far as to make comments like that.

Have you been watching casualty recently at all?

[maxybrown]

Oh and of course he needs to keep lulling you into a false sense of security, then you relax and your guard is down. He is a control freak.

[waterrat]

Fairy - if you do one thing as a result of this thread here, please tell your mum and friend what is happening to you. Tell them you need their support and help. You know in your heart that if you are concealing things that are going on from the people who love you most, this relationship is not right.

It speaks for itself that you cant tell your friend because she has never liked him.

You are NOT failing your child - your partner is. Your son will be fine and will have a great life - as long as you bring him up in an environment free of anger and violence - and as long as you can learn from this situation and move forward away from this relationship.

please dont blame yourself, this man has charmed you and is now revealing the kind of man he really is.

You are in danger and have to tell people around you what is happening.

[NicknameTaken]

Maybe you have to stay for another round of the cycle, to see how it works, and that Mr Nice always becomes Mr Nasty sooner or later. But you don't want to spend a lifetime like this, honestly you don't. And it's not in your power to change him - no matter how hard you try to be perfect, or to make him see that he is making you unhappy, or all the other strategies that desperate women try.

[monkeyflippers]

Do you think it might help to tell us the rest?

Sorry you are going through this

[JustForThisOne]

when did you last see your mother?
you are going to his relatives can you at least make sure you spend next weekend with your side of the family?
he is making a vacuum around you