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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just hit my DH

271 replies

OhHelpMePlease · 22/01/2011 17:41

So we were arguing about going to his parents house tomorrow and i just flipped and threw the candle stick at him. It hit his head and there was a little blood.

He didnt say anything and just went upstairs for 30mins. He has now walked out and is not anwering his phone.

Have i lost him? I havent got a clue on why i reacted that way.

Will he leave me?

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 22/01/2011 17:43

He should. Sorry.

doesmybumlookbiginthis · 22/01/2011 17:44

Have you done this before? Very strange overreaction by you

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 17:46

Is there history of this ?

You know his reaction was totally appropriate, don't you ?

Original poster
OhHelpMePlease · 22/01/2011 17:47

I am not a violent person and DH has never been violent with me. We love each other and have a normal healthy realationship although stressing with TTC at the moment.

I dont know what to do. I am ashamed to call my family and friends

OP posts:
FranSanDisco · 22/01/2011 17:48

Oh dear. I think you need to apologise and speak to someone about your temper. I have a bad temper but control the urge to hurl stuff Blush.

Lulumaam · 22/01/2011 17:49

if a woman posted that she was arguing with her Dh and he threw something at her head and drew blood ( indeed there was a thread on this a while ago ) the advice, and it is correct, would be for her to throw him out, end the relationship , speak to womens' aid, consider pressing charges

why is it different because a woman is doing the throwing?

have you been violent before> do you have childnre? did they see this? you need help quickly

Lulumaam · 22/01/2011 17:50

you are stressed, which is not good, but no excuse for picking something up and throwing it

see your GP on monday and get help with your stress/ anxiety/mood

Ormirian · 22/01/2011 17:50

Oh dear Sad

Nothing you can do except wait for him to contact you.

Blu · 22/01/2011 17:51

You need to have a think about this, why you did it, etc.
And what you can do (YOU, not what you would like him to do / not do) to make sure you don't react violently ever again.
If there is a possibility that you could be depressed, that sometimes causes anger probles (it did when I was depressed - I was full of negativity and uncontrollable rage), then you could seek help fom your GP on Monday. Your GP could also advise about anger management courses - or you could seek counselling.
You need to be serious about this never happening again.

I hope you can sort this out with your DH, and with yourself.

If he'll talk with you about it, remember that whatever he did, however aggravating and impossible hemay have been, it wasn;t his responsibility that you reacted violently.

I do hope you can sort it out.

kayah · 22/01/2011 17:51

apoligise and hope that he will listen

there's never any excuse for any violence

if my partner hit me - I would throw him, simple as that

RailwayChild · 22/01/2011 17:53

You need to work out why you thought this was acceptable behaviour and then consider if he had done it to you.

What would be your response.

Sassybeast · 22/01/2011 17:54

He should leave you. You've done it once and you'll do it again. Imagine how you would feel if he had physically hurt you ? There should be zero tolerance on any sort of violence in a relationship in my experience.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 17:55

"I am not a violent person and DH has never been violent with me."

yes but have you done anything like this before?

it doesn't matter really whether you have before or not. you have done it now.

his reaction is totally normal for a victim of DV. he removed himself from the threat. all you can do is wait for him to decide what he wants to do. in the meantime, i would be contacting someone to arrange anger management for a violent partner or something. you cannot ever do this again. do you have dcs?

Original poster
OhHelpMePlease · 22/01/2011 17:55

i dont want to lose him, we have been together 4 years, married for 2. He is a good guy and i know he loves me.

we have been TTC for the last 4 months but though stressing, its not really been that big a deal.

i am not normally an angry person, tbh, i just flipped. it was a silly arguement - he wouldnt let me finish my statement and i guess i was trying to get his attention.

i am so sorry and am gutted.

OP posts:
ilythia · 22/01/2011 17:55

You need to stop trying to contact him and wait for him to contact you.
It is up to him now.

And start thinking about why you flipped like that.

pozzled · 22/01/2011 17:56

You need to apologise, completely and without any reservations. You need to seek help for your anger management issues, violence is never acceptable- try your GP first.

Then you need to wait and see how your DH feels,and whether he wants to give you another chance. I would imagine that it will be very hard for him to trust you again. Think about how you would feel if it had been the other way round.

Lulumaam · 22/01/2011 17:56

bloody hell, thought you were going to see you'd been trying to conceive for years or something for your stress levels to be that high !

time to take a good long look at yourself, if he had done the same to you, what do you think you would be doing right now?

Sassybeast · 22/01/2011 17:58

4 months ? You need to get a grip seriously.

Original poster
OhHelpMePlease · 22/01/2011 17:58

My friend was in a violent rltnship and i think if it was him, my first instict would be to leave him.

i know i am selfish in wanting him to stay with me

OP posts:
vintageteacups · 22/01/2011 17:59

Some women have hormonal problems that can make them much more violent and simply saying, he should leave her is too far fetched in this case.

She has never done anything like this before, he has never done it to her and they both love each other a lot.
I would suggest it is hormonal.

I threw an alarm clock at my DH once - it missed and then another time I threw a huge tub of eczema cream at him and the lid wasn't on properly and it went everywhere! He was really upset as he said if a bloke had done that, it wouldn't be seen as just hormonal.

However, since having the children, I have never done this since and my menstrual cycle is completely different.

With the stress of trying to conceieve and perhaps hormones dipping etc, then I think you should explain calmly to your DH and apologise. Tell him why you think this happened just have a good chat about everything that's stressing you out at the moment.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 18:01

vintage i was just about to question your logic saying OP's DH shouldn't leave and then i read that you are also an abuser so i can see your agenda here.

IAmReallyFabNow · 22/01/2011 18:01

I think your DH did exactly the right thing by walking away from you. You will have to just wait and hope he comes home. If he does come home you have to apologise and mean it. You also need to take a break from TTC imo. You have been trying for no time at all and if you are already stressed then there needs to be a break and for you to take a good look at yourself. You could have blinded your husband.

KatieScarlett2833 · 22/01/2011 18:02

There is no excuse.

Milngavie · 22/01/2011 18:02

I'm sorry to say it but you may have lost him and I can't blame him if he does leave.

If it were you who had been hit you would be told to get rid or leave.

Leave him alone for now, what happens next is entirely up to him.

findingthepath · 22/01/2011 18:02

He should, there is no excess.

If things got so bad that you attacked your partner then i think its time to split as this is never acceptable and its the best option to keep you both safe and sane.