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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have just hit my DH

271 replies

OhHelpMePlease · 22/01/2011 17:41

So we were arguing about going to his parents house tomorrow and i just flipped and threw the candle stick at him. It hit his head and there was a little blood.

He didnt say anything and just went upstairs for 30mins. He has now walked out and is not anwering his phone.

Have i lost him? I havent got a clue on why i reacted that way.

Will he leave me?

OP posts:

ChickensFlyingUnderTheRadar · 22/01/2011 18:03

I think that all you can do is grovel and apologise and hope that he is willing to try and work it out. But you can't expect it. If my DH threw something at me and drew blood, there'd be no going back I'm afraid.

PigTail · 22/01/2011 18:06

Can I just ask all those who are saying this should be the end of the relationship...does it mean the OP should never engage in a relationship again? If she has thrown something at her DH, than who knows what she will do with her next partner, when they have a row?

FinneganBeginAgain · 22/01/2011 18:06

The fact that you are posting here acknowledges that you know that your behaviour was completely unacceptable. When your DH is ready you are going to have alot to talk about. The suggestions of speaking to your GP would be helpful. I would recommend someone like Relate to help you get to the bottom of why you behaved this way. It is very unusual for it to be a completely isolated thing, usually there has been some build up.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 18:07

boo...perfect statement you made there

you took the words right outta my gob

OP, DH and I TTC for 2.5 years, lost 2 babies along the way, I was on shedloads of hormonal meds that really do send you murderous

but never did I get close to attacking him physically

you will be very, very lucky if he forgives you

Lulumaam · 22/01/2011 18:07

so it's ok for hormonal women to throw stuff and hit their H;s but not for men to do it? I don't buy it

if your hormones are making you that out of control, the onus is on you to seek help

we don't allow excuses for men to hit - e.g she provoked me ,i was tired/stressed/drinking/depressed

it should work both ways

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 18:07

pigtail, she shouldn't be in arelationship whilst she has a tendancy towards violence. she needs to sort out her violence and maybe then her DH will consider trying again or she can move on but no, i dont think she should be with someone when she has form for DV and hasn't taken steps to help herself.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2011 18:08

Relate are unlikely to help where there is violence involved

BradTittAndFlange · 22/01/2011 18:08

He is probably in hospital for his head injury, you should leave him to get the care he needs.

jobhuntersrus · 22/01/2011 18:09

Did you throw it with the intention of hurting him or did you throw it and it accidently hit him? Neither are acceptable. Give him time and space.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 22/01/2011 18:10

Oh for the love of god.

OHMP - is in a state, she knows what she did was wrong, she's as upset/scared by it as he was, all of this crap really isn't helping anyone.

Yes it was wrong
No it's not the end of the world
She is not 'an abuser' with an agenda

I agree he did the right thing, removed himself from the situation and has gone out to cool down/think etc

It doesn't mean he will leave.
It doesn't mean he should leave.

It means you need to talk.
It also means HE needs to listen.

Yes, I would be saying this if it was the other way around It is getting far too over dramatic around here.

NimpyWindowmash · 22/01/2011 18:10

I agree: grovel and apologise. And get yourself some anger management classes and/or some personal therapy. I used to get really angry throwing things, never hit DH, but the loss of control was scary. I got some help and don't do that anymore. You need to get some help. Hopefully your DH will forgive you if you are contrite and are prepared to get help.

FinneganBeginAgain · 22/01/2011 18:11

Relate are happy to assess your history and then advise you if their services are useful to your personal circumstances. They won't just turn you away but direct you elsewhere if this would be more appropriate.

findingthepath · 22/01/2011 18:11

I think she needs angry management classes and to grow up.

If her husband comes back it will reinforce that this is acceptable behaviour.Hit him say sorry and thats it.

It needs to be taken seriously.

With this type of behaviour do you think its the right time to become a mum?

From my experiance lack of sleep and the never ending hard work it takes to look after a child any craks in your relationship is hightened and if you are throwing things at him now can you imagen what you would be like after months of no sleep?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 18:11

chipping i didn't say OP had an agenda. it was another poster i was referring to who has admitted to asaulting her DH more than once.

schroeder · 22/01/2011 18:12

OHMP Please hide this thread and try for help elsewhere. I don't think you will get much sensible advice here.

TheCrackFox · 22/01/2011 18:12

Your lucky you didn't kill him.

Have you hit him before?

cycle of violence . Does this ring any bells for you? Are you abusing him in other ways.

TBH if I was him I would break up with you. Why should he live his life worried about the next time you snap?

DingDongMerrilyAsCheese · 22/01/2011 18:12

Bloody hell, brave of you to post.

You know everyone is right on here don't you and if it had been the other way round....

But you know that.

While you wait to find out what he wants to do, you should consider talking to someone if you can. I don't want to demonise you but you are going to need to get a grip on this, esp if you're TTC because I promise you having a baby will push you so far beyond what an argument about visitng the in-laws will and if you're struggling now, I'm afraid it's going to be a whole different world with the stress of a non compliant child (and they all are at some point or another even littleding who is basically the most perfect child on the planet)

You probably need some time to think things through yourself.

BradTittAndFlange · 22/01/2011 18:12

I would leave ttc for a year at least if I was in that situation.

PigTail · 22/01/2011 18:14

OP, I do feel for you, I really do. I can be "feisty" and have thrown things at DH in the past. Luckily they have only been soft things, and I'm rubbish at throwing so have missed him, but I can see how it can happen.

I really hope your DH is OK, and you can move on from this. I don't think you should split over one incident alone (yes I would say this if it were the other way around). Have you ever done anything in the past like this, though? If so, I would advice putting off TTC until you've had some anger management, as children can really, really push you.

vintageteacups · 22/01/2011 18:14

I won't be replying any more since iloveitwhen said I'm an abuser! WOE?

I was trying to help OP by saying that whilst it's not the right thing, she could probably put it down to hormones having done it before......ever.

OP has not given her entire medical/current med history.....we don't know if she could actually be pregnant now (levels of pregnancy can be sky high at the beginning of pregnancy etc).

I think for many of the posters here to jump striaght on the abuse band wagon is just ridiculous.

Incidently, I lobbed the tub of cream towards DH - it didn't hit him and I had pnd at the time. When I lobbed the alarm clock, it didn't hit him and he was arguing with me as to why I wanted to keep a clock that didn't work (My dead cousin had given it to me as a xmas pressie).

blackcoffee · 22/01/2011 18:15

it is fine to argue that similar rules should be applied to male and female, but I haven't come across your classic male abuser seeking advice in a frenzy of remorse
agree with chipping

Original poster

OhHelpMePlease · 22/01/2011 18:15

DH has sent the following text

'I am fine but babes, was it worth it?'

OP posts:

vintageteacups · 22/01/2011 18:15

that should have said ' having never done it before.....ever'

vintageteacups · 22/01/2011 18:16

WOE = what on earth as I don't like swearing

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 18:16

"Incidently, I lobbed the tub of cream towards DH - it didn't hit him and I had pnd at the time. When I lobbed the alarm clock, it didn't hit him and he was arguing with me as to why I wanted to keep a clock that didn't work (My dead cousin had given it to me as a xmas pressie)."

so none of that was your fault? it was PND or your husband that was to blame?

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