Discovered box of secret stuff belonging to husband

[Sadandbrokenheartedwife]

Hi all
last night I found to my horror mthings I wish I didn't. Explict, dirty pics of DH's ex and also a large document detailing the end of their relationship and of when he tried to kill himself over her. It ended in 98. They were together 9 years. I feel sick, want to confront him, I can't let this go, please help??!

Have name changed.

Sorry, not IF I was harsh, that I was.

if they are in hallway then he wanted you to see them. So, when you found them, its a shame you never brought it up there and then.

Thats what you need to do now.

Good luck!

Bottom line -- he has not been candid as far as you can tell, and you have just had a baby so feeling vulnerable?

You felt 100% certain about the relationship and now are feeling very wobbly?

There's a difference between maintaining an inappropriate interest in an ex and having a mental health problem somewhere in the past though. While I sympathise with you about the shocking effect of the photos, I don't know what to say about the comments you've made about his mental breakdown. No-one can be sure about their mental health, and past performance is not a reliable predictor of the future for anyone.

Now that you know what you know, it is sadly up to you as much as to him to make sure all of this doesn't infringe upon your future. Every detail you find out about your life partner, no matter how small or huge, has to be decided upon in this way really. People are human.

Yes. OK, sadetc, you're going to have to tell him. Please take deep, calming breaths beforehand and do it when the baby's contented & nothing's burning on the cooker ... It needs to go soemthing like "I found your journal and photos the other day. I'm sorry but I read it. I'm pissed off about the photos, would you get rid of them please?" Then listen to what he says.

Good luck!

let sleeping ghosts lie, I would, nothing much to be gained from bringing this up, he might have just grabbed the box in a hurry, just push it to the back of beyond and let it stay there

Not read the whole 9 pages of responses but have read all posts made by OP. Not that I don't value everyone's input it's just I have better things to do than read 9 pages worth of responses. I've skim read the rest.

Several points to be honest:

1. Your house? I think from the moment you moved in together it became a joint possession or at least I'd hope you feel that way.
2. Your permission? Relationships don't work this way. You are equals.
3. I would be upset about the photos. When I first met OH he had some pretty graphic images of his ex on his computer (I was actually snooping but I had my reasons). I told him I'd found them by accident and although he didn't have anything to say to that he did dispose of the explicit ones. He however kept a couple of the normal ones. I accepted this since I knew he had loved her and the relationship had ended because she had been seeing someone else all along. She broke his heart. It was a part of his past that didn't threaten me. She was still contacting him though although he was ignoring her, that annoyed me so I e-mailed her and explained that he'd moved on in a sort of "hands off my man" sort of way. This he was annoyed at and told me that I "had no right". He was probably right but I needed to speak to her.
4. The journal. You had no right to read this and you should have been able to tell it was personal by the end of the first or second paragraph. It helped him get over the issues he was having at the time and is a significant part of his life. I suppose you could even say it helped him start living again. How can you expect him to throw this away? You are being rather unreasonable, everyone has a past.

Time to face it like a grown up, tell him you've found it and you are upset that he kept the photos. See what he says.

I agree with all of the above