The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

thurso - i think we were at about the same level - i could sink at least a bottle and half every night and more if i was 'in a good mood' , i havent needed help from the gp, i havent had what i would call 'cold turkey' symptoms but i have found AA a huge help! - physically i think i am absolutly fine, its the mental bit that does my head in!!, the little voice that is trying to wreak everything - i have to say though, even that is getting more and more easy to handle - i think my advice to is do what you feel suits you best in the way of 'help', we are all different and respond to things in our own way!

i think im a fairly simple soul generally, i find just chatting helps me, whereas someone like fortheverylastime approachs it in a more intellectual fashion - in the end, it dosent matter which way you go, so long as it works!!

Red
Nearly got past it a couple of times, but started giggling last night as situation seemed ridiculous, probably was properly taking notice for once, and put Dh right off his stroke

Dh feeling like he has gone into a monastery!!

thurso

Face is still bad, I think the infection is now in my jaw. Off to pester dentist.

right!, i am now properly and

i have finally retireved all my emails and one of you has nominated me for a christmas present!! whoever you are i am so touched you have made cry!! (in a nice way!!)what a lovley thing to do!! its been a bit of a year one way and another and this is a lovley surprise!!

the only thing is - I NEED YOU ALL AS MUCH AS EVER!!! thank you!!!

JWN

I re-read a lot of your earlier posts last night, and I do see lots of similarities, in that we are roughly the same age, with DC the same age. You are a true inspiration to me, and your post the other day, when you got a bit tearful struck through to my heart, because even now you still get the same thoughts re DC.

The major turning point for me, was one of Mouse's (Mice?!!) posts, which although I reacted really badly [shame on me icon] to, was the wake up I needed. My reaction told me more than anything else, that I had to do something.

Thank you (gives everyone medals for loveliness)

Can I ask, of those who have stopped drinking completely, can you identify a 'lightbulb' moment that was the trigger for deciding to stop drinking rather than cutting down - I know this is not an option for me?

mouse! i think you should really insist that the dentist do something today, im not trying to frighten you but if the infection gos into your jaw, it needs sorting sooner rather than later!! [hug]

WNT - my 'moment' was after a day of boozing, it all started well, as the day wore on i got more and more drunk and more and more nasty - i ended up having a dreadful row with dh, the jist of which i cant even remember - i pushed the man to his limits and he walked out - i then got all my clothes, put them in the car and drove off! - i still burn with shame at the thought of what i did, how i didnt kill myself or anyone else i dont know - after i got home i can remember looking in the mirror and simply not recognising the person looking back at me - i wasnt bought up to behave like this, i looked and smelt revolting, dd was crying and shouting at me that i had made her dad leave, dh was not answering his phone and quite honestly my whole life looked like it was going down the toilet!

i never ever want to feel like that again, i was lonely, desperate and full of self pity!, not a pretty sight i can tell you!!

i rang AA that morning. admitted my problem to my entire family (friends i told after a few weeks) and just got on with being sober - what i hadnt realised was how life enhancing being sober was - everything improves, not just my family relationships but EVERYTHING!!
sorry, not sure where this is leading!, just feels right to get it out iyswim?

JWN Thanks for responding. Mine was truly hurting my DH by lying about how much I had drunk having promised to cut down so many times, but twice in the previous year particularly, - he found my 'kitchen' bottle - maybe I had wanted to be found out. It was the look of complete and utter despair and confusion on his face - I felt so ashamed to have caused that.

We have talked about my drinking over the last few months - I think it will take a long time to regain his absolute confidence that we won't go 'there' again, but I work on it each day, a day at a time, taking on that nagging/persuasive voice in my head that would have it that 'after all this time of course I have cracked it' and 'one won't hutr'. I know otherwise and that is what I hold on to when the voice gets more insistant.

JWN - tomorrow is the only time they can see me and I have Nemo committments today, new team members are coming to see him.

I WILL GO!!!

And you so deserve the Christmas MN present. I'm only gutted it wasn't me who nominated you.

WNT - I have posted mine before, but in a nutshell, and as not to bore the pants off those who know, my lightbulb moment was one night when I'd passed out pissed fallen asleep. I was in bed and Nemo woke up in his cot which is in our bedroom.

Apparently, I went to pick him up and soothe him but DH beat me to it, told me to go to back to bed and I kicked off, big time.

I was yelling and screaming 'Give me my fucking son......' That sort of stuff.

I say 'apparently' because I don't remember ANY of it.

Queue lightbulb.

thurso just keep on trying, you will be pleased that you perservered!

Re lightbulb moments, hmm, I have had so many and done so many awful things... Yet, I am still drinking so maybe I haven't as yet either had the definitive lightbulb moment or hit my true rock bottom. Which is actually quite terrifying.

Hello, mind if I hop on board the bus. My time has come to buy a ticket.

Mouse Hope that the visits today take things forward for Nemo and you.

Thanks for your response.

Good luck with the tooth being sorted tomorrow and hope you have something to take today to keep the pain at bay.

Welcome headless! Great to have you onboard. Are you ready to share any of your story yet? Absolutely no pressure you can however much or little detail as and when you want. Have you been following the previous threads?

Hi HeadlessLegless welcome on board. What made today your day - if you want to say?

I have had lots of lightbulb moments but unfortunately not enough to stop me. I always find excuses for a drink, bad day at work, going through divorce (been using this one for 3 years now!), split up from long term BF, the list goes on. Hi Headless

Red Thanks for your response. You sound very positive at present, and supportive to others. Hope that this continues for you.

Zany Thanks for replying. Hope you get to where you want to be with drinking - controlled or stopped. This thread has been a real help.

Hello white. Thank you for what you said.

My life is in a total mess (divorce, debt, drinking) but for some reason I feel really positive! Maybe actually finally breaking up with my husband has been a good thing. You may have read that I am seeing someone else (very early days!) so maybe that's put a spring in my step? I am very aware of not getting too reliant on the poor guy though!

Headless thank you for your honesty. We have all felt the way you are describing - many, many times! Will you be able to stay away from the bottle tonight?

Headless sounds like a seat on the bus, maybe a hot chocolate and some dunking biscuits on this autumnal day, and time to ponder is in order - and maybe a paracetamol for the head.

Welcome Headless. Whatever it is, however you feel, one of your fellow passengers will be able to relate.
I'm Ma, mother of 3, and a heavy drinker cutting down in stages.

Yes I will be staying away from the bottle tonight and I sincerely hope for many nights to come.

I think when you come so close to destroying your life and of those around you, you suddenly get a wake up moment. Mine happended last night.

I will be on later and hope to chat some more.

Red perhaps this is the time when you can see the problems, tackle them, and see that you are making positive choices rather than just taking what comes and drinking your way through it, only to find that the problems are still there.