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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

1000 replies

Mouseface · 06/11/2010 21:09

Welcome to the Bus! Smile

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

OP posts:
DramaDramaDrama · 08/11/2010 15:55

I need to go & pick the children up from Gym. Thanks for being here I honestly think I would drown in shame if I couldn't come on here & vent.
x

RedMoomin · 08/11/2010 16:09

All part of the service drama! We're all here for each other. Make sure you come back later - especially if you start hearing the little 'fuck-it' voice suggesting booze.

Mouseface · 08/11/2010 16:25

Drama - Vent away any time you like!!

Red - saying bye bye to you now as I have heaps to do. See you later lovely xx

OP posts:
RedMoomin · 08/11/2010 16:35

Bye bye mouse. Hope everything went well this afternoon.

Bye bye to the rest of the lovely Babes for the evening. I will be back in the morning as usual. I hope that everyone has nice evenings x

witchetychicky · 08/11/2010 17:19

Afternoon all - day 2 here in the sleety windy north. I hope things went Ok this afternoon mouse.

I have been catching up on the thread and one of the things that has stuck with me all day was the comment that someone (sorry can't remember who) made about miflaws post about the boxing ring.

When I read it at the time I understood what he was saying, but I very clearly made the decision, that I probably wouldn't mind getting back in the ring sometimes as the damage that i was doing to myself wasn't too badConfused.

After drinking this weekend, passing out etc..with DD in the house, I now see it in a totally different way - It's not just me that I am putting back in the ring when I drink but my DC. That's a whole different perspective for me, and is just not an option.

Hope that makes sense - hi to all and welcome to newbies. Wink

DramaDramaDrama · 08/11/2010 17:23

Ok, so there is nothing I can do about it now as it is done. I am a fucking danger to myself & my family & if that isn't enough to make me stop then I don't know what is.
I obviously can't have just one or two as that turns into a bottle, then another & then I make a twat of myself.

Can someone tell me what you mean when you talk about playing the story out in your head?

I need some stratergy tips on stopping myself from letting the 'fuck-it' voice win night after night.

I need to sort the children out with dinner & baths.

Be back later without a drink. x

Silver66 · 08/11/2010 17:32

Hi Drama, Headless and 3steps - here are your open tickets and welcome aboard - you have all made the first step so BE PROUD.

Loooong day in the rain again so going to keep this short.

Short Grin

xxx

Mouseface · 08/11/2010 17:47

Drama

Playing the 'film' to the end in your head in short is playing out how your night will end.

So, that ONE FIRST DRINK of the night will undoubtedly end in shame, embarrassment, puking, staggering, shitting or wetting yourself, sleeping with a stranger, losing your knickers/shoes/top, eating dead dog in a pita bread, going home with an unknown, losing your purse/wallet/credit card, getting your tits out for the lads, taking drugs, giving out your phone number to stragers, walking home alone at 2am, arguing with loved ones, spilling secrets you swore you never would, putting yourself in immense danger.............

And without fail, waking up like deep fried dog shite (I thank you) and then spending days trying your best to remember what exactly happened, whilst your body recovers from the physical effects of alcohol abuse.

So, that's how the film always ends. To what degree depends on how far you go.

So playing it out to the end in your head means - imagine how you will feel tomorrow.

And, that is always going to be UP TO YOU!

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 08/11/2010 17:52

drama!!, playing the story out to the end goes a bit like this - you get an invitation, you look forward to the event, get your hair done, new dress etc - you look good, feel good and you have the first drink, you're ok, you have a laugh and a chat, things feel fine, you're in control so you have a refil, again, things are fine except you are maybe getting a little louder, you have another refil, now you are looking flushed, your make-up starts 'sliding' a bit, you get a bit louder, you have another refil, now we're talking!, you get even louder, maybe start talking shit, showing off a bit, you look redder, you really go for it now though, you wander round the venue looking for yet another drink, you go to the loo, maybe tuck your skirt in your knickers, have more to drink, take the hump at something dh says, so now your make-up is well and truely buggered, you are getting nasty or just plain stupid or boring, you drink a bit more, dh says its time to go home, you disagree and hang it out a bit longer while you have 'one for the road' - oh, this can be the best bit, you now stagger off, puke in the gutter, wail to dh 'lifes unfair, i love you but no one loves me' puke a bit more - dh gets you home to bed, you are sick again in the night - next day, in come dcs, ready for a bit of fun family time, yeah, like thats gonna happen!, you feel like shit and smell like it!, you have a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach cos you cant remember what you said/did, dh is pissed off and not speaking and your new dress is covered in puke! - just another night out!!

OR - you can get dolled up, look fab, have a lovley chat with people, dance, have a meal/whatever, wake up in teh morning, remember it all, play with the kids, chat over the previous evening with dh and share the gossip and know you looked as good at midnight as you did at 7pm!, no feeling of dread, no shame, no pukey dress, no row with dh - all it takes is saying 'oh, just a soft drink for me please' its as simple as that!!

jesuswhatnext · 08/11/2010 17:54

great minds mouse!!! Grin

Silver66 · 08/11/2010 17:59

Top posts JWN and Mouse

One to ponder - why do we always preface ordering a soft dink with the word 'just' or 'only' - I know I do it 'just a coke please' etc - why should that non-alcoholic drink have less value than one with alcohol in it - they certainly cost nearly the same but the soft drink is going to do what a drink should do - which is quench your thirst - the opposite of an alcoholic drink which dehydrates you so you crave more - maybe I've just had too much rain and cold today and am a little befuddled - but it's something I've always wondered about - any thoughts campers???

Grin
DramaDramaDrama · 08/11/2010 17:59

Smile I like you lot - very much.

Silver I'm not new I'm just ThoroughlyAshamed name changed as I had started to feel a bit better about myself but now thinking I should change it back!!

So who is Miflaws & what is the boxing ring?

Whitenapteen · 08/11/2010 18:04

Mouse and JWN Thanks for the refresher makes for sobering Smile reading!

Good luck all with the right decisions for you this evening. My decision is that I will not be drinking.

Where do you think Gerald will be off to in the morning - we're promised gales here?

thursoback · 08/11/2010 18:12

Dear Drama

as a newbie on here I am not going to give advice, but my strategy is...

I never want to have another 5.30am wake up like the other Thursday. I felt vulnerable, sick and disgusted with myself, and actually said to DH it would be better if I wasn't here!! And I have DC's I love more than my life, so that's where the wine got me.

It was Mouses post (sorry,won't mention it again :)) that really made me confront the fact that I had a choice, and I wasn't choosing very well. In fact I was choosing to feel like Cr*p.

I haven't even sniffed a drink since, even when I fed the cake today Grin

I maybe didn't have a physical dependance, but I don't know. As Venus mentioned earlier, I too still have the mind that says "thank heaven I rode it out, and didn't drink last night", so I am not normal by any means.

I don't know if this helps, but that's my strategy. xx

BBwannaB · 08/11/2010 18:18

The shame, and awful slow dawning of what did I do last night? are the worst side effect of drinking - you can take drugs for the physical effects but the chipping away of your self esteem is harder to mend. BUT it can be done if you try not to look back but face the future one day at a time, I love waking up in the morning without that shame and self disgust these days (week 3 for me).

venusandmars · 08/11/2010 18:19

For anyone who missed it before... here is MIFLAW's boxing ring post...

".... give up seeing alcohol as something you are going to "beat". You have already lost. So walk away.

Imagine drink as a boxer. He (or she) is twice your weight, twice your height, doesn't mind inflicting pain, and fights dirty. If you sqaure up to it, you will lose - and you will lose in a painful, protracted, humiliating and quite possibly fatal way.

However - you have an alternative. Just get out of the ring, put your shirt on, and walk away. You are not obliged to drink. You are well past the point of getting any benefit or real pleasure from it and those days are NEVER going to come back.

So put the drink down. Do so very consciously and remember that that boxer is going to be leaning over the ropes, shouting out your name to come back, for a little while to come.

So start walking and keep walking. Don't try to control it. Don't go back for one last try. Don't go back to test out any bright ideas. You've lost. Walk away. And every time that voice tempts you back, remember how you feel now and how you felt during and after your last drink.

Remember - if you leave now and you really miss the madness and misery it brings you will have the option of going back tomorrow for another beating.

but if you stay in the ring there is no guarantee that you will have the option of getting out tomorrow....."

BRILLIANT analogy.

PS Just in case anyone hasn't met him yet, MIFLAW is a bloke (ManIFeelLikeAWoman) who is long term sober, AA enthusiast, wise man, talks hard-ball. Wonderful, but scary.

witchetychicky · 08/11/2010 18:23

I always wondered what MIFLAW stood for! Grin

Whitenapteen · 08/11/2010 18:25

Venus completely agree.

MIFLAW would he be expecting arrival of DC no?2 any time soon?

Silver66 · 08/11/2010 18:32

Duur - sorry Drama - but have a ticket anyway Confused xxx

venusandmars · 08/11/2010 18:33

Wakeup call for me? dp had been away for a couple of weeks and I'd basically spent the whole time pissed. I could have gone with him and spent some time in the sun in France, but I had 3 days of work commitments. So why didn't I just join him later? Well mainly because despite being in France, on holiday, with a group of friends who are not exactly lightweight drinkers, I chose instead (I WANTED) to stay at home, get completely wasted and watch crap on TV, and mess around on the internet. Oh yeah, I made good use of the time Hmm - I went to visit my parents, then came home and got smashed, I went out a couple of times with friends (pre-loaded each time) and then came back and got even more pissed, I drank while I was writing a report on my laptop (and pretended that being pissed made me inspired and creative).

By the time dp came home I was sick, grey and shaking. And I knew I was just fucking wasting my whole life.

And I'd spent that 2 weeks on the internet avoiding a really, really irritating thread title by a woman who was obviously an alcoholic - she and alcohol had ruined her life (recognise that phrase anyone?? Wink). I so didn't want to read ANY advice telling her she had to give up. I didn't want to read smug tales of people who'd managed it, I especially didn't want to see people's shock and horror - how could a mother behave like that..

So the wake up call was seeing how I was wasting my life, the lifeline was eventually being brave enough to read JWN's thread and post on it and join in. Thankyou JWN and thank you all for keeping it going and for being brave enough, each in your own way, to read and post and join in.

If I was the huggy kissing type I'd do that all over this post. restrained[smil]

Dipso · 08/11/2010 18:33

Are you a writer Venus? If not, you should be! I echo what others have said about your post this morning and have printed it off and put it in my Folder of Important and Helpful Information.

If you have an alcoholic mind like I do, there's no such thing as controlled drinking - it will always elude us. We might not drink for a week and then just have a couple at a social event. But there'll inevitably come the time when the beast within is unleashed and all control is gone. I have worked out that for me the definition of an alcoholic is this: someone who cannot consistently control their drinking. There's a test apparently to test for alcoholism - say to yourself that you are only allowed to have two drinks each and every time you drink, be it at home, at a party, down the pub. If you can't stick to that, you'll know soon enough.

The freedom that I know exists if one is able to stop must be wonderful and I feel as if I'm almost tasting it now. I've managed to stop drinking many times before only to restart with the stakes even higher. This time really does feel different and I'm so glad I found this thread at such a time. It will mean having to find new ways to live my life and having to face things head on and not through the buzzy fug of booze. The thing that concerns me most is that life without alcohol will be boring. But I just need to re-read that statement to appreciate how utterly unworthy of me it is.

venusandmars · 08/11/2010 18:34

That was a restrainedSmile

HeadlessLegless · 08/11/2010 18:34

Evening ladies

I'm reading with interest where you are saying don't look back, only forward. I hope to get a good night's sleep tonight and put that into practice.

I started drinking about 15 years ago; just one drink a night. Now I can drink a litre bottle of spirits in 3 nights if I take it easy....

Wine is my downfall, I totally and utterly lose my dignity when I drink that.

Last night my husband picked me up from a hotel, where I had been sitting outside crying after an argument with a "friend". I had my suitcase with me, I also had a bottle of gin on the pavement with the lid off and a bottle of tonic, swigging first out the gin bottle and then the tonic bottle.

I DO have a problem.

When I drink, I ring people up and tell them deep, dark secrets. Not always mine. I had a good friend on the phone with me last night trying to convince me I was not a evil person.

I have spent the whole day crying, feeling sick with stress/anxiety as I wonder if my past is going to come up and bite me on the bum.

By the way, the "friend" I walked away from has an even bigger problem than me. I don't think we will ever speak again.

jesuswhatnext · 08/11/2010 18:40

well at least you had some tonic! Grin

Silver66 · 08/11/2010 18:43

AND as no-one has any thoughts on the 'soft' drink thing here's another - what is normal ??? Grin

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