The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

Thanks thurso - It doesn't feel like I am doing well - more like 'could do better'.

Time to get DC's ready and out for school, dog walked in the gale force winds and the sleet and then somehow magically transform myself into looking half decent for work!

Hello to everyone, and just to echo what others have said - WHATEVER state you are in, if you think that this thread might help you then please feel free to post or to lurk.

I know that for a long, long time I didn't want to admit that I had a drink problem. Oh yes, I knew I LIKED a drink, I knew I probably drank too much overall (certainly way more than govt. guidelines - but easy to ridicule those) and on several occasions drank loads too much at one time, but I also thought that if I tried really, really hard sometimes, I could manage to not have a drink. Sometimes for as long as a couple of days... And I never drank the whiskey in the house (or the can of McEwans export that had been in the cupboard for 10 years), and I didn't drink in the morning before work, so all that proved that I wasn't an alcoholic.

But somewhere deep inside, I knew that that was a load of crap that I was fooling myself with. I spent a week once with my sister and I tried to drink like she does... So arrive at her house after getting off plane - offered glass of wine or cup of tea. She had a cup of tea (so did I) but I desperately wanted the wine 'cos I knew it would be the only way to get more than a share of a bottle with dinner. One bottle between 3 at dinner time (special occasion 'cos I'd just arrived). I was sitting there all evening hoping my BIL would offer me something else, but he didn't. Next 2 nights - NOTHING. Well they were both working and I was running a training course nearby. I could hardly believe it. They had a visitor and they didn't have wine with dinner (or anything before or afterwards). Weekend (phew!) and we had a shared bottle of wine of Friday (between 3 for dinner) and I was offered a port with my cheese. I didn't have it cos I was trying to model my dsis's drinking, and in any case the port glass was the size of a thimble and I was being offered a single glass. Saturday there was the option of wine but my dsis declined - because she had to drive? no. becuase she was unwell? - no. Just for no reason. She just said no thanks. Sunday lunch, bottle of wine shared between 3 adults and 2 teenage dcs also had a half glass. Big mug of coffee because drinking at lunchtime makes dsis so sleepy. And that was it for a week. I swaer I drank more at the airport waiting for my plane home than I had all of the previous week .

The experience really started me on the journey of understanding that I AM NOT a 'normal' drinker. The actualy amount we drank was miniscule compared to my normal quantities and I was so on edge all the time trying to control my thoughts about booze, hoping I'd be offered another glass, trying not to help myself to a little extra when everyone was out of the room. And then as soon as I was off the leash (i.e. at the airport) that was it - several glasses of overpriced, cheap plonk.

I know that I still have an overactive alcoholic mind - and I still think way too much about booze (we were out very late on Saturday night, and my first thought on waking was 'thank god I didn't have anything to drink last night'), the thing I am most grateful for is that I have accepted the extent of my problem, and that is the only place from which I can start to do something about it and get my life back. I am an alcoholic, I can't do controlled drinking. I don't want to do controlled drinking (I want to get pissed). But more than anything I want to make the most of my life and FEEL what is happening, and make the most of it (even when it is rubbish) and enjoy it.

So Brave Babes, at the end of this epistle.. Today I Will Not Be Drinking.

Thanks venus that rings so many bells for me.

Morning,I too drank yesterday!

Dipso, thanks for reading and replying. Very interesting.

AB, you didn't read it properly. I nearly turned off until I read through the comments at the bottom.

Interested in anyone else's thoughts?

Morning lovely Babes!

It's good to be back on board.

I had a wonderful weekend, very chilled and relaxed. I did have a few glasses of wine on Saturday though but again did not get pissed and did not finish the bottle. Am not sure where I am standing on my drinking at the moment. I know full well that I am an alky however at the moment I seem to get to a point where I just stop (and not because I have passed out!) I'm not sure whether it's because I am on a bit of a high with FB or what. I will definitely not be drinking today.

mouse how are you getting on?

(my post at the beginning of the thread on 'the Sinclair Method'.

Morning all, great post Venus, rings lots of bells for me.

Sorry x posted with lots of people! Hope everyone doing ok. Got DD development check today, bit nervous about it.

Hope the appointment goes well MsGee.

Fond memories of the day's when we all lived for her next poo...

days.

morning all!!! , thanks for the post venus - i have felt like taht soooo many times! (and got the hump cos everyone else was such a 'lightweight' drinker!) - this weekend that little fucker has been whispering in my ear 'oh, youve done so well, a real alkie could never manage 5 whole months without a drink', 'im not a real alkie, look at me, i could have just the one and walk away' - its been a bit of a fight at times!!, but i have won!! , i refuse to listen to the bastard!, i only have to read my first post to get the full effect of what the fucker can do, rip my life apart, make my family unhappy, make me a nasty, drunken lump with a red face and and a sneer! - im not going back to that!, im staying on the bus!!

Morning JWN! Good work on getting through the danger.

Morning everyone. Well after all my good intensions on Saturday morning I drank far too much Sat night and then a bottle again last night Good to see though from past posts (esp venus) that others have been the same but are coming out the other side.

Morning all.

Chaos here today. Nemo has his community psycholigist coming and his nurse.

I'm still ill and in pain but not as bad. I need to call the dentist.

The bus is lovely and warm today. And yes, to all of you who have struggled over the weekend, you CAN come out the other side.

It's not easy. Not at all but out of all the Brave Babes, I took my lead from JWN because my story was most like hers.

We can all relate to one another in one way - alcohol - but in my opinion, we can relate to each other in lots of other ways too. We are all similar to another Brave Babe be it our personal life, work, children, past life whatever......

I think that we all see part of ourselves in some of the posts on here at seom point or other.....

Well, I do. And that's why I stay. That's why I post because I see part of me in some of you and I want to help by sharing my experiences or I read something that venus or JWN posts and think 'Yep, that's what I do, you've hit the nail on the head'

This thread, this bus is the reason that I'm sober. 4 months on, I'm in control just for today.

Smashing typos as per

Morning mouse and zany.

Just realised it's day 12 for me, not 11, how can I get mixed over something so important?!

Very serious navel gazing here after reading some of the last posts. If you can bear it, can I ask (plead) for some advice.

I have been drinking ridiculous amounts (1 bottle to 1 3/4) most nights for the last couple of years, and a bottle most nights for 7 or 8 years before that. I'm wondering if I'm just too badly gone to be able to stop drinking on my own without outside help. With the help and support of Dh and this thread, I have not had a drink for 11 days, but do you think that this is ok.

I really want to try and do it quietly, wothout talking to anyone else, do you think this is possible?

Also, although it's getting less, I find going over the past really difficult. Dh promises me that I have never embarassed him, anyone else, or myself when we've been out, and Dc hasn't said anything for 6 months (because I felt so bad when they did say something I made sure never to drink on the evenings when they were home) I know that I was pissed lots of nights. Dh says that my behaviour at night now, isn't any different from how it was before, although he says I am jollier in the morning. How can that be I know that I couldn't walk straight going to bed.

I don't know.

Do you think it would be alright if I just tried not to go over and over things until I have done this no drinking for a while longer?

I am really sorry for the mega post. I hope you don't mind, I just really don't want to go and talk anywhere else.

Much love xx

ps How is your poor face today Mouse

Hi thurso,

You are doing really, really well. You should be so proud of yourself.

I would not worry about help outside DH and here at the moment. You're done 12 days without it!!!

Thurso following Mouse's comment about finding similarities with others can I offer...
My drinking history sounds much like yours, like white wine (am assuming I would still though haven't tested this), DCs are younger but were beginning to notice drinking/uninvolved mum in the evenings, I drank excessively only at home, I 'got on with' what needed doing as I felt guilty about the drinking and was not going to let it be a reason for not working/running the house/managing DH and DCs etc.
I had that 'moment' of absolute clarity/horror that if I didn't stop my family's life would be ruined forever. I chose then to stop - had tried to cut down before but only ever ended up consuming at increasing (and hidden) levels. I have been not drinking 'a day at a time'. I have found an alternative soft drink that I have in a wine glass when I fancy it - I don't consume the same volume of it as I used to of wine. I did speak to GP about my drinking in case I had a medical reason for excessive drinking such as depression - DH feels drinking is always 'for a reason' so I felt I should check this out. Said to GP that my view was 'I just like the wine but don't have an off switch so not having that first glass is a better solution for me'. GP said I clearly had considered the situation and backed my not drinking if that worked for me and offered futher consultation at any time if I felt it neccessary. So in RL only DH and DC know that I have stopped entirely and I have used no other outside agencies but have read AA website extensively especially at the outset. I still have moments but ride them out, still chat to DH from time to time about the decision to not pick up that first glass.
This weekend saw 5 months stopped for me. I would echo what others have said - not drinking does not open up a perfect/no problem world but it does offer me a life with my family and I treasure that beyond any number of bottles of white wine. Hope this helps.

Thanks Red

I'm not counting 12 days until tonight's over :)

How is FB, perhaps that's what I need, turn DH into FB, I'm still being born again virgin!!

FB was amazing over the weekend!

Have you not managed to get past your born again status?!

Crikey
That really did help White, thank you so much.

I don't want to talk to GP, trying to keep up the old "perfect" facade.

Thanks again xxxx

Should have said that this thread has been the biggest eye opener and support for me - thanks everyone past, present and lurking.