Been catching up on posts and here are some random thoughts about what I've read.
Notevenamousie nice to see you, and hope you are doing OK. In your early posts you talked about tackling drink 'tomorrow'. Please never put it off, that is just a trick. Any of us could plan to be sober tomorrow - for me the imporatant thing is dealing with today. I am sober today. I will remain that way - today.
Mouse love your new name - hope nemo's cold is getting better. Christi so sorry to hear about your dd, but despite that you sound as though you are managing to get through things. I was so 
for you last week when you were down, but it's been lovely to see you posting on here, and supporting other people.
MIFLAW I loved your analogy about the boxer. I have lost count of the number of times I have been mad enough to get back in the ring for another beating. And often having that first drink seems to give me just enough dutch courage to think that maybe this time I will win. These days, I'm playing a totally different game, and on this thread it's like a team game where we're all on the same side. Every day that any of us passes without a drink is another glorious winning goal for all of us.
diabolic I would have always described my self as a hedonist - a pleasure seeker, hating anything that caused me discomfort. I have used that as an excuse for much of my behaviour - hating exercise becuase I don't like anything that makes me hot / sweaty / uncomfortable / sore; drinking what I wanted when I wanted because it made me feel good and strong and happy.
Except that IT WAS ALL A PACK OF LIES.
I was not a hedonist, I was a lazy selfish alcoholic. And I deluded myself. Drinking did not make me strong and happy. It did not fill the empty place - it pretended to, but I think it just made me so drunk that I stopped noticing that there was a place that was empty. I was still only firing on 4 cylinders, but I was too drunk to notice that there 8 others not working. And as long as that continued, there was little I could do to address it properly. Hedonism is the pursuit of pleasure, please of the senses, doing things that have pleasureable consequences. Drinking alcohol means taking a sour bitter poison into my mouth (not pleasurable), overloading my nervous system with a depressent which means that I lose control of my mental and physical abilities (there is no pleasure in falling over, hurting yourself, peeing yourself, slurring your speech), stressing all my physical systems with a toxic product (no pleasure at all in having a raging hangover, being dehydrated, sick, shaky, hot, shivery).
Now I am more hedonistic than I was. I AM pursuing pleasure, I am avoiding pain. And I like it.