The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Offy!!

[Mouseface]

Well, this is our tenth thread so we are throwing a little party!

Everyone is invited! No booze of course, soft drinks and mocktails only!

I'm Mouse, hello.

There are all kinds of drinkers on board the bus. Come and join the journey, whatever stage you are at, drinking, cutting down, wanting to stop or sober already.

Everyone is welcome to post here. Come say hi.

The journey so far is below.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Thread nine

hi bumblelion and welcome I'm new too - just took the plunge yesterday to post.

it's a good thread, lots of support.

diabolik you can come to jo'burg and do mine if you like

Hello Bumblelion and welcome. Just jump in when you want to.

Diabolik! Quick! Work out what you did to turn yourself around like that and bottle it.
You have inspired me.

CreamLegbar no magic just diversion - and I still fancy the beer but the craving is passing by the minute

Also did a bit of logic in my head whilst going around the house cleaning up

eg as follows - > 1 pint will mean 8 ( minimum ) I will not have dinner -> by pint 4 things might get out of hand and I will be making phone calls. - > This will mean another 6 pints on top + 3, 4 tequila's -> stumble home at midnight - and finish up on the vodka at home - > Go bed by 3 / 4 or pass out on couch - > wake up at 10 feeling like shit - > spend day on couch and order pizza -> spend Sunday still feeling rough -> back to work Monday un rested and having wasted another week-end ->
rinse and repeat probably by Wednesday as I have allowed this to happen today and it will probably take another year at least before I try again

Rinse and repeat :):)

did I say something funny DTC - ? ( no really, I am halve Dutch and some times I say things at home and pple start laughing or look at me completely baffled because I did a literal translation of something )

daddy - Jo burg - I better not tell the misses she will be biting my right arm off she has been going on about going to SA for the last 4 years ..

Hello all, well it's Friday - I would have usually started by now but today I haven't even bought any :)

I am actually looking forward to a dry weekend, no hangover, no life-endangering incidents, no shame tomorrow, no badly judged emails or texts being sent.

Hope everybody else is doing ok, I should be around online most of the night if anyone needs to talk :)

Hello bumblelion

diabolik tell her it's all security fences and alarms here!

dichotomy that's great not to have even bought any. i've not put any in the fridge which I guess is my version of that. taking the temptation away - at least till I think that dh's red is looking good.

probably won't be on over the weekend but will be inspired by your support to at least not go overboard like usual

Just feeling like shit. I know I am damaging myself, my life, my children's life. Everything about my life is shit, apart from my children who I adore but am now losing their respect and they don't like me.

Bumble I indetify with that, it's my main reason for wanting to stop being a drunk, most of their childhood memories are going to be me drunk, and not just a little drunk - slaughtered, to the point where they've had to become the parent.

But - I do know I can't change the past, I can only learn from it and hopefully change the future. I want that so much, I can't see me failing.

And even if I do fail, I will jump right back on my wagon - the alternative is just too horrible to think of.

I know it's hard but try to find some positives, for example - just being on this thread is a positive and a move in the right direction :)

Sounds like you need a seat Bumble

Welcome aboard and here is your open ticket

Whatever you do, please do not drink and drive! I did and I am now paying the price, as is my ex-husband, my children, my mum, my work, etc. etc.

I had not even drunk that much (3 single vodkas, which for me is very little), pulled out of the pub car park - it was Wednesday 2 June, had a bad day at work, picked up my two youngest (13 and 8) and my son's friend, my boyfriend and his daughter - have a 7 seater car. Had a shit day at work so in my mind I deserved a drink - didn't want to drink indoors, nice summer's evening, went to pub. Pulled out of pub car park, felt find - I WOULD NEVER GET IN MY CAR WITH MY (AND OTHER) CHILDREN IF I FELT I WAS NOT FIT TO DRIVE. A motorbike came round a blind bend outside the pub (I was doing about 7 miles an hour) on the wrong side of the road. Hit the back of my car. I jumped out as he was knocked off his bike. Someone in the pub called an ambulance but the other motorbike driver got up and cancelled it because he had no insurance and was in the wrong (on the wrong side of the road), although actually I was more in the wrong because I had been in the pub.

Because the ambulance was called (and subsequently cancelled), the police turned up. They then breathalised me (and the other driver), I was over the limit and was put in the back of a police van, taken to the station and charged.

I have never been so humiliated, embarrassed, etc. in my whole life. I tell my children (18, 13, 8) that I went through high school with not one detention but how can I now hold my head high when I have been arrested, charged, gone to court and lost my licence.

I went to court on 11 June (2 days after my birthday). One of my children's godparents is a magistrate at another court and was my 'mackenzie' friend. I was destraught, crying, worst day of my life.

I got 12 months ban (reduced to 9 by doing a driving awareness course - 4 weeks, every Saturday, 3rd one tomorrow) and get 3 months off the ban. Also got £500 fine (which as a working single mum is hard, paying it off £50 a month).

Sitting here now, children gone to their dads, got an early start tomorrow with the drink driving awareness course with a vodka and lemonade.

Last year, I had problems with drink, had counselling (fantastic) but here I am, a year later, and am in the same situation, although probably worse.

Sorry for waffling on.

Bumbleon

Similar thing happened to me.

In my case it was 8 years ago and I have been sober for the last 7 of those.

IT CAN BE DONE. I DO NOT MISS THE DRINK!

In the mean time, re-read your post. Do you honestly think that drink is your "friend" when it's got you into this mess?

It is not my friend, it is my worse enemy!

I hate myself when I have had a drink but I can't seem to stop.

I HAVE stopped going to the pub every lunch time when I am in work (4 days a week) and joined a gym - (1) £42 a month membership costs me less than what I would spend at lunch time (2/3 double vodka and coke), (2) am losing weight, (3) enjoying the buzz I am getting from going to the gym ... had personal training yesterday, but have got an awful cold, chest infection, sneezing, etc. so only did the talk yesterday (what I want to achieve - lose weight, get fit (not done any exercise since my first child was born, nearly 18 years ago), did my weight, height, BMI, fat content, etc. I feel I let myself down because I couldn't train but I know my chest/throat, etc. would be worse today ... BUT WHY, WHEN I AM WORKING AT HOME TODAY, DOES THAT GIVE ME THE RIGHT TO HAVE A DRINK? IT DOESN'T!

bumble can you put the vodka away?

Evening everyone and welcome to bumble - your story is scarey, scarey because if it hasn't happened - it could have happened to any of us, and also because it could have been so much worse.

As miflaw says - do you really think of your friend, your companion when it leads you into this dangerous and humiliating situation.

Being honest with yourself is the first step...and you need to be really honest with yourself....you said that you would never get in a car with children if you thought that you were not fit to drive - well you weren't fit to drive, you were over the limit.

I have spent the last few years sayingthat everything I did was for my children, they were my absolute priority - weel they weren't, alcohol was and I have made decisions and done things that were absolutly not in their interests.

Evening everyone and welcome to bumble - your story is scarey, scarey because if it hasn't happened - it could have happened to any of us, and also because it could have been so much worse.

As miflaw says - do you really think of your friend, your companion when it leads you into this dangerous and humiliating situation.

Being honest with yourself is the first step...and you need to be really honest with yourself....you said that you would never get in a car with children if you thought that you were not fit to drive - well you weren't fit to drive, you were over the limit.

I have spent the last few years sayingthat everything I did was for my children, they were my absolute priority - weel they weren't, alcohol was and I have made decisions and done things that were absolutly not in their interests.

Don't know what happened there
Hope that didn't sound to harsh bumble but I think it's important to get past minimising the effect that drink has on your life. I appreciate your honesty in telling the story though there are things that I can barely think about that I have done, let alone type.

Ignore me, but it is good for me to write this down ... why do I drink

I never used to drink, not that I didn't want to, just never needed to. I had more in my life. Brief history ... (look up a thread called "should I stay or should I go" written by me (jacquikd) in 2000 when I was expecting my third child.

Got with (ex)h at 16, married at 24, daughter born at age 25, son at age 29. Nice life, good - kind - loving husband, had affair (me) - why, that is another story - got found out, dad died (I worked with him - he was a Director at the company). Was forgiven by (ex) h, had third child (wanted) although went through 'shit' time with (ex) h saying that he felt I got pregnant too soon - they call it family planning but you can't plan if and when you will fall pregnant.

Had third child, at 11 weeks old ex (h) said that actually he could not forgive me for the affair and was leaving (New Year's Eve, good timing!). He then changed his mind about 10 days later, got youngest christened at the end of January but we were still 'not right'. On 13 February (it sticks in my mind because it is the day after my son's birthday and the day before Valentine's Day - when I had prepared a lovely night out), he told me that he will always love me but doesn't like me and we will never be happy together.

He moved into the loft (bedroom/office - where I am now typing) and told children that daddy was sleeping upstairs because youngest was keeping him awake at night.

It took until September for him to move out - and in that time I started to drink (bottle of bacardi breezer - helped me sleep at night, alone in my bed with my husband so close (15 stairs away) but so far away. It broke my heart.

Move on 18 months, got new man (old work friend, not the affair man) and 7 years on he owes me £10K on a credit card (been fleeced) and my mum £15K (loan to set up new business - but she (my mum) didn't know what he owed me).

Kicked him out last October (he is still paying the payment on the credit card - interest very high) but it will take 143 years to clear! He is also paying my mum £100 a month (no interest) and she will be 83 before it is clear (no interest).

Writing this all down is cathargic and I can see why I am where I am now ... but I need to change.

The last thing I need is for me to lose my kids ... but I do work, I do pay the mortgage, I do feed/love/look after them but they have no respect for me because I DRINK!

Sorry, bear with me. I am waffling on but it is good in a heart-breaking way (for me).

Right Babes and Blokes - heading out for a fun evening watching some crap movie - however feeling great about it.
a) I am not drinking so I can drive and won't be stressing through the movie about how soon it will finish so I can get on with the serious business of drinking
b) My daughter invited me to go with her and her friend!!! Miracles do occasionally happen.

Take care everyone this evening
xxx

I want to have a good relationship with my children and have a good Friday night out.

My children go to their dads on a Friday (although we sometimes swop but can't for the last 2 weeks, nor for the next 2 weeks because of my alcohol driving awareness course) but I love the idea of tidying the house, having a shower, getting dressed up, looking nice (well, as nice as I can) but at the moment I want to be indoors on my own, feeling sorry for myself, for f*cking up everyone's (who means something to me) life.

I just want to get back to feeling normal without alcohol making me feel that way.

bumble have you had a lot to drink today? I know you want to be inside, but is there ANY WAY you could make yourself a steaming cup of tea and go and sit outside... Maybe it's raining I don't know... It might just break your cycle of thought for the moment.

bumble you mustn't have a hangover for your course tomorrow! That would just be MADNESS wouldn't it? It would be saying that you aren't taking the course seriously at all.

Bumblelion

You are in the right place to get to where you want to be.

The rest is up to you. We are strangers on an internet open forum but do you know what? We all have the same thing in common - alcohol abuse of the highest order.

We have all drunk too much. We have all been too pissed to know where we were. We have all been too pissed to make it to the loo on time.

We've all been too pissed to know who was taking us home.

Some have been too pissed to know the name of the guy they have just shagged, myself included.

Some have been too pissed to say no to drugs and ended up snorting coke in a club that they have never been to before.

Most have driven pissed but would not admit it.

Most have screamed and yelled at their partner whilst pissed and then blanked it out the next day. Some have done that to their children too.

Most have begged for forgiveness time and again for being so utterly pissed.

We are the Brave Babes, whether male or female as MIFLAW will tell you, and we are here, together for a reason.

If you can give me one, just one reason that you should or I should get wankered tonight that sounds appealing and sounds like fun......that won't cause pain of any kind to anyone I know.... that means I can function as a human being tomorrow, be the best mother and wife that I can....

Then I will. I'll buy you the booze myself
However, when you weigh up the 'fors' and 'againts', the physical affects and the emotional scars of getting shit faced, I no longer see the appeal.....

Maybe that's just me?