ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Yippee, had been waiting for someone to start us up again, was dying to post but had to sit on fingers as I wanted someone else to start us off this time . Well done, Tea

I was about to reply on the previous thread and realised it was full!

Patience - in some ways it has been easier to get along amicably together and to do nice things together with the DCs as his OW lives 4 hrs away and only see's him twice a month. He also hasn't been working and has had lots of free time. He also has made a point of not rubbing my face in the situation of the "OW", he respects how much it hurts me and doesn't talk about her at all to me. He takes my pov on board regarding contact with DCs and suitable times, he always see's them when he says he will etc. He maybe an absolute arse for lying to me and leaving me for another woman but I know I have it way way easier than some on here do. Which also makes it easier for me to be amicable with him. God only knows what I'd do in a different situation.

DS is still awake so I need to go and hang out with him but I'll be back later again. I have been lurking and reading everything on here.

Happy, I always find emotional stuff to be so draining. Hope you do crash out & recharge the batteries again so to speak. ((Hugs)) again & this too shall pass. Glad BE has finally proved himself to be useful for something

LC, good advice to ROM

Ok so it appears that our future men will have to be neutered to be on the safe side

Pink, I have some v good male friends & have to hold onto the belief that there are still some good men out there but agree in principle that what you said does indeed apply to a lot of the male species .

I actually expected you to have done it already as you did such a perfect job last time Starting. I thought everyone was busy and as I wanted to post something I better start one I wasn't sure if it was a faux pas or not to start the new one

I agree I really liked LC's advice too. Well tbh you all give great advice ((group hug)) on here and have been a great source of strength to me in dark times.

Right must deal with DS, little dude was watching a pre-recorded in the night garden. DD already sparko after a long day wrapped up in her bed with her hot water bottle, bless her.

Thats the thing tea it was always me that gave out negative "rage of injustice" vibes to my X.It was my pain of being dumped that made the situation so difficult and therefore negative for the kids and although i was aware of it i couldnt 1 stop myself becoming emotional or 2 cut the cord between us.Although i was utterly heartbroken ,i cant believe how much peace this has brought me moving forward and acceptance.I could look at him today and not cry ,which is a huge step forward 4 me although i cried at a baptism this morning just completely overwhelmed with grief re marriage breakdown and the lovely day we had with ds at that age ,by the time it was dd turn i was under huge stress.But it is all natural ,every emotion i have felt is all part of my journey i needed to learn how to look after myself and lose my co dependency .I dont have to think about my Xs life lesson ,but he def has learned a few along the way .

I get what you're saying Patience. Yes I've defo reached acceptance now but the pain can still be churned to the surface in certain situations even now. I start that course tomorrow night in London I was talking about ages ago, looking forward to what I'll learn, I'll come and share any gems on here.

There is a risk it may stir up a lot of painful stuff for me again but if it brings me closer to complete freedom I'm willing to embrace the pain iyswim?

Tea, not at all I'd already started a few when nobody else took the plunge so was determined to have the patience to sit back & wait for someone else this time . Will be dying to hear your gems of wisdom

Patience, acceptance & forgiveness sets you free but the pain of having your heart ripped to shreds can take longer to heal from

Well... not my gems of wisdom, just whatever the divorce and separation recovery course teaches me that I think you ladies will appreciate as well

All advise, tips & gems of wisdom appreciated Tea

I know I know I was just worried I'd typed my message out to make me sound like some sort of wise owl or something and that is far from the truth. Still on this journey of figuring out how to be post marriage.

I worry too much me thinks. On an internet forum where only words are typed and there's no body language to read/ facial expressions/ or tone of voice I worry sometimes about how things come across I've typed. Especially as when the DCs get to bed I'm so tired and type too fast often

Patience have you seen this thread? Thought you might like it and some of the ideas on there.

Tea, I disagree I believe all of us dumplings have gained a wealth of life experience through our journeys in recovery. I always think you give very sage advice & indeed gems of wisdom

Yes i saw that Tea it really got me thinking tbh.I am completely ignorant in Paganism yet when i read about it as a way of life i do a lot of the things already ,ie celebrating the land in a spiritual sense .I am looking at the wheel of the year and find the dates fascinating.I think it is important to recognise the changing seasons and for my kids to embrace nature.I guess i just see it as simple as when you posted that you had found a lovely wood near you.I shared your joy that day !Or that Romney has her horse its a great vibe to have a connection with an animal whether its a horse a dog or a spider LOL!!!!

Oh i totally agree Startin i have a long way to go re healing ,trust etc.Im going to more WA counselling 2morrow and will continue for as long as necessary ,loads of things i have never dealt with yet and also lots of heart still needing to catch up with head stuff.I might know how i was meant to be reacting to X b4 but was alwqays overwhelmed when we actually met.Today was different .But then overwhelmed at the baptism so still v raw .

Tea, thanks for the link, but I had been waiting for someone to start the new one. Good luck on your new course, I am thinking its something to do with gems??

Thanks LC for your advice on the dumplings 7 old threads, I know its excellent advice I will try.

Starting, I think I have still got a very long way to go with my journey to recovery, I remember having a chat with my DH about a friend who was having an affair and kept his wife holding on for 7 months going to counselling whilst still seeing the OW and then left for the OW, I remember asking him please never do that to me, as I had been to that place before and never wanted to go there again, and here I am again but finding it so much worse as I loved DH so much more than my XXH.

Patience, I am feeling a tad have a small confession to make. Yesterday I encountered not one but two spiders who had invaded my home. Due to being seriously sick I couldn't muster up my usual nerves & fear & I just calmly got a bit of loo roll & squashed the feckers before flushing them down the loo . Am thinking that's not quite the connection you mean with nature so will vow to do better . On a serious note it's good to be raw & vunerable. I remember being like that & every sad story or sad news used to bring a lump to my throat I was so raw. Like everything it passes & you come out of it stronger.

Rom, it seems really cruel that you have been dealt the same blow twice. Counselling sounds like a good idea to help you come to terms with this. Keep dumping here too, it really helps. I used to find the nights extrememly hard & often stayed on here posting until the twilight hrs but it kept me sane at the time & we also managed to have a good laugh through it all.

Must admit to killing a lot of mice last winter Startin' so i have my limits they were bloody back at the cream crackers last week!Anyway was told this winter is meant to be colder than last year so glad im moving to somewhere with GCH.Ok last bit was a lie still dont want to move will break my heart to drive by this cottage everyday .Boo !I have got so many things to cry about i dont know how i will manage to fit it all in,and didnt buy fags today so rattling a bit .

Christ on a bike, I only fell asleep on the sofa for an hour and you're on no.8. Must tidy the kitchen, back later.

Hope you've reached a turning point, Happy. x

((Hugs)) Patience, I guess you just have to find the positive for now & that the move will be a lovely fresh start for you & dc's. A chance to leave some of the sad memories behind. Despite my good intentions, I've slipped completely backwards on the cigs front & can't muster up enthuasism again to quit!

Patience, I do hope its not going to be a colder winter this year, my poor horse lives out and spent various times last winter standing in a foot of snow for about 2 weeks and I had to walk to feed him for 10 days as I couldnt get there in the car!

Oh, and Im after the rat thats living in my shed at the moment, tried a trap with bacon, not interested so am thinking about resorting to grain with poison, feel bad but its starting smelling really bad in there.

Romney - It's a divorce and separation recovery course I've heard about. Monday night for 8 weeks.

Even now I find I cry easier, whether it's a sad news story or film. I'm far more likely to be tearful than I was when I was supposedly happily married.

Weve got a cage type thing for rats you door shuts behind it when one goes in but it a live trap,didnt need it last yr but mice alot easier to deal with.Startin i dont know re house this one gives me so much joy and i am completely isolated with the trees im just not a townie iwill get ill ,trying to stay positive but i love chopping my own wood and living up a bumpy track,having neighbours is going to kill me .Trying to stay positive but im honestly struggling with this ,i love my coal fire my sheep and my cattle all part of me .I have no sad memories holding me back ,i have never felt like that the DOOM stays with X he leaves it leaves IYSWIM.Anyway nothing i can do about it but if i get bad neighbours i will just have to move again lifes too short.Its going to be fecking claustraphobic.

I swear leaving my home will be the saddest thing i will do this year,even after everything else all the things i had to sell and stop doing, my house and the peace it has brought me just kept me happy .