ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Ok back later got a payg dongle thingy ,will catch up soon.
LC I thought i was dying at the weekend ,have never felt pain like it ,was doing ok but had to see X at the cottage ,totally tipped me over the edge so went for RAGE in the EXTREME then WAILING,my body was feeling that emotion so i just went with it ,I was in a VERY DARK place but Monday was much calmer and i got thru it ,KEEP THE FAITH you can do this mate x

PATIENCE! How goes it sista? You keepin' it real? Alllrrriiighhhttt?

Sorry not sure what came over me So lovely to have you back. Weekend sounded rough.

Waves to all.

Especially welcome back Patience....

And LC, so sorry you r having to suffer so much with XH. Chin up and I'm thinking some time away from him is what you need .

If time permits later I will be posting silly songs. In theory at least I am going to a dance class this eve wtf x

dd spilt jam on the shift key so sorry no capitals

patience so lovely to have you back i am sorry the weekend was so vile , i have visions of you being torn away from your cottage . the only way is up i suppose.

mumfun i totally agree that often we are tarnished with the brush of their internal crisis and so their logic is to leave us and hence the crisis. i feel thats precisely what happened to me and i wonder if over a period of time that is what will surface.

lc keep going and i am afraid i echo teas sentiment that its time to completely end it with xp and that some time apart is needed before establishing access routines etc if that is at all possible. keep posting we are all here for you.

happy enjoy your dancing look forward to songs as long as it doesnt include the birdie song

well i got my final settlement offer today and provided sol is happy we can start moving it forward. xh says he wants to start divorce too and has been waiting for me to do it. i told him since he left and is the instigator of all this he can do it. i await with interest what grounds he will choose , it would have been easier for him if i chose unreasonable behaviour and adultery which are clear cut. i am not in the mood for making it easy for him.

i hope this grey cloud lifts tomorrow as i quite simply dont want to waste yet another day feeling blue over all this.

waves to all

getting - hope you are happy with the offer and that if you are it goes smoothly for you from now on.

How do you feel about you xh pushing for the divorce?

HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO patience so sorry you had a crap weekend, sending you very strong dumpling vibes xxxx

Unfortunately xh has just had his wages halved in order to keep the company he works for afloat so the under these circs its good. Think sol will say accept , hope so.

The divorce ? Funny you should ask because I was yabbering to my cousin how at this stage its meaningless but actually it didnt feel nice hearing that word when it came down to it.

I know you are sorted on the financial side but you arent divorcing are you ?

no we are not divorcing yet but it will happen soon i suppose.

in fact both him and i are both stalling on signing the sep agreement not sure what this means - i think neither of us wants to be responsible for the final blow

Thanks everyone for making me welcome. my heartbreak thread was how to get the truth out of a cheating husband under relationships a couple of weeks back. Sorry I can't provide a link i'm not v savvy on the pc.
LC You are v brave and as others have said on here I think you need a complete break from your x to sort out your head a wee bit. I was v loathe to tell my x to go but I was getting upset and stressed by him on the sofa and my anger mounted. he has gone to stay with a pal this week but as neither of us have family here this is just short term and i don't know what to do next. I have definitely ended it but my wee sister has her big wedding party this weekend and I don't want my bad news to get out yet and spoil her party. i'm inventing an excuse and will go with my 8yr old. I was kind of hoping not to have to tell my 8yr old before Christmas preferably. One thing I have learned is that life goes on regardless and I don't want to spend too much time feeling blue either.
starting over your message gives me hope when I can get my head around all this I might seek advice on what to tell my 8yr old. Jaysus I hate the word divorce i need to get over that.
Good night and warm wishes to you all the sun will rise as usual tomorrow.

Ok this connection must time out or something just lost a big catch up post ,so short and sweet ......
X is a complete tosser def getting divorce asap [in the Spring ]I need someone honest trustworthy and considerate to me emotionally ,X is a self absorbed twat that was never worthy of my love .
Co dependent no more has opened my eyes to loads .I dont get involved with people i dont like or trust anymore ,i just ignore them and do my own thing ,it doesnt matter what they think ,not my problem,i find it all so empowering .I have a long way to go but for the first tiome i really think i am recognising behaviours that i was blind to b4 ,in myself and others ,it is truly an awaakening,
I need to learn to stay away fron X ,what i am looking for he is never going to give me.
I think i will hibernate and read this winter,no support from friends and familly is better than negative support{a good friend told me that and it is very true]Flat has a good vibe and the kids can cycle to school ,bit noisy but its not LONDON FFS!So im a bit more upbeat,I loved my home but living room quite similar ,mad how ur furniture looks in a new place ,mad how you just pack it move it and ur living 5 miles down the road Thankyou for all ur kind thoughts,def need to do an empowerment weekend [cinema and food will do me ]Take it easy ,you lot are my best friends ever !!!

Patience!!! Knew you wouldn't be away for too long .

Just posting a quick update before I try to catch up with everyone's news: after yesterday's events I have agreed that xp can stay until the weekend following the stalking episode - ow and her H sat in their car for over an hour outside my house. I was very frightened but the police rightly pointed out that it isn't an offence to sit in your car so until they actually did someting illegal there was nothing they could do. DS was very shaken by the whole episode and now checks up and down the road before he gets out of the car. So XP feels he should be here just in case, but he has moved his car. It's like Fatal Attraction.

I've had a few rants but things are fairly amicable atm given the bombshell that was dropped yesterday. Just got to keep going until the w/end.

Patience lovely to see your back and newly ensconced in your flat, pleased it has a good feel to it. I hope your spirits lift soon.

LC - be strong and get your mind sorted after a few awful days with mega bombshells!! Do you know what you want now or are going to do. Why is OW husband sitting outside too?

Hi to Karman, getting, tea, sov, pink and all other dumplings, hope today is a good day for you all.

I'm off to Boston to do my Christmas shopping, I even offered to get my DH's DD's Christmas presents while I'm out there, what a mug am I!!!!!!

I had my very first nightmare about all this last night.

I was stood in a garden on a reallu modern house amd h was inside - i could not see him. i heard his voice and he told me he was to going to go for custody of the kids.

my fury and rage just came out in the dream it was really freaky - I can even remember some of the things i said.
one of them was

" just you wait, cos I will bring it to your door, I will fking bring it! you bstard! There's a slow train coming down the track and it is called DIVORCE - you hear that?"

then I shouted
"wooooooooooooo wooooooooooooo"

(just like a train's whistle and i did the arm action !!!!!!)

it sounds funny now but i woke up in a cold sweat.

in fact thinking back i used to have recurring dream a few years ago - back when we were happy.

h and i had broken up
we meet on the street and i have our children with me (i am very poor as i am struggling now that he hs left me as a single mum)
we stand on the street just looking at each other and then a glam blonde comes out of a shop with loads of shopping bags
(her and i look at each other - she is ow)
she links h's arm and tells me they are going on their hols tomorrow to somewhere exotic and she sasheys (sp?) off. H turns round and looks back in my direction where i am stood with our 2 children clearly impoverished and he walks off to follow her.

i had that dream a few times but always dismissed it - perhaps it was a premonition.

Wow WQ really vivid dreams. I laughed about your comment about the train and woo'ing I could see you in my head shouting at him. Horrid though at the time, big big ((hugs)) lady. Because of my faith I always prayed before bed for good dreams. I only had one nasty dream, thankfully, after that I started praying everynight as I couldn't face anymore. [weirdo emoticon]

Hey Patience, glad it has a good vibe and kids can cycle to school. Sounds nice.

LC - ((hugs)) lovely. Rom OW and her H sat outside after the altercation for an hour.

It is 37 years today!
Why? Why? Why?

Oh Citydoll your message makes me feel so sad that he threw it all away. I'm sending you huge ((hugs)) lovely. Can you do anything today to take your mind off it?

Hello everyone,

I am going to the Dr this morning. I need something to help me cope with this sadness We had a lovely life together. There were some ups and downs nothing very bad. I am just like you Citydoll I just think "why". I don't get it.

I could have coped if he had been truley sorry and made it up to me. But this awful feeling that he didn't care. That I wasn't worth the effort is so painful.

WQ - your dreams must have meaning. I laughed at the woooo wooo bit too. Do you think you shouted it out in your sleep? The only dream I remember having recently - I was being burglad and I was pushing this man out of the door and trying to shout for my sister but I couldn't shout. It was like I had lost my voice.

Rom - I hope you have a great time in Boston.

LC - that sounds horrendous with the OW and her H sat outside your house. Crazy.

Tea - your lovely calm advice is so helpful

Patience - good luck in your new home. Your descriptions of the pain are spot on. and then you just seem to bounce back up.

Flip I have to go i'm going to be late for the doc.

Morning all.
OW and her H were waiting to confront xp. OW doesn't believe it's over until xp tells her himself and her H wants her to accept that it's over so that they can start again. Simple, eh?
I have told xp that ow at least deserves an explanation or even just confirmation from him personally but he just can't face her. His choice not mine. Coward.
Never did catch up with all your news last night as I fell asleep so I will read and post later.
Hope today is a good one for all of us. Hugs to Citydoll. x

wq lol at the train dream. i still dream about xh most nights never the same scenario though. i have just learnt to go with it and know when i wake up its fine.

doris and citydoll its just sooo hard but just get through one day at a time one hour at a time if necessary. if you have friends or family who you feel you can say the same things over and over and over again to then do it because it needs to come out. sadly it tends to be the same few issues that circulate endlessly in our heads and even when we cant find answers we continue to ask the same questions. its all part of this process and i promise you it will in time get easier.

well i am determined to be upbeat and am feeling loads better today. i am off for a much needed haircut and i think after is talking about the 2 steps a day thing yesterday i am going to go back to basics and follow it.

today my emotional step is the haircut to feel better

my practical step will be to contact sol with xhs offer

hope everyone is ok the weather here is really wild but i love it [perverse emoticon]

lc hang on are you saying then ow wants to be with xp but once she has heard face to face from him that this isnt possible she will then remain with her h and they will start over ?

also that xp isnt going to be with ow in spite of the fact he isnt going to be with you either?

littlecritter xp isnt going to be with you is he ?

LC Why are you trying to be his moral compass? Why does it matter to you, that he tells her it's over? You're not going to go down the same route as her H, are you? In any case, his cowardice/ambivalence about this speaks volumes.

It has been so hard to see you wanting to believe this affair wasn't ongoing and as you know, I have felt compelled to intervene when it seemed as though you were starting to believe his lies, because they never made sense at all.

I understand your earlier post about not wanting to revisit your Dad's death and confront the reality that your DP was at that point, betraying you, but if that resistance is getting in the way of you making a properly informed decision, have a think about facing your demons.

These are genuine questions which I hope you know are from a good place and with your best interests at heart. Just have a think about why you are still protecting him and offering him sanctuary...

I don't know why I am protecting him and offering him sanctuary.

I am going to be really honest here and say that I am wondering if we could work this out. I think I still love him.

Oh no, I thought so...

LC - I know how you feel that maybe you could make it work with your DP and I think I would probably be the same if I was in your position (in fact I know I would want to try) but would you ever trust him again and how would you get over that awful sinking feeling in your stomach if he was late home etc. That said if you do give it a try and you see you can't trust him the choice would then be yours and not his.

Catch up with you all on Sunday on dumplings no9. Have a good weekend. Be strong ladies. Hugs to you all.

I really appreciate all your support.

lc do you love him as he is now? or do you love the man he used to be?