ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Talking about spiders anyone seen this?

Seems trite to post this now, as this was why I checked the thread and then saw LC's post but maybe it'll help distract for a moment.

Tea, yes it gave me flashbacks. As it happens I'm having my first counselling session tomorrow. This has just made me even more determined to get him out as soon as possible.

Don't talk about spiders. I hate them more than I hate xp!

I'm not a fan of them either.

I'm so sorry for you, I remember vividly how I felt every time another horror story/ skeleton in the closet came out. I hope the counseling is helpful for you tomorrow. Even worse that he's still there. Is there no one he can stay with at all?

He still hasn't told anyone! Even his parents don't know. He has told 3 people that we are "having problems" - his boss, the captain of his cricket team and a girl in his office who has been through something similar.

I really want to keep things cordial, I still have feelings for him but I am about to explode.

My life is hardly uncomplicated without this what with ds and the court case etc etc. I feel like everyone looks at me and says she can cope with anything so we'll throw the lot at her. That's something I want to talk to talk about at counselling. I want people to realise that I have a breaking point and respect that.

And I clicked on the spider link but couldn't even scroll down as I dare not risk seeing a photo of a spider.

Urgh I told his parents almost immediately when I uncovered the affair. His Dad is a good man.

No wonder you want to explode. I need to go to bed but I can't recommend enough actually being honest with important people on the fact the relationship has broken down. It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I didn't drag out all his dirty laundry but stating he'd been having an affair was enough for people to understand who I felt needed to know. He then was almost like a rabbit in front of oncoming headlights But it didn't half jolt him into reality and stop the squirming and not facing up to reality or realising we were truly separating for a while. We of course never did get back together but it was the best thing I did being honest. However every PIL and friends and situations are different. So feel free to bin this advice.

Hi all am lurking but feeling a bit wounded at the moment so not feeling too posty. Will be back though.

Waves to all......

LC clearly theres more to this than is meeting my eye.

At this point in time,irrespective of who he has told what, why is where he is staying your problem ? If he has made the choice to keep schtum about whats going on surely thats a matter for him and he cant expect you to carry the burden of the consequences of that decision. I imagine it because of your ds ? That you dont want him getting wind of his dad being "on the streets" ?

I would be hissing at xp to fuck the fuck off and smile for ds .

What are the new disclosures ? Its a never ending story isnt it.

Happy lurk away we know you're here in spirit

So glad you are still around Happy .

Getting, I don't know why he is staying here. His name is on the mortgage so he is legally entitled to stay here. His finances are dire so affording anything else is difficult but he has a reasonable income.

I think his masterplan was stay with critter until ds is old enough then fuck off with OW. I have rumbled them and he has no plan B.

Honestly, I'm at the end of my tether.

Can he not have the decency after what he has done to consider you at all in this LC?

I know his name is on the mortgage, my H's still is too but the rotter should at least sleep on someones couch and give you some space and boundaries to heal/ grieve. I guess if these blokes were gentlemen though then they wouldn't have cheated in the first place. The sooner he finds somewhere else the sooner you can start to move on. Have you seen a solicitor yet?

Of course the alternative is that he is one of those horrible men who would have just stayed with me until death because it was the easy option. I don't want to contemplate that.

If I hadn't found out then I could have still been with him in 30 years from now. That is the sort of person he is. I have learned so much in the last 3 months.

x posted with you.

What Tea said

I used to call his bluff every time i found out something new ,to see how easily he could lie to me.it sucks lc but i know there are still loads of secrets about my X i will never know.Just tell him to get out,use ur new evidence if you have to but just tell him to get out.I totally understand what you mean about people tjhinking ur strong and dumping on you,i just reckon my X walked out and partied because he knew i could cope ,what a twat ,anyway it is all catching up with him now.You dont need to tell us lc stuff like tht is private but this is making you unhappy you need piece in ur own home just tell him to leave ,pack his stuff and throw it outside ,it worked for me in the summer.

Ok. My intuition says that something has happened to xp today. Something major.

He left his work bag unguarded (unusual) and I took the opportunity to look in it. That is where I found the original eveidence. I found a note that said "I love you more" which is less than 3 months old - it is written on an email printout so it is dated.

But aside from that xp is like a cat on a hot tin roof. He has been for numerous walks - he's out walking now and he keeps saying he has had a rwally bad day. He's been sitting in the conservatory with no lights or tv on with his head in his hands. I am actually feeling sorry for him.

I wonder if he's got the sack?

Then again, why should I give a flying fuck?

Patience, the evidence is sort of irrelevant in a way because we are over anyway. Yes, it proves he was lying but I have already proved that. He is a liar, it's official. This is just confirmation that I was right all along. Men are so weak, aren't they?

He has said he will go tomorrow. Whatever he is in a panic about tonight is something new I think. And he is trying to keep me out of it. It is something major though.

No ,not if you are sure its over ,this is the reap what you sow bit lc,why let his doom seep out over you ?You didnt cause it you cant control it ,just tell it to mope elsewhere unless you want to look after it .

You know even as I was writing I was thinking the same thing . We are over so why am I taking his problems on board? Problems which have the potential to hurt me very deeply.

The thing is, I still love him but I just don't understand why. Is it an emotion that just fades?

XP lc ,i just think when you know its over then cut ur ties or it will make you ill.You are under a lot of stress already lc and need ur space.I just decided i wasnt goin to be the rescuer anymore didnt really realise i had been till he left.

Only very recently lc i have felt like this so nearly a year for me and the 21yo helped me see i wasnt a part of his life anymore ,but my X strung me along til july giving me hope.I will always love him lc but my heart would nt even go back with him now I have seen his true colours but i would say only now i can be happy to see him but be in control,he isnt my husband anymore ,he is a shadow of that bloke.

Oh well, I suppose the best we can do is think about the good times. Otherwise it's a total waste of 14 years.

LC i'm so sorry, there is nothing i can say to make you feel better but i truly hope he leaves tomorrow and gives you the space and consideration you need, in the meantime (((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))

Happy, hope your ok too ((((((HUGS))))))

ah hell (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS FOR EVERYONE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

We dont deserve the shit that we have been given and are still getting from someone who we loved but just remember the good times didn't last forever, so neither will the bad!