ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Patience tried the cage trap with smelly cheese, fish, bacon but he's not interested, obviously too intelligent.

Your house sounds idyllic, I would be sorry to leave as well. I remember having to leave the family home when my first marriage ended, my sister lived next door and our children had grown up with each other more like brothers and sisters, and my mum lived behind. I found that really hard.

Ah Patience, really sorry that it doesn't feel like something positive for you ((Hugs)). It's shite, there's nothing else to say really except I'm sure you will bring your inner peace & serenity wherever you go. But still totally crap that you have to move against your will........

Tea, I did a divorce recovery workshop years ago.

Have you tried chocolate bet he'd riskit for half a mars bar or a couple of hob nobs.Just love my space lived here about 12yrs lived closer to the loch b4 that but still middle of nowhere ,its just an old cottage romney nothing fancy if i cleaned the window frames they would probably fall out but its my trees and my fields i love got pics of dd nose to nose with a big cow at about 11mths in the gardenthru the fence i suppose i have to remember that and hope it is all happening for a reason .

It is so sad you're having to move Patience, the place sounds so wonderful and such abiding memories of that place with your DCs, love the image of your DD face to face with the cow. I've never lived anywhere remote but it sounds truly idyllic (sp?) I have no idea of how painful it must be for you, as I'm not terribly emotionally attached to this place and I'm not having to move but I wanted to send you a ((hug)) and positive vibes. I know being the amazing dumpling you are, you will turn this to good and good things will come to you. I have to believe in Karma.

Night ladies must get to bed as my two wake early x

Ok got the kettle on and found some big cookie things bet mr rattus would love these anyway i am going to eat 3 and go and watch the amazing spitfire ladies of ww2 on bbci player x was on beeb 2 thurs saw it recommended on another thread

Thanks tea, i know ,digging deep to find a positive will all seem better again 2morrow when i resume my sticking head in the sand position x

blurgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yuccckkkkkkkkkkk

had a horrid horrid day - packed up the last of the house and god it was just awful, so very very sad.

cried in font of h could not stop myself

have skimmed thread - sorry i have been a bit crap at offering support recently things have been very sad this last day or two

i think it is the final acceptance.

... but tomorrow is a new day and next week i will be in my new house.

big hugs to all dumplings

Really feel for you Armbow and well done for getting through today. What night is your last night in this house ?

Hope your h feels deep guilt that will haunt him for a long time.

I only hope it though if you hope it too. xxx

Go and watch the spitfire ladies hugely inspirational x

Hi everybody, sorry i posted and haven't returned, things have just been hectic this week. Thank you for asking about me, I'll try and answer your questions as best I can without outing myself.

I can't go into why my affairs were brought up again, but there were valid reasons for it. Really when I think about it, he never let me forget them, he would find a way to slip them into arguments. Not that I would forget them iyswim?

H also moved in with this woman immediately and, after the conversation we have had tonight (which was so surreal its beyond belief) I don't think he has been seeing her. As he has no-one else, it was the only place he had to go.

During the conversation tonight, he has told me that he still loves me but can't be with me and that he isn't sure whether he wants there to be something between him and the woman he lives with and, since I am his only friend was asking my advice on what to do So I tried to take the fact that I am still his wife and love him out of the equation and answer him as a friend It broke my heart all over again.

It was my birthday yesterday and was totally shit, not having a 'happy birthday wife' card. OTOH I went out on sat night and got chatted up a few times which really boosted my ego Must go out more often!

To those of you who are moving, I really feel for you. It's bad enough being dumped without having to up sticks and move too. I'm lucky in that X is letting me have the house and most things in it. Good job too cos I'm very sentimental.

Likewise for those of you who are having problems with access. Children are not toys that can be picked up and put down when they feel like it, it's about time they are adult enough to realise that.

Rom, I find that staying up until stupid hours in the morning (like now) helps me sleep. If I get to the point where I'm shattered before I go to bed I sleep quite well. I hope you sleep well tonight.

Some posts on here mention different stages of moving on, could anybody help me out? I have no idea which stage I am at.

Sorry I'm of no help to anyone, I'm totally shit at giving advice, but hope you all have a peaceful day tomorrow xx

Wow, sorry for the mammoth post, got a bit carried away!

Please can I join too.

I need some of your strength. I can't get over my H's affair.

Hey Doris, welcome, you can find support here as much as you want

Chyler good to see you back cant believe X has asked for advice, im sorry but i would have said no it's too painful and uncomfortable and yay for ego boost :o

AB so sorry you having shit time, tomorrow will be a fresh start and a new chapter i wish you all the luck in the world and hope to hear it went swimmingly

(((hugs for all))) had a bad day (knew i would) and found myself crying again, am hoping it's now out of my system till the next time he decideds to stir things up which hopefully will be a long time

Patience I understand how you feel. I try mostly successfully to buy into the fresh start thing but I dont want to move either. I put everything into this place transforming it from a sad old house into something lovely. My dc have spent most of their lives here and its a great place for them and their friends.

As per serenity prayer I am accepting what I cannot as best I can.

AB

Welcome Doris

Welcome back Chyler

Sorry you had a bad day Starting I have a feeling I have one ahead of me, actually I sort of want to cry because I can feel the tension but cant release it

cannot change

Thinking of you today Armbow. Where are you staying until your new place is ready?

First day of the court case today but as it is 100 miles away and just the plea we're not attending. I have never met the lad that did it and I would prefer not to have an image of him in my mind. Fingers crossed he pleads guilty.

Patience, I saw the Spitfire ladies documentary last week. Amazing women, I had no idea.

Welcome, Doris. Hello to all dumplings.

Monring eveyrone - syating with my patrents until new place is ready next Monday - trying to stagger it a bit so it isn't too emtional

it wsa ust the emptiness of the place that really got to me tbh. i know it is the bext thing to leae becuase i felt the place was suffocating me but when you see everything boxed up ewwww it is horrible.

this week is going to be tough h goes off on hols with ow on sat

welcome to all newbies and big hugs to old friends

patience - hope you are finding some peace with regards to your move, it was my decision to leave my house as you know so double double hugs for you because i know you don't want to leave. try on concentrate on building new memories into the wall of the new place you will be going to.

getting - hope you are ok, are you moving soon then - i knwo you were looking at a house the other day - i think a renovation proect could be just what you need tbh, kind of like building you own kindgom ifyswim.

LC - you are your son are in my thoughts today - what he went through sounds truly awful - sending mega dumpling vibes for you both

happy - hope you are ok, i have been thinking of you.

starting - hope this week goes ok for you too, and that you are on the mend. so sorry you had so much fear with your xh, you are so brave and so calm considering it all, just get through this last bit - get all the legals sorted and you will be home free.

hi tea - thinking church might be a good idea for me too - like the idea of a calm place to go every week tbh.

hi pink - thanks for your kind words, your inspirational post made me want to stand up and applaud - loved it!!!! you should do that more often

Romney - tea mentioned you had a thread - can you link to it please so that i can understand your story??? thanks. hope you are ok today , the early days are hard work but i am only 3 months in and apart from the odd blip ow i am
much happier now, the ladies on here can vouch for my recovery and how far i have come and honestly without this thread i don't think i would have got through it quite so well.

chyler, i posted something on here a while back put the stages i will try and find and link happy birthday for yesterday and glad you got some ego stroking that always helps doesn't it?

dorris - you are in the right place for support

www.recentlyseparated.co.uk/checklist-emotional-stages-separation.html

for chyler - i found this quite helpful - i think it is final acceptance for me at the moment tbh.

btw i only came through this so fast because h had dithered around and left a couple of times before he finally went 3 months ago so i had a bit of a head start !!

right just read through my post - going to start reading them back before i post from now on !!!!

far too many typos to correct so if i said anything odd - oops

for example i think i told you lc that you are your son i of course meant to say you and your son !!!!!!

Romney's thread

Hope it was ok to link it Romney?

Welcome back Chyler and hello to Doris. Please feel free to share your story, or vent on here.

I need to go and do some studying for my OU course, so I've only skim read most things but I'll try and catch up later better.

Chyler, my instinct from your first post was that your situation has v little to do with you being unfaithful at the start of your relationship. It seems your x is using that to justify his own behaviour. Sorry you had such a crap b'day, hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon.

Welcome Doris.

Armbow, really sorry to hear you had such a crap day yesterday. Lets hope the worst is now behind you & that things will start to get easier from here on in ((Hugs)). Thank you for your kind words you made me well up.

Tea, best of luck with your OU course, it will boost your confidence no end & give you a new focus

LC, hope you've had some good news & that he pleaded guilty.

Getting, hope you've managed to release those tears & that you are feeling a bit better now.

Sov, you are bound to be v raw emotionally with all the crap you've had to deal with from x. Hope you're having a better day today.

Patience, likewise hope you're feeling a bit more positive today.

Happy, hope things are looking a bit brighter for you today.

Waves to Pink, Mumfun & anyone I'm forgetting (list is getting longer!)

Heard stuff about xh today that makes me hope to god that he'll emigrate & be gone from our lives. I went to the church today to pray that he is removed from our lives & that my dc's & I will be protected from him. Tbh after what I've heard today the financial stuff is the least of it. I am holding onto blind faith now that the people who loved me & who died last year will protect me & dc's, I can't entertain anything else. The only ray of light in this awful mess is that he is still with the 24 year old & I hope to god that will be enough to keep his focus away from me & dc's. Hopefully he is now seeking the meeting with the intention of cutting ties & moving on.

Starting how old is your ex to be with a 24 year old? I have had a bad day, lost it with ex on the phone and was swearing at him like some banshee!! I really don't know if I can do this, how do you ever get to a good place, bearing in mind I've been here before I can't see that light at the end of this very dark tunnel!

Hope the move wasn't too painful armbow.

Any news LC ?

Starting I hope all your prayers are answered and that the closure you deserve is around the corner.

Hope you are feeling ok AB. Yes I have been tempted to go to church as a kind of spiritual haven but as I am not religious I dont know if that would be acceptable iyswim.

Rom it will get lighter but sadly there are no shortcuts its the passage of time. Keep posting and venting thats what we are here for.

I had forgotten about that course Tea I will be interested in your views.

Well been to see my bf who is very poorly with MS which is always a reality check for me, she was bad today . Trying hard to pull myself together but feel withdrawn still have made the dc a nice supper so thats good.Still no news from xh re money and it occurred to me I have no idea how long it will take so need to get a grip because it could be ages although according to him he wants to be full speed ahead.

Still there is also the Inbetweeners to look forward to later

Hey Ladies,

todays been ok so far, it just seems to be for about 2 days after a confrontation that i start feeling shit again but im coming out the other side :o

A few times i've been at my local shop and whoever i have been with has noticed X's car either approaching shop or leaving when we've been nearby (i'm never the one to spot it as i couldn't give a shit im not very observant lol) It's starting to piss me off tbh, why cant he go to another shop? theres plenty of them around ffs it did make me chuckle today as he obviously came to shop, seen me and DC and spun the car round and drove off lmao, he's such a coward.

Hope it's been a good day for all today and if it wasn't (((hugs)))