ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

By the way my lovely dumplings this book was recommended on the course and I'm going to order it and have a read.

Just had a hair cut at a friends before coming back here again. It's now bobbed (sp?) with a fringe, not entirely sure about it all but I wanted a change again...

I am reading and lurking on here but I'm very tired today and need to do some studying for my OU course whilst DS is asleep and DD is at Pre school. I'll try and stop doing me me me posts later and actually try and respond to some posts on here

((hugs)) to all the newbies on our fab thread x

Hi Tea I ordered it too even tough there was only 1 review ?

at your haircut I know my hair is nice but I have looked like this since I was a teenager - well the hair bit anyway

Just a quickie cos like Tea I must be a good girl and not spend all day on MN but if you want a smile go on Lone Parents and check out the What are you no nos for a date its really funny !!

I think it must be out of print at the moment which is why only second hand copies are for sale and hence only one review on there. Some of the things he mentioned from the book last night resonated with me. Hope it is good now you've gone and bought it too

Afternoon Fellow Dumplings. Well I'm back to my positive vibrant self again tg. A combination of the meeting with xh that's planned & the stuff I heard slowly dragged me back into his world & I only realised how much this morn. Had a low point this morn where my confidence was shattered. I felt the doom & blackness setting in. I rang two v close friends who have known me & xh pretty much since the start & who know all the stuff that's happened with xh over past two yrs. Firstly I couldn't get hold of either of them but then they both rang me back one after another. Talking things through with both of them gave me back my clarity on the situation. I doubted myself this morning because I was thinking I must have been married to a monster all those years & been completely blind to it. I was doubting my judgement because I was thinking why did I genuinely think he was mostly a good man (with issues yes but haven't we all) for so many years. Both these people know xh v well & have access to his world through other friends & people etc. They both instantly clarified that no xh was not like this in the past, was in fact the complete opposite in that he strived to do a lot of good etc. Yes he was prone to being erratic etc but no real badness. They both clarified that he slowly started to slide about 3 yrs ago & that it's only since we separated 2yrs ago that he started to become what he is today. I really really needed to hear that this morn because the thought that I might have lived & had dc's with someone capable of doing the stuff that he is doing today & have been blind to it would destroy me.

Neither of these friends are the type to tell you what you want to hear & in fact in the past have often pulled me up or put me in my place about stuff or told me stuff that I'd have preferred not to hear but was indeed the truth. Therefore I trust their judgement on this. They both pointed out stuff to me that would prove that xh was the polar opposite to what he is today. I feel so relieved. My clarity is back. I can see the traits in xh that lead us to where we are today. After all the counselling I did I know exactly what attracted me to him & how our relationship has enabled me to deal with a lot of my own issues. Once again I am taking the positive from all this.

You will all prob think I'm weird & have lost my marbles when I say this but a strange thing has happened over past 24hrs. I believe in the angels & spirit world & that they will help us if we ask. I have been asking for their support, help & guidance since this stuff started to break again. This morn my front garden & back garden are full of white feathers (white feathers are associated with angels/spirits). I mean hundreds of tiny white feathers, the younger two didn't notice but my eldest mentioned it straight away. I checked my neighbours houses this morn & there is not one feather anywhere else, they stop at the end of my driveway. There was also one inside the house right in front of where I keep a pic of my brother, mil & aunt who all died last year.

The message I am taking from all of this is that me & my dc's are protected & will be fine. That xh was the lovely kind man I saw & lived with but that he lost his way.

I don't think you have. As the ticket conductor says in the polar express film, some things that you cannot see are the most real things in this world, or something similar. Starting I wish I could give you a ((hug)) I'm sorry you've been hit with this rubbish in the last few days but I am glad you've also found the positive and are feeling better. I definitely as you know like to think there's something out there. More ((hugs)) lovely lady x

sometimes the things that you cannot see are the most real things in this world

I think that's it actually. LOL I clearly watch that film too often, I know its about Santa but it resonates with me on another level with some of the stuff said. See I'm the weirdo

Glad you are feeling happier Starting and I can understand why you would want work through it to reassure yourself you werent blind but he changed.

Thats what happened to my xh too but for a clear reason and not such a dramatic turnaround either.

No email from xh yet.Sigh.

I have been accepted onto a funded decent qualification computer course to day so thats good.

I have my rl dumpling friend coming over tonight so we will have a good catch up I hope and a rant no doubt.

That explains it Tea anyway for £2.76 I am prepared to take a chance

Thanks Tea & glad you got your hair cut, a change is always nice

Getting, you have fab hair as it is so I can understant that it would be a v hard move to change it. Sorry you haven't got that email yet .

Enjoy your catch up with friend Getting.

Unless you're really sure I'd leave your lovely hair alone. My style is growing on me now. Maybe I'll upload a pic to my profile on mumsnet for you all to see.

Hello all. Quick post as I'm off to work tonight. No good news from the Critter household I'm afraid. Accused pleaded not guilty so ds has to appear as awitness for the prosecution in February. Dodger the dog failed the cat test miserably so we have to look for a more cat friendly dog and xp is back staying in the house again. No sign of a flat yet. Feel like I'm in limbo at the moment.

Evening all

LC, sorry your back in limbo and the court case didnt go well ((hugs))

Tea, yay for haircut, am still saving to get mine :(

Starting, It's great you can be reassured that your X changed am glad that your feeling better now :o

Getting, yay computer course and even better that it's free :), hopefully email wont be too long for you

Chyler, hope your day was ok today, and your X is very selfish to call and complain to you he's missing OW, next time tell him to call someone who gives a shit cares and yes i think X being at the shops is a coincidence, he certainly wouldn't stalk me, for that he'd have to care and he doesn't

Welcome Meemar ((hugs)) :o

Romney, enjoy your time away and try to relax :)

Hope your ok Doris ((hugs))

Waving to Patience, Pink and everyone else, hope you have had good days today :)

Mine's been odd today, think it's hormones (TOTM) but this evening i had to listen to DS3 crying for an hour for his dad :( :( &

What am i supposed to do? i have no answers and dont want to say he doesn't want to know you :( i just say i dont know where he is or when your going to see him :(
should i call him? i dont want to go chasing after him, i want him to want to see them and make the first move but it really broke my heart when DS3 sat there and said " no dont want you, want daddy" :( :(

Oh Sov that is so sad, can you do anything nice with him to take his mind off it all? I used to say "your daddy loves you very much but he doesn't live here anymore" to my DD but she was 2 and a bit when we separated. Of course my H did see them regularly so looking back I was lucky there. Do you think you could say something like he isn't very well but when he sorts himself out he'll come and see you, or do you think that would make it worse, or make the little one worry for him? It is so awful that he doesn't see them. I know your heart must be aching to see your LOs in pain, you're doing a great job taking care of 4 DCs, sending you massive ((hug)) lady. Maybe Starting will have some suggestions as hers haven't seen their dad in a long time. All this stuff I've typed seems so trite when this situation must be so hard for you. Type whatever you need to on this thread to let it out. Things will get better, they will get used to it but it must be horrid right now. More ((hugs)) lovely x

It was a friend who cut my hair on the cheap, she cuts from home.

I'm so sorry to hear about the dog LC and your DS having to testify in court Really hope your X finds a place soon.

Waves to everyone,just thought id say often when i post like i did last nite i am talking out loud to myself and using the thread as a blog if you like.Its good to write down how you are feeling and it is interesting when you all think i am sounding so positive,i guess i am just accepting the situation now and getting on with it.Sol wrote to me today to say she had written to X .Not half as emotional ie havent shed one tear over it as oppposed to the last time when it all got postponed.Anyway really busy loads to sort out and going to order supplies,pretty terrified but wtf think it will be a laff and everyone sending positive vibes.
Glad ur finding some peace Startin ,love ur white feather story like you i feel my angels are with me everyday and give me signs ,i find it comforting and inspiring,another day of my no smoking no laptop on during the day and i am def more chilled.Better vibe in the house although ds has started replying "Yes my master"when i ask him to do something.Dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing but im just going with it today .Waves to everyone Happy mumfun et al x

Sov i used to say that daddy was a bit mixed up just now but he loves you both very very much,dd would cry she was worried for her daddy ,and if they hurt themselves they will always ask for him.Its difficult to be neutral and not give ur own POV cos i was raging he upset my kids and like you Sov could not imagine he could ever affect the kids emotionally by not seeing them.So sad dodger has gone lc ,sending you strength thru this time re court.Getting my hair cut on friday so looking forward to it,glad you like your new do.Sov got a new dress knee length was going to wear black ribbed tights dont want heels but what do u suggest re shoes.Waves to Chairmum hope your cool !

Waves to all....

Feeling slightly mortified about my emotional outpouring earlier but as Patience said I too tend to use this thread as a dumping ground!

Tea, your hair looks lovely . She did a great job!

LC, really sorry to hear that your ds now will have to testify . I went through that type of thing with xh so I know what a strain it can be ((Hugs)). Xp being back must be v hard also.

Sov, as Tea said I did indeed go through that stuff with dc's. It rips your heart out when they are crying for their father like that. I've got a lot of professional help to make sure I handled it right with dc's (but also because they witnessed violence when I was waiting for xh to be removed from house). The advice I was given was to ALWAYS give the truth in a SIMPLE age appropriate way. Therefore I went into a lot more detail with eldest (10) & kept it v simple for other two who are now 3 & 5 but were a yr younger then. I told them more or less what Tea said, that Daddy was unwell (true as he was mentally unwell & I'd say fits the mark in your case too) & needed to sort himself out atm but that it was nothing to do with them. At the time during a visit to santa when he said something about mummy & daddy, dd who was two piped up "Daddy gone, needs to sort himself out", Santa nearly collapsed with shock . I have to say however that dc's are v resiliant & once they have one stable parent will be ok. I did things like got them to express their feelings through art, eldest started keeping a diary of how she was feeling & we had great fun when they were angry by kicking a beanbag (this really helped them to physically release the anger). The feelings will alternate from anger to sadness so it's important that they release them. I guess the most important thing I did was gave them my time to listen to them when they needed to talk (was v draining at times especially with eldest but well worth doing).

The most important thing of all however that I'd advise is to look after yourself as much as humanly possible because if you're ok, dc's will be ok. ((Hugs))

Patience, wishing you every success in the world with your new business

Think thats the thing with my laptop Startin it was seriously eating into ,my day .I ran late constantly and was missing out on those little 5 min chats that are so important to little people ,but Lord did i need it to keep me sane b4 and it is def a balance i would say between things like fags ,laptops and such ,it gets you by but i will try and focus on other things if i can now .But if i lapse so what ,i know im trying my best but nice to be sitting watching scooby doo and have an empty head.I took dcs to the park today and met a lovely lady, we talked loads and in the last 5 mins she told me that she was recovering from cancer and i said X had walked out and everything had gone tits up this year.We both had this lovely relaxed attitude and she wished me well with my business[many thanks startin]I feel a huge seasonal rush upon me already LOL! and i havent even started yet !

Well done Getting on doing computer course, I should do one too butI'd rather eat 1000 dead slugs.

LC...so sorry about your son having to go to court and SO dissapointing about the dog...you'l find another, it wasn't meant to be.

Don't be mortified Starting, it's good to get it all out.

Glad you're finding the course useful Tea.

Love to everyone

You ok Happy ?? Where are you ?

Love to all too.

Very very busy at the moment so cant post much

(()) to those having tough times.

Hi to newbies. Sorry youre on this thread but you couldnt get a better bunch of dumplings :)

Im going to book myself ticket for Mumsnet night out on end November as want to go.

Have just taken delivery of 2 new pairs of boots and lovely embroidered coat with fur cuffs and collar. Fab.

Will catch up more in a couple of weeks but will def book my Mumsnet ticket meanwhile :)

Hi Mumfun, glad you posted, I thought I'd killed the thread.............

could i have opinions please :) tahnk you thread

Hi its very quiet today

So sorry LC what a nightmare for your family

Sov I would send the photo. Starting used a phrase ages ago which was "keeping her side of the street clean" which is what this would come under.

Got my email and I am going to think about it just feel drained and a bit peaky.

Going away tomorrow until next week , it my wedding anniversary sunday which was when this all began and I just want to get through that.

I think I will have to leave MN party because its weekend of ds birthday. Maybe we should do a Festive dumpling meet up ...

Hope you are ok Happy

Waves to everyone

Just checked out the haircut Tea look great bit of a transformation from the Thomas the Tank photo

Feeling rather sick. Just found evidence that everything that xp told me about the affair with ow being over more than a year ago is a pack of lies. Even though we are no longer a couple he still can't be honest. I wish he would go away now. He's staying here again tonight. What can I do???? I'm getting desperate.

Oh a festive meet up would be fab. Since the Thomas weekend I've had a choppy shoulder length style with a fringe but at the meet up it was well over due a decent hair cut, so it wasn't really doing me justice.

Oh LC ((hugs)) my H never could be honest about the affair, even after splitting more crap came up about when it began etc. It's just a horrid horrid feeling and it used to send me into flash backs about things I remember he said or that happened at the time and make me feel sick too. The pain and hurt all comes back to the surface. I can't remember are you having counseling? It saved my sanity as I was such a bag of emotions at times. Feel free to type on here anything you need to get out. More ((hugs))