ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Rom, agree with Getting that the only way through this is step by step, tear by tear, you will pay a price for any shortcuts & tbh I think we all deserve to come out of this free & happy. You will be too but you've to go through the grief first. Try to do at least one nice thing for yourself everyday, anything that makes it easier.

Xh is 55 & it's been a long hard road. I couldn't give a flying f**k about him being with a 24yo. I feel desperately sorry for her though, she's foreign & to all intents & purposes bought . She prob thinks she's landed on her feet but he's now devoid of emotion & will dump her as quick as he tires of her .

Getting, I think the church is a v peaceful place & I love going there when there's nobody else there & lighting candles etc. I'm certainly not religious & don't believe you have to be to find solace there . So sad to hear about your friend, must be v hard to watch her like that, things like that certainly put everything else into perspective.

Sov, glad to hear you're back in form. Eventually the good days get more & more .

will catch up tomorow.

That link that Patience did the other day. I suggested to the poster that she put it on 'relationships' as it's busier than where she'd put it but still not many posts. I've just bumped it for her.

Dealing with life after betrayal.

if you fancy posting on her thread.

Or more acuratly

"Healing from Heartbreak after Betrayal"

shame for it to dissapeer so soon.

xxx

Just a quick post ladies.

Just had a call from a clearly tipsy xp. First of its type since he left.

Anyway hes apologising for being nasty about a couple of things over money last week.

Then repeating himself about wanting to keep amicable and how we can sort this out.

Might be the booze but I have a wild feeling of elation that his offer is going to be good and I will know tomorrow one way or the other.

Hi, i just thought I'd pop on your thread to say hello. I know a few of you have looked at my blog and I hope it has been of some use!

For those who don't know I found out in feb that my husband was cheating on me with a 19 year old. He is 37 and we have 3 children. The youngest was 3 months old at the time. He left me for her and I personally think that he has lost the plot and is suffering from some kind of emotional crisis.

Life is generally good and I'm healing like mad with a good dose of spirituality and treating this like a life lesson to grow from!

Having said that, I burst into tears today when a mum at school said "you've lost a lot of weight" and I had to say "that's what happens when you get dumped". She was very lovely. I live in quite a small town and it's hard to remember who knows and who doesnt. And I haven't cried when telling anybody for months. Strange how sometimes those emotions just need to come up

Other than that it has been a great day and I'm glad I've plucked up the courage to post on your thread - I was feeling a bit shy about it

and thank you pinksmarties for the bumps to my thread x

Have had a really positive day today re strength ,I havent smoked,i havent got stressed and i havent turned on the computer til kids went to bed.Worked out i had lost a bit of my routine since August started smoking again ,wasnt eating,and was escaping my life thru the net,so today made a big effort to find my chilled vibe again.Counselling was teary so thats always good but keep feeling i have moved away from X although i still have a connection.Its all about my dcs now ,i want to be the mum i always aimed to be and i will work hard now to be that mummy.I understand why i lost that for a bit ,its called coping ,but they need me calm and relaxed and happy and today i really thought "I can do this "
Waves to meemar
ur typos make me laff AB ,keep up the good work
Hope it went well lc.

I would say my positive day was i managed to "Keep Calm and Carry On"without losing my serenity ,a true milestone for me ,i will take all the stress factors out my life from this day forth,i will not give them any space in my head ,i will learn to have more time for journeys and be in the right place at the right time.I will make my children my priority and not let anyone come between my quest for peace in my home .I will make time for daily meditation at the start and end of my day.I shall enjoy my positive behaviour relecting onto my children and reflecting back onto me ,i feel a long way from true healing but i feel a confidence from the path i walk now.
Also giving a big shout out for dalmation jasper,havent carried it for a while but def could feel a change in me.

dalmation jasper Ok i knew it was meant to help with stopping smoking but hand on heart i didnt know the rest ,i love my crystals they never let me down ,i am not shocked by that description in the link it just makes me smile and feel safe .Sometimes it is just good to carry what you are drawn to that day ,and last night i put the jasper in my hand when i fell asleep,had a broken nites sleep but v refeshed in the morning,like a new start ,have felt very lethargic mentally in the last few weeks .

Thanks for the link armbow, it's really good to know that all these emotions are normal, I do seem to bounce between them. Sorry you had such a crap day yesterday and that this week will be tough for you too. I kind of understand where you're coming from, the ow/not ow that xh is living with is abroad atm and he is going out there later this week to meet up with her and her friends. I fully expect them to announce they are a couple on their return, but can't prepare myself for how i will feel about it. He's just been on the phone bleating on about how much he misses her ffs we have only been separated for 8 weeks! so i cut him short and hung up, have switched the phones off cos i just can't deal with hearing it.

Sov - glad to hear you're starting to feel better now, do you think it's just coincidence that your x turns up where you are or is he stalking you

Getting, sorry to hear you're feeling down, i hope you get the outcome you want tomorrow x

meemar, i can't imagine how hard it must have been for you with 2 children and a 3 month old. Glad to hear that life is good for you now though

Starting, the advice you gave to rom is great, about doing something for yourself, something i should do i think. So I shall grab my giant bag of maltesers out the cupboard later I also never thought of going to church for some peace, I may try that one too.
I assume the stuff you heard today about xh is bad, does he have any plans to emigrate?

LC, i don't know what the court case is about, but hope it went your way today.

Tea, hope the course went well

Hi Doris, I'm a newbie on this thread too, the ladies on here are lovely

Wishing everyone a peaceful night and hope for a good day tomorrow.

Now, where's those maltesers....

LC I hope you are ok .

Meemar a very warm welcome.

Is anyone around still ? Yes I know what you mean about lethargy patience , its like when I am stressed with h stuff I have to force myself to go and buy food have a shower and all the everyday stuff I sort of shut down. You sound very very on form tonight though..hope you get another good night

Got back about 20 mins ago, took a detour when map reading to get to the course in London as I missed my turning and didn't realise for quite a while! LOL. So I was 15 mins late in the end. Best bit tonight was this:

Holding onto hope

However hard things are, there is hope for us all. We have a failed relationship; we are not failures ourselves. We have other successful relationships, talents and skills. We can hold onto hope.

Some practical steps may be to take the focus off ourselves, to have human contact, and to be distracted by other interests or activities.

Six ways to help deal with the pain on a daily basis:

1. Take one day at a time
2. Understand that you are grieving - healing will take time
3. Appreciate others
4. Count your blessings at the end of each day
5. Enjoy laughter
6. Help others

We will adjust to our new set of circumstances, and can learn from our experience of breakdown to make the future better.

This week also had a graph about the stages to recovery which was quite interesting. Lots of testimonies from people who'd separated 3 years ago or more and how things are for them now, that type of thing. There was about 45 people there of varying backgrounds and male and female. Seemed to me that 75% were there due to an affair by their partner. This week was about facing the effects of what has happened. The following weeks are communication and resolving conflict, letting go and moving on, legal and moral issues, managing other relationships and finally being single and moving forward. There's no way I can truly do justice to what's discussed there but it seems very good. It started with a meal before hand, they'd split everyone into groups. I'm in the group with young children, there were other groups such as no children, older children and children had left home.

Anyway I'm probably not making any sense as I'm soo tired and must go to bed but I did think a lot of stuff this week we'd walked through on our thread and advised each other of already and how wise the dumplings are on our thread and how much this forum has made a difference to my life.

Hi to the newbies, I'm still pretty new. Sorry ladies but had a really really shit day. Had counselling this eve which was very tearful too. Just a day were I can't shake that awful sick feeling.

I'm off to take my DC for a break tomorrow but my ds is taking his laptop so will carry on posting, will need you ladies more as I won't have my support blanket from home.

Meemar I think your right in thinking your dh is having a crisis, 19 that's madness!

Have a lovely day tomorrow ladies.

Thanks Getting i think saying i want to make my dcs priority might be confusing as in of course we all do,but what i mean is i had this blackness around me which was making it difficult for me to be the person that i wanted to be and after this weekend i feel i have moved forwards enough to never let anything disrupt our relationship like that again,i think a lot of my anger was stored up inside me , my X had given me all this emotional upset to deal with and leave me to bring up the kids .But you know what ,i did it and i will continue to keep doing it ,step by step,day by day.

Patience, you are sounding all fired up & ready to embrace your new life . Well done on the cigs!

Welcome Meemer, sounds like you have done a great job of getting your life back on track .

Cyler, that your x would treat you so badly. Good move to unplug the phone & malteesers sounds like a great option . Stuff I heard about xh today was bad indeed but I have sadly become accustomed to xh being attached to bad stuff . He hasn't had access to dc's for a long time so I'm just apprehensive that the issue of access might be raised on Thurs. I am hoping he'll emigrate because his business closed down recently but saying that it's prob wishful thinking on my part & really I've no reason to think he'd do so except that he is v attracted to the country his present girlfriend is from

Tea, course sounds great & thanks for posting tips.

Getting, that sounds fab about your x & settlement. Lets hope he's had a good attack of the guilts

Rom, ((Hugs)) I had so many crap days but all you can do is get through them & it really does get easier. Do lots of nice things for yourself atm, it really does help. I used to find painting my nails, a lavander bath, family sized portions of trifle etc all helped!

Have three days in college this wk so busy week.

Patience, I wish i was half as strong as you are

Chyler, you are every bit as strong as Patience, you just need to nurture yourself & be gentle with yourself for now & your strength will shine through.

Watch the spitfire ladies! All in their 80s with perfect nail polish ,extremely feminine feminists could fly 76 different types of plane lancaster bombers hurricanes spitfires truely amazing.One lady was such a vibrant shining star and lost both her true loves in the war .1 in 10 of the ladies died just a thoroughly inspiring story about life being for living and we mustnt waste a minute as our time spent here is precious, so keep moving on til you find your path to follow and if it means losing the love of your life for whatever reason, we can cope ,we will pick ourselves up and keep living our lives because we are all much loved people and we will all find peace x

Thanks for that Starting, it's made me feel all warm inside Upluggin the phone and switching the mobile off is good for now, I feel more relaxed because I know he can't get in touch with me (he can't come here because DS1 & 2 are staying at theirs) but I also feel impending doom because I know I will have to face it tomorrow.

I agree that Tea's course sounds great, I've never heard of them before.

Romney, I hope you and your DS have a fab time xx

Very wise words there Patience. When is it on?

its on bbci player ,last thursday night .
Re strength it truly is an attitude to life that we all have but as the months go by you start losing so many of the bad days and see more of what YOU want from life and what is important,nobody is going to do it for you or indeed can do it for you,you just have to pull on those boots and start walking your path to a new happier life.

Patience, what wonderfully wise words, I will try and watch it when I get back, it might inspire my to kick myself up the arse and get on with life.

Morning Ladies.

Chyler why would you want to hear about how much your ex is missing his gf ffs . I agree with Starting do one nice thing for yourself every day even if you have to force it to start with.

Tea course sounds great and thanks for passing on stuff you heard, I know a lot of it may have cropped up on the thread before but sometimes I think we cant hear thses things enough

Starting when did xh last actually see your dc ? Am wishing him on a long haul flight very soon

Patience you sound full of fabulousity again today. I hope you would agree that the place lots of us dumplings find ourselves in now has been arrived at over a long period of time spent healing, grieving,raging and a whole host of other emotions. I too feel like I am now walking towards a new happier life but for newer dumplings dont feel in any way inadequate that you are not ready to get on with life and actually at the moment you want to just crawl into a hole and hide. The desire to pick yourself up and shake yourself off will come in time.

I am off to start a 4 week Excel computer class in a minute. I would rather be boiling my head but I have to get to grips with this computer lark [bored emoticon]

Waves to all see you later

Hi all, I read your thread Romney and it's very similar to the way I feel, ie loving him too much etc. I'd have done anything for him,(including wiping his arse in his old age.)

However when the divorce came and I saw the depths of his twuntishnes and what a crap Mc Dad he has become it help my love for him dimminish.

Hi to Chyler, Doris and Meemar.

Love to everyone else, all sounds quite traumatic Starting, your h never fails to drop bombshells does he. Have a fantastic time away Rom.

Love and strength to Getting, Happy, Mumfun, Chair, Tea, Sov. Armbow and LC. Seems like everyone's having a bit of a crap time.

XXX