That horrible Gut feeling...

[Ipom]

Long story short...

We were going to move to Aus as a family, he had a panic attack/midlife crisis and went on his own without telling me.

We are now trying to work through it. However...

I use FB and use my farm..I asked HIM if I could use his account to make another farm..he said yes.

Ok fair enough..today, I went on his account and found a message to one of the dad at the kids school to talk to him on Skype instead as I have acess to his FB account.

Well, someone isnt very cleaver as I caught a message in chat..starts off as bloke talk and pretend bloke bragging...then one sentace catches my eye.."what are the babes like out there? I only got the last half of that message you lucky fucker"

HE replies.."banging the arse of a chinese bird at the weekend"
"Dont you miss Ipom and the kids then?"
"Yeah I do actually"

I know feel as though I've been punched in the stomach..It could be taken as blokes just talking and acting like prats as they do but something is screaming at me..and I dont like it.

Am I going mad? Should I trust my instinct and end it now?

I know it's a difficult question but I cant think of what else to do?

It's not looking good is it?

No point asking the dad at the school as he wont say a word to me..I cant and dont want to hack into his skype account (although i am very curious now).

I have done the only thing I can for now and sent a text..Dont lie to me or give me excuses. Yes or no...have you been getting laid?

I feel sick.

please excuse the spelling, my fingers are not going as quick as my mind at the moment.

Oh dear .

When did you send the text? I wouldn't involve the other bloke unless you know for certain he will tell you the truth, but how will he know if your p has been getting laid?

I sent the text a few hours ago - I doubt I will hear anything till tomorrow or tonight at the earliest.

As for the other dad (who is very creepy and puts almost every woman at the school gates on edge) it's the kind of thing they do talk about, but with HIM..it's hard to tell if he is joking or telling the truth.

It doesnt help that I have little trust in him at the moment and I thought I was doing well..and building it back up..but today has thrown me.

Oh ipom :( it doesn't look good.

I hope it was just stupid banter.

God, what a pig. You are lucky he's on the other side of the world - if I were you, I'd leave him there.

Why did you ask him, when the answer was staring you in the face? He'll be full of excuses now. You should just copy and paste that part of the conversation, email it to him with a two word subject header.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but to me, there's one clear answer to this.

Ipom :(

If it was bragging, he is an arse if he was telling the truth he is a twat.

Sorry - I know that feeling and I wouldnt wish it on anyone else.

God, sorry you're going through this. I think I remember you posting about your situation before.

I would also cut and paste the conversation as atswimtwolengths has suggested.

What a fuckwit.

If it was me I'd be hacking into his Skype account, but not suggesting you do that. It's not the right thing to do, but I wouldn't be able to help myself....

How rubbish.

how awful. why will you have to wait until tomorrow? Or tonight earliest. Surely he has a mobile phone on, no matter what the time difference.?

It was all ended when he upped sticks and went to Aus without you surely. So yes kick him into touch now

Print out the conversation too.

Oh Ipom.

Not again. I remeber you thread. He just fucked off didn't he, you had no idea and had planned to move as a family, got the visas etc?

Is that right?

I'm sorry but if this is true, he is doing the whole 'when the cat's away' bollocks.

I hope he was lying to the other dad to big himself up.

But I have to say, that if he thought that he could get away with it, he would.

So sorry. I think he has already ended his marriage.

Why are you still with this man, if he aboandoned you and the kids to go to Australia? Without you? Are you kidding me?

It is over, surely you knew that when he fucked off to the other side of the world without you all

Anyone who uses the phrase "banging the arse of a Chinese bird", whether they're telling the truth or just boasting, is truly disgusting. You deserve beet than a man with this kind of attitude to women.

I know what you are all saying.

the reason why I was willing to give it another shot was because he had never done anything like that before and other stuff that will remain my own reasons and everyone deserves a second chance.

As was said, I know he will think of every excuse in the book to the answer of my question but I am also hoping he will just just a little respect for me left to tell me the truth.

I hope it's just a big himself up thing because I have overheard him before saying stuff but I also know he would never do any of it. It was all talk.

His actions over the last few months would and have floored everyone we know, and they all came to the same decision as me. It's very complicated and I dont expect any of you to understand why I gave it another go..but I do have my reasons and felt as though I have made the right one.

Now I am faced with this...it's not going to be easy and it is basically his word against mine at the moment...

I'm going to have to think about this for a few days..

Plumm - I know what you mean and I have had words with him about it - but I also know that, that is just how he talks sometimes (and never fucking thinks) so it doesnt bother me.

It's one of his bad traits I have learnt to ignore.

hmmmmm

he could easily pass this off as a joke between him and his mates - like a bit of male macho banter.

i think you need to know more, he could explain this away and you might still be left with seeds of doubt.

if i were you i would be doing some digging around.

sorry you are having to go though this

How old does one have to be to have a mid-life crisis nowadays - I may be due one.

If he's under 25 I could just about live with the phraseology and bravado - we've all done it (although mainly when seriously inebriated).
Over 35 and sober, then you're better off in Aus but with someone else...

Either way - I'm afraid 100% clear he's not making it up. Whatever he says.

Sorry.

Thank you Armbow.

I DO think it is male banter and I know (and so does he) that I will have seeds of doubt for a long time.

The question is really - if I am going to do some digging - how do I go about it? and if it is a load of old tosh..how the hell do I stop those seeds?

I have told him and he completly understands ( or so he says) that a hell of a lot of trust has gone and that it will take time to build it all up again. He takes full responsibility for is actions (as he bloody well should) and SAYS he will do everything he can to put it right.

If this is all a load of tosh, there is some work cut out for us...

arrggghhhh WANKER!

Ipom - you don't have to justify to anyone on here why you took him back after the last time, that's your business.

And you did NOT make that decision lightly

He's a very imature 46. I'm going to have to think about this..

at least I have something in my favour...the visa application isnt getting done until I am happy with him.

There is a very big part of me that says it's true, but there is also a very big part that says it's all talk.

I'm a little torn at the moment so nothing is making sense.

I'll tell you what I AM going to do...I'm going to have a long hot soak, get my gym stuff together, go to the gym in the morning and then deal with it when I get back.

Maybe some sleep and a bit of space from myself will make things a little clearer.

Thanks Mouseface - I remember you from the last thread.

Why is it just when I think I'm getting somewhere - something like this cropps up?

For me it's too descriptive and too quick to be just banter.

He has had sex with someone who is Chinese.

Hack into the skype obviously.

"His word against yours" - er no... he said he fucked someone else - it's his word against his.

Don't go out there.

Ok so you say it's more complicated than we know. Everyone deserves a second chance. But, when he is in Oz and you in GB, there is no relationship to work on. His talk with his friend was deliberately to evade detection by you, what does that tell you?

You really don't have to give this some thought. It's very simple. He has no respect for you. If he did, he would not have gone to the other side of the world without telling you.

If you buy his bullshit lies, he will have even less respect for you, if that is possible.

I am not being intentionally cruel, but see it from a friends point of view. If this was a friends life, what would you tell her?

hmmmm...