That horrible Gut feeling...

[Ipom]

Long story short...

We were going to move to Aus as a family, he had a panic attack/midlife crisis and went on his own without telling me.

We are now trying to work through it. However...

I use FB and use my farm..I asked HIM if I could use his account to make another farm..he said yes.

Ok fair enough..today, I went on his account and found a message to one of the dad at the kids school to talk to him on Skype instead as I have acess to his FB account.

Well, someone isnt very cleaver as I caught a message in chat..starts off as bloke talk and pretend bloke bragging...then one sentace catches my eye.."what are the babes like out there? I only got the last half of that message you lucky fucker"

HE replies.."banging the arse of a chinese bird at the weekend"
"Dont you miss Ipom and the kids then?"
"Yeah I do actually"

I know feel as though I've been punched in the stomach..It could be taken as blokes just talking and acting like prats as they do but something is screaming at me..and I dont like it.

Am I going mad? Should I trust my instinct and end it now?

I know it's a difficult question but I cant think of what else to do?

It's not looking good is it?

No point asking the dad at the school as he wont say a word to me..I cant and dont want to hack into his skype account (although i am very curious now).

I have done the only thing I can for now and sent a text..Dont lie to me or give me excuses. Yes or no...have you been getting laid?

I feel sick.

Ipom I'm not angry with you, you love him, BUT I find it hard to understand just how you ae going to resolve this while he is half way around the world?

I don't understand about the Visa's wll they definitely come through for you & the dcs, will he come back if they don't?

Hi Ipom -

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you've had to face more crap. Keep being strong and trust yourself and your instincts, not people on a forum..

Thinking of you

I'm going to sign off this thread and wish you luck IPOM, because I cannot read any more. It is shocking the lengths you are going to, just to reassure yourself this is normal, acceptable behaviour. What you are doing is everything I think is wrong with women, women who sadly walk into situations when they really should know better. Love is blind, sure. But when kids are brought into the world, you have a duty as a parent to wise up, and chose a road less rocky. You insist your kids will be fine. I know you are kidding yourself that your marriage will turn out fine, but you cannot kid forever. The children will already be harmed.

Good luck, you are going to need it. x

yes he will come back if we dont get granted the visas.

I cant resolve this with such a big distance between us - it's impossible.

As I have said, a lot of work needs to be done and I'm not doing ANYTHING until I have my own "insurance" in the bank. If the worst comes to the worst and I find out he has been lying (and I WILL trip him up eventually if he has) I will be fine and so will the kids.

Ipom- I mean this in the nicest way... please, do not trust him or take him back. You and your children deserve better.
People do crazy things, but sometimes we have to stop giving them chances.

Captian Nancy - he is on his second and only chance. There is no more after this.

Seriously, don't trust your instincts.

It is clear as day what is going on here but you are refusing to see it.

Your husband, who abandoned your family to get as far away from you as is humanly possible, isbragging to his friends about the opportunities that has given him for shagging around.

Of course he's cheating on you, and it's not the first time either.

Please don't fuck up your children's lives any more than they already have been by uprooting them for this useless fucker. Their lives will be immeasrably improved without him in it.

How long would you have to stay married in Australia for his visa to become permanently validated? Do you and your DCs have residency in both countries? I thought you didn't want to live in Aus, but may be misremembering ...

You actually have it in his own words, on paper, that he has been having sex with another woman, yet you say "He's not cheated on me..."

He has! For god's sake, read what he says!

When someone tells you, or shows you, what they are like, the best thing to do is listen.

I remember your other thread. This guy does not deserve you or your children. Its time for you to get angry. He abandoned you and now he is either:

1. A complete dickhead
2. Fucking around
3. Both.

You and your children deserve a whole lot better. Why would you put up with this shit? There are better men out there, FGS don't go to the other side of the world to be with this immature, cowardly shagger.

What a brilliant disguise he has adopted. He is so casually derogatory about women and sex in his everyday life, that when he says in writing that he has been "banging the arse" of another woman, you refuse to believe your eyes.

This isn't the pub. This is a private message to his friend from thousands of miles away. No-one is that much of a boaster, to lie or "joke" about sexual conquests via a secret messaging medium. If he is just being a (non-cheating) twat I would bet on facebook walls/status being the way to do it. Not in secret.

Without question he has shagged another woman. Without question you should end it now. What's the alternative to follow a man who fucked off without you or his children that is, as we speak, boasting about 'banging someone's arse'.

The kind of man who thinks boastful misogyny makes him cool is the kind of man who thinks it is his duty to shag around.

There is no room for doubt here - he is a twat, and a cheat (as well as the kind of man who abandons his own children).

He's an insult to humans.

Ladies, we are all, almost without exception, saying the same thing

Banging home the point again, and again to Ipom is not going to help any further

I think this awful car-crash somehow has to play out before she can believe it.

This is just hurtful now (yes, I know I said similar things upthread, but really, how many times does it have to be said before we realise it ain't going in?)

Shouldn't we all just accept her decision and tone down the way we are talking about her husband now ?

I'm with you AF, I fear Ipom is going to be back here fairly soon with the next instalment and she will need some support at that point.
Ipom I don't see this working out for you and I wish wish wish you could see what everyone else on this thread sees but I hope we are all wrong and wish you strength and luck for the future.

There should be a rule. If you post about your cheating lying abusive twat of a DP, but then mither about whether to leave him or not, then forgive him everything while he continues on, then you should not be allowed to witter the fk on about his good points (convincing nobody in the process) until the light comes on and you finally see the the tossbag for what he is, therefore putting everyone else in the position of WELL I DID SAY

Please, even if you must sacifice yourself on the altar of this cuntbag, have the decency to leave your children out of it.

They should not be torn from extended family and friends to accompany their deluded mother on a humiliating husband chase.

If you must go, leave them. They deserve better than this.

That you think it is your gift to forgive this man for abandoning them so cruelly doesn't inspire confidence in your willingness to put them first.