That horrible Gut feeling...

[Ipom]

Long story short...

We were going to move to Aus as a family, he had a panic attack/midlife crisis and went on his own without telling me.

We are now trying to work through it. However...

I use FB and use my farm..I asked HIM if I could use his account to make another farm..he said yes.

Ok fair enough..today, I went on his account and found a message to one of the dad at the kids school to talk to him on Skype instead as I have acess to his FB account.

Well, someone isnt very cleaver as I caught a message in chat..starts off as bloke talk and pretend bloke bragging...then one sentace catches my eye.."what are the babes like out there? I only got the last half of that message you lucky fucker"

HE replies.."banging the arse of a chinese bird at the weekend"
"Dont you miss Ipom and the kids then?"
"Yeah I do actually"

I know feel as though I've been punched in the stomach..It could be taken as blokes just talking and acting like prats as they do but something is screaming at me..and I dont like it.

Am I going mad? Should I trust my instinct and end it now?

I know it's a difficult question but I cant think of what else to do?

It's not looking good is it?

No point asking the dad at the school as he wont say a word to me..I cant and dont want to hack into his skype account (although i am very curious now).

I have done the only thing I can for now and sent a text..Dont lie to me or give me excuses. Yes or no...have you been getting laid?

I feel sick.

What sways the likelihood of it being true, in my mind, is the fact that his response to:

"Dont you miss Ipom and the kids then?"

"Yeah I do actually"

wasn't:

"Yeah I do actually - I was only kidding!"

Have you tried to find the previous message that his friend refers to only having received half of...?

Sorry, was a little too unspecific in my last post...

'you lucky f/...er' - clearly been talking about it before and a recurring theme. Would have just laughed it off and said oh nothing if there had been nothing
'Chinese... weekend' far too specific for us men - we don't have that much imagination. If he'd said 'blonde bird' (I bet he says bird) I might have believed it.

Sorry again - will butt out now.

You are right perfumedlife.

Confrontation it is...this is going to fun.NOT.

Ipom,

How many other bad traits of his have you had to ignore?.

If he is an immature 46 (aka manchild) I would argue that he went to Aus to run away from his life back home.

Re the children what are you both teaching them about relationships here?. How have they dealt with the knowledge that their Dad is in Australia?

No, thats fine MrMeaner.

I've had enough of the whole palava now. I'll speak to him tomorrow and then decide on what to do...it's just too much.

Ipom

Re this phrase "everyone deserves a second chance". How many chances have you in the past given him?. Bet you as well he has not given you anywhere near the same amount of consideration.

He left you all behind in his mind long before he got on that plane.

gym sounds like a good idea Ipom

Ipom, I don't know the ins and outs of it all obviously but I think that you may as well hack into the Skype. I think from what other posters have said that he's been treatin you badly before and if a bit of snooping either reassures you or prompts you to bin him then it's not the worst.

It sounds tbh that his good points are far outweighed by the bad. Do you feel that or is it just coming across that way?

Just this once Atilla. It's his one and only chance and I think he's blown it.

I think a lot of soul searching is called for tonight. I'm calling him later to get this over with - I've had enough to deal with because of him.

Tippy, he does have a lot more good points than bad, hence why I can ignore these stupid things he says to mates.

Hacking into his skype account isnt going to be easy. I'll give it a go anyway. I'm not comfortable with doing it but I'm going to have to for my own peace of mind.

Unless.....

The other Dad's wife fancies having a nosey on her husbands account on my behalf. Wonder if that would work? This other dad isnt the sharpest tool in the shed so I doubt he has had the sense to delete the conversaions.

. Have you got some RL support?

I have but I dont want to mention these new turn of events just yet. I still want over with in my mind one way or the other first.

That last bit sounds like a terrible idea. Don't do this.

Sorry for short message on iPhone.

I remember you, Ipom

I think I posted on your Australia thread

"I hope it's just a big himself up thing because I have overheard him before saying stuff but I also know he would never do any of it. It was all talk."

you didn't beleive he would do something like fuck off to the other side of the world without his family

what on earth makes you think he is "all talk" about this ?

a throwaway remark perhaps could be forgiven, off the cuff

but he deliberately took steps to hide this particularly lovely conversation from you

you are in a state of denial, Ipom, that has been going on for some months now

what exactly has to happen for your eyes to be opened ?

I am so, so sorry but if you were my friend in RL I would be very, very concerned that you were still planning to throw in yours, and your children's lot, with this absolute tosser on the other side of the world

No good will come of it

I wouldn't involve the other dad's partner btw. Snoop away to get your head straight but I wouldn't involve her unless you know her really well.

Right..did skype - wasnt that difficult after all. Being a creature of habbit, he doesnt vary his passwords.

The other dad isnt on there as a contact so there is no way he could have a conversation with him on skype. Which only leaves FB which I have access to.

I'll still ask him about it later though but I DO feel a little better knowing that he hasnt been talking to him on skype and trying to hide it from me.

If you are wondering if I am making sure I was checking the right address I was - he's left that information on FB.

I also mis read the conversaion about him telling the other dad about me being on his FB account. It was the other dad that siad it was his private account - not HIM.

I know some of you think I am mad for giving it another go - but please dont have a go at me. I have my reasons most of which none of you know about and I'm not going anywhere unless I have my own security blanket in place.

Now...I'm going to deal with this more later..for now I have to get myself to eat something and get the kids sorted out.

Oh my god - I'm so sorry Ipom. :(

I wouldn't doubt it for a second. He has been shagging someone else, dropped a hint to the other bloke, who (like the creep he is) chased down the story wanting to hear some "sexy" details. I really don't think he would be going to the bother of trying to get the creepy dad all excited about his sex life if there was nothing in it. Easier to just not tell him anything surely.

I missed your Australia thread but what more message can this man send you? He's abandoned you and the kids thousands of miles away and now he's regaling his mates with tales of casual sex.

Mind you I'm sure all that "arse-banging" can't be a treat you are missing much.

Hope you are ok x

Oh, Ipom . So this half a message that the other dad got (re being a Lucky Fucker) must have been by text or FB. Does FB often deliver half messages?

I'm very sad for you as I don't think he's treated you well but it's not up to us to judge you for staying or going. I'm sure yo'll find support here whatever you need to do.

lol elephants.

Give it a few days and it will have worked it'self out.

I cant keep think what if's - I'll never get anywhere.

As for the last thread, it was very long and I took a lot of time making my decision which I stand by still.

Everything he did at the time was shit - yes and some of you may unforgivable...however, I can understand why he did it and his actions since (until now) have proved to me that he does regret what he has done and he is trying everything in his power to make it up.

Without going into it I can assure you it's not as cut and dried as it's comming across and I have spent a lot of time weighing thsi up. Now it just seems as though there is another thing we need to clear up and get out in the open and then we'll decide where to go from there.

Please no-one worry about the kids - I will, with the help of my family and HIS will make sure they are just fine no matter what happens.

Tippy - it's does have a habbit of sending half messages in chat and I am starting to feel as though I have jumped the gun a little.

Sitting here now thinking about his horrid conversations he's had...I know many of you wont understand it but it's just him acting like a prat and his mouth running away with him before checking with the brain.

Now...knowing what I know now...re.skype...I am more inclined to believe it's a crappy converstion. I also can remember him comming home and telling me similar things that they have talked about on the way back from dropping the kids off. So converstions like that are nothing new..

Now...I'm still going to find out the bottom of this but I am a little calmer and more clear headded now, so we will see.

I've told him time and time again his smutty conversations will get him into trouble...just didnt think it would be with me.

I'm not talking myself out of anything and I'm not making excuses for him. I want to make my mind up on my own observations and other stuff if you know what I mean.

Lets just see what the next 24 hours brings us..

Aw Ipom it sounds like you are preparing to just accept anything. Is that the way it is? Is there any boundary he could cross that would push you too far?

Is he the boasting kind? Could it all be just him acting the bollocks with the other Dad and making it up?

I can't claim to understand your position Ipom but I do hope you're OK.

Elephants I'm not prepared to accept just anything - please trust me on this. I know it's not looking good..I know..I am prepared to finish this if there is even the slightest doubt in my mind after I have called him, but I also have to take into consideration that I may have jumped the gun and made a mountain out of a molehill.

It's difficult to explain and to get it over right for you all to understand...I know what I am like and I will NOT be walked all over. I have my limits and I'm sticking to them. I have delt with a lot over the last three months and I know I can deal with this too.

It doesnt help that it was only half of a converstion...the last half at that..