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No ejaculations and runs off in the morning

524 replies

Thomcat · 04/09/2005 12:44

That's the crux of the problem.

My bestest, oldest, dearest friend has started seeing a guy, 38 yrs old, and has so far enjoyed about a month of his company.

However there seems to be a few problems.

  1. When he stays over, which is alot, every weekend so far and during the week, he wakes up & opens his eyes and within 15 minutes he's out of the door saying he'll be back in an hur or so, and he is, but why the running off.

  2. They have had sex a fair amount. Possibly not quite as much as they could/should be having in the first heady days of a relationship, but an ok amount. He gets an erection but so far, in over a month, he hasn't come. She has, that's all fine, but he hasn't.

    We know he likes a beer, probably a bit too much.
    QUESTION: If he gets an erection but doesn't ejaculate is that a drink related problem, or not?
    QUESTION: What else could be causing the lack of ejaculation?
    FACT : He gets an erection but it's not like he's just such a stud he can go for hours and not come. I think, from what I know, he gets one but it doesn't last for that long.

    I'm not sure what else to tell you, so ask away and I'll do my best to answer / find out.

    Any ideas about this ejaculation thing and also any ideas about what she should do about his running off every morning for an hour? Is that related to the sex thing do you think, is he leaving before she gets a chance to get saucy with him?

    Off to make Lottie lunch, be back to see if any of you wise women have any clues.

    TC x
OP posts:
Thomcat · 04/09/2005 12:50

By the way, I have her full permission to ask you lot your advice / opinions.

OP posts:
bran · 04/09/2005 12:54

If he drinks a lot, could he be rushing off to get a drink?

hunkermunker · 04/09/2005 12:55

Can she talk to him about where he goes in the morning?

Thomcat · 04/09/2005 13:13

Oh thank God, some responses, I thought I was going to have to admit defeat to her!
I really want to try and get her some answers.

Re drinking in the morning, well yes, could well be. He has, when she stayed there, had a beer first thing in the morning, not a good look aye.
Just slightly worrying. Hmmmm.

Re talking to him, well yes, my friend and I discussed what to say this morning but thing is if he's got a sexual problem or a drink one, is he really likey to give her a straight answer anyway? We thought it best to try and come up with a few reasons for it all ourselves, with oyur help, and then work out how best to ask him / deal ith it.
I said she should say next weekiend, 'right, tomorrow morning I want you to hang out for an hour or so and have a cup of tea and breakfast before you dash off on me again', and see how ....panicked (?) he is by that, and what he does / says.

OP posts:
cod · 04/09/2005 13:17

Message withdrawn

Nightynight · 04/09/2005 13:20

or follow him to see where he goes?
or check his mobile to see if he's made any calls while he's out?

tbh, if he is having a beer for breakfast, Id ditch him now, because he needs to sort that out before he shares his life with someone else.

We had a builder a couple of years ago, when he arrived for work the first morning, dx offered him a drink ie a cup of tea, and he said that he would love a beer!! it was about 8.30 am.
he was a complete alcoholic, and he was soon asking us to keep a bottle of vodka in our fridge, so that his girlfriend wouldnt know about it, because she didnt like him drinking...

motherinferior · 04/09/2005 13:23

I think the ejaculation problem may be an erection one (possibly TMI but I have encountered this one before, years ago, and in retrospect I think that was it). Unless - I have to say - it's serious drugs, which could explain the dashing off in the morning.

Or does he have problems coming in company and dash off in the morning for a w*nk?

He does sound a bit odd, I have to say.

jac34 · 04/09/2005 13:30

If he doesn't "come", could he be rushing off to masterbate??
If he's been single for some time perhaps he can only "come", when looking at porn??

However,she needs to ask him and discuss it openly, if they want this relationship to progress. Does she want it to progress??

SherlockLGJ · 04/09/2005 13:31

Nighty night

and pmsl re the vodka

Thomcat · 04/09/2005 13:57

I've known him since I was 18 and we share lots of the same good friends so I know it's not that he's married.

Yes, I think she wants it to progress, it's early days and this is 'not coming' and 'leaving' problems are sort of in the way a bit at the momnent.

It sounds like he's hiding, or attempting to hide, a big drink problem, hence the rushing off and the erections probs.
She obviously needs to talk to him for things to go further but the 2 of us wanted to try and know the best angle before she steams in with the wrong angle. He's unlikey just to come clean immediatley if he has a major problem with drink.

i might have to ake very gentle enquirese with soem mutual friends if he denies anything is wrong.

OP posts:
Enid · 04/09/2005 13:58

does he come back smelling of drink

where does he go?

how bizarre

my first thought was that he was married too

charliecat · 04/09/2005 14:01

My first thought was that he was running out to finish off elsewhere, flashing in car park or whatever[filthy mind]

jampots · 04/09/2005 14:02

does he go off at the same time each morning? could she follow him?

frannyf · 04/09/2005 14:04

This is going to be such a negative thing to say, but I think your friend should get out before she gets too emotionally involved here. We can only guess at what his exact problems are, but having sexual problems at the beginning of a relationship are a huge warning sign that things are not going to work out, and the rushing off thing can only be due to some secret, probably hiding something undesirable. Run, run for the hills!

Sorry if this is not helpful but life is too short to spend months if not years finding out your partner is a) alcoholic b) sexually incapable c) married d) a drug addict e) insert your own nightmare scenario.

Pleased don't be offended as I know this is your friend we are discussing here!

happymerryberries · 04/09/2005 14:10

men can orgasm without ejaculation coming out of the penis. By contracting mucles they can force the ejaculate into the bladder instead, when it is passed with urine.

Some cultures use this as a form of birth control....NB it is not that effective and should not be advised as a form of B/C!

Eaney · 04/09/2005 14:10

Why would he rush off to get a drink if he is happy to drink in front of her in the morning? Has he had any previous girlfriends? Could be he is sexually inexperienced?

W**king is a possibility.

cod · 04/09/2005 16:34

Message withdrawn

cod · 04/09/2005 16:36

Message withdrawn

Enid · 04/09/2005 16:50

next time he does it tell her to tell him to bring the papers and a latte back with him

HuggyBear · 04/09/2005 17:08

Does he use the toilet at hers?

i ask cause one of my friends used to see a bloke who would never do a poo in her house

maybe he rushes ogg to go the loo?

[clutching at straws emotion]

HuggyBear · 04/09/2005 17:08


WideWebWitch · 04/09/2005 17:12

I reckon he goes home/to somewhere else to do a poo too, that was my first thought anyway which probably says more about me than him! Hmm, beer in the am is dodgy, definitely. Gosh, no idea on the other thing, he does sound odd though. Has she talked to him about the non ejaculation?

WideWebWitch · 04/09/2005 17:13

Omg, just realised I went out with a smack addict once and he had this problem, smack can hinder ejaculation. Oh dear, I hope this isn't it. Hmm, she should check the size of his pupils when he gets back, being pinned out is impossible to hide.

NotQuiteCockney · 04/09/2005 17:19

I've gone out with/been friends with a few men who had ejaculation problems. I'm not sure what was behind it ... well, one was an alcoholic, another was probably gay, really, or at least partly so, with serious issues about losing control, and the third, I think it was just issues about losing control.

If he's having problems with his erections, it may well be drink/drugs.

And the morning running off will be drugs or poo, I'm sure.

JoolsToo · 04/09/2005 17:20

why doesn't she just ask him?

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