No ejaculations and runs off in the morning

[Thomcat]

That's the crux of the problem.

My bestest, oldest, dearest friend has started seeing a guy, 38 yrs old, and has so far enjoyed about a month of his company.

However there seems to be a few problems.

1. When he stays over, which is alot, every weekend so far and during the week, he wakes up & opens his eyes and within 15 minutes he's out of the door saying he'll be back in an hur or so, and he is, but why the running off.

2. They have had sex a fair amount. Possibly not quite as much as they could/should be having in the first heady days of a relationship, but an ok amount. He gets an erection but so far, in over a month, he hasn't come. She has, that's all fine, but he hasn't.

We know he likes a beer, probably a bit too much.
QUESTION: If he gets an erection but doesn't ejaculate is that a drink related problem, or not?
QUESTION: What else could be causing the lack of ejaculation?
FACT : He gets an erection but it's not like he's just such a stud he can go for hours and not come. I think, from what I know, he gets one but it doesn't last for that long.

I'm not sure what else to tell you, so ask away and I'll do my best to answer / find out.

Any ideas about this ejaculation thing and also any ideas about what she should do about his running off every morning for an hour? Is that related to the sex thing do you think, is he leaving before she gets a chance to get saucy with him?

Off to make Lottie lunch, be back to see if any of you wise women have any clues.

TC x

thought this was interesting..

(from embarrassingproblems.com)

Delayed ejaculation means that even though your sexual desire (libido) and erections are normal, you have difficulty reaching a climax (i.e. the point at which semen spurts out) when you are inside your partner.

Although this problem is not ?impotence?, the UK Sexual Dysfunction Association (previously known as the Impotence Association) receives many queries about it and has prepared a special fact sheet (see Useful contacts). The Association says that two categories of men commonly have the problem of delayed ejaculation - sex starters who are paralysed with guilt or other strong emotions, and older men who have grown psychologically mistrustful of release or who have a need for greater physical stimulation now that age has made lovemaking less spontaneous and orgasm less compliant. Also, some drugs (beta-blockers, SSRI-type antidepressants) can delay ejaculation.

How to help a partner with delayed ejaculation

There?s nothing biologically wrong with most men experiencing ejaculation difficulties. However, men who cannot come inside a woman may have a combination of technique and attitude problems. For instance, many men learn how to do sex by masturbating. When they bring themselves to orgasm, they may agitate with their hands far more quickly than two people can ever have sex. Hence when they start making love, the sensations seem under-stimulating. The answer to this part of the problem is to increase the eroticism of foreplay, make your partner wait until he?s practically on the edge of climax before allowing him to insert his penis.
If it doesn?t help, anxiety is probably preventing him from triggering his ejasculatory reflex. Tell him there is a remedy, which you can jointly try over a period of weeks.
When the time is right, and you are feeling intimate and relaxed, ask him to show you how he masturbates all the way to orgasm. Be light-hearted and make it fun. Next time, ask him to masturbate with a little assistance from you. Next time, see if he can do it just inside your vulva again with assistance from your hand if he enjoys it. At this point, if the process has proved successful, draw his attention to the fact that you are virtually having normal sexual intercourse and that he HAS managed to ejaculate where you both want him to.
On the next occasion, he could insert himself fully and try coming deep inside you - and so on. The important point to remember is that if at any stage he meets with a reverse, you don?t fret but simply return to the previous stage and get comfortable with that again.
Reproduced with permission from the Impotence Association?s fact sheet

does he actaully mean he is going home to have an alcoholic beverage? Do you know how much he drinks, or could you hazard a guess?

It might just be nerves you know. Is he still drunk in the morning? Is he still slurring (we have all been there ourselves )

Thanks bundle, v interesting reading.

bit embarrassing, but if he doesn't climax, when do you stop? not that im that experienced but am i right in saying that it usually stops when a man climaxes.

good luck, gooneress!

Cheers Bundle.
B/S We stop when either a) he loses his erection or b) he gets sore! You are right usually its all over and done with when you've both had your fun! But its only me thats getting that far. It must be sooooo frustrating for him.

apologies if this has been covered but are you using condoms? I think some men have problems with the reduction in sensitivuty.

Might he have a problem with his foreskin? If it's too tight, it must be very painful when he gets an erection. Perhaps a circumcision is the answer.

ohh Bundle, well done for finding that, very interesting.
God G, I don't envy you this conversation, but it has to be done. Will be thinking of you and hope you are able to broach the subject this evening. Good luck, and thanks for offer of dinner agian btw, TC xx

Does he wait for you to climax. Perhaps he is so good at distracting himself, waiting for you, that he finds it hard to get back in the game ifyswim.

Have you tried a BJ. Just thinking out loud.

Hi G again!

I think you're right - he's embarrassed and frustrated about the lack of coming and is rushing off to avoid the issue in a typical bloke-like way! It will be a really tough one to talk about but as you know you have to do it if you stand a hope of progressing.

The only other option could be the needing a drink but if you've stayed with him or gone away with him and that hasn't happened then maybe not? I hope not!

Good luck with it all and hope it works out for you! I spent many a long year searching for my Mr Right I can tell you! I know how it feels to be facing yet another let down.

I was 40 before I met my current dp and he was worth the wait but it hasn't been easy!

Hi TC, G,

Has there been any new developments ?

Ho hum. Asked him yet?

bump

mmm.. been over a week. Did he find out they were talking about him on mumsnet and rip out the computer or worse!!!!!!!!! The plot thickens!!!!!!Anyone know their phone No!

I've only been watching so far - but what is the outcome ?????

snigger.... outcome......

I know ............. I giggled too but I couldn't think of what else to say

Any news?

This is the only thread on my watch list thats moving ! please don't stop it now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh FGC Thomcat update us - please - it's worse than Shelly and charlie ...................

Curious to find out the answer. My theory is that drink is numbing said area and affecting sex. Lets all admit that a drunken bonk can be a bit prolonged so to speak. All that grinding is making him frustrated and he goes home to take care of things himself when sobered up a little. Other theory could be that he is really hungover and goes home to throw up with dignity.

beginning to think we've been had