The Braves Babes Battle Bus - NOT stopping at the pub!!

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse. I've been sober for over a month now, thanks to the support of posters on this and previous threads.

No matter where you are up to with your sobriety, you'll find someone here who has been in your shoes!

Come and meet the other Brave Babes........

And here are the other threads for those who want to read them.

JWN's original thread (and the reason we are all here!)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

MIFLAW are you in a time warp somewhere

"I'm scared I am nudging closer to feeling I may be an alcoholic."

Lucil - I can't say if you are or aren't - but, hysteria aside, what would be so bad about it if you actually WERE? It's not like you sound like you enjoy drinking ...

JWN

He may well be angry that he tried for so long to "sort you out" and now, hey presto, a group of strangers (and drunks to boot!) have done it in record time.

And now he doesn't have to worry about finding you dead when he comes home he can allow himself the luxury of being angry instead of afraid.

Just try to give him time. I know "civilians" can be pretty hard work sometimes though ...

venus - thank you! you are so kind! im sitting here having a silent sob - i dont want dd to hear me (yes, she would chose tonight to have a night at home! )

dh and i have decided that we need a bit of outside help - going round and round it all is not really helping and we are often talking at cross-purposes - dh is quite a deep, serious thinker and takes his time over everything - the impatient drinker in me justs wants him to 'get over it' and move on, very selfish of me i know and im trying very hard to understand that we need to give everything time.

Just for once I am going to disagree with MIFLAW , I don't think it was a bunch of strangers and drunks who have sorted JWN out, she has done that herself by making the decision every time that she has chosen not to have a drink (and with a leetle bit of help from people here, AA, and her family and friends).

cor blimey venus! that was brave!, made me too!

Well, obviously, everyone contributed, not least JWN - what I meant was her husband has been trying and failing for years to either do that for her or get her to want to and suddenly, overnight (in comparison) it happens and he has at most a bit part - yet he is the most important person in her life and I (for example) am not and she's never even met me. I'm sure my ex felt the same when it happened to me and, if the boot had been on the other foot, I would have too!

Take your time with that too JWN, take time to find the right person to talk to, and enjoy taking the time to re-establish your proper warm loving relationship with dh. Like a long courtship - anticipation is nine tenths of the pleasure

OK, OK you were right, and I only dared to disagree because it is late at night and there's not many people around to see me getting put back in my place

Serious point taken though, and it is good that JWN's dh is meeting with al-anon people. Mt dh is dealing with it (or not) more or less on his own. And he doesn't understand quite why I laugh so much at the computer.

Nighty-night my friends. Sleep well.

thank you both for that!, i feel a lot calmer simply for writing it all down - i will do my best to 'give time time' i just wish it would hurry up a bit!

i think do think this is all survivable, we have 15 years of history, most of it faily good!, we have built a nice family and want to keep it, so we will give anything a try!

thanks for the support tonight, we both really appreciate it!

i do have to go now though, dh needs the pc before it gets much later! deadlines are still calling us from the office!

see you all in the morning!

L

sorry JWN cross posted before.

Your last post sounded more positive.

Good piece of advice I was given is you can only change yourself, you can't change someone else.

You have changed and stayed sober. maybe its up to dh to change himself into accepting the new you, getting on with the future and moving on from the past.

Sleep well everyone!

Morning everyone [hacking cough]

Had sweats during night, on top of cold and receding D&V bug made me feel VERY glad to be back on the path of a booze free existence. Get away ye toxins of doom.

JWN I think that help sounds good if just to find a new way of communication. You stopping drinking has meant a whole new approach to life. I am sure you are a much better person to be around but maybe it's a bit like the stages of grief that your DH is going through. You know, shock, anger all those things, so give yourself time, be gentle on your both. You've achieved so much and I know you can do this.

Morning all,

JWN - hope you feel a bit better this morning, things always seem worse when you're tired (in my experience) whether you're drunk or sober. Wish I had some brilliant words of wisdom for you but I never do, so sending you a hug insead(hug).

Waiting for the postman to see if I've go an interview, rying to find distracing things to do while I wait,so am sitting on here as the alternaive is housework!

MIFLAW - once again you are so right! I have an image of you as one of those Buddhist monks sitting on a mountaintop in Tibet, while we lesser mortals seek out your wisdom Seriously though you hit the nail on the head about expecting perfection, I have always expected perfecion in myself, but not other people, and have been told that I'm too hard on myself- wonder if that's a common experience with everyone else?

Morning everyone, good to hear people sounding bright this morning.

I asked my dp this morning how he felt about me not drinking, and he said "scared and out of control"

Out of control because he feels that he can do nothing to affect whether I do have a drink or don't, and scared because at the moment he still doesn't KNOW that I will be sober when he comes home, scared that this is a temporary state and that I will relax into my previous patterns, and scared to hope for the future in case I dash all his hopes - again. He said that this is much, much better, but before (when I was drinking) he knew what to expect every day, knew that if we were going out he would have to drive, knew that I'd always be the last to leave a party.... Now he feels like things are much more uncertain for him.

I felt . What a cow I have been to put him through all of that.

Good morning Babes,

JWN - so sorry you were going through a shitty time last night. I think that MIFLAW was right (ha ha!) when he said that your DH has been afraid for many years so now he is allowing himself to feel his anger. I so understand about wanting people to 'get over it' NOW!

christi - glad to hear you made it through. You sound more positive already!

wasindie, wrinkly, theyak, mouse, venus, mouse, MIFLAW, starting, desire, SAF, maddogs, MsGee, MissP, prime, pav, algee, trinity, munky and all the regular posters - TODAY WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING! I know that I have missed people and I am very sorry and promise not to be huffy if anyone forgets me today !

Morning venus, sorry that you are feeling blue about DH. It's all understandable but I know that, for me, I want people applauding me and forgetting how I was in the past. I have to stop myself getting angry with others which is totally unreasonable. I suppose all that you/ we can do is stay sober one day at a time and those around us will trust us that little bit more each day...

And of course, good morning and a big hello to the lurkers and now-and-again posters too! Come and post, tell us how you are doing. There are many, many people who have dropped off the radar and I know that we would all like to hear from you - NO MATTER WHAT.

Morning moomin. I always look forward to this time in the morning when you 'reappear'

Thanks venus! I enjoy getting back here too!

Morning.

venus - whoops!!! I thought it said 8##! Tired eyes!

JWN - I have to say that it's better your DH is telling you how he feels instead of not. And it's great that he finally feels that he can tell you.

The truth is going to be raw, for both of you, but it is much better out then left to fester.

Your relationship is very much like a healing wound. When you first pull the plaster off, it hurts like hell. The slower you pull it off, the longer the pain will last but you have to let DH do this at his own pace.

You have to let him get there on his own. He has to heal as well as you and even your DD.

I believe in my heart (from what you have said) that he loves you, as does DD. You wouldn't be together still otherwise. He'd have asked you to leave or he would've left. That you already know.

So, give him as long as he needs but do not let him use this against you.

What's done is done. Time to move forward. Slowly but surely. Why not plan a trip together? Do something for him...... take him to dinner. Woo him a little. Do you think he'd like that? Or do you think he'd think it was OTT?

Morning everyone else!!

getting - I hope this afternoon goes ok for you. Take your time, take your list and be honest.

Busy day here! DD forgot her lunch so DH has had to drive across town to deliver it!! Whoops!

Hydro and physio for me.

Nemo did his best impression of an owl last night and DH was up with indigestion so I've had about 3 hours of broken sleep.

BUT............. TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!

Poor sleepy mouse!

Hey Red - how are you lovely? Things ok?

I am very well thanks mouse! Glad to be back on here with all you lovely Babes. Miss you all in the evening