The Braves Babes Battle Bus - NOT stopping at the pub!!

[Mouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse. I've been sober for over a month now, thanks to the support of posters on this and previous threads.

No matter where you are up to with your sobriety, you'll find someone here who has been in your shoes!

Come and meet the other Brave Babes........

And here are the other threads for those who want to read them.

JWN's original thread (and the reason we are all here!)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

I feel better just knowing I am not the only mother who has this problem.

My kids are 3 and 2 and I even having them has not proved an incentive enough to sort out my act.
That is probably the one thing I am most ashamed of. Being single or in a couple without kids or even with grown-up kids and having a drink problem you are unwilling or unable to sort out is so less shameful and selfish than having tiny children and wanting to get pissed at the weekends more than being a "mummy" to them is pretty low.
That's me.

luci

Hello lovely if you are still there.

I posted this earlier today...............

'Can I make a rule? Would anyone mind?

Here it is - WHETHER YOU ARE DRINKING OR SOBER, WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER SO POST!!

Or something like that! No matter who you are, how far along you are, please, please post. There will always be someone around to listen.'

I mean every single word. Please post. You don't have to help. You don't have to listen. Or read. Or interact. Be selfish and let it all out here.

YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED! EVER.

Luci you are feeling so low, what you are going through is so hard. But you have POWER, power to stop abusing yourself in this way.

Don't make yourself feel guilty now, just try to make yourself feel POWERFUL by NOT drinking.

Evening everyone, am sat here having a drink, have booked appointment with doctor tomorrow for my depression and while writing down the reasons why I know I am depressed I felt so low, (don't normally drink at home, usually go to friend's house) I opened a bottle of whiskey which has been sitting in the press since Christmas:(

Hi desire. Are you enjoying the whiskey? Probably not. So put the cap back on, rinse your glass, have a big drink of water and snuggle off to bed.

Even if you are lying awake in bed, that is OK, even if you are feeling down and depressed, that is OK. It is just how it is for the moment. You are doing the right thing going ot the docs. And this bad moment will not last for ever. Although it might help if you put the top back on the whiskey and put it away in the press again.

Sweet dreams, lovely.

desire

Tell me about your list...... have you been honest so far? What did you start with? Truth or half truth?

I started with half truth and worked my way up. And then wrote out my 'final draft'

desire go and brush your teeth, will take away that taste
Everything will be alright. Do what you can.

I am permanently tired but haven't had a decent nights sleep in almost two months, have constant bad dreams and am then wide awake at 5.30 in the morning.
I can't remember when I last laughed.
I am angry most of the time but can't express it because I am so conditioned to keeping the good side out.
I drink too much.
I have no interest in anything, am on constant auto pilot.
I am lonely.
I am overwhelmed.

And then I opened the whiskey:(

Desire, sweetheart, you have been very brave to write that down, facing up to starck reality in black and white. Now be kind to yourself.

A warm comfortable bed, a glass of water. And just know that there is lots and lots of support for you on here.

Desire, I understand why you opened the whiskey. Whatever you do or don't do tonight, remember when you wake up tomorrow it's a whole new day. I have screwed up two days on the run (more than I usually do TBH) for pathetic reasons.
I'm scared I am nudging closer to feeling I may be an alcoholic. If I genuinely am, I have to quit drink forever for the sake of my kids primarily. If I don't, what kind of sorry excuse for a mother does that make me?
It's too much to accept right now.
Going to bed now. Haven't had anymore of PIL's whiskey but that has been more down to lack of opportunity if I'm being brutally honest.
Over and out.

desire have you got an old favourite book lying around? Could you take yourself off to bed with that and a cup of tea?

Looking at your list:

I can promise you that you will sleep a lot better when you stop drinking.
Venus will make you laugh by writing you a silly poem.
I am so sorry about the anger but that is definitely something you can talk to the doctor about. Are you angry with yourself most of all?
You can stop drinking
I am really sorry about the lack of interest, that's depression speaking I think. The doctor will ask about this.
Lonely? That's so tough. Would you be able to consider doing something in the evenings, something to look forward to? A class or exercise like Zumba or dancing?
Of course you're overwhelmed, you poor thing, but let's try and help you do one thing at a time.

Can I give you a little to do list?

1. Screw top back on whiskey.
2. Brush teeth
3. Find book
4. Make tea/ pour big glass of water
5. Wash your face really properly and put some nice face cream on
6. Fluff up your pillows and go to bed
7. Read your book till you fall asleep

If youwake up at 5.30, pick up your book. Or come on here!

Night luci - great to see that you have taken control and are going to bed. Sleep well. xx

desire

That list is ideal. You may end up changing it once, twice or more. But that looks like honest to me.

Be kind to yourself and get some sleep. Go to bed soon. Have some water and take some with you. Just relax for a while. Even if you don't drift off.

Or go potter for a while. Read. Just try and slow down. Unwind. Breath deeply.

What time are you at the doctors?

Right you lovely Brave Babes.

I'm going to snuggle up in bed.

I wish you all a restful and safe night. Sleep well. xxxx

Wasindie - if you are here when I go to bed with your DTs, I hope you are ok lovely. xx

And algee - hello if you are out there. xx

BTW - JWN!!!!

I will do a new thread and links before I go to physio tomorrow if it's busy in the morning.

SUGGESTED TITLES PLEASE BABES!!!

Mouse - there are still 400 posts to go. Are you expecting a rush tomorrow?

Thank you everyone for letting me be totally honest with you, and in the spirit (no pun intended) of honesty have poured myself my 4th whiskey. When I finish this glass I will drink water and brush my teeth and go to bed and feel like shit in the morning. To make myself feel even worse one of my daughters is bored and is currently decluttering my kitchen and I am sat here talking to her while she is doing it instead of getting up and helping her:(
My appointment is at 3.40 tomorrow afternoon Mouse

hi all - im sorry but i need to be a bit self-indulgent here im having a dreadful day/evening - dh and i are going round in circles, his restentment, hurt, anger, you name it, thats all been bubbling below the surface and now its coming out - he is being pretty hateful at times, i know right now he cant help it, i have put him through many years of pain over my behaviour, and its proberbly pay-back time - i suppose that now im sober he feels that it is worth saying what he feels because at least i will remember what is said to me.

he says that he wants to stay married, that he loves me but is having trouble coming to terms with everything and is kind of detached from me its breaking my heart right now and i dont know what to do next - i feel old and tired and very unhappy - i have no desire to drink - that really would be the final nail in teh coffin.

sorry, another prime example of the selfish nature of the alcoholic, im not being any help at all to the rest of you tonight - just wallowing in self pity

desire-hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.

luci- i understand my dc are 1 and 3 and they are busy busy busy.

i've not drunk all week now. In bed with a weightwatchers chocolate dessert and cup of tea.

as for big celebrations i know i will find that hard but i also know that after reading this thread i'm inspired not to let drink ruin an evening- as it has many times in the past!

i'm going out on sat night with my best friend but i have told her i'll drive!

Oh Jesus I have spent the evening wallowing in self-pity and you are more than entitled to do the same, however I have to disagree with you that your husband is entitled to pay back because of whatever your alcholism has put him through. You say that he feels that now it is worth him saying stuff to you because you can now remember it, but how do you know he didn't say the same stuff when you were drinking?

Hi Jesus, isn't reality shit.

But you know that in the real world all relationships have their ups and downs, and their moments of tension. The good thing, the really good thing is that you are SOBER, and you are learning to deal with your feelings and your feelings about your dh's feelings without blotting out those emotions with a drink.

You know that you will get through this with him (emphasis on with him). Accept that you feel crap tonight, and despite that, love yourself. For you are a woman worth loving.

And hi to feedtheyak, being in bed with tea and pudding sounds great, I might be about to join you.

And Jesus, here is a really, really big hug.

We've only been on here for a few months but I shared more you you than I have with any others in my life. I feel like I really care for you and I am sad when you are sad, and I rejoice when you rejoice.

If tonight is one of those nights when you just want to cry or sob or scream or whatever, then just go right ahead.

Wrinkly

I know exactly how you felt - I felt it too once upon a time. And I am glad you felt able to share it here because, when I was in that place, I had no one to share with but the wine bottle.

But what did you expect to hear? "Good idea, end it"? It's a shit idea and you know it. You deserve more and your family deserves more. And, if you can be brave and face up to it one day at a time instead of trying to be perfect and getting down because you're not, you can HAVE more.

Stick with us, eh?

thanks - you are very kind! - he is a good, decent and kind man and tbh desire, i think he is entitled to feel pretty pissed off with me now and again - he has been totally supportive since my 'melt-down moment', the thing is, he had basically been looking after me for years, he never knew what sort of shit would be thrown at him from one day to the next, be it me spending the average income of a small african nation, to the fact that i had lost the car (again)or i had been a total nightmare in public etc.

i think venus is right, ALL marriages have ups and downs, right now we are in a down - the will is there is to make it right, it just isnt easy - i want to do my usual thing of snapping my fingers, annoucing to him that everything is hunky-dory and carrying on in my own sweet way, the fact is, im having to deal with this as a sober, resonable adult and im finding it hard! i think at times i am emotionally very immature
and not terribly well equiped to deal with 'stuff'

"Why can't I cope with the normal day to day irritations?"

Because you drink to excess.