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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Braves Babes Battle Bus - NOT stopping at the pub!!

1000 replies

Mouseface · 03/09/2010 18:31

Hello Smile

I'm Mouse. I've been sober for over a month now, thanks to the support of posters on this and previous threads.

No matter where you are up to with your sobriety, you'll find someone here who has been in your shoes!

Come and meet the other Brave Babes........

And here are the other threads for those who want to read them.

JWN's original thread (and the reason we are all here!)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

OP posts:
gettingwrinkly · 09/09/2010 09:55

Hi Mouse, it's Desiretochange off to the doc's today, not me - I'm still pondering.
There are so many of us now I have a job to keep up, did anyone ever do that spreadsheet weeks ago?!

MsGee · 09/09/2010 09:57

Quick hi to all, will post properly later but wanted to check in. Have been trying to get out of the house for an hour without luck. Need to get DD new shoes and get to the library. G xx

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 09:59

Good morning wrinkly and MsGee! mouse did put together a spreadsheet a while ago...

Mouseface · 09/09/2010 10:08

Whoops!!! See what a lack of sleep does!

On the other hand, getting get yourself to the doctors woman!!

I have a list of names. If you'd like it, email at [email protected]

desire - I hope that the doctors goes well, be honest and take your time! And your list. Smile

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 09/09/2010 10:20

morning everyone - thanks for all teh kind words! - mouse, i think you are right, i just have to give him some time, like venus's dp, i think he still wonders if this sobriety is just a flash in the pan, and i dont blame him for feeling like that!

have to dash right now - back later!

thanks you lovley babes! Smile

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 10:21

JWN - morning! Have a good day! (Any more on the contract )

MIFLAW · 09/09/2010 10:22

"What a cow I have been to put him through all of that." Yep - but, scary though it is, how great for both of you that you've STOPPED putting him through all that!

I know nothing about children's social care but I imagine kids in foster care feel the same when offered a new and loving adoptive or foster family - part of them doesn't want it because it's one more chance to be let down, even though, if it works, it has the potential to be a dream come true.

Give time time.

MIFLAW · 09/09/2010 10:24

"I have an image of you as one of those Buddhist monks sitting on a mountaintop in Tibet, while we lesser mortals seek out your wisdom" - exactly right - have we met in real life?

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 10:28

Morning MIFLAW (oh wise one) how are you today? No idea if you actually work in London itself but if you do I hope that you got through (this) tube strike OK! God, I used to HATE them!

gettingeasier · 09/09/2010 10:29

Morning all

Day 5 of being sober. This one day at a time really seems to be doing wonders for me it just takes the pressure off so much.

The film last night was staggeringly awful 3 hours long too. Had I have had a couple of glasses beforehand it would have been even worse. When I arrived my friends were sipping wine and I didnt mind and didnt waver when they bought a glass to take in with them.

However a truly massive step is texting the man I am meeting tomorrow and rearranging the date so that I am driving Shock]

This is my first date since exh left at Christmas and whilst I am not nervous as I am not too fussed really at the same time the thought of nothing to turn me into calm,relaxed,flirty,fun getting is rather daunting.Historically since teens alcohol (or something Blush would always be involved in matters of the opposite sex.

What spurred me on was something posted ages ago about how we think we are so funny , witty etc after a few drinks but actually that isnt the case.

Anyway I am very happy today as the last time I abstained for this long was over 8 years ago !

Have a great day everyone and today I will not have alcohol

Mouseface · 09/09/2010 10:31

MIFLAW

Can I ask you a question? (apologies if you have already addressed this)

As you are the longest sober member of the Brave Babes, and yes, you are a babe, what made you stop?

Why did you decide the time was right for you?

Maybe if you can tell us all why/how/when etc, it will help those who are still pondering sobriety.

OP posts:
RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 10:35

Good morning getting! Well done for getting through last night. You did really well. (what film was it by the way?!)

And well done for re-arranging your date. All these small steps are helping you so much with sobriety. And how exciting re the date!!!!!! How do you know the bloke? Are you off for a meal??

Mouseface · 09/09/2010 10:38

getting

You have put a HUGE smile on my face!!! What a wonderful post and what a massive step forward for you!

Well done on last night and for taking control re the date. I hope that you enjoy it no matter what it may bring in the long term.

A day at a time really is the only way to do this!! No projecting, no worrying about tomorrow, your birthday, Christmas etc....

Just 24 hours at a time, one by one if need be.

I feel like a proud mum reading your post in a 'that's my girl' kind of way!! You sound so happy and bright!!!

Smile
OP posts:
lowenergylightbulb · 09/09/2010 10:45

Hi all, I decided to stop drinking 3 weeks ago (was it 3 weeks, I can't remember?!)

I was doing really well, but I had a blip over the weekend. I went out, and it's amazing how when you have a glass of wine in your hand you can convince yourself that you really don't have a problem.

However, I managed to (a) make a total arse of myself and (b) write off sunday with an awful hangover - both of which have reminded me why I'm doing this.

So, I'm on second round, day 5. I'm feeling a bit wobbly though, tomorrow is the first 'friday' (i.e end of the working week friday) that I've got to navigate.

In my head fridays involved me and DP sipping wine in a civilised manner, whilst cooking, eating and watching a film. The reality is me opening the wine at 4pm, bunging any old crap in the oven, being too pissed to eat properly and generally behaving like a twat.

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 10:47

Hello lowenergy! So lovely to see you back. Sorry that you had a slip but at least it reinforced what you already knew Wink Don't worry about tomorrow. Just choose not to drink for today. Think about tomorrow when it comes. (God, I hate making an arse of myself yet I must have done so, what? A million times?!)

swallowedAfly · 09/09/2010 10:49

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RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 10:50

Am laughing at your Friday-fantasy v Friday-reality, could have written it myself Smile!

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 10:51

Good morning SAF, you sound nice and upbeat this morning. I am on Day 6 (for approximately the 4,387th time!) so lots of us are about the same. We can do it, one day at a time!

swallowedAfly · 09/09/2010 10:51

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lowenergylightbulb · 09/09/2010 10:52

RedMoomin Grin hello again!!!

I know, I need to just focus on today don't I? I'm starting a knitting project tonight (nothing exciting, only a scarf!!)....hopefully that should keep me out of trouble this weekend.

You can't make an arse of yourself while you are sat at home knitting........... I hope Smile

Mouseface · 09/09/2010 11:03

I posted the following the other day. Not sure if you read it lovely. So forgive me if you have and ignore it.

'The only way to give up the booze is to STOP

For all of us, every sinlge one of us, moderation is NOT an option.

If it were, we wouldn't be posting would we?

If it were, we'd be able to stop at one or two drinks.

If it were, we wouldn't hide what we really drank. (past tense)

If it were, we'd be in control.

If it were, we would see the danger, the risks and the ruin and stop at two drinks.

If it were, we would not stop at anything for that next drink.

If it were, we'd buy the nice bottle of wine, instead of the cheaper two. Or three.

If it were, it would still be 3 for £10 instead of 3 for £12 Wink'

A 'civilised' drink is not an option either. Not yet but that is all in the future!

I'm so glad you decided to come back! Smile

SAF - thank you lovely....... I've not had physio for 3 weeks so it is really going to hurt!!

OP posts:
MIFLAW · 09/09/2010 11:09

I work in the throbbing heart of the metropolis that is Brixton. Excellent place to be if you want reminders of why not to drink ...

But I come to work by bus so that's okay.

Mouse

I don't think I have ever posted the exact details because i don't want anyone to think, "oh, THAT'S an alcoholic - I've never done XYZ so I can't be one." But, if you all promise to listen to the similarities and not the differences, I will tell you ...

I had been struggling with and suffering for my drinking for a few years, and after 25 it got more and more unpleasant - but the actual incident that first caused me to try stopping drinking was a car accident. I was unhurt and the only other victim was a hedge so it could have been a lot worse, but the accident, the evening in the cells, the look on my mum's face, the court appearance, the two year ban (I desperately needed my car to get to my teacher training placement in the middle of nowhere), my girlfriend finally making good on her threats to pack me in - and the fact that I continued drinking thorugh it all - made me call the number on the paper the court had given me. I attended my first AA meeting on a Saturday in November 2001 and I was 27.

I attended for a few weeks, stopped drinking for about two of them, and decided I was cured. When someone started banging on about God in a meeting I decided I would start drinking again. After all, everyone drinks at Xmas, so I would go unnoticed - and I could always come back ...

Fast forward to February. Before going to school - a much tougher school than the first one, which frankly scared me - I drank probably a half pint of warm white wine for breakfast and set off.

The school's informal security guard (yes, really) smelt it on my breath and reported me to the head. Half of me thought, "how dare you, what I do outside working hours is my affair" - and half of me thought, "thank Christ someone is intervening!" Almost the first words out of my mouth were "I've been to AA, and I think I need to go back." And I did. From then on, I attended AA regularly - I slipped many times over the next few months, but I always kept going back and trying again, even if it meant going to meetings drunk. (I went to one in blackout, went back the next week and thought, "oh, this place looks mighty familiar!") Basically, I didn't have any better ideas (and still don't.)

From June to December 2002, however, I was continuously sober. Things were going extremely well - so well, that I realised I might be cured. I went to a meeting; that didn't change anything. At the meeting I met a mate who had recently fallen off a ladder and opened his head while drunk - that didn't change anything. I read the Big Book - that didn't change anything. I was cured! I went to Herne Bay Wetherspoons and ordered a large glass of wine.

From the first sip, I knew that I had been right to have doubts. I nailed that one, drank another, drank another (I think - I wasn't counting.) I went home.

I drank thorugh the weekend and it was chaotic to put it mildly. And grim. I won a bonus ball competition in a pub I hated - the only reason I had entered was to engage in conversation at the bar while buying the tickets. I promptly spent that £50 and then some.

On Monday I went to work (I was now a TEFL teacher - I failed my schoolteacher training, which had prompted my previous last drink.) I was lucky enough to set my own breaks. I took my first at 3 minutes to 11. I was outside a horrible pub at bolts-down and ordered a single vodka and Coke (not my drink of choice) so no one would smell it - I did NOT want to lose this job. Same at lunch time; same in the afternoon. I went for a few pints after work - alone - and instantly hated everyone in the pub. I bought 4 cans of Stella for the 30 minute train journey home and then bought some more at the other end.

That evening, as I had a heated discussion with my despairing mother, I realised, I think, that, with the benefits of a year in AA and six months' continuous sobriety, with all I had learnt, THIS was my best shot at "controlled drinking". I poured the last can and a half of Stella down the sink, cried a bit, and went to bed. The next day (Dec 16 or 17 2002, I think) I did not drink, went to a meeting, and tried to be grateful.

One day at a time, it's been working ever since.

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 11:09

What time is physio mouse? Will be thinking of you.

lowenergy - a knitting project is a fantastic idea! Keep your hands and mind busy! Shame I am worse than crap at that kind of thing Wink

lowenergylightbulb · 09/09/2010 11:11

You are right Mouse. I need to accept that I am life long bus pass holder instead of a daily ticket customer Wink

Seriously, after the weekend 'blip' I felt like such a shit. I am a nightmare if I drink and I can't do it anymore.

The weekends highlights (and I am cringing as I type) included falling over, crying and lying outside in my back garden.

My drinking has escalated so much over the past 18 months and if I don't stop god knows how hellish things will be in another 18 months time.

I never, ever, ever want to feel like I did on sunday morning again. Not just the hangover, but the shame and embarrassment.

So, I think I'll be on here quite a bit over this weekend - I apologise in advance Smile

RedMoomin · 09/09/2010 11:12

Thank you so much for that MIFLAW I identified with loads of (God, sound like I am at an actual AA metting now!) Especially the picking up/ putting down, attending meetings drunk etc. Thank you for the honesty! Made me a bit teary actually...

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