ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

glad you showed up patience thought i had scared you all off with my talk of angels

you are right though it does make you think....

i am hoping there is something in it tbh. the thought of us all wandering around this earth with little or no "meant to be" moments makes everything far too depressing and random - a girl needs hope after all

i am hoping there might be a couple of nice "distractions" at party tonight but everyone is going to be coupled up i fear.

Enjoy the party .think of being the only "interesting cool as fuck "single lady their lol!!!!

Afternoon ladies, hope everyones good today :o

Love the thought of angels AB but still can't see where my nudge was unfortunately and i second what Patience said just be the interesting cool as fuck single lady...also watch all those as a couple who will be envious :o

Well I could do with a bit of Angel Action but they're nowhere to be seen

AB dress to kill, wear high shoes so you are amazonian smile and laugh at anything and watch everyone watching you , guarantee it ! Dont forget to record Strictly Come Dancing

If anyone has a minute very funny thread by bwhisky about having no friends in the playground and then doing a poll on MNers.

Well my grand plan to do stuff has amounted to nothing but I have tidied up for the weekend and got some groceries so thats something. Also making a chicken kebabs with special rice for tea so I am a good Mum

Waves to LC Starting Tea Mumfun Pink Happy and any lurkers

Getting can you link that thread? I've been trying to find it but can't.

Honestly tea link that thread you are joking !

Its called why do so many harbour jealousy or smthg like that

here it is tea....link

It's very very funny lol thanks for that getting

By where you type your message to the right it shows you how to do them --->

For next time getting

Sorry major rant alert.............

Am just going to dump this out as I'm feeling so bloody angry & hurt. Well my relationship with sdc's has been detioriating rapidly of late (since access with xh stopped 3mts ago). At the beginning when I separated both sdc's would have said xh was out of line, a f**k up, blah, blah, blah. I made a point of never discussing what had happened with them but my eldest dd did tell them about the violence & about the probs with xh & access or stuff he said etc. At the beginning when xh was being v irratic he fell out with sd but they patched it up along the way. Ss works for xh. The first time when access stopped sdc's mother told me that xh was putting them under a lot of pressure to stop all contact with me & telling them a load of lies about me etc. Again I never said anything in my own deffence & just kept my normal relationship with sdc's. When access started back up xh requested that handovers be done by ss as he wanted nothing to do with me! Again I just worked hard to maintain a good relationship with sdc's & not involved them in anything to do with xh. Xh kept involving them & over time I noticed things getting v strained. When my eldest dd tried to talk to them about xh stuff he'd done etc they'd just change subject. When access stopped again they started coming to collect dc's every few wks & bringing them out for a few hrs. Last mt they took the dc's out the day before my b'day but neither of them acknowledged it was my b'day. They just come again this aft to take dc's out & I just feel so hurt & angry that I had such a close relationship with them for 11yrs & now it's disintegrating to nothing. I got up with them during the night when they were sick, I collected & dropped, had their friends for sleepovers, always went way out for b'days & xmas, always gave them money etc & now it's suddenly as if I've been disgarded as I'm no longer in xh's life. Please someone offer me some words of wisdom as the pain is cutting like a knife. Btw they are 21 & 24 so adults really.

so sorry Starting, no words of wisdom im afraid just sympathy, have had similar with XP's family recently and i know how much it hurts

Am guess they have had a lot of pressure from XH and are feeling very loyal especially if they are worried their relationship with him may suffer if they continue their relationship with you

All i keep getting told when i vent to friends about XIL's is "bloods thicker than water" and although they may not agree with what their doing they have to support their relative........it's bollox really it shouldnt be like that

((((BIG HUGS))) for you and rant away were listening x

OK this sounds a bit like my DOOM of injustice,feeling blue when you have done nothing wrong.Realistically if ss is working with XH he isnt goin to be your best pal ,Sd was closer if i remember rightly but still at a very selfish stage in life ,i think when routine isnt their to guide them and they are left to their own devices they will show their true clours.FWIW i dont think it is vindictive just a bit idle and dont want to cause conflict with their father.Ur analysing too, and that isnt going to bring you any joy ,maybe if you were feeling better it would wash over you a bit more ,i just think its part of the journey ,if they choose to keep in touch with the kids that s great tbh and i would encourage it ,big hugs x

Also when they have their own kids they will appreciate the work involved and the love you gave/give them,sometimes you have to live a few more years to appreciate the ones that went b4.

Oh Sov & Patience ((Hugs)), thank you so much for your words of wisdom. You are both right. I know this logically in my head but my heart is just badly bruised atm. Xh bought sdd a car a few mts ago & has bankrolled the two of them for years so obviously I know they are not going to cut off the hand that feeds them & blood being thicker etc but it just bloody hurts me so much.

But you will always have the dignity and the serenity Startin' ,he is buying them,its the only thing he can give them ATM .Of course you are bruised you have watched them grow up ,it is a normal reaction and like everything else you need to feel it to move on but when you start to trip out about it just imagine a bundle of euros.Nuff said.

Sorry you're feeling fed up Starting. It is indeed probably getting to you more I think as you've been unwell. It isn't right that they are behaving as they are , but they are no doubt under pressure to side with XH and too young to know what's right. Unfortunately, I think all you can do, is leave them be and keep being civil. In time they may well remember the kindness you've shown them and behave differently.

((hugs)) for you

Thanks again Happy & Patience ((Hugs)). You are both right yet again. I just need to get acceptance around this again for now. Both sdc's in the past have always said how lucky they were to have me & how kind & good to them I'd always been & how they didn't want to loose their relationshipe with me etc so that can't have disappeared. I guess it's a case of give time time & it'll all work out in the end. Just sad that it has ended up like this when neither they nor I have done anything as such to cause this. I know I bang on a lot about forgiveness on this thread & I have forgiven my xh a fair share but this is something that can trigger my dark side & bring out an almost hatred for xh. He knows how much my relationship with the sdc's meant to me & he has worked hard to try to destroy that. F** OK AM LETTING IT GO, SERENITY WILL BE RESTORED

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SO FUCKING ANGRY

and breathe..........asked a mutual friend of mine and XP to call him and ask for my car seats back and the keys to my DS1 quad bike (not sure why he took them)
And she's just called back to say he said he will bring the car seats round (err dont think so) and that i cant have the quad bike keys back cos no-one but him is to take DS1 out on it sooooooo pissed of who the hell does he think he is...he hadnt even took DS1 out on the quad for nearly a year before he left, doesnt come and see the kids AT ALL now and he thinks he can do this

am going to text him and tell him bollox....he's done this on purpose so i have to contact him and he's got a way back in without losing face well guess what buddy i dont think so

Advice please :o

You know Starting when I first came on here your posts were quite often justifiably angry but its weeks and weeks since the last one which just shows how great you have been doing and how much more emotionally invulnerable you have become to your twunts activitites and the tendrils that seep out from him.

I agree with Patience its an age thing and dont worry let him work away at destroying the relationship it will all come back on him

Now go and put on a sparkly gown and join me for Strictly

Unless you need car seats immediately then totally ignore him or at most say OK dont worry then. Sov dont ever show them you are angry unless you need to , detach detach

Can he leave the seats at a friends house and you can pick them up,get that bit sorted then ask for quad keys again, i would just keep repeating it calmly and say you want ur child to make use of it.If he wants to take on the responsibility then great but you dont want it to seize thru lack of use.

Starting, your dsd and dss are caught in the middle and your xh will likely be manipulating them. Deep down they don't want to believe that your xh is a crap father and if he's making them choose then it's likely to go against you especially if he is still supporting them financially. Keep everything cordial and don't give them any reason to reproach you. Ignore anything remotely negative. One day they will understand, perhaps they will be step parents themselves. Hopefully you will always have contact as your dc's are their siblings.

Sov, I hope you haven't sent him a text. Save it in drafts and read it again tomorrow. Can you afford to buy new car seats? It may be an expense you weren't anticipating but don't allow yourself to be beholden to him for anything. Not sure what to say about the quad bike keys. How old is ds. Can he contact hisdad directly?

Great advice you lot {smile} you're as good as any professional agony aunts.

Starting.......they're probably deeply embarrased by their father's behaviour and also deeply upset that you soon won't technically be their sm any more. They probably don't know how they are supposed to 'be' with you anymore. I can imagine you being the most wonderful, lovely sm and I bet they really miss you.

Have a good last weekend in your house Armbow. Take photos as you move out of one and into the other.

Shame about your boss Happy, poor him, it's shit.

I saw that thread Getting. Last night I read the thread on here about catching DH in the shed on the hedgehog camera.......bloody hillerious it is, heartilly recomended.

I've got a huge last minute order for work to do which is good but means I'll be working flat out for the next 2 months. It's always like this before xmas. Can't wait till beggining of Dec when it'll be finished and the pressure will be off.

I'm so glad I discovered MM, it adds another dimension to life and I love our thread, it feels so cosy and comforting, especially when it's p*ssing down outside.

Wonder how Armbow's getting on at the party.

I loved that link the other day Patience.

Sorry everyone i broke dumpling code :(

I didnt text XP......got half way through and thought bollox and rang him instead [hangs head in shame and awaits a bollocking]
He was left in NO doubt as to how angry i was, i just screamed at him and he's saying stuff like "i dont want MY son going out with someone else on the bike" that just made me worse and i told him in no uncertain terms how much he'd hurt the kids ect till he hung up on me
After shaking violenty with rage for 20 minutes i poured a glass of wine and text him back saying fine keep it all, burn it for all i care just dont contact me again he then tried to lay blame at my feet again about why he wasnt seeing DC so replied by telling him it was his choice not mine and that i have all messages to prove it and he said fine i'll never see or hear from him again, im ashamed to say that i told him if he wants to see them to get a court order as i wasnt having my kids fucked about by their sperm donor father anymore and to do the world a favour and get the snip cos he doesnt deserve kids

He just made me so mad, i've clamed down now tg but i wash my hands of the whole thing, ive tried and tried and nothing, i didnt want to contact him as i knew what was coming but i'm past caring anymore if he wants to hurt me fine but not my kids DS1 cried his eyes out cos his dad wont give the key back, he was sat next to me when my friend called and heard it but i controlled myself till he went to his room before i called him TWUNT!!!!

Patience origonal plan was that he would give the seats and key to mutual friend but he told her no

LC cant really afford 3 new car seats but dont have a choice now and DS1 is 7 and doesnt want to speak to his father

what irks me the most is he wont take resposibillity for what he's done and i hear about him being on his high horse critisising people when he should be looking in the mirror

I used his favourite quote on him i called him an air stealer, thats what he calls people who do things he doesnt agree with, see how he likes it

Big hugs SOV ,been there done that so totally understand,i guess it gets easier but im trying to find out about access tonight and got one text saying " cool be good " so i guess he is in the pub with his bird and i am sat not knowing whether i have 2 hrs or 6hrs to do stuff on Sunday .He is a JERK Sov ,why cant he just text me with times etc anyway ,just remember there is no point expecting reasonable behaviour from someone incapable of giving it.
Lets have a house warming DJ Happy Party for AB next friday anyone fancy it ?