ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

Ah Sov, sounds like a horrible time for you tonight. But as Patience says, I think we have all had similar conversations with our XH's when they have behaved like total tw*s. Horrible that he is not respecting you or choosing to spend time with DCs. Hopefully he will change over time and you will get some peace in the end.

Hmm Patience, DJHappy night, yep, will need to check my schedule for the best day but sounds good.

hope ur feeling better happy and got a gentle weekend ahead ,my X truly is a muppet.........

Sorry you cant get a straight answer Patience, it makes it so hard to make any plans, when it comes to seeing DC it should be set in stone and nothing changes it.

I'm beginning to believe men who leave their DC and dont make the effort with them should be steralised so they can't do it to someone else

Has no one told these twats that kids are for life not just when you feel like it (maybe i havent calmed down as much as i thought lol)

Yes definately up for house warming party for AB :o

I think when its gets to my stage Sov i cant believe he is still try to manipulate me through the kids.Anyway i sent a text saying 10 til 6 pm thanks,he will just have to deal with it ,not wasting another Sunday with him pissing me about,hope ur feeling a bit better ,i am also trying to get him to buy his own cars seats .

Definitely perking up a bit Patience although doc not totally happy with progress so have to go back to hospital AGAIN on Monday. With all that time there I guess I'd better start eyeing up the docs

Sov what an awful evening you've had.
you know what the tragic thing is (ime) that the twunts make a better job of being there for their 'second' set of dc. It makes me feel sick even thinking it, let alone writing it but it's as though thier 'first' families are a bit of a practice run. (I feel like throwing up) I know lots of people who were left by twunt dads when they were little and the dads married again and became dads again and the second family are treated much better than the first and the dc in the first family are scared and resentful because the second lot of dc are spoiled rotten. He makes new friends, neighbours, etc etc and they all think he's the bees fucking knees because they don't know about the pain and devastation and heartbreak and anger that he's caused with his first family.

Sickening isn't it. It's exactly what's happening in my situation.

Makes me feel quite violent at the injustice of it all.

I really hate men at the moment, I look around and all i see are wimps and wankers. Not much in beween. I know that I don't ever want another one.

Sorry, didn't mean to rant. x

scard...can't spell it.

you can rant as much as you want Pink and i totally agree with what your saying, most of my bad dreams are about him having another family and my DC being forgotten about, definately think they should be steralised

Think his NW was with him when i rang as he didnt shout or curse and his texts weren't his usual rant maybe he's telling her im being unreasonable and not letting him see DC if that is the case ive played right into it but i dont really care she'll find out what she's let herself in for soon enough, i actually feel quite sad for her lol

I certainly think my Mil will worship my Xs new partner LOL maybe not this one but whoever becomes the replacement .I guess they are all so warped now it helps me let go GPs have seen dcs for 2hrs in 2010 and they live 20 mins away ,own car etc. says it all . Its my dcs i am worrying for ,i cant believe i am having this situation re access,but nobody that knows him can believe it either .I just hope things settle down for them ,i can honestly say out of all the other stuff i am having to deal with ,this worries me the most.But i can also detatch from it Mon-Fri so that must be a step forward for me ,first text i sent since last Sunday.He is my STBXH after all so it is purely business.

Posting from phone so ignore unusual spelling:)

Had a pleasant evening.... but you know what pink you are spot on. Men are odd. It felt odd tonight.... I was the only single there :o and so I spent a lot of time observing the couples and their dynamics. Lord.... some of them looked unhappy. One man was constantly giving me the eye whilst his wife was sat next to him... the others sent most of the evening not saying two words to each other. I think out of all the couples only 2 of them looked happy to be with each other.

It us sad isn't it ? But I am really going to embrace this second chance I have been given.

Starting and Sov..... sorry sounds like you have both had rotten evenings.... Keep the dumping spirit....what goes around comes around.

Party sounds like a fab idea..... I love you guys (hic!)

Hi Ladies, I have been lurking for a few days, having a thoroughly shit day, suppose the weather doesnt help. Loved Armbows comment on what goes around comes around, I truly hope this is the case in my DH and OW case, I live in hope anyway.

Have a lovely weekend all off you, hope you dont mind me butting in.

Not at all romney we are have a party next week and feel free to join us !Lots of good tunes cos ABs moving into her new pad !
Glad you had a good nite AB , LOL at your people watching!!!

People watchings great isnt it AB :o so glad you had a good night

Romney please feel free to post anytime you want your not butting in, were here to support each other through the shit days feel free to rant or whatever you want to do if you want advice or just to know your going through what we all have/are going through then just post

Patience, nobody that knows my XP can believe what he's doing either and i worry about the effect it's all having on DC too it's just all shit

Think ive had too much wine lol off to bed now goodnight Ladies and sleep well xx

Thanks Pink, Happy, Getting & everyone else for your v kind words. You are all right & I just need to accept that it will come right again in time.

Pink, I agree that what you said can be the case re second families etc. However I am the opposite. Xh was separated from his first xw 5yrs before I met him. He was exceptionally good to his xw financially, saw dc's regularly, spoilt them rotten out of guilt etc.. I always felt slightly reassured by how he treated his xw & dc's in that I expected he would be decent in the same way to me if ever things went wrong (wouldn't have wanted dc's being spoilt though). I could not have got it more wrong. I have had the exact opposite treatment & I'm guessing that people who knew him from yrs back must think I am the prob as he treated his first xw so well!!!!!!

Sov, we are all human & sometimes we all react even when we know it would be better if we didn't ((Hugs)). I had all that type of crap from xh too & I know how hard it is to cope with.

Patience, you are doing all you can do to set firm boundaries, I guess it's up to xh now if he steps up to the plate!

Armbow, glad you had a nice night out & well done on the writing jobs

Happy, hope you're not in too much discomfort ((Hugs))

Rom, welcome aboard

Went out with Norm tonight to another charity function. Had a lovely night . Have had to set myself a time limit in which I will continue to see him & just enjoy his company & see how it goes. Am aware that my thoughts of dumping him could just be kneejerk because I'm slightly commitment/relationship phobic .

On another note heard something today which puts my settlement negotiations in a different light . Am not expecting a happy ending, am now preparing for the bombshell that I think is coming my way next wk!

Starting thanks for the welcome, hope your news next week isn't a bombshell.

Ladies, I need to know after yet another terrible nights sleep, laying here thinking about DH and OW, will I ever get back to sleeping properly again? I have always loved my sleep but starting to feel like a zombie.

Morning.

Welcome Rom

Sov at your xh behaviour and the ongoing frustration at trying to sort out regular contact. What these idiots dont seem to get is that some men have to fight tooth and nail to enjoy access to their dc. I bet if you turned around and said fine you wont see them they be beating the door down. Its all really depressing and I am grateful that xh is totally reliable on that score , something I sort of took for granted until reading yours and Patiences problems on access.

Patience its just absurd that he cant even commit to a time scale two days before seeing dc. I imagine part of you wants to say fine dont bother but of course you want the dc to see their Dad and have a bloody break yourself.

AB glad you enjoyed the party I bet you looked fab. Too right enjoy your second time around you are still a mere slip of a girl !! Yes I know a couple of my very close friends who have serious marital issues and in neither case are they likely to come right but they put on a show.

Happy maybe you ask LC for some advice on pulling doctors

Pink yes I think you are right as that is exactly what my childhood was me Mum and brother growing up really hard up while Dad remarried had 2 girls who went to private school and have always been and still are spoilt rotten.Also we only saw Dad a couple of times a year really. The subject is never touched on but if pushed Dad would just say he married too young first time and thats that. Just to say though that therapy I have done filled in the chip on my shoulder about all that and I have a good relationship with them all now.

Starting that sounds ominous re negotiations you really are having a rough time atm. Wont it be wonderful when its all done and dusted with him.

Well I went into a bit of a decline last night. This is going to sound stupid and self pity of the worst kind but..I love SCD and the new series began last night and I was sitting there thinking here I am by myself watching this yet again yet another year gone by where I have no companion and nobody who gazes adoringly at me (I know its acting ).I hardly ever acknowledge how lonely I was in my marriage literally being at home on my own in the evening for a decade except when I went out or the rare occasions we did something together.

Whats depressing is as AB was saying I never see men anywhere on my travels that I have the remotest interest in . Also conversely I dont want anyone in my life who I have to compromise waht I want to do and for the most part I like being on my own

No email yesterday from xh so I will remain on pins for the weekend although actually as I know he wont be in touch over the weekend I will try and put it out of my mind.

AB hope the weekend goes ok for you and you dont get ambushed by too much sadness. God it seems not long ago I was reading your posts about your H leaving you have sped along on your journey of recovery

Waves to Tea LC Mumfun and lurkers

Hi Rom

You will sleep well again and find peace, it just can take time.

One thing I have learned Rom is that you have to take care of yourself, your mind, body, spirit and soul. That's been something that's helped me to find peace.

AB had a great idea a while back too about taking one practical and one emotional step each day to take you forward. Could that work for you?

X post Rom the short answer is yes without question you will.

We all have different stories on this thread but OW's are common in varying forms.

Maybe it would help to post a little about your situation ?

Well remembered Happy that was helpful and also gets you to take baby steps which is really all you can do in those raw early weeks

Oh yes and when I did sleep I dreamt about all my teeth falling out!!!

Welcome Romney to our lovely thread I've read your thread this morning.

Out for some girlie time with DD this morning whilst STBX looks after DS.

Quick post. Got to take ds to guitar then we're off to see the new man in my life. He's called Dodger and he's a rescue dog . Just waiting for him to be neutered then we can bring him home.

Getting, the OWs are common alright!Especially in my case .

And don't ask me about pulling a medic - I've been a nurse for nearly 30 years and I've never been out with one yet. Have to say a lot of them have huge egos and poor track records when it comes to fidelity. Steer clear of doctors.

Welcome Romney. Yes, you will sleep again. At some point your body will not allow you to carry on like this. I have only just started sleeping again properly and now I have to have an afternoon nap, an early night and I still sleep in every morning.

Sorry that these men are letting their children down. It makes me mad and sad on your behalf because not only are we left "holding the baby" but we also have to pick up the pieces when the children are hurt. But I definitely believe in karma. We will all be rewarded one day. Will catch up again later. The rain has stopped and we have sunshine here .

Morning all.......

Rom, you will indeed sleep again but as said previously it takes time. I've found lavender baths, camomile tea & meditation all help. Will have a look later for your thread.

Getting, sounds like you had a v tough childhood with that stuff in the background ((Hugs))

LC, enjoy your new man

Well ds looked out at the rain & said he couldn't go training in the rain.........he was in for a rude awakening . I on the other hand have woken up dying from my bloody cold again (paying a price for going out last night). I mentioned previously I've a muscle disease which affects the immune system so I'm really struggling to fight this off.

Morning all :o

Am so glad you didnt all shout at me for calling X and screaming at him last night, it's just so hard for me when it comes to the DC, i just want to beat him with a 2x4 to make him see sense grrr

Am going to put all thoughts of him out of my head now, he made his choice now let him live with it

Starting, hope negotiations go swimingly and that whatever it is you've heard is wrong, it would be easier all round if things go well and i hope your feeling better soon

Romney, The sleeping will get better, im still having a bit of trouble but it's so much better than it was and the dreams unfortunately seem to be common place, had a quick look and apparently "dreaming of loosing teeth could mean that you feel you have lost the ability to make decisions, and you may feel that some situation is out of your control, or you are headed in a direction you don?t want to go in."
Does that sound about right?

Getting, do you have any hobbies that get you out of the house and meeting people? it maybe something to look into, i often find myself feeling lonely, something which i also experienced during my relationship too, i miss working in pubs sooo much as it was my social time and i met some good people, unfortunatley it's evening work so no one to have DC :(

Tea, enjoy your girlie time cant wait till DD is old enough to do girlie stuff with :o

LC, yay doggy :) might think about getting one next year after i move have been wanting one for years but too many babies came along lol and as for Karma i hope it kicks arse BIG time on all our X's

Have a good day all xx

Sov, no way is it wrong to rant about letting dcs down. I had a major rant at xp on Wed, the biggest rant ever and I felt so much better afterwards. It's probably best not to let them think we need them though (which we certainly don't) so as long you don't come accross as needy I think it's ok to occasionally remind them how they've fucked up.

I have funny dreams too. Never about xp. Nearly always about my parents who are both dead but I dream that I'm back oop north helping them out as I did for a number years in rl. Then when I wake up I can't remember whether they are alive or dead, what's real or what's a dream. It takes me several minutes to work out reality.

Headache, Armbow?