Do all men think like this about 'older' women - warning controversial!

[runoutofnameideas]

DH and I have been having problems. Long story but all of the spark has gone.

Anyway, as part of a wider discussion, he was talking a lot about how men are pre-programmed to go for younger women and that as women get old we have to be attractive in other ways etc. etc. That women of 40 or 45 can't typically compete with younger ones of say 25 and if it were on physical appearance alone, men would go for younger(other than a few exceptions - I suppose e.g. demi moore)

On and on. He said stuff like and that's why women BBC presenters get dropped at 50 and so many older men have younger wives and it's all a biological imperative as men traditionally are still be fertile but women aren't.

He reckons most middle aged men don't think about their wives whilst having sex with them and are really thinking about someone else.

He says he thinks it's important to tell the truth and lots of people must be going through the motions when they don't really fancy each other.

I can sort of (very sadly) see his point but it is so horrid to think this is true and I'm destined to have had it shortly.

I am exhausted and so sad he thinks like this.
Opinions please!

No, not all men think like this. Even discounting dh, who says he finds young women totally unattractive (but could be argued to be saying it to make me feel better) I have the evidence of my (male) bf, who is single.

He often says that the problem he has when dating is that most of the available women he meets are in their 20s (he's mid 30s) and that he just finds them too young and 'green' to be attractive.

It's not just looks, it's also how interesting a person is that makes them sexually attractive. Many of us (male and female) find people with significantly less life experience less attractive as a result.

Which is not to say that someone of a similar age to ourselves who looks healthy and well taken care of is not more attractive than someone who has let themselves go.

He hasn't got emotional intelligence though, has he?

If he did he'd know that people who go round saying "it's important to be truthful" are often being really quite hurtful while being smug.

Runout - well of course 'rich' older men may have younger wives - the clue is in the 'rich' bit

Not that all rich older men want young wives - but hey, it must be a lot easier for Rod Stewert to attract someone 30 years younger than Bill who works in the newsagents.

OP - put a pic of him on your profile

Just ran this one past DP and he says "what she wants to do is go out and fuck a 19 year old - because she'll find it a hell of a lot easier to go out and fuck a younger bloke than he will to fuck a younger woman".

So there, from the horse's mouth so to speak

ThatDamnDog, Lol at your dh's comment. So very true.

Married my H at 30, when he was 21. He went on and on about the age thing a few years ago and has left me now, earlier this year. He's 40 and I'm 49. He's gone off with a 29 year old. I realise that a 21 year old man with a woman of 30 is envied by his mates, but the same can't be said of a 40 year old man with a 49 year old wife. He was very into appearances and what others thought of him.

Thing is, people look at our wedding photos and say "Who's that?" about him and about me they say "You look just the same"

Went to a school reunion a few weeks ago and the women all looked stunning and were instantly recoginsable. The men though....didn't recognise ANY of them and all the women said exactly that as well. They were all bald, slightly overweight and looked like clones of each other...very weird.

I've realised now that I had a fit looking, tall guy who's produced with me the most wonderful kids. Unfortunately he was also selfish, bullying, tight fisted and hated holidays. So I can now start looking for a guy with other qualities, generous, rich and kind, to go on holidays with and finally start have a good time....that's what I'm hoping for anyway, when I'm ready.

Oh kick him in the balls, he's basically said he won't be using them anyway.

He has been quite cruel to you I'm afraid and you are probably thinking wtf are you doing with this charmless twatfaced.
Good bloody luck with him

May I direct you all to this article.....unfortunately it was written right after I hit 32 so I obviously missed ze boat!!!!

Worraloadofshit.

Any woman in her 30's and 40's that is on internet dating websites, is inundated with messages from younger men. Like someone said earlier, real men like real women. Not Barbie dolls with nothing to say for themselves.

Trust me, I'm 40, and no oil painting, but I don't have any problem attracting men.

He's being a twat, and rude and hurtful.

Hum! sensitive subject. I dare not ask DH what he really thinks but I would not be surprised if long term partners of 40-something women do really feel like that.

I am feeling massively insecure at the moment (41 last week, getting more overweight by the minute) and have certainly noticed DH being less keen. I delude myself into th's due to work stress/ familiarity but I am not asking him in case he feels like the OP's partner. Although I think DH would be sensitive enough to lie.

I think your husband is being very mean and you should think if you want to still be with him or maybe trade him in for a toyboy .

I asked DP about this and he says it is bollocks and he will if anything love me more as I get older.

He must have his own reasons for saying this - ie he is a -prick-- is insecure or wants to hurt you.

You know, I was gutted when my h had an affair with a 29yr old (I was 43) and you really feel like you have been shelved and replaced with a newer model.

It is the most awful feeling

I looked at myself and hated what I saw. My greying hair, the muffin top, the wrinkles (probably from sleepless nights with the dc!!).

But then I looked around and saw many older couples walking round and holding hands and looking at each other in a way that left you in no doubt that they truly loved each other.

Then I realised that true love, proper love, is about how you feel when you are with that person. It shouldn't matter is they are bald, or fat, or grey or anything!! You should just enjoy being in that persons company.

I realised that my h was so shallow and I was also very jealous of those that had found a good partner - good on them!

Yes but the attractive older male say post 45 would have to mate in biological terms for a successful outcome with a woman who is younger than 35 as her eggs are better quality to make up for the lack of quality in his sperm.

I know that sometimes men and women who mate in their 40s have children naturally but this is rare and the majority usually need to have had help. Similarly if a woman post 35 wants children she's better off biologically with a younger male as his sperm will be high quality.

There was once large trial started regarding the fertility of males as they age, however it had to be abandoned as they couldn't find enough men who had younger partnered women.

I'll be 45 in September. My DP (for want of a better expression) is 37 and, frankly, is exceptionally handsome/fit/etc. The person who has the issue about the age difference is not him...

I think, if we're going on looks alone, both men and women are more likely to find those who are young, fit, sexy and beautiful more attractive than someone who's older. I don't think harping on about it is particularly thoughtful or respectful, however.

I'm 42 and I think middle aged men are also rans with their pot bellies.

I gave birth at 38 - 4 days later I was staggering to the local shops and I pulled a guy in his 20s. That's 4 days post awful csection and huge pregnancy.

We older ladies are NOT also rans.

Laugh in the face (or more likely pot belly and jowls) of an older man spouting on about the physical virtues of a younger woman. What they really like about younger women is the lack of experience and the vain hope that the younger woman will be a 'yes' person.

I hate ageing physically but it's less about my looks and more about my energy. But the one thing I like about ageing is my wordly experience.

load of crap.

what your DH is really saying is 'i am a twunt', or possibly 'I am a twunt with erectile dysfunction'

no shame in the latter thing though.

What a prick. Basically he'a making excuses for how he intends to treat you as you get older. Massive alarm bells would be ringing. Mabe you should go after a toyboy to teach him a lesson!

There are a lot of young men that actually would like very much to bed an older woman.

Long story but I was left with a lodger living in the house - not what you think as i was pg, but we sat and had some long conversations and as we didn't really know each other things were frank and this was one thing he did tell me - that men like to chase and older woman are much better for chasing and far better in bed.

Obviously this was his opnion and his mates, they are generalisiationms - but so are other views

My (older) husband thinks that you dh is 'spouting drivel' and was quite offended with the assumption that 'most men think like this'.

They do not.

I am willing, however, to take my fifty year old foot to your dh's backside, several times, if necessary.

Depends on the individual, really doesn't it? I'm bi and find older ladies attractive, but then I suppose your DH would spout some pseudoscientific evolutionary psychology claptrap about how I'm obviously not looking for a "mate" in women or whatever.

Really does sound like he's projecting his appaling sexist superficial feelings on others IMO. He certainly doesn't speak for my DH.

I have to say that not all older women attract younger men - or even men at all.
I'm in my mid-40s, been single over over a decade, and haven't had a BF for nearly 5 years - no proper interest whatsoever.

I'm not unattractive (size 8, long hair, nicely dressed, and told I look around 37!), but I've never even been chatted-up.

I guess most guys would be superficially attracted to younger women, but older women tend to be far more confident, and self-assured.

Just asked DP and he says that around about the time he met me (I was 16) he made fun of his brother for going our with a woman in her 30s, as he thought that was really old.

Now he whenever he notices an attractive woman she's always in her 30s and he thinks it would be weird and creepy to do that for a 16yr old.

So his conclusion is that your tastes must mature as you do.

As an after thought, he's just said that if, when I'm an old lady, I look anything like my Nan (who is 80) he'll be ok with that.

Not too sure what to make of that