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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

All Aboard The Brave Babes Battle Bus!

998 replies

Mouseface · 12/08/2010 10:09

Hello, welcome to thread five!! Smile

I'm Mouse and I'm 10 whole days sober which is bloody amazing given that I would normally consume nearly 90 units per week! And that's without 'special occasions'!! Shock

So, if I can do it, you can do it! The support here is awesome, no matter where you are in your quest to quit. No judging, no cliquey groups.

We are just real, honest people. All helping each other to give up the booze. Come meet the other Brave Babes........................

And for those who would like to read the adventures so far, here are the links from the first four threads!

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

OP posts:
Mouseface · 22/08/2010 17:14

Luci

I'm not sure what you want to hear.

How much are you drinking when you do?

It sounds as if the drinking is only part of the problem. Part of the reason you are so unhappy.

You know that drinking won't help. Do you drink to excess? To 'escape' the way yor situation makes you feel?

OP posts:
pavalova · 22/08/2010 17:17

Mouse, firstly - 'deep fried dog shite' Grin A very inventive image of a hangover!!

You are right and were very gentle with your support. Thank you. I would feel full of regret and frustration on top of feeling low if I had a hangover too. Thankfully the picnic and fresh air has put things back into a better perspective.

MsGee, thank you for your kind thoughts too. You bravely started at the weekend and it seems to be going great so well done to you.

Hello to other fairies and to Venus who appeared to float past on a fluffy cloud Smile.

Lucil, your situation sounds really stressful and I can imagine the appeal of numbing it out for a few hours BUT as you are concerned about your drinking I don't think it would be very helpful. When the morning comes and the enviroment is still the same yet you have a hangover and the accompanying regret on top I think things would be worse. Maybe some other types of escape may be more useful - can you take advantage of in laws and let them watch the children for an hour or two? You could go for a walk/coffee/see a film? The bath can be a great place to unwind/get some privacy. Wish I had some wiser words but try an go easy on yourself, you are coping with alot.

Lucilastic · 22/08/2010 17:46

Mouse, I drink about a bottle and a half of wine per night (or if I can get my hands on it.) DP is also a drinker but can happily have a can or two a night without craving more.
The inlaws feel the kids have been forced on them (we are in loads of debt chiefly down to me getting pregant with DC1 and DP coming out of a acrimonious and bitter divorce) and as a result are unwilling/resentful about babysitting at all for us.

For the record, DP left his wife because her infidelity. I met him 6 months after they split up.

Lucilastic · 22/08/2010 17:50

But yes, the days with a stonking hangover, two under 4's to deal with all day on my own is horrendous.

Sometimes DP leaves a half drunk can of beer on the table and I drink it the next morning.

That's bad isn't it? Sad

Mouseface · 22/08/2010 19:02

Luci

Sorry I vanished. Feeding time at the zoo.

Yes, that is bad. Well if you mean a lot, yes.

And the minesweeping the morning after is bad too. You know all of this so let's leave it there.

Let's go back to the start. Why do you drink?

OP posts:
ChristianaTheSeventh · 22/08/2010 19:49

Hi everyone sorry to late to post today

Luci I don't know - i understand about wanting to escape. however I can promise you that going for a run for half an hour after the kids are in bed would fill you with energy and endorphins, whereas drinking will not. Also, with no drinking you will lose weight, your skin will be gorgeous, you will feel in control. Then you could have a shower, feel physically ready to deal with the outlaws, have dinner, then go to bed with a great book and cup of tea and get some of your own life and thoughts back. Iguess you must feel hideously trapped - I do because DH redundant, no work, kids at home (2 under 4 too), no money, no chance to buy anything nice at all. I do understnad a little - except I don't have to live with the inlaws which must be horrendous.

MIFLAW would say - what's the harm in just NOT drinking for a while? it certainly won't make the situation WORSE

Lucilastic · 22/08/2010 20:19

Mouse, I drink for a few reasons, to not feel everything my life is right now, to numb the boredom, to sleep, without sounding to dramatic, to stop thinking so much.

Mouseface · 22/08/2010 20:34

Luci

And, does the drink really do that? Really?

I did that. I drank to escape. To forget how seriously ill my DS was, how stressed I was, how unfair life was, how cheated I felt aboubt the hand life had dealt me.

I wanted to numb the pain, numb my head so I didn't lie there 'thinking' in the wee small hours.

I drank because I could. 'I'm an adult so if I want to drink, I will!!'

Thing is, and you know this, in the long run, drinking didn't do any of those things. No numbing no relaxing, no sleeping - just passing out.

The mood swings, the hangovers, the DTs, the fretful sleep, the sickness and shaking, the poor complextion, the weight fluctuation......

All of those things impacted on how I really felt.

If you were to sit down and write out what upsets you, what depresses you, what you want to forget and not think about and approached those things one at a time, I think that you could handle them without a drink.

You need a routine. You need time just for you and you need to be selfish.

A bath can save your life! Half an hour of 'you' time. Locked in the bathroom. A hot tub of bubbles, clean pjs and a good book, by a certain time each night and before you know it, that's two hours less drinking time!

Yes, your in-laws may whinge about the hot water, so shower instead.

Just wash the day away.

Make that list. Cross things off and plan your day/evenings away from booze as opposed to around it.

Just try it. Tomorrow.

What do you have to lose by trying?

OP posts:
Lucilastic · 22/08/2010 20:35

I used to prefer the "slightly drunk" version of myself. I remember being about 15 and dscovering the cure to my shyness - alcohol. I thought it was the answer to my problems.
It was the beginning of all my problems.
I'm 41 now, 2 kids, a decent, loving partner (who does not believe I have a problem) but I still haven't sorted myself out.

Mouseface · 22/08/2010 21:08

Luci

My Dh is the same. I'm blowing this all out of proportion to him.

You need to worry about you. How much have you had so far tonight? Be honest.

By 9pm, I would have had a good 3 or 4 very large vodka and lemonades. Easily more on a weekend.

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 22/08/2010 21:37

luci - i can only echo everything mouse has said - it wont make your situation any worse is you are sober!, btw, a bottle and half a day costs in the region of £5! = about £150 a month!, might go some way to reduce your debts!, would have the knock-on effect of getting you your own place a bit quicker, win-win in my book!

btw, it is 3 months today that i have been sober!! Grin

Mouseface · 22/08/2010 21:59

JWN

CONGRATUALTIONS!!!

You are a totally different woman to the one I first read about and felt so very sorry for. And I meant that as a positive.

Well done. I heart you and all that you have achieved. xx

Off to bed but I'll be back tomorrow!!!

AND I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 22/08/2010 22:11

thank you mouse! - i recall that woman only too easily! Sad, it was the worst day of my life, i was standing on the cliff, one small shove and i would have gone Sad, i really thought i had lost everything, regaining it is the best work i have ever done! Grin btw, i heart you too! Grin

i am off to bed now, the sunday papers are calling, its been a super weekend, so full and busy, its a far cry from my drinking weekends, they always ended in a row, me with a hangover, dh angy and dd upset, i much prefer life to be like this!!

anyway, see you all tomorrow and like mouse says

WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

Lucilastic · 22/08/2010 22:58

I've had nearly two bottles of wine today and 3 cans of strong beer. My kids are away with granfparents for a couple of days.
I already feel pathetic and shit about the reality of another weekend wasted.
Thing is, I can go Mond-Thurs without drinking but I know my drinking habits are not normal.
Secret topping up of wine glass in kitchen, hiding cans in the bathroom...yet still don't want /can't stop.
I just want to be a social drinker. Am not sure I've ever been one though.

Lucilastic · 22/08/2010 23:01

I have to go to bed. Goodnight brave babes.
Tomorrow is another day, right? Sad

jesuswhatnext · 23/08/2010 08:30

good morning!! Grin here we go, the start of another bright new week!! had a lovley sober weekend, done so much, socialised, entertained, spent time with dh, its been great!

im going to harsh luci, you CAN wake up feeling this good on a monday morning, you just have to decide how much you want to!, you have to decide if you own alcohol or if it owns you!, its actually quite a simple question, right now, i think you know the answer!

MsGee · 23/08/2010 09:04

Morning JWN and everyone! JWN well done on three months! Not only have you acheived 3 months but these threads seem to have inspired a lot of others to follow suit.

Luci - I am very new here (on day 4!) but I think that if you have come on here that is a big first step and it must mean that you want to make some changes and are ready to do it? If Mon - Thurs are days that you don't drink,then perhaps today is a good day to stop drinking? By Friday you will be feeling proud of yourself, more in control and ready to tackle the weekend without drinking. I want to be a social drinker too but I know that I really can't do it. Because when I start drinking 'socially' I really don't want to stop.

I am feeling slightly better today. Still horribly tired, although that was not helped by DD waking up very early this morning. I am finding that the evenings are actually more relaxed without a drink. Its a bit of a revelation that I am able to sort washing, stack the dishwasher, tidy up etc. before going to bed, rather than just staggering upstairs. I am enjoying lots of the smaller things about not drinking today (although I guess they add up). I am still waiting for this weight loss and glowing skin though Grin

Plus I have saved about £20 in booze already. And DH drinking much less now because I am not coaxing him into having another with me.

Anyway, hope you all have lovely Mondays. Just for the record ... I will not be drinking today.

jesuswhatnext · 23/08/2010 09:08

what a nice positive post msgee! i promise you will feel much better soon, including getting the glowing skin! (cant promise weight loss, you may develop an addiction for doughnuts! Grin)

you are right about the small things adding up, i really cant think of one negative aspect of giving up drinking.

MsGee · 23/08/2010 09:22

Well your initial thread really made me think a lot. I re and re-read for about a week before I decided to join you all but it was a big turning poin for me.

I already have a bit of a doughnut addiction ... however, I am too lazy to walk to the shop and buy some which is my saving grace!

Right, I must begin to earn some pennies ... am going to work hard today, have a friend coming for lunch (who gave up drinking earlier in the year, surrounding myself by positive influences!) and then I am going to prepare something delicious for dinner... Reading all your posts about cooking yesterday did make me think that this is one thing I might have time for if I am not drinking!

RedMoomin · 23/08/2010 09:33

Good morning all,

Lovely to catch up with everyone. I hope that everyone is doing OK.

I had a really nice weekend, met up with my best friend who is normally at the other end of the country! We went for a lovely lunch and a walk. She was asking me about AA, booze etc and was so supportive and great about it all.

Loving all the positivity on here!

(Hello algee! Glad that things are still gong well!)

Mouseface · 23/08/2010 09:38

Morning Babes!

JWN - you sound all bright and cheery! What a fab weekend you've had, even with the small, ahem, fire in the kitchen! How is DH and his new job in pyrotechnics this morning? Grin

MsGee - well done on day 4. By now you should really start to feel the difference. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

Your day sounds good, lots of positive planning! And yes, I am the new Delia since quiting the booze!! Grin

Luci - hello. I hope you come back today and post. I imagine that you will feel like deep fried dog shite. Water and painkillers. Try and eat something stodgy - cheese on toast - and drink lots of clear fluids to flush your kidneys through.

What are your plans for today? Smile

Red - are you there yet lovely? How was your weekend?

Trinity - how are the plans going for the BBQ? Is there anything I can do to help from afar?

Hello to everyone else. Smile

TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!!!!!!

OP posts:
Mouseface · 23/08/2010 09:41

Whoops - there you are!! Grin

OP posts:
RedMoomin · 23/08/2010 09:45

Morning mouse! Yes, I am here. Feeling a bit like I am about to come down with a head cold or something - yuck!

TrinityRhino · 23/08/2010 10:15

morning all
I gave in to the voice and thought fuck it all

been drinking for the last three days

not half as much as I was before by a long shot but I srill feel like shit, got nothing done and dd1 asked me why I was drinking Sad

I'm so scared of being boring
getting fat
losing friends

I know, I know, they are all shit rreasons

I want to punch the voice in the face

fucking bastard

DAAAAAAY 1

today I will not be drinking

jesuswhatnext · 23/08/2010 10:33

trinity

drinking makes you fat!

drinking makes you boring

drinking will lose you friends, cos it turns you into a boring pain in the arse!

punch the voice right in the mush!!, smack it right in the kisser!, kick it right up the bracket! send the boys round!, tell it its fortune! tell it to FUCK THE FUCK RIGHT FUCKING OFF!! get me drift?? Grin