Write The Archers One Line At A Time

[PseudoBadger]

Do it like the professionals do it

Toby: I heard that that Helen woman bludgeoned him half to death with a wheel of cheese?

Meanwhile is an altetnative outcome we should have had. Please jump in and help with the just desserts (not custard) that Rob should have got.

Polis: Mr Titchener are you aware of why you have been arrested?

Rob: This is ridiculous. Are you telling me that a man cannot tell his wife what to wear (especially when she's no Kim Kardashian ) without getting arrested? I am telling you, you will regret this when my lawyer is done with you. You do not she is unhinged don't you? Totally gaga? I should be getting a medal really....

*know not not

^ to be clear in this timeline Helen walked out the door flipping him the Vs and Harrison turned up and nicked him. No stabbing required.

Rex: Toby I just want to clarify that we are not selling pasteured eggs - we don't have a pasteuriser! Our eggs are surely pastured eggs? Or have you splashed out on a bloody pasteuriser too?!

Oops I knew they were pastured. I just cannot spell!

Toby: Rex I don't think you are taking this seriously. They've just found a nody in the garden for goodness sake. Don't you care? I mean there has to be an angle on this. Forget it. I'll go and ask Josh.

Borsetshire NHS Trust: planning meeting : we appear to have an application to have a new wing built for our most important patient, Rob Titchener. We must prioritise this before all else. His father has submitted a detailed checklist.

Polis: Now Mr Titchener, regarding your claim that you had to take control of the family finances because your wife was incompetent. Yet until you came along she sucessfully ran a business. You on the other hand in your brief interference in AO managed to hire a manager who ran it into the ground, whilst simultaneously destroying Berrow Farm causing numerous redundancies and your stint at BF shop is hardly a success. What do you have to say to that?

Rob: For god's sake man, it's blindingly obvious I'd have thought, even to a state educated plod like you. Of course I had to take control of the money. Heh heh. She. Is. A . Woman.

Toby: Hmm that spelling mistake in my last dialogue has given me an idea! We can sell Noddy figurines, alongside the eggs! This is perfect! I'll buy 100 thousand!

Oh lord

(As an aside I am loving how in this version of TA instead of HelRob with some side plots, Bert is the new main man. He isn't even an Archer )

Eddie: Noddy figurines is it Toby. I have a mate who can get you all the Noddy you want. You leave it to me Toby Fairbrother.

(Aside)Clarrie luv where did you put all those old happy meal spiderman toys of George's. Stick a hat on 'em and old posh knobs will never know they're not Noddy.

Vango ...

Anything you'd like to tell us?