Write The Archers One Line At A Time

[PseudoBadger]

Do it like the professionals do it

Toby: I heard that that Helen woman bludgeoned him half to death with a wheel of cheese?

Carol: Harrison is on his way. I'll just get the kettle on. You'll both be needing some tea no doubt.

Bert: Roight you are Mrs Tregorrran. She made tea a lot too, my Freeder.

Carol: such a funny thing......I thought you said Feeder? Shall I ask him to pop by the tearoom and pick up some cake?

Susan: Neeul.....Neeul......can you switch off Midsomer Murders for a minute and listen to moi please? I was thinkin'. When I popped up to Bridge Farm with the Echo earlier today....well they all seemed a bit, y'know, preoccupied. Would now be a good time to talk to Tony and Tom about takin' over the pigs? I mean....now that you're the manager....you could be the Director....just imagine....don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want them to think we were being insensitive but us Carters deserve a bit of luck every now and then. I'm only glad that Emma's finally on the pig's back, so to speak..

Bert: no need Mrs Tregorrran. I xan see Jill coming up the path with a fruit loaf in' er 'and. You only have to mention cake and she's there. Like some kind of 'oming pigeon she is No that int roight.... Why did I think pigeon there? I meant psychic.

Bert: it's ok, Mrs Tregorran, oi've got a cupboard of cake. Mrs Archer pops one in each day when she's passing. It's very kind of her but, I mean, I can't move for lemon drizzles.

Vango she so would as well.

Neil: Soosan!

Besides ,I hear parking is terrible at Bridge Farm these days.

Clever cross post chaps. I've got a brilliant Graham one that I just can't post. I've tried to message it to you SmallLegs but it won't let me do that either! What's WRONG????

Apologies! I say brilliant. Not necessarily. But I made myself laugh and since we're all appreciating the humour ... Never mind. I'm sure he'll pop up again later in the story. Then again

Kate: Ommmmmmmmmmm................ommmmmmmmmmm........ommmmmmmmmmm

Lonely stab wound: Won't somebody claim me - I'm all by myself?

Kenton: Hey, Jolene...I've got a plan. The May Bank Holiday's coming up and you know....well.....with all these journos hanging around we could really cash in if we ran...I dunno...say a theme night? Could run with dinner over the long weekend? Maybe make it a murder mystery...get Wayne to do a vat of tuna bake...whaddya say?

Lonely stab would no. 2: I'm just round the back!

*wound

A man of the Church: Care not who made you, Lonely stab wound. Have patience and trust in your SOC - he will find an identity for you.

Peggy: I've invited poor Ursula over for lunch. Such a dreadful business. I've made trifle with my best raspberry jam, lovely red jelly and of course lots and lots of custard. Do you think she'll like it Chrisrine?

Christine: I could make some scones...

Peggy: oh really, Chris! The poor woman has enough to deal with. Sometimes you are so thoughtless.

(after the tension has built to unbearable levels, cut to:)
Bert: Oi. Haaaave. Maaade. A. Lot. Of. Cake. Because that's what Freeder.

Moi woife.

Moi Freeder.

Wot Oi was married to.

For years and years.

Including, but not limited to

And 2014.

Would ave wanted.

Ruth: Haha. Haaaaaa. Heeeee. And it was ..... heeeeehurgh...... stock cubes!

Including but not limited too

I love you all

Peggy: Goodness me, Jill, did you hear Bert Fry going on and on and on about his wife? In my day, when you lost a spouse you just got on with it and found another, richer one! So undignified - you'd think he'd lost a cat rather than a human being! Another slice of cake? I've thrown all Christine's dreadful scones away: I only have to look at them to hear her stupid stupid voice droning on and on. Urgh.

Jill: Poor Bert, he must miss her. Imagine what it must be like to know you'll never hear her voice again. At least with dear Phil I know that if I stare at a cow for long enough he may speak again. I find that a great comfort.

Jenny: perhaps I could get out the oiuja board again.

(As opposed to the weegy board which just spells out A L R I G H T P A L W I S N A E M E over and over again.)