Write The Archers One Line At A Time

[PseudoBadger]

Do it like the professionals do it

Toby: I heard that that Helen woman bludgeoned him half to death with a wheel of cheese?

Jill: [As though suddenly electrocuted] Oh! My Goodness! That reminds me: Phil had a ouija board that the children loved terribly, but it was sold in a jumble sale in 1964. Perhaps if we could only find it, everyone would see it and come to their senses about everything! It's got to be worth a try!

David: how are the new cows getting on with calving? How many so far?

Pip: Oooooo, Dad, I know, I know! I know all the answers about farms and cows and sheep and milk. By the way, I'm heading off to see my boyfriend again next week. Ed can probably gelp out on the farm. Or Toby or someone... I don't care who because I'm in love and we're going to make this work.

Ruth: But Deayvid, that's the beauty of the new low-input system! We don't know, we just let them get on with it themselves and round them up when we feel like selling some. I don't know why we didn't do it years ago, I mean it's basically the same system we had for our own children - leave them to their own devices then round them up to join the family firm when they start talking like a grown up - if it works for kids, why now cows? (Mad laughter)

David: Well, Pip and Josh seem ok, but we don't know the outcome for Ben as yet....

Ruth: Don't worry, Deayvid, we have a tidy cereal cupboard, and you know you can't expect 100% with livestock, it's the input that counts after all.

Broosh: it's my turn for the teef now Urshula.

Honestly we should point Keri to this thread loving Pip and Ruth.

Broosh: For gods shake woman. Theresh no point shitting there with your hand up. Itsh my turn for the teef and thatsh that. And shtop crying fir heavensh shake. No shun of mine is dying unlesh I give him permission. I brought him up to.kniw the meaning of obediensh.

Broosh, Undo the handcuffs, get out of the gimp outfit and put the kettle on.

smallegs that is genius.

swirling and smalllegs brilliant I'm giggling like an idiot

TA production team underling:

Hello Mr Yapp. Welcome to the Mailbox. We're all so pleased you're taking over - really excited about your new plans for the show ...

Yapp: Excellent. Now first things first. Are you familiar with Dallas?

Meanwhile
Harrison: So Bert can you show me where you found the body? I am sure it's nothing too serious.

Well, PC Burns, it's in the large muddy hole in moi garden. I'd a thart that would be obvious to a man of the instability, being as we're in the garden now. Do you want some cake? I can see Mrs Archer coming, best we go inside.

Constabulary not instability

Editor Yapp: Sorry darlin' - before my time. But time is something you're all gonna have a lot more of yeah? Never mind the width, feel the quality. KD, mate - how quick can you boil those scripts down? Cut out all the cack - four minutes max - four n a half if there's a knife involved. Everyone in?

(But Swirling I'd just turned at your instability wit! )

"instability" is re the current SLs rather the 'mot juste'

Helen: I demand to see Alicia Florric, get me a plea bargain sorted. ( I have been infected by The Good Wife.)

Helen: what do you mean Ambridge is not in Orange County.

ha ha, I didn't think it was rather apt, but can claim no credit!

Police Inspector: Helen. As we've explained - you will be represented by Usha, or someone who knows Usha. No one else.

Harrison: well you're right there Bert. It does look a lot like a body. I wonder who it could be? Even more important how do you think they ended up like that. I suspect foul play.

Bert: Well PC Burns if I were a detective I moight be inclined to think that the necklave around his neck spelling out Stefan was a clue. Moi Freeder thinks the same about the tattoo on his arm that says "I am Stefan". I won't tell you what she said about your powers of deduction. Oim 'oping Oi misheard and that the word she just used was bunting.

Toby: you know Rex maybe we can make something from this. "I could murder a pasteured eggs" "Have a stab at pasteured eggs" "Custard isn't proper custard unless its made with Fairbrethrens pasteured eggs". Rex. Rex are you even listening.