Write The Archers One Line At A Time

[PseudoBadger]

Do it like the professionals do it

Toby: I heard that that Helen woman bludgeoned him half to death with a wheel of cheese?

Matt: 'Allo puss'cat. What's the news about the road, and where's Anthea?

Kathy: Pat, I know you're upset and I am your best friend but I still don't have time to see you , I'm trying to track down Jamie

Matt: Why's this place crawling with police? Er, just need to pop out for a bit...

Kenton: Wow! Murder is great for trade. Is there anyone in your family you could try to bump off, Jolene? Too bad Wayne is such a great chef.

Emma: Honestly Ed, this really is our year. I've never been so busy at the Tea Room. Me and Fallon's thinking of getting some extra staff. See...I told you our time would come. Ed? ED? Is that a ferret in the cake tin!!!!

Pat: what are we going to do Tony? I seem to have lost any sense of myself

Fallon: Sorry Kenton, I was distracted because I'm busy upcycling this feminine hygiene products bin for the tearoom. Last time I saw Mum she was climbing on the back of Wayne's horse shouting 'yeehah!'

Susan: Er, Pat. I hope you don't mind me coming round. i couldn't help but notice all the police and the people from the newspapers. I wondered if you wanted me to personally deliver your copy of the Echo this week. Save you going out. And if you need anything you only have to call!

Clarrie: Oh Eddie!

Pat: Thanks Susan - by the way I've just had Maurice on the phone. He says Chris, your Chris, has just been arrested for - let me see, I wrote it down - "entrapping sunbathers on the nudist beach in iron harnesses". D'you know - oh, she's gone ...

Susan: That Pat. She thinks she's above everyone else. Honestly Neil. I hope 'er Helen gets 'er just desserts. Fancy attacking poor Rob like that. And him a hero.

Kenton: Fallon - that wasn't Wayne's horse

Rob: where am I? what happened? I don't feel too good.,,
Who are you? I get a consultant, do I? Oh, the junior doctors are all on strike? I like your outfit, but do you really think it's appropriate to be showing so much skin below the elbow? All the medical training and hygiene precautions in the world won't stop people from thinking, well, I hate to say it, but I have to be honest because I respect you toouch for anything else... that it makes you look like a slut. There, that's much better. And, while you're here, make me some custard.

Lynda: Hellllooo Sooosan. Is now a convenient time to talk about the panto? Now. You might think it's a bit out there, but what do you think about a staged version of 'Sleeping with the Enemy'?

Bert: David, help me set up this trough for the Fairbrothers. Animals they are can eat from that. Plenty of oxo cubes for em in there.

Susan: Ooh Lynder, I like the sound of that. I'm assuming you'll be asking me to play the lead? I wonder if Pat would mind if I went to visit Helen in prison, for research like.

Lynda: oh Soooosan. You see, I knew you'd get my vision. I was thinking of Bert for the psychopathic husband...

Susan: Bert? BERT? Why can't you choose someone more.........manly. My Neil for example. Or Rob, when he recovers. We need to rally round and show him our support.

Lynda: oh Soooooooosan I've got it! Hazel can be our Principal Boy!

Susan: Or Charlie Lynder. Maybe we could give Charlie a call. Show 'im we 'aven't forgotten 'im.

You're all hired when can you start.

David: Oh, hi, love, I've just had an email from Pip. She's going to be staying with Matthew for another week. I don't know where she gets this idea that you can just keep extending your holiday , but she says she's learning so much, so I guess we can't argue.

Ruth: Well I think it's greet Deevid. Young luv 'n all that. I wus thinkin. With me man's money, mebbe we should hire someone else to help out. Give Pip a chance to reely get to know Matthew. Wasn't Daryl looking fer work?

*mam's