Tradesman just made me cry

[Fluffyelephant]

I know it’s probably silly to be so upset but I’m really shaken up.

Having a nightmare with our house renovation. People cancelling, not showing up.

Finally had a guy in today (recommended by another tradesman). Long story short I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away.

Agh. Absolutely horrible. Really shaken up. Just feel like I’m cursed with this renovation. Feel like it was my fault for not making the details of the job clearer.

Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced similar. And if so how do you keep it together?!

Why is the onus on the OP to tiptoe around and pander to this idiot? We know that she did eventually go in but it wasn’t up to her to stage an intervention in order to prevent his behaviour from ‘escalating’. If there was a problem, the tradesman needed to go and find the OP in order to address the issue in a professional manner.

Because that sort of work is frustrating though.
Having to fix work that's been mucked up by a previous "professional" is frustrating. Having to do small fiddly jobs when really you want to work on something big and well paid and interesting is frustrating. Having small jobs turn out to be more complicated is frustrating. Being self employed and therefore working with your clients to make appointments when both of you are free is more frustrating than just turning up to an office same time each day.
But presumably no-one forced your brother or the OPs tradesmen to do those jobs? Its like if I decided to make cakes for a living and got really frustrated at how much FLOUR WAS IN MY FUCKING HAIR. Its normal to moan to loved ones about the frustrating parts of ones job. It doesn't mean you get to behave like a dick. If its that bad he needs a new job (except he wouldn't be allowed to act like that in an office/shop/cafe)

Have a look at the 1 star reviews of Checkatrade on Trustpilot. There are at least 100 pages of them.
Very eye opening.

Bloody hell some weird responses here OP.

It's totally underrstandable to be shaken by being sworn at whilst in your own home by an unknown man who is supposed to be a professional.

And it's totally unedstandable for a husband to react instictively to interevene if an unknown man is swearing aggressively at his wife and causing her to cry in their home. (it may not be wise and he probably didn't have a plan beyond saying 'what the hell is going on??' but a very natural response.

The tradesman may have had legitimate gripes about the job expectations and the materials and to decline the work, but this should be conveyed proefssionally.

Why are tradespeople given a pass on professional behaviour most of us would sacked for??
They should have higher expectaions of behaviour given that they are largely unknown men working in people's private homes often directlly with women alone.

His behaviour stinks of male entitlement knowing he can intimidate you, get away with it and not caring.

I strongly suspect he wouldn't have treated your DH like this. It would be more 'look mate I can't do this job, I haven't got the time and you need better materials tbh, I'm heading off' if you'd been a man.

It's a shit way to treat anyone, it's a shit was to behave in a professional context, it's a despicable way to treat a women, and it's pathetic so many women on here are atacking you and excusing his behaviour.

The amount of people tripping over themselves to make excuses for a bloke having a tantrum.

Worst part is when he was on his tirade I just kept repeatedly saying sorry (I didn't know what else to do and was completely taken aback!) but he kept on. And people on here still seem to think I'm some sort of monster.

For anyone who watches peep show it was basically like Big Mad Andy except I didn't 'order him to do it' like Jez does!

He also said "And I'll be leaving this for you to clean up and sort out!" a few times.

I mean I know it was implied when he left without tidying up, but he actually said it!

Urgggh, OP, I'd be really upset too.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Incidentally, I once took a whole morning of work to wait for someone to come to my house but they phoned to say they were running late and in the end we had to reschedule it for another day. It was mildly annoying, but these things happen so I completely understood. Even if OP had changed the date (which she didn't) if she had done it with enough notice then she isn't to blame - that is how life works, and goes with being self-employed. And "I will get back to you when I know if I am free that day" is normal and fine.

I’d recommend going on check a trade, putting a really detailed description up including the potential difficulties, and seeing what quotes you get then double check the credentials and reviews for that person/company. I’d expect them to come and look at the job area to give a quote unless they are happy to use photos.

Lol even when having a 'bad day' if I acted like this at work, in someone else's home with my NHS name badge on. I'd be suspended, investigated, likely sacked and probably lose all my professional registrations. Imagine being treated in the high-stress environment of an A& E unit, and understandably stressed clinicians went about screaming shouting and swearing, you'd not be happy and they'd be sacked too. Teachers at schools also have to smile demurely as teenagers give them crap, no screaming shouting and swearing allowed there either. Why do we give traditionally 'male' professions a free pass on holding their s**t together like grown ups but traditionally 'female' professions expected to act like angels?

But also women are the ones who can't control their emotions.
There is a lot of "well if he was THAT angry there must be a reason. What did you do?" Some people are just angry twats.

Honestly, this place. Since when has MN been so keen to fall over themselves excusing male anger and aggression? It's really not okay just because you're a tradesman, acceptable standards of human decency should still apply.

Giving up on checkatrade had a terrible plasterer from there and an even worse tiler. The tiler was on a phone dealing with a complaint when he turned up.

I said before I would be sacked if I acted like that. But actually, I like to think there would be a point well before that where I would be pulled to one side and asked about my mental health because its such a not normal way to behave I think people would assume there was something seriously wrong.

He sounds like a prick!
It wasn't you or anything you did. You can rely on aibu to give a load of mad replies

Definitely.

Were you changing your mind every two minutes?

Good Trades would have everything in writing and have stage payments

Not for a small job, I’m very lucky to have some excellent trades, no one gives stage payments for a small job and many are happy with just a text on the price.

Dog is also really upset and shaking still which I can only assume is cos of the confrontation and me being upset 😭

Makes you realise what sensitive creatures they are.

Can't quite believe how rude some people are being to the OP. Very unpleasant and unnecessary.

I once had a rude and threatening electrician, who really upset me, and I finally asked him to leave, as it was scaring me. I called his company the next day and he had already been fired. I think he was having some kind of breakdown and maybe her lashed out at the next customer- it must have been something extreme to get him fired that day.

Laugh it off - I had a similar experience with a window fitter cursing when i was in the next room. I had to cover my mouth and try to be quiet. He obviously hated his job and did not want to be there - I could resonate with that and found it quite funny!

People are totally undersestimating the fear an angry and aggreassive man sparks in women (and animals) and for good reason. They are potentially very dangerous. To be scared and flooded with adrenalin is the normal response.

It's incredible that a man getting frustrated at work is given as an excuse for treating a women like this.

Decent men don't behave like this.

I find the responses on this thread so weird.

This man upset OP with his aggressive outburst. Her partner ran outside - the fact that no one can conceive someone going after a person for any other reason than further aggression speaks to your own attitudes. No one would have wanted to find out what the problem was? No one would have wanted to ask him how to rectify the situation for the next person? Or thought that's what their partner wanted to do?

Anyway, I'm not surprised this pushed you over the edge. I've been there. Not sure why he was getting so riled, and I would have asked myself, but I can see why many wouldn't.

Changing the subject but where should householders go for better kit? Builders merchants ie non of the big chains like wickes similar?

Not sure why there are so many trolls on here OP but I would be upset too. I once did a full renovation on a flat and it was a nightmare. I had one tradesmen turn up to take the old kitchen out and he was a total cowboy, took a sledgehammer to the kitchen and ended up bursting a water. When I confronted him he became aggressive and was shouting at me, video recording me. I was 7 months pregnant and it really got to me. DH wasn't home. I paid him because he was so aggressive I felt I had no choice to dispute it and then I had to call out an emergency plumber.

I now rely on my neighbourhood WhatsApp group for recommendations.