Tradesman just made me cry

[Fluffyelephant]

I know it’s probably silly to be so upset but I’m really shaken up.

Having a nightmare with our house renovation. People cancelling, not showing up.

Finally had a guy in today (recommended by another tradesman). Long story short I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away.

Agh. Absolutely horrible. Really shaken up. Just feel like I’m cursed with this renovation. Feel like it was my fault for not making the details of the job clearer.

Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced similar. And if so how do you keep it together?!

I don't think it's really the place, is it? It's just buying the cheapest thing on the shelf and congratulating themselves on having saved money.

It wasn't the cheapest. And the original tradesperson told me to go to B&Q for it.

Can’t believe the lengths some people are going to justify this crappy, strange behaviour and make it the woman’s fault! Again!
This man has behaved in a rude and aggressive manner. The OPs job was clearly not really his main problem but the last straw in what sounds like a series of annoying occurrences. I reckon several other jobs haven’t gone as smoothly as he would like and the OP has got the back end of him having enough.
If a tradesman has a specific type of tools/equipment/materials that he prefers to work with then he needs to use his words and ASK for them. Or supply his own.
He can’t turn up to a job he hasn’t bothered to come and look at and then blame other people when it isn’t quite the job he thought it was.

I don't think we're disagreeing, I'm just explaining how it is ime. And no, no one forced them to do those jobs, but it's where their skillset is (whether they like it or not) and they take a call or referral and try to fit jobs in as anyone would. No doubt some cakemakers flip out occasionally too when things don't go to plan. I'm sure my brother would've loved a different job but he's gifted at his trade and not wired for office/shop/cafe work so it wouldn't make any sense to switch. Anyway, we're not really talking about him, I only mentioned that to OP for another angle and as I said, he keeps a lid on it for unrelated customers anyway.

Also I find OP I literally spoon feed every tradesman with all the the information of the job. Most of them are men and like most men they don't listen. I usually email or WhatsApp a pdf of exactly what the job is with photos etc, sometimes CADs and then make sure they send a quote in writing to make sure we are on the same page. I've had a decorator use the wrong colour paint in a room before - (their mistake).

Whereas cats have 0 inclination to be helpful.
I once had to deal with a very angry man in my house (not a tradesman, its a long story) and during a lull the cat, which was perched on a shelf, very casually stretched out and started licking his shiny bald head. It didn't really help ease the tension but looking back it was really funny. I don't know what possessed her.
Your incident will be a funny story one day but its normal to feel upset now.

Renovation can be hard and stressful. I hope you're okay. Maybe everyone involved in this - including the tradesman himself- was stressed for different reasons and today was just one of those days. Hopefully there's been no lasting harm done and you can put it behind you . Make a nice strong cuppa and relax for a little while, you've had a bit more of a fright. Then move on. Good luck .

This thread gets weirder and weirder. So many apologists for aggressive male behaviour. Very depressing.

Imagine going into work, having a bad day, maybe someone made an error somewhere and you start slamming around, swearing and then say 'fuck this I'm leaving'. Would you be saying that's reasonable behaviour? Where is the difference?

Yeah, so many apologists for male aggression on this thread. That aside, do they really think it's OK to shout aggressively, slam things around, use the F word and tell the customer what they've bought is shit. Basically intimidate the hell out of the female customer? Seriously?

I can assure you this is 100% true. But I'm not going to go out of my way to prove all this with photos of the floor and a video of my dog!

I was just answering generally, in the spirit of the question, about tradesmen being left with substandard parts. Your guy is a nutter.

Also just to add I'm pretty sure if I turned up to work being aggressive, shouting and swearing I'd get sacked. His behaviour was not OK.

This.
It's like people get off on giving ops a hard time.

OP it could be that the tradesman had a series of frustrating jobs that day and this was the last straw. He has anger management issues and people like that are not rational when it boils over.

It also sounds like he didn't take the time to read the requirements and the fact he turned down pics is not a great sign.
At least he didn't charge.

The only thing you mention is you already thought you were going to be overcharged. Did you mention that to him? There's nothing worse for tradesmen than clients quibbling the price. Their overheads are massive and any time researching materials, ordering etc is not accounted for. Tools get worn down constantly and are expensive.

I know some are taking advantage but most really are not.

Recommendations by people already in skilled trades really are the best way- a very small job can be hard to get a good Trade for.

I needed a 19th C stone wall rebuilt after part of it collapsed- it took a YEAR to get a good Trade to do it, his waiting list was that long.

But he was polite, punctual, his 'mate' was lovely, and well worth the wait.

All they did was old stone walls.

He also showed me pics of previous Jobs, some of which were for landed 'Estates' so I knew his credentials were good.

Ahh OP I’m sorry. My DH is a builder and although a bit of swearing on the job is common, his guys try to reign it in when clients are there and certainly not directed at the clients themselves in a temper! Really not okay and a sackable offence but it sounds as though he’s a subcontractor so self employed. I think he had been sold the job as being “easy” from another tradesman and got there, realised it was really complicated and was pissed off. He definitely should not have directed any of that towards you though and should have politely explained that it was more complicated than anticipated and you needed to get either different materials or the labour cost would increase and talk you through the options rather than throw a strop.

Don’t worry about crying, it was justifiable and make sure you let your contractor who recommended him know as the punishment will be that they won’t recommend him for any future work.

I don't understand why people are defending the tradesman. It's completely unacceptable behaviour from him. I would be shaken about this too.

That’s awful - both unprofessional and actually, given how he reacted to you, quite frightening. I’m glad your DP was there.
I haven’t had quite this level of rudeness, but when having a kitchen fitted about 15 years ago, the tradesmen’s attitude (after my DH pointed out that a new 30 amp spur was required to be installed for the new oven - which was in the spec.) turned a bit nasty, so when left on my own with them working, I used to keep a list of the jobs they were supposed to be doing that day, and refuse to pay them until complete. It was stressful, though.
This led to a joint decision to do everything that needed doing on the house, except for structural work, ourselves. DH is an engineer, and I’m quite practical, so we quite enjoy it. Haven’t paid a tradesman since!

I didn't really mean overcharged in the sense that I felt it was unreasonable. I guess what I meant was they explained at the very start that they charge based on the size of the floor and mine was tiny but they still had a minimum charge which I needed to pay. So in that sense I would be paying the same as someone with a floor that was much larger. I was ok with that though. I just included as essentially the tradesman would have thought originally he was getting quite a good deal; minimum fee for a quick job.

He was an arse, you didn’t do anything wrong. Sounds like he was stressed out and at the end of his tether. If it wasn’t you, it would have been the next person on his list or on the drive there. It’s unpleasant and scary being on the receiving end of that. You should take some deep breaths, cuddle the dog and try to remember it wasn’t personal. It’s not your fault.

It's so bizarre that everyone is blaming OP or accusing her of lying?! Why would she lie about this? And why are you all SO SURE that she must be responsible for the actions of an aggressive man?

My DH is a gas engineer, he had an elderly woman basically accuse him of over charging. DH really doesn't and in fact gives too many discounts (in my opinion). He ended up kneeling down
in the street to discuss it with her, because he is conscious he's a big guy and felt awkward.

I guess my point is, trades people (I really mean big guys but ill get flamed to hell and back), need to be aware they can appear intimidating without doing anything and swearing, shouting and storming out isn't OK. It probably was a last straw situation, but that's not the OPs fault.

I'd feedback your experience to whomever recommended him. I hope you can get the job finished by someone more professional.

As for pricing, as the saying goes, you're paying for the years of experience, not just the minutes to do the job.

Agree with this, can’t believe how many posters are suggesting this was OPs fault somehow. I cant imagine any other work situation where a man swearing and being aggressive to a customer would be considered justified at all.