Tradesman just made me cry

[Fluffyelephant]

I know it’s probably silly to be so upset but I’m really shaken up.

Having a nightmare with our house renovation. People cancelling, not showing up.

Finally had a guy in today (recommended by another tradesman). Long story short I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away.

Agh. Absolutely horrible. Really shaken up. Just feel like I’m cursed with this renovation. Feel like it was my fault for not making the details of the job clearer.

Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced similar. And if so how do you keep it together?!

You missed the issue. A man being paid to do a job behaved aggressively in a woman's home, intimidating her and making her feel upset with his confrontational, aggressive behaviour.

I thought the apologists for this kind of male behaviour were done with this thread, but evidently not.

He didn’t direct his anger at her - he swore and walked off. Obviously this is unacceptable behaviour, but saying that he ‘made her cry’ sounds so pathetic for a grown woman.

It’s called being rational. Cry me a river.

I work in a job where we have to learn not to take it personally. Passive or assertive? I’ve given a solution that takes the drama out of the situation.

It’s called being rational. Cry me a river.

It's called being a prick.

I think you've had a really rough time on here, OP. I don't know what some posters are thinking 🤷🏼‍♀️

You were in the right. The workman was totally unprofessional, and I'd hate a man kicking off like that in my home.

He should have researched the job better.

It doesn't matter that he didn't threaten you directly. Slamming things around and shouting 'FFS' is quite aggressive enough.

And there's nothing wrong with B&Q flooring. We have B&Q tiles in our bathroom and they look fab.

I love this, I’m with you on this!
Absolute prick!

Fuckwit.

You’re not alone. I’m single and I find dealing with them so so hard. Occasionally my dad helps deal with them. They never respect my wishes / follow my directions, ever. Just do it the easiest way and then expect the same payment. More experience helps, I’m slowly gathering the tools to deal with them. And keep exploring different people until you find the right ones.

But how could you not understand that witnessing that type of anger right next door to you and in your own home is pretty terrifying? If the tradie is capable of directing his anger in that manner, he could absolutely be liable to direct that anger and abuse towards people. Also, they could very obviously retaliate as they now know your address….

If you don’t believe me, I’ll tell you of an an incident where a friend got attacked in her own home by an angry tradie. What started with the man getting angry with himself, turned into him abusing my friend, punching and throwing a hammer at her. Thank god some neighbours heard and went to help. OP has every right to be scared, your comments about her overreacting are incredibly rude.

What can I say? A MN thread title of 'Tradesman just aggressively swore, had a go at me and walked out on job and because of the terrible year I'm having of grieving a parent, work stress and renovation nightmares I shed a few tears in my shock and frustration' just didn't have the same ring to it.

And I think grown women kicking other women when they're down because you take issue with the wording they've used on MN is pathetic. ✌

I can completely sympathise. I had a similar but more complicated experience recently. My friend had damaged her knee and asked me for my gardener's details. He started to go to help her once a fortnight, effectively taking one of my weekly slots. As things started growing faster, I asked him to go back to once a week as I was struggling to keep on top of it with my age and arthritis.

After asking a second time he said he was coming round for a final visit. I had always had a great relationship with him and he had been very helpful and friendly. However, when he turned up for his 'final visit' I went out to pay him but also to find out what had happened to cause this. He launched into a personal verbal attack, literally a character assassination, telling me that I was a dreadful person, I was selfish, jealous, nasty and an awful friend, among other things. He was shouting at me on my own driveway and I hurried inside, shocked and shaking. I didn't go out for a week as I felt so anxious. I live alone as I am a widow and I'm in my seventies.

After some reflection I realised that my so called 'friend ' was the cause of this. The things he said to me could only have come from her. I had driven her to several hospital appointments, collected medical notes from her doctors, lent her a walking stick, checked on her and helped her while she was struggling with her bad knee. I can't bring myself to speak to her at all. The shock of his outburst caused me a great amount of stress and upset so I really understand OP's reaction to her experience.

Oh gosh so sorry. I’ve only had this happen once when someone had said untrue things about me to others and it was highly stressful. It’s shocking what some people will believe without checking the facts.

No he didn't. This is what happened:

*I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away*

'Swore and walked off' is not what happened at all, as you well know.

Crying is not pathetic. What IS pathetic is making stuff up so you can blame a woman for a man's behaviour. Either you're the kind of man who does this, or you're a woman with a really, really low bar for male behaviour.

Your posts are the opposite of rational.

'Cry me a river'? Oh dear 😂

Being rational, I don’t think you’re worth crying a river over.

You must be gen Z or A. Grow up please!

What's the point of even posting this? You're ridiculous.

Is this site dominated by Americans maybe? Too many people dramatise such trivial situations. Aren’t there bigger things to worry about? Should we cry at anything? Sympathy with the OP and hope you get your floor done without any swearing. I need to sleep now since I’ve got more important matters to deal with tomorrow. Serious health appointments followed by stressful work conditions, none of which I can control. Count your blessings!

This wasn't a trivial situation. Male aggression around women never is. You are hell bent on excusing the man's behaviour and blaming the OP for being upset by it.

Hope your appointment goes well.

Telling others to “count their blessings” whilst posting inflammatory and rude comments…. Make it make sense 🤣

A bit of empathy would go a long way, stop excusing crap behaviour please.

Hardly a “trivial situation” either, would you be okay if this violent behaviour escalated, meaning you got hurt? Surely you know that violence (in any way) forms the foundations of abuse further down the line…..

Yes she did. Read the OP properly next time.

Things we can control are how we treat other people.

I do hope your appointment goes well, however.

We can, but unfortunately we can’t control how others behave.