Tradesman just made me cry

[Fluffyelephant]

I know it’s probably silly to be so upset but I’m really shaken up.

Having a nightmare with our house renovation. People cancelling, not showing up.

Finally had a guy in today (recommended by another tradesman). Long story short I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away.

Agh. Absolutely horrible. Really shaken up. Just feel like I’m cursed with this renovation. Feel like it was my fault for not making the details of the job clearer.

Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced similar. And if so how do you keep it together?!

Well I really don't understand the 'lack of work' comment. There are constant tales of how hard it is to find a trade these days. A good tradie who can't find work seems unlikely.

Maybe I have misunderstood what you mean by lack of work.

Realistically there was very little I could do if he was struggling with the job. I don't have the skills and knowledge to do the job, that's why I got someone in!

I don't think there's anything at that stage that would have helped from his point of view either. The job was more complicated than he realised, I couldn't change the job.

The regret I have is from not stressing certain things more in advance, and for not sending him lots more information (even though he said he didn't want it).

Don't know why people are piling on the OP, it's like a blood sport on here at times.

The tradesman sounds incredibly aggressive and semi threatening and I'm glad you weren't alone at the time. The fact your DP followed him out doesn't mean he was going to be violent FFS - he probably wanted to know what the hell was going on!

OP ignore the posters trying to bully you - you did nothing wrong and the tradesman is an aggressive arse.

I haven’t read the full thread but my husband used to employ a lot of sub contractors in the building trade and they vary hugely. Now I use checkatrade. I am very careful and read lots of the reviews and try to work out which people are going to be reliable pleasant and fairly priced. So far I have been very happy. He was way out of order.

This, with bells on!! My DH is really practical and has fitted our bathroom, the kitchen, laid flooring, I think how lucky we are he can do this stuff, especially when my Dsis complains her DH won't even cut the hedge. They have to get someone in to do now she's getting too old to do it! Both my BILs had computer based jobs while DH was a manual worker, we felt my parents looked down on him, but guess who they asked when they needed something practical doing!!

I am about three-quarters of the way through a renovation. Been about two years so far.

This is not the place for detail as I don’t want to derail but fuck me, I now understand why builders have a bad reputation. I just wouldn’t have believed an industry could be genuinely so rife with arseholes and shysters.

Just not turning up, wandering off for hours, not having basic, essential tools and needing to disappear for a few hours to get them (eg/turning up to dig a patio without a shovel). Charging four times the amount for a job which is EXACTLY as described. Poor finish that is so bad it needs to be ripped out and redone (eg/shower sealant that has huge gaps and doesn’t stop water seeping through, a door that is wonky and won’t close, etc). It turned out one builder had never done the work he’d claimed - he’d just watched YouTube videos and then done it for the first time on our house…..

And the attitude on some!

I have never heard men so utterly furious in my life - and that includes DP swearing at the TV when his team is losing 😂

Genuinely…..the volume at which one builder shouted repeatedly “you fucking cunt” at an oven hood he was trying to mount….honestly thought he was going to launch it through the window 😂

However in amongst the utter shitshow we have waded through, we have picked up an absolutely incredible plumber and an electrician. They are both absolutely brilliant, and honest, and even when the job is shit, they’re lovely, lovely guys. We have a carpenter starting soon so fingers crossed. We also have a lovely plasterer. I just need to try and find a general builder - this time I’m asking my plumber for a recommendation. I’m not risking it again 😂🫣

I don’t know what your job was OP, but I have learnt that the quality of materials at places like B&Q is usually shit so that probably made the job harder. I don’t know if this is relevant but I usually let the trades get/suggest their own parts as they know what’s the better quality.

But all of that aside, he just sounds like a giant twat. You’re probably stressed out from the building work. I’d be LIVID if someone spoke to me like that. And threatening your partner? What a knob.

Take a deep breath, you’re best off rid of him. Do you have a trusted trade you could ask for a recommendation? It’s an absolute minefield trying to find decent trades but they are out there. There’s just a lot of bellends you have to wade through to find them.

i hope you’re feeling better now 💐

You offered him the information- he declined it. Maybe he isn't up to the job and was embarrassed about not being capable.

Sometimes there is a miscommunication between the head office and the actual person being called out. My house has some weird features that make doing some work more complicated. I always explain this over the phone, but each time the plumber comes expecting to do X and then looks and then starts explaining why he can't do X to me even though I already told them that when I booked them and when I open the door but they just look at me like I don't understand. Also, there have been situations when I know exactly what the issue is but they won't believe me until they check themselves. Which makes sense, because just as in my own job, the problem isn't always what people thing the problem is so it makes sense to confirm.

In short - he might genuinely have expected a very different job, but that's not your fault.

>Surely the normal response

Herein lies the problem. Measuring someone’s emotional reaction as not being the same as yours, and if it’s not, then it’s their fault.

The beauty about people is they are all so very different.

Who knows what else might be going on in someone’s life that causes a nasty tradesmen to tip the OP over the edge?

It doesn’t really matter. It’s NOT our place to judge. And that’s what is happening in this threat, buckets and buckets of judgement.

”It wouldn’t have made me cry”

Well, bully for you for being made of Teflon. I am sure that makes you very proud (Not quoting anyone in particular).

The tradesman made her cry and that is nasty. It’s as black and white as that for me.

I feel for you OP, everyone has been quick to jump down your throat and pick apart your post, when all you are asking for his someone else's experience/advice in the same situation.

I can sympathise from both sides - my husband is in the trades and jobs can be stressful, change course, not what they seem, etc. and it can be tricky when customers make decisions that do not always make the job easier in order to save costs...which I totally understand doing, having got to the end of our own very costly renovations.

I am also, like you, perhaps somewhat sensitive and as @MyMiniMetro has said above, easily upset by what I perceive to be confrontation (disagreement) that others might shake off as a normal conversation.

Sounds like your husband was running out to find out what had happened, not to 'start something' with the builder, as everyone seems to have jumped to conclude.

I'm not sure if I can offer advice, but just to say that I really do sympathise that you've had this experience and had a difficult time with trades cancelling, jobs not completed, etc. It creates a really difficult environment for everyone involved - my husband finds clients to often be suspicious/wary of builders, having been burned before, which can make it difficult to get payments upfront and so on.

The silver lining is this person hasn't ended up charging you for anything, though I'm sure you would've rather paid and the job completed! All I can say is you will find a decent builder and this won't be your experience every time.

Its rigged, only positive reviews are posted

I know what you are talking about, OP. I live alone and always feel quite vulnerable when tradesmen work on my house. I recently had a similar experience you with the tradesman ranting and raving - he said it wasn't aimed at me, but I was alone in my home with a man who thought he was entitled to behave like that while working. It was scary. I ended up paying him a little more "for his trouble" as I couldn't wait to get rid of him. From now on I vow to never be alone with a tradesman. At least you had your dp with you.

I agree. We ended up with a TERRIBLE tiler through there.

As a professional in something totally unrelated, who had a minor stroke 4 years ago I am frequently frustrated that my left hand does not work properly and I get confused easily and the rage I have is 99 percent at myself because I have the difficulties but 1 percent because my stroke was caused deliberately by UK solicitors who refused to follow my VERY precise instructions and who then stole 100,000 Pounds inheritance that I was due:
I am also wary of 'just doing a quick job' for someone when the project is a bit undefined like replacing some plumbing or electrical parts.

How awful. But he may have been having his own personal issues. No excuse at all but I would say it's just him and to block him, leave him bad reviews and move on. Your husband shouldn't have chased after him as there could've been a fight which wouldn't made everything a lot worse. I'm sorry this happened. Please try and move on from it. If he is on checkatrade or whatever then warn them about him too.

Probably planning on asking why the builder was acting like a c*nt? My DP would have done the same tbh.

Sometimes tradesmen change the date. Are we allowed to wait till they turn up and then scream at them? I would hope not

The usual reaction to the stuff being "shit from BnQ" or the wrong thing, is to say "this won't do I have the right stuff in my van" or "this won't do I can order the right stuff but it will take 2 weeks and we need to reschedule" and then charge the homeowner for the materials in addition to the labour costs.

I didn't change the date. When I first messaged he said he had availability from Monday this week. I had to sort something else in advance and when I got back in touch a couple of days later he said he didn't have Monday free anymore but could do Thursday. So there was no changing of the date.

But you can see how this could seem to him like changing the date?

You inquired.

He said he was available from Monday, effectively offering you the Monday.

You didn't respond for a couple of days so his Monday got taken and it changed (for him) to Thursday.

Not your fault, but my brother is a tradesman and it can be really hard to plan your week's work when people don't get back to you, so you're trying to commit to jobs and manage it all to not let people down when things inevitably are more complicated and can take longer than planned. My brother is nice to his customers but when he's done jobs for me, he's less guarded and I hear him getting sweary as there are so many frustrations, trying to fix badly done work or having the wrong/poor quality stuff to work with or just by being a perfectionist. I think often with 'small' jobs, it's the things they really aren't keen to do so there's already a level of stress creeping in and then it feels better to cut their losses when it turns out to be a ballache. He was having a bad day and it can happen. Hopefully the cry at least helped you to get it out of your system and move on.

No she doesn’t. I’ve had an angry tradesman. In my place ans it is very intimidating.

I've been stressed almost to screeching point by workman being in my home in an openly angry mood, whatever the cause. It feels like a violation, and you have my sympathy. It it is practical to get DH to deal with them in future preferably before things have reached this sorry state, it might be easier for you.

This is great - I had no idea that if I was frustrated at a piece of work I was doing, I could behave like a fucking dickhead and everyone would say "poor BHS!!" - so this is a thing is it? Wow. Going to try it out in office now.

Or is it only available to male workers ...

Defending his partner? What partners are supposed to do?

No, I did respond. So he wasn't keeping Monday for me or waiting on me. I just said I would be back in touch when we had done X action that was needed to arrange a date then.

Agree with all of this. It is upsetting Op. No one should be in your house swearing and acting aggressively towards you. Hope you are okay.

So you changed the date, have crap quality stuff (I hate to break it to you but B&Q is shoddy and a nightmare to work with!), and what? You cried cos he left?