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Week before exchange - I don’t want to move

221 replies

shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 04:34

Please help.
I know last minute wobbles are normal. But I feel so panicked and can’t stop crying. I can’t sleep.
We need to move and looked to ages. Moving from a 2 bed terrace to a 3 bed semi with huge garden. It is a completely new area though as prices are ridiculous here. We have visited twice in the last week and it just didn’t feel ‘right’. I’m so scared. It’s harder because we have been in touch with the vendors a lot and they are so lovely.
What do I do?

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 06/02/2022 08:55

I felt similar OP. I loved where we lived, the area, friends. Moving somewhere completely different, not as exciting, and not knowing anyone was out of my comfort zone. MY comfort zone. I was considering my feelings not that it was the best move for kids, better quality family life. I took time to adjust for first few months till I became engrained in the community, schools, area. Fast forward - I absolutely LOVE where we live, it was the best thing we did, I would never move back 🙂

shoopashoop · 06/02/2022 09:03

Thank you @Butterfly44. I so wish I had a crystal ball. Do you have family local? I won’t and I am worried about managing. Lack of sleep isn’t helping I know- but no way round this at the moment. My dd wants to suckle all night and I feel broken.
Just feel like a mouse running round in a cage, trying to find the exit 😢

OP posts:
Zonder · 06/02/2022 09:44

I didn't realise it was so soon. So clearly you do just have to get on with it. Try to focus on the positives and push aside the negatives now so you can make the best of it because it is happening either way.

It will be fine because you will then make it fine.

Calmdown14 · 06/02/2022 09:47

Maybe you could sit down with your oldest daughter at a time you are feeling brighter and talk to her about what she might like in her new room. Even if it's just cheap posters or a new bed set
Seeing her begin to get excited might help you.
Talk to your husband. Let him know this is what you want but you are scared and can he try to be the positive one - with the kids to.
You don't have the energy for it so ask for his help

Butterfly44 · 06/02/2022 10:08

@shoopashoop

Thank you *@Butterfly44*. I so wish I had a crystal ball. Do you have family local? I won’t and I am worried about managing. Lack of sleep isn’t helping I know- but no way round this at the moment. My dd wants to suckle all night and I feel broken. Just feel like a mouse running round in a cage, trying to find the exit 😢
No I was moving further from family! My youngest at the time was toddler age. But we managed fine through finding a nursery and part time working. You've got a wee one - What I would be googling is mums and baby groups in that area. Or find the areas local FB page and ask the Question what's around. It might make you feel more at ease and supported to know there's those groups and that local people were friendly.
TeaAndStrumpets · 06/02/2022 10:54

@Calmdown14

Maybe you could sit down with your oldest daughter at a time you are feeling brighter and talk to her about what she might like in her new room. Even if it's just cheap posters or a new bed set Seeing her begin to get excited might help you. Talk to your husband. Let him know this is what you want but you are scared and can he try to be the positive one - with the kids to. You don't have the energy for it so ask for his help
This is excellent advice. Try and concentrate on helping your DD enjoy the move, it will give you a focus and remind you of the positive things you have to look forward to. Look at the floorplan of the house and decide where to put your Christmas tree! Pack a special box of treats to have an impromptu party/picnic just for you and her. Make sure her favourite teddy, slippers etc are ready for the first bedtime, and set up the bedrooms first once you move in.

Don't forget yourself, keep hydrated, have easy food planned for the first couple of days. It will gradually get sorted, and a month from now you will feel so much better. Spring will be lovely in a new garden. Good luck!

shoopashoop · 06/02/2022 18:17

Thanks for the great advice. My dd is so excited and I have also booked a baby sensory class for my youngest, which is over the road from the school.
I have struggled to make ‘mum’ friends here so I hope that is going to be easier in the new area.
I have my smear test tomorrow so I’m going to discuss my anxiety with the nurse.
I know people say moving is one of the most stressful things you can go through and god they weren’t kidding!! I have massively underestimated this.
Appreciate the comments as they have really helped. I have pretty crap family support so I’m grateful for this outlet.

OP posts:
BlueMongoose · 06/02/2022 18:36

@chukwe

I wouldn't advice anyone to move from a 2 bed to 3 bed as it's a waste of time and resources as the footprint of both are the same

Instead try and move to a 4 bed not a 3 bed and loft. It'll make a huge difference

Your post makes no sense. What on earth do you mean 'the footprint of both are the same'? Do you think they cost the same as well?
BlueMongoose · 06/02/2022 21:03

If it's your first house purchase, it will probably be a bit traumatic and panic-inducing just for that reason. I recall crying after I signed the lease for just renting my first flat- it was just the stress of doing a big 'grown-up' transaction for the first time. I'd try to park that bit of it as far as I could as 'inevitable but will pass' - and disentangle it from how you feel about the house - which you say you like of itself.

This is our third house. We had to move 100 miles from the village we'd spent over 30 years in, where we knew everyone, are were very much part of the community. We moved from a house, garden, and allotment we loved and had improved massively (but which was too small) to a larger, at that time neglected and unprepossessing doer-upper, which took 6 months to buy as the sellers wrangled their ways through the courts. Their unhappiness seemed to have seeped into the very bricks. The decor was/is worse than dated, and there will be ongoing work for us to do or pay others to do for years. We were glad the purchase went through, but I can't see I felt ecstatic on the day. And there have been times the state of it has got me down. But when we got our own stuff in here, and our pictures up, it definitely started to feel more like ours.

Two things told me we had done the right thing. One was the day we turned the car into the road and I suddenly had this little thought spring up- 'we're nearly home' (rather than just 'we're nearly there'). The other was when I was planning some work and measuring up rooms and realised just how cramped we'd been in the other house- and that it was lovely, it had been a good time, but now it was our past, and I wouldn't want to go back.

It seems you will have to move at some point. You like the house. It seems that it ticks the boxes for you. You could wait longer and find less, and still not feel any better about the idea of moving. Try not to overthink it- moving house is rarely something that makes people feel good all round all the time unless they really hated the place they had before. Above all, good luck for Tuesday. Give the house time, though- give it a fair chance to be your friend. Even our sad house is, I think, starting to feel safe and happy with us, as we do right by it and look after it after so much neglect before. I think one day it will look after us just as our old house did. And hopefully yours will too. Flowers

shoopashoop · 06/02/2022 22:27

@BlueMongoose that was just what I needed to read before I go to sleep, thank you!!
Yes PP comment about the size was nonsense Grin it is almost double the footprint.

You could wait longer and find less, and still not feel any better about the idea of moving THIS is so true, I think I would panic wherever we were going as I always find things to worry about.
I have never really done something which has pushed me outside my comfort zone this much, but coming round to the idea that maybe a fresh start is what I need after a difficult few years.
I am going to keep reading your post tomorrow. And I hope you grow to love your new house too Flowers.

OP posts:
BlueMongoose · 07/02/2022 16:32

[quote shoopashoop]@BlueMongoose that was just what I needed to read before I go to sleep, thank you!!
Yes PP comment about the size was nonsense Grin it is almost double the footprint.

You could wait longer and find less, and still not feel any better about the idea of moving THIS is so true, I think I would panic wherever we were going as I always find things to worry about.
I have never really done something which has pushed me outside my comfort zone this much, but coming round to the idea that maybe a fresh start is what I need after a difficult few years.
I am going to keep reading your post tomorrow. And I hope you grow to love your new house too Flowers.[/quote]
I think the house and I are reaching an accommodation. We are getting to know each other, and now we're friends. More may come later, when we have got its new drains and new roof done. And when I can convince it that a mini Victorian Gothic Library would look great in the dark back room..... I'm working on that one....I'm not sure it's convinced. Yet.Grin
I'm a worrier too. I do know how you feel. But I think you'll be fine once you get in and get your own things about you. Have a hug from me.

shoopashoop · 08/02/2022 06:12

@BlueMongoose Flowers thank you!
Moving day today

OP posts:
Zonder · 08/02/2022 06:18

All the best for today. Don't overthink, just do the move and then rest!

FindmeuptheFarawaytree · 08/02/2022 06:49

Hope the move goes smoothly. Remember to give yourself breaks for tea and biscuits and to have an easy takeaway for dinner- moving calories don't count!

Clymene · 08/02/2022 06:56

[quote shoopashoop]@BlueMongoose Flowers thank you!
Moving day today[/quote]
Ooh hope it all goes smoothly! Don't forget to take the kettle and mugs and tea in the car rather than packing them away!

SmileSmileSmile

Weenurse · 08/02/2022 07:03

How did it go?

Creditcardshame · 08/02/2022 09:02

Good luck today.

If it helps, I have never felt happy the first few weeks in a new house - I always have buyers remorse. We have been in our house a year this week and although it has been a money pit (partly our own fault) I absolutely love it.

We moved from a brilliant area, only a few miles but it felt at the time as if it could be the moon - for the first six months I got a pang every time we went back to the old area but now I am fine and actually felt better about our decision after visiting an old neighbour and being grateful for the space we have now.

Remember you spend more time in your house than in the area, as long as your immediate surrounds are ok I think you will adapt. We went from a period property in the centre of a bustling town to a non descript street with the nearest shop 15 mins walk away - but actually this isn't a problem at all.

Bourbanbiscuit · 08/02/2022 09:10

Really hope everything went well for you today. You should be proud of yourself, our chain collapsed and we pulled out of our move when we could have hung on, I bitterly regret not persevering but like you was having a wobble so welcomed the opportunity to pull out.
Wishing you years of happiness in your new home xxx

Sandrine1982 · 08/02/2022 09:43

Good luck today!! I've been following with interest :)

Please don't panick on the first few days in the new place. When we moved (10 days ago) .. I cried every day for solid 5 days. I missed the old area, DD's old nursery, hated the new house etc etc. Just like you I wasn't sleeping (partly because DD was going through a bad sleep regression and is still b-fed). I kept thinking we had made a MASSIVE mistake by selling our lovely flat and moving.

But I feel much better now. Hang in there!

Let us know how it goes :) Cake

shoopashoop · 08/02/2022 18:31

Aw thanks all for your lovely messages and well wishes!
We are in!! I have no idea where anything is Grin and it still feels quite overwhelming and huge compared to our old little house, but I haven’t had an ‘oh my god what have we done’ feeling, which I was really worried would happen. It is certainly going to take time and thanks to this thread I know that is completely normal. Still glad to hear stories that it gets easier so keep them coming Wink
I do feel proud of myself! Still feel quite anxious of all the ‘new’ that is to come but hopefully the hardest bit is over. Certainly don’t want to be moving again for a loooong time!

OP posts:
Zonder · 08/02/2022 18:57

Well done! You're in and you can start making it home.

Grasping · 09/02/2022 07:28

Oh good! You’re in and seem happy Smile

When we first moved our dog stood by the front door waiting to leave for a few weeks and DH said he felt like he was on holiday. We all settled eventually.

BlueMongoose · 09/02/2022 08:49

@shoopashoop

Aw thanks all for your lovely messages and well wishes! We are in!! I have no idea where anything is Grin and it still feels quite overwhelming and huge compared to our old little house, but I haven’t had an ‘oh my god what have we done’ feeling, which I was really worried would happen. It is certainly going to take time and thanks to this thread I know that is completely normal. Still glad to hear stories that it gets easier so keep them coming Wink I do feel proud of myself! Still feel quite anxious of all the ‘new’ that is to come but hopefully the hardest bit is over. Certainly don’t want to be moving again for a loooong time!
Now the fun bit starts, as you make it yours and decide things like what colour to paint rooms, etc. One bit of advice- when it comes to complicated rooms like kitchens, live in it a bit and find out what works and what doesn't before redesigning it. We had to here because of some hiccups in the rewire and then covid, and we've ended up with a better design than if I'd have gone with my fist ideas. Otherwise, let rip with the Dulux!
shoopashoop · 10/02/2022 13:30

Feel very homesick and kissing my old area today Sad. Increasingly worried that my gut was right although I’m trying not to think like that as I need to give it a chance. The road is so much busier than I thought and I was Googling air pollution levels last night. Has anyone had this but grown to like a new area? I feel so stupid. I also don’t know if I would feel like this wherever I moved to, as anywhere we moved to wouldn’t be where we were
(unless we moved up the road, where houses were coming up once every 6 months, were the same price as this house, but the same footprint as our old one.....) and repeat

Dp back to work today so I’m on the own with the kids and just feel all over the place. Sorry to continue the self-indulgence but if anyone can offer any words of wisdom I would really appreciate it.

OP posts:
shoopashoop · 10/02/2022 13:31

Also I’ve been to Dunelm to buy a few bits in the hope it would make me feel more excited, but it hasn’t...

OP posts:
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