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Original poster

Week before exchange - I don’t want to move

221 replies

shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 04:34

Please help.
I know last minute wobbles are normal. But I feel so panicked and can’t stop crying. I can’t sleep.
We need to move and looked to ages. Moving from a 2 bed terrace to a 3 bed semi with huge garden. It is a completely new area though as prices are ridiculous here. We have visited twice in the last week and it just didn’t feel ‘right’. I’m so scared. It’s harder because we have been in touch with the vendors a lot and they are so lovely.
What do I do?

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Original poster
shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 13:39

No @Wiseupkid moving nearer wouldn’t make a difference. I lived at the bottom of the road from my parents previously and I think they came round twice in 2 years.
Also with work - moving is actually giving me dope to be off longer! Due to some equity we are taking from the sale of this.
We have a community feel here. Chat to neighbours etc. We won’t get that as much where we are going. But maybe I need to put myself out more and chat to people at groups etc as PPs have mentioned? I will miss that but I think it’s just part of living in terraced houses that are so close together. It does have it’s downfalls here even though it’s very sought after.
Honestly I think we would regret pulling out and staying here. Dd is in attic room which gets very hot come summer! Sharing with the baby isn’t an option. Eldest is a great sleeper, youngest isn’t(!!). Our kitchen is in the cellar. It’s a strange layout. But very impractical with the kids. No room for a big enough dining table. I could go on..but in short we simply can’t stay here and it could take us another 9 months to find somewhere.
I think the PP that said I am mourning not being able to stay around here and I haven’t accepted it yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 13:39

Scope not dope!!

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bedpicnic · 03/02/2022 13:51

You've got two small children to look after, are probably running low on sleep and time to yourself, feel you're having to make really big decisions when you're anxious and exhausted... It's a lot. I moved a year ago with my 12 month old and 5 year old in the middle of a pandemic and not feeling my best - to put it mildly - about becoming a mum of two.
I'm not going to lie.. I've had complete love/hate moments with my house in the last year, but I think the hate it moments are more to do with lack of support and feelings of exhaustion. (We unexpectedly had to have a new roof and thought we had rats, so just rubbish, annoying things to have to deal with.) When I step back and ask myself where else would I be living in favour to this.. I can't really. I'd prefer to be nearer to my partner's workplace so his commute was shorter, but then I wouldn't be in the lovely countryside, nor have a woodland in my backyard.
There is compromise when moving house, but also a lot of benefits.
Maybe make a list of things that you love about the new house/area and how it will improve your quality of life. More space is a huge positive with two small children 😊
Only you will be able to determine whether it's right for you, but from you've said no alarm bells are going off about the new house, but I totally get how anxiety about the unknown can make everything feel big and scary.
I hope you're ok. Now and for the future.

SeenYourArse · 03/02/2022 13:58

@chukwe

I wouldn't advice anyone to move from a 2 bed to 3 bed as it's a waste of time and resources as the footprint of both are the same

Instead try and move to a 4 bed not a 3 bed and loft. It'll make a huge difference

To quote the MN classic that’s never been more fitting…’are you on glue?!” Confused I presume you aren’t in the UK?? The footprints of 2 bed houses are all vastly different from each other never mind all the different footprints of 3 bed houses that exist, here a 3 bed is NOT a 2 bed with a loft bedroom but an entirely different style and sized house. Stop presuming the way you know things to be is the only way everywhere it’s so self important.
St0rmTr00per · 03/02/2022 14:21

I felt like this before we moved into our old house. It had long victorian corridors that can get quite dark (if the interior doors are closed) and for the 4 weeks before we moved I had a recurring nightmare that someone would push past me into the dark hallway when I opened the front door, and attack me. It got so bad that I was having anxiety attacks about how dark the house was and how scary it would be. I would wake up crying, convinced we shouldn't move.

Got there and, of course, this wasnt an issue. All interiors doors were rarely shut and if they were we had lights on. It had a porch light outside and frosted panels in the front door so the light shone through. I have no idea what was causing the reaction in me and have never had it since. We lived there 15 years and were very happy and it was a beautiful home.

MsAnnFrope · 03/02/2022 14:34

You are tired, stressed and have a 6 months old. Trust me I've been where you are and moving then was stressful and we were only moving in the same town.
I spent so much time looking on rightmove, overthinking, finding things I was worried about. (I was pretty anxious back then too). 8 years on I love our house. We have plenty of space and a lovely garden, have great neighbours and are very settled here.
Most of my friends I've met through activities I've done with DD so I'm sure once you are there and doing things it will feel more like home.
It's a big upheaval but that doesn't mean it is a bad move.
Also some of my baby group friends have moved to other towns and we still catch up. So you can still see your good friends where you are now, you will just also, I'm sure have some new ones.

Ghislainedefeligonde · 03/02/2022 15:09

We moved just over a year ago and I was very nervous about it. The house was very old and basically the only house big enough for us in the area. House we moved from was new, warm, everything worked unlike the house we were moving to…
Fast forward a year and I’m so glad we moved. This has has so many benefits and it’s also so beautiful and interesting as well. The garden is great and we are getting round to developing this the way we want it now that most of the work in the house is done.
Sounds like you are having normal jitters about this but that it will be a great move for your family. Think of the benefits to your kids in moving house and I hope you are able to proceed as planned.

Toanewstart22 · 03/02/2022 15:12

* The vendor said herself she wondered if it was the right thing to sell it and will shed a tear when she leaves. But is this just a line?*

Maybe for her it’s the equivalent of the house you’re leaving
Ie close to family and friends

How long has she been there?

Either way op - I don’t think your anxiety is something to dismiss
I loved my old house but was so excited about the move because it felt right

Roselilly36 · 03/02/2022 15:33

We moved a year ago, a big downsize & relocation for us. Best thing we ever did. It’s totally normal to feel apprehensive and worried. If everyone had to be 100% sure, no one would ever move. The house you are proposing to buy sounds ideal, more space, big garden, near the park, school etc. I would go for it, once you make the new home to your taste, you will settle and wonder why you were so worried. Good luck OP.

Wiseupkid · 03/02/2022 15:44

Your reasons for moving are really valid and important. It sounds like this move will be so good for you all in many ways. If you prefer one area over another you can move in the future.
In your position op I think the move sounds positive with the caveat of saying that your gut is always right - I get the difficulty working out what is anxiety what is instinct, but you have much to gain with the move.

DragonMovie · 03/02/2022 18:10

@shoopashoop I moved house in September - we sold a small terraced house with no garden and like you moved into a huge semi with a garden.

A week before, I was pretty sure we were going to pull out. We went for a walk in our new area and I really didn’t like it…

I am so glad we moved. Our new house is special - it needs a lot of work but I am so happy to do it. And the area was a compromise - much less leafy than before - but like you I have one child and another on the way and if we had stayed in the previous house I would still be looking now, and losing out on endless purchases just like we did so many times last year.

Also something we couldn’t have known until we moved was that our road is full of delightful people and we’ve got a new favourite breakfast spot a short walk from the house. You’ll find similar little unknown treasures when you move - you won’t feel this way for long. Good luck

MyOtherProfile · 03/02/2022 18:39

Hope you feel better now. I'm sure you will build a great community there if you go in ready to use all your people skills and make friends.

garlictwist · 03/02/2022 18:51

I felt a bit like this just before we were moving.

In our case, we were moving from a very damp, rented basement Victorian flat to our owned 3 bed semi with garden. But I had had such happy times in that flat I felt like I was mourning it a bit.

As soon as we moved I forgot all about it.

I think you're in too deep now and you have to go ahead.

Original poster
shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 19:56

I feel a bit better. Drive down the street again - still felt terrified but not as bad as yesterday. School was nice.
Keep reading these and coming back to my list of positives.
DP finished work early this evening to help with bedtime 🙏🏻

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Original poster
shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 19:56

drove

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Wiseupkid · 03/02/2022 19:57

Your list of positive will come into their own as your children grow and you need the space. If your family do not visit anyway, you are losing nothing by moving away. Come the summer you will be glad of the park and a lovely garden. Wine

Wiseupkid · 03/02/2022 19:58

I am glad your dh is coming home early, you have had a really sad day. Hopefully you can run a bath and relax now.

Clymene · 03/02/2022 20:02

I keep imaging you children in their new garden and I don't even know then.

A big garden was absolutely magical to me as a child. My sister and I invented all sorts of games and had the most brilliant time. And my parents didn't have to worry. We were safe but free.

Original poster
shoopashoop · 03/02/2022 20:06

@Clymene that’s really sweet, thank you life that

@Wiseupkid thanks for chatting to me today, I really appreciate itFlowers

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Clymene · 03/02/2022 20:16

Honestly it will be great. If your kids are happy, you'll be happy and all children love a big garden. What a lucky position you're in to be able to give that to them. Smile

And FWIW I cried when I arrived at my first flat after we'd completed. Big ugly crying. It looked shabby and dirty and the area was a bit shit. But I discovered local gems, i transformed the tiny garden into a magical fairy light filled oasis and I felt the fear and did it anyway! More than anything that was such an empowering thing!

You'll look back at this time and wonder what you were worried about.

tsmainsqueeze · 03/02/2022 20:31

I know how you feel , i was so happy in my little house where we brought our 3 babies home to , but we had no choice at all simply not enough space.
We moved into a beautiful new home with a huge flat garden unlike our old steep garden ,the kids loved in straight away so did my husband.
It broke my heart to leave even though every single thing about the new house , area etc was so much better.
All your memories are wrapped up in your home and i think that it what you grieve over when you leave ,home is more than just bricks.
I still fondly think of my old home but nearly 10 years later in this house it has certainly become home and is full of 10 years and more to come hopefully ,of good memories.
I bet the same will happen for you too .

Kyrae · 03/02/2022 21:08

I get emotionally attached to places too and also have a lot of anxiety, and what really helped me when choosing a house and area was creating a table on some paper and scoring them, so i could see logically what made most sense without letting my feelings take over!

So you could score the area on the things that matter to you, like green spaces, schools, social life, crime, etc. And then score the house on things like bedrooms, garden, kitchen, bathrooms etc or be more specific and score on things like space for the kids, etc.

Then you can score the area and house you currently live in... then score the ones you're moving to... and see how they compare on paper! :) Might help you look at things logically without letting emotions and worries take over :)

Original poster
shoopashoop · 04/02/2022 07:27

@Kyrae that’s a great idea but I would be worried about here scoring more! Due to area.
This morning I’m worried that the house is on quite a busy road, if we’ve overpaid for it blablabla. It’s rubbish as I just want to be excited.

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trumpisagit · 04/02/2022 08:17

We moved from our lovely 2 bed Victorian semi, within walking distance of the city centre , to a 3 bed semi in a village outside.
I was really worried, as we didn't know a great deal about the place we were moving to, but having a proper garden was the draw.

We have been here 13 years now and I can't imagine living anywhere else and wouldn't want my children to be living in the city.
This is home, and I am sure yours will be too.

Original poster
shoopashoop · 04/02/2022 09:21

Thank you
I can’t stop crying today so positive stories much appreciated.
I am seriously hoping I win the lottery tonight, or our buyer pulls out, so we don’t have to go 😢

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