Things you would NEVER want in your house:

[AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons]

I'll start.

A kitchen island.
A hall console table.
A corner sofa.
New rugs.

I am thinking of getting a plumbed-in Miele coffee machine.

Wowfudge, tiled bath panel and surround??? no tiles round your bath?

And not any video games console?

I'm guessing there are either no children at all, or else only a baby, at your house!

Jutty out things are peninsulas.

Kitchen islands are a bit common / 2007 now aren't they?

toldmywrath - rubber gloves, bleach and a sponge.

Where do I start?! I could rant all night I do not want:

A breakfast bar
Spotlights
Inglenook fireplace
Beams
Bi-fold doors
Bath in the bedroom
'Boutique hotel style'
Primary colours
Cath Kidston
Large screen TV (specially wall mounted)
Ensuite
Travertine tiles
Glass tables
Dining chairs with fabric covers
Big garden
A red dining room
A seaside-themed bathroom
Uplifting quotes on the wall
Spiral staircase
Arches
uPVC
Front door straight into living room
Zerbano kitchen
Actually, most wooden kitchens (with a few exceptions)
Horizontal striped wall
Modular sofa
Magnolia paint
A boiling water tap (Qook?)
A pull out tap thingy that allows you to wash your veg with ease
Two ovens
Low ceilings
Slugs, spiders, bugs of any kind

I do, sadly, have at least some of these things currently in my home. (Seven, at a quick count.) But that doesn't mean I have to like them.

Having just installed a multi fuel burner / wood burner I would say I regret it and would add it to the list of things I wouldn't have in my next house.

Oh yes 1000 times no to a conservatory too, I would not consider a house with one either.

fuctifino, I used to rent a flat where the toilet was IN the kitchen. Ditto the shower.

I didn't do a lot of entertaining.

Oh, I also don't want a glass box extension. I would like a proper brick one, though. With French windows but no bi-fold doors, thanks.

Devora, any pictures?

Just an aga for me. They're so expensive I'd find it hard to just ditch it, but they're so impractical and unwieldy I wouldn't want it. I imagine it would be like being given a classic car; lovely to look at but financially draining and totally impractical.

A cream, leather sofa

I don't like the modern look either. I like things cosy and traditional with vintage things and nothing that matches.

I also hate wallpaper, especially that wallpaper with the huge patterns on. Also, canvas pictures from B&Q, they make me very cross.

I could live with a kitchen island - though I don't like them, they're so big and square and THERE. What really bugs me, though, is breakfast bars. Especially in kitchens where there is a table. wtf is that about? Why is it quicker/easier to perch on some hideous wobbly bar stool than to just sit at the kitchen table?

My dream kitchen has a massive wooden table and loads of worktop space. If extra workspace is needed, I'd like it to be freestanding. (As I have never even had a new kitchen, let alone a dream kitchen, and am now over 50, this is safely in fantasy land!)

TheOne - this was in the days before digital cameras or mobile phones

The shower had live wires sticking out of it - I used to wash out of a washing up bowl in front of the gas heater (when I had 10ps for the meter..)

Monica, what's the problem with the wood burner?

Yes please tell us what is wrong with a woodburner (I covet them!)

Net curtains. Brown leather sofas. Anything beige.

Oh that's a shame, Devora

Glad you survived the experience though

Devora, Reasons me and my wood burner are not getting one are it's very messy, lots of ash all over hearth constantly, have to clean it out every day which takes 15 mins I haven't got, I can't have an expensive rug as fear ash or sparks will ruin it, ordering wood and coal and having to lug heavy bags through the house and the biggy - the actual heat out put is not better than a gas fire except it takes about half an hour to actually give any heat!

Give me modernity, I have realised I am a function over form person now, yes the flames look pretty but really I just want to press a button and get heat.

Tiled work surface, aaaargh!
Wood burner is brilliant, apart from the need to stack the wood, fetch the wood from the wood stack, restock the wood near the wood burner, light the wood burner, empty the wood burner of too much ash and repeat and repeat and repeat. It is lovely when it is lit, though

Haha, xpost with monica

En suite bathrooms - why do you want to sleep beside a toilet??
TVs on a wall
PVC conservatories
Laminate worktops

How could I forget! Pelmets, swags, window 'treatments'.

Red accessories in the kitchen. Especially when the kitchen is oak effect
White/pale coloured Porcelain tiles in dining rooms and living rooms. So cold looking
Multi-coloured square tiles in the kitchen
Leather dining chairs
Coffee machines. Too complicated and show-offy
Vertical blinds
Anything heart shaped or with heart cut-outs
Horizontal striped walls
Those marble look fireplace inserts
TV on walls (we have one and I bloody hate it)
Cables from forementioned TV garlanded across the wall

Tories. Why do the bastards keep knocking on my door at the moment? Would rather have cockroaches, and thinking of rearranging my 3D letters on to the front door to say so.

Monica, thank you, I will happily cross that one off my wish list. Your loss is my gain

(And is it true that stacks of logs attract spiders?)