Things you would NEVER want in your house:

[AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons]

I'll start.

A kitchen island.
A hall console table.
A corner sofa.
New rugs.

I am thinking of getting a plumbed-in Miele coffee machine.

Oooh sylvanians! Where do I go for the IDS effigy?

ARGH yes fat big candles that stay there for years and never get burned and get all dusty and slightly sticky at the top. It's the 2000s answer to humorous soaps-on-a-rope which attained similar status in 1970s bathrooms.

BURN THEM. Or wash with them until they rub away.

NicestSmile - perhaps NotOnTheHighStreet (or Downing Street or any street I hope)

Glass tables. Hate them.
Slugs (have them in this house - I found that out by stepping on one in the dead of night. Ugh)
Twigs.
Cheesy family posed photos on canvas.
Minimalist theme (tbf that's never going to happen)
Our crappy crappy Lino flooring in the conservatory
Plexiglass conservatory roof
A new build

Aqua panelling in bathrooms (not that it would be required anywhere else).

I have many things mentioned here, mostly due to not having the wherewithal to replace them: laminate, brown leather sofas, some residual woodchip.

I have:

Some laminate floors
No side windows (mid terrace)
Cats
Room with red walls
Gas hob
Plastic windows (not sure if anybody mentioned those but I know architectural purists hate them)
Concrete back yard (plants in pots)
en suite shower room with loo

I would not want:

Those vinyl wall slogans
3D words (COOK BATH LOVE etc)
Floral feature wall
A three piece suite (or a 3+2 come to that. Anything matchy)

A piss mat in the bathroom...

Dogs. Plug in air fresheners. Plastic hall runner
Gerbils. Anaglypa wallpaper. Carnations
Hamsters. Artex. Musical door bell
Snakes. Smoothie maker. Wall art
Rats. Slow cooker. Wooden toilet seat
Birds. Plastic kettle. Bathroom cleaners on display

"Family rules"

Kitchen islands and breakfast bars are definite nos for me, and tall stools with chrome legs which you have to clamber up on very inelegantly if you're short.
Wardrobes as I prefer fitted cupboards.

Rooms laid out so you have to walk through one room to get to the next. A relative has moved to a very old house like this - each room leads into the next, all higgledy piggledy, with steps up and down between each room. I would have loved to live in a house like that as s kid - as an adult, I hate it!

All the furniture in DDs room. None of it matches and I'd like to start over with a clean slate.

We have a corner sofa, though - I love it! Everyone who walk into the room has complimented us on it except my design guru friend .

I do not like:
Artex
Vertical blinds
Chipboard furniture, chipboard floors...anything made with chipboard
Squeaky stairs
Storage heaters
Plastic plant containers
Cheap tacky plastic garden ornaments
Glass tables

Genuine question - why so much hate towards kitchen islands - I thought these were supposed to be the dream?

For me:

Woodchip
Artex
Electric fires
A toilet in the conservatory (we had one of these when we moved it - it was freezing in the winter!)
Laminate flooring
Spotlights in the bedroom - I think this is just weird
Low ceilings

A chalk paint finish kitchen.

Pink carpet.

Tiled bath panel and surround.

Any video games console.

Vertical or Venetian blinds

Plantation shutters

A bar in the living room

Does my MIL count?

And I agree with everything on lightgreen's list

Totally agree with a skyline picture
A big mass produced flower / floral picture
Word slogan
Cath Kitson stuff
Giant tv or any tv for me, a lap top suffices
Decking = 90's bad idea ( I actually have decking and hate it!)
Polished floor boards, yes they look nice but so hard to clean and are so cold
Mirrored furniture
Foam memory mattress
Washer/Dryer, always a nightmare, always break. I need separate machines
Astroturf grass
Garden full of lurid colour flowers
Wooden toilet seat
Too many cushions on the bed or sofa

Why does the pp not want a wood burner - I'd love one. What are the downsides?
Things I would never want in my house
a wetsuit

Carpet in the bathroom
Office blinds
Electric Hobs
Toilet brushes
'Professional' family photos

Ushiemama, I have some beautiful anaglypta

also a slow cooker & a potentially musical doorbell

And we have had gerbils, hamsters, rats and a snake

How do people clean their toilets without a brush though?

why don't people like kitchen islands? Is it just a cliché?
when you say kitchen islands do you mean the squares marooned in the sea of floor or the jutty out things? Or both?

Before I turned my nose up at AstroTurf but my childminder got it for her garden and it's fab. Will get it for mine when time comes - I can't be arsed to cut the grass and patch it up every year.

Laminate floor.
Wood burner.
Gas hob - bitch to clean.
Wall mounted tv/a huge tv that dominates the room.
Vertical blinds.
Brown upvc window frames.
Cream/white carpet.
Flowery wallpaper.
Cats.
Toilet immediately off the kitchen.

I would not even look at a house with a conservatory. EAs seem to be puzzled by this and never believe you, so they keep trying to persuade you to look at houses with the bloody awful things. All it is to me is a big fuss, and associated bill, to knock the bloody thing down.

And I totally agree that Nigel Farage is something I'd be unwilling to have in my house.