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Things you would NEVER want in your house:

568 replies

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 28/03/2015 20:08

I'll start.

A kitchen island.
A hall console table.
A corner sofa.
New rugs.

I am thinking of getting a plumbed-in Miele coffee machine.

OP posts:
Devora · 28/03/2015 22:31

LittleMilkNoSugar - yes yes yes, what a fantastic list! You are a woman after my own heart. For some reason, red polka-dot kitchen accessories particularly upset me.

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 28/03/2015 22:37

Stick-on wallpaper borders.

Wallpaper with enormous gawdy flowers on, especially red on black.

A UPVC front door. I accept the sad inevitability of buying a house with UPVC windows but the doors are downright ugly and cheap looking.

Fitted bedrooms where the units go all around the room, up to the bed and over it. It looks like a caravan.

Storage heaters

Breakfast bars that don't function properly as comfortable places to sit and eat. Especially the ones that face a wall, or don't have enough overhang on the tabletop to be able to tuck the stool and your legs under properly.

About 4 en suite shower rooms, all the size of broom cupboards, with no windows and no space for a decent sized shower or any storage. Just give us two decent sized bathrooms instead, one of which may or may not be en suite. Much better.

Really narrow warren-like corridors

Really steep angled stairs

low ceilings

not enough natural light

An awkwardly shaped, poorly laid out kitchen that doesn't flow.

Sitting rooms that are too narrow

A TV on the wall, placed way too high, with a strip of plastic conduit stuck vertically to the wall to 'hide' the cable. It doesn't.

A DFS or DSCS sofa, especially if it's that cheap, rock hard, shiny, unforgiving leather that doesn't yield when you sit on it, so you slide straight off.

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 28/03/2015 22:39

metal framed spiral staircases when they are the only stairs.

Apatite1 · 28/03/2015 22:39

Bloody wicker hearts everywhere.

Monica101 · 28/03/2015 22:44

I feel like the lone voice against wood burners but really that is 3k I paid for a load of extra work and yes a few more spiders.

In total agreement with ensuites, yuk to waking to the scent of DP's morning ablutions.

roomforimprovement · 28/03/2015 22:47

Venture type portraits
Island unit
Fitted wardrobes
En suite
Travertine tiles
Leather dining room chairs
Wall mounted tv...or fire
Paper lightshades
Uplighters
Modular sofas
Artex
Most mid century furniture ( that is currently de rigeur and that people in home magazines claim always to have LOVED)
Wash hand basins in the style of a mixing bowl

LittleMilkNoSugar · 28/03/2015 22:53

Lovely old 1930s houses with a storm porch but someone has closed it in with a horrible uPVC door
Wooden front doors stained with that mahogany coloured wood preservative
Laminate flooring. Especially in the living room. Your heels just go all clickety clicky
Bathroom off the kitchen. I appreciate it can't necessarily be helped but I think the potential embarrassment might cause chronic constipation
Chimney breasts where the fireplace has been removed and blocked up and all that remains is a little vent. Especially when the furniture is arranged so that the vent becomes the room's focal point

SpecificOcean · 28/03/2015 22:56

A picture of Elvis
Kitchen Island
Clutter
A Bookshelf full of dusty books
Green Paint
Wallpaper with flowers on
Fake flowers
Small windows
Damp/mould etc
Any creature that should be outside-wasps/flies/ants etc
Anything retro/shabby/old fashioned
A crap shower
Anything gold plated- taps/plug sockets/light switches etc
Patterned carpets
A coloured bathroom suite

magimedi · 28/03/2015 22:58

My ex

David Cameron

Nigel Farage

Dogs.

And nearly everything that has been mentioned upthread.

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 28/03/2015 23:04

Eyelet curtains. Especially when unlined and made from really thin and sparkly fabric. In purples. With a contrast velour border.

Cill length curtains.

OP posts:
AgentCooper · 28/03/2015 23:05

I have, for the first time in my life, an ensuite in my bedroom and, though I thought it would be minging before, I love it. I pee a lot and it saves me having to walk too far before going to sleep.

DH has his own wee bathroom with lavvy and shower in the hallway, though. His bum doesn't go anywhere near my bathroom.

KatieKaye · 28/03/2015 23:05

Bi-fold doors
Double height rooms - I'd rather have horizontal space, not vertical
Orange pine - I lived with that for years when it was the only furniture I could afford
Bathroom without a proper walk-in shower. No bath is not a problem, but I need a proper shower.
Lack of downstairs toilet

80sMum · 28/03/2015 23:06

Dogs and/or doggy smells
Air fresheners
Carpet in the loo
Rococo and Queen Anne style furniture
Gold taps

RaphaellaTheSpanishWaterDog · 28/03/2015 23:08

Wall-mounted TV especially above fireplace
Fluorescent tube lighting (inherited this from PO in bathroom as well as kitchen)
Hole-in-wall/fake fireplaces
Woodburner (had one in last house and wasn't keen - prefer open fires)
Net/lace curtains/vertical blinds
Plastic windows
Corner bath/whirlpool bath/bidet
Sliding doors (can't wait to remove the one PO fitted to downstairs cloakroom)
Fish tank
Astro turf/large plastic garden owls, birds etc
Union Jack anything
Large family pics on walls/Audrey Hepburn et al canvases
Spiral staircase, especially metal
Cut out/pasted inspirational slogans/keep calm posters
Exposed stone internal walls (everywhere when we bought our previous house - couldn't cover it quick enough!)
Laminate flooring
Stainless steel sink with draining board (inherited from PO)
Artex
Woodchip (inherited twelve rooms worth of floors and/or ceilings from PO)
Eye level oven
Oil heating (had this at last house)
Gloss/handle less kitchen
Anything minimalist
Fake flowers/plants/pot pourri
Wind chimes/dreamcatchers
Glass tables
Plug in air fresheners
Big flowery wallpaper (although like some wallpaper)
Bar in living room (sold Tudor house to couple who promptly installed a bar - yuck!)
Fancy archway between two rooms
Fake French furniture
Carpet in bathroom/cloakroom (inherited both from PO)
Thatch roof (looks pretty but never again!)

But.....we then have taxidermy (mainly butterflies) which most MNetters hate!

Surprised the Saniflo hasn't made an appearance - hated ours in last house and said never again, but looks like we'll be having to eat our words if I want my ensuite.....

Penguinsaresmall · 28/03/2015 23:13

My head inserted up my own arse

magicgirl74 · 28/03/2015 23:13

Im glad other people have said ensuite bathrooms as other people look at me like i have three heads when i mention my hatred of them,we looked at a couple of houses with them and i told estate agent i would be removing them.I also would'nt want office blinds,patterned carpets,storage heaters,carpet in the bathroom,spiral staircases,beams with low ceilings,them kitchen ceiling strip lights,bidets and built in appliances just to name a few.

thenightsky · 28/03/2015 23:16

God I'd love a bidet.

I don't get the bidet haters Confused why would you not want a washed fanjo?

YouFargingIceHole · 28/03/2015 23:19

Am I the only one who hates metro tiles? Is this the only thing one can buy for backsplashes and bathrooms?
Also, tiny 30's kitchen
big flower wallpaper
dining room chairs with a solid back, whether cloth or leather. They look cheap.
Animal prints
Pictures too high on the wall
Separate dining room and kitchen
Belfast sinks, I always think how bleurgh it must get around the edge under the counter. And they're too low to work over comfortably.
Glass dining tables

entirelyidentifiable · 28/03/2015 23:19

Bi-fold doors and glass box extensions are going to look very, very dated in a few years.

My particular hate are those modern front doors with horizontal wood panels, often painted grey or varnished wood, and with stainless steel modern bar handles, all then plonked on the front of a period or older house. Totally unsympathetic. They are HIDEOUS and dot the streets of my area like a bad taste rash.

I also hate uber modern, bare gardens with concrete and grey and lots of right angles, again especially when they are beside an older house.

YouFargingIceHole · 28/03/2015 23:22

Oh yeah, and grey Harling on the outside of the house. We live in a rainy, cloudy country, could you make the houses any more dreary ffs?

thenightsky · 28/03/2015 23:22

What is a 'metro tile'?

YouFargingIceHole · 28/03/2015 23:25

They're tiles that look like the ones in the paris metro. rectangular, smallish, usually white with black or grey grout. They will not age well IMO. I'd link to a photo but i don't know how on my phone.
Take a look in any home improvement magazine, they're everywhere.

RudyMentary · 28/03/2015 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouFargingIceHole · 28/03/2015 23:27

here, does this work?
m.toppstiles.co.uk/tprod966/Metro-White.html

nappyaddict · 28/03/2015 23:29

Carpet anywhere - gets too grubby
Laminate anywhere - looks cheap and fake
Tiles anywhere - too cold and they crack/chip
Non-mixer taps
Non-wooden doors
Horizontal blinds
Fabric blinds
Curtains
Memory foam mattress and pillows
White inside window sills
White, cream or pastel walls
Non-wooden fireplaces
Fabric sofas - too difficult to keep clean
Furniture that is not real wood
Electric shower
White grouting
Splashbacks - tiles should be to the ceiling in a cooking area. It's surprising how far splashes can travel
Those mats that go around the toilet
Gold fittings
Non-dimmer switches
Non-safety spotlights - one of the biggest cause of house fires apparently
Feature walls
Gas/electric fire
Electric hob
Gas oven
Single fridge freezer - not big enough
PVC windows/doors
Single glazing
Stairs in living room
Laminate or wooden worktops
Decking

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