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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Sex education year 4

197 replies

Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 17:59

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

OP posts:
Nuffaluff · 06/12/2021 18:01

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

Yes, puberty is now a statutory part of the curriculum. We also have to teach it in year 3.

Nuffaluff · 06/12/2021 18:02

Sex education - that part I think they have to still get permission for. We did in our school and some children (most children) were withdrawn by parents.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:05

So for a conversation around conception - as this was discussed - permission would be required?

My issue is they sort of half did it. They said the sperm needs to get to the egg and she’s completed baffled as to how that happens - and yes she is genuinely that innocent.

OP posts:
BHX3000 · 06/12/2021 18:05

Aren’t these kids 8 or 9? I thought they would all know the basics by then.

We had very basic ‘sperm + egg make a baby’ books in my classroom from year 2 or so, and that was late 90s…

My mum certainly told me about periods and sex before the age of 9.

furballfun · 06/12/2021 18:09

The thing is that periods don't make any sense without discussing pregnancy, which raises the obvious question (how do women become pregnant?). It's likely that some girls in your DD's class will start their periods this year, so they need to know about them.

On the other hand, I can definitely understand you wanting a heads up; the school should, I think, have told you.

CherryAndAlmond · 06/12/2021 18:09

Given that no one is allowed to acknowledge that there are two distinct sexes anymore I very much doubt they'll be splitting up boys and girls.

Whataday21 · 06/12/2021 18:12

You should have broached this subject long before now. My dd is the same age. There are some great books out there. It's OK to tell her that the penis goes inside the vagina. They are scientific facts.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:12

I know it’s possible that some girls can start their period at 9, so I get why they do it, but isn’t 12-13 about average? I think the heads up would have been good as I had bought a book and actually planned to start this conversation over the week (just didn’t get around to it) so was thinking of doing it this weekend but I’ve been pipped by the school. I think I would have preferred for her to learn some of the basics in a safer environment- and not with boys around. She was really embarrassed and schooled - but I take on some of that responsibility because I guess she should have been better prepared?!

OP posts:
Chunkymonkey13 · 06/12/2021 18:14

A lot of it has to do with safe guarding, a child knowing the correct terms etc helps in child abuse cases….it’s a sad world having to start so young.

Fuuuuuckit · 06/12/2021 18:15

Sex Ed is not compulsory in primary but schools should have a full curriculum of PSHCE which is available for parents to review. Plus it will be covered in science. Only in y6 are schools required to inform parents about the content so as to prepare for interesting questions.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/relationships-education-relationships-and-sex-education-rse-and-health-education/relationships-education-primary

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:16

She’s in a class of 9 kids (private sector) and only two of the kids actually had a clue. Both were boys. She’s told me that two boys new how the sperm got to the egg abs that they said ‘you don’t want to know’

Periods have disturbed her a lot tonight (which I think is fair as I personally think it’s a disturbing concept for a child) but we have to fill in the gaps now as she is adamant she needs to know (again fair after today’s conversations at school)

OP posts:
SkyLarkDescending · 06/12/2021 18:17

Sex and relationships education is now statutory. Although you say private sector - I am not sure if they have to follow the curriculum??

I agree, it would've been helpful for the school to give you a heads up. Just talk to her about it, keep it factual. She won't have all the associations about body parts and sex that you do as an adult. I try to only answer what the child asks rather than giving extra detail.

BHX3000 · 06/12/2021 18:17

I know it’s possible that some girls can start their period at 9, so I get why they do it, but isn’t 12-13 about average?

I’d say 11 is about average, certainly not 13. Many girls will start before secondary school, 13 is seen as quite late nowadays.

Also agree with the previous poster who said that it’s hard to understand periods without discussing pregnancy. It’s all related so hard to break it up. We learnt about it all together, boys and girls, and that was 20 years ago. As long as they’re not using some woke language non-sense, I don’t see where the issue is with that.

A little heads up would’ve been nice though, I’ll give you that. Does it not appear on any of their curriculum, on the website or a paper version they gave at the beginning of the year?

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:20

No heads up at all. Nothing.

Is 11 seriously the average now?! Im 34 and was 13 (just) when it happened to me, and I was easily one of the first. I was definitely at secondary school. I think we knew of 2 girls at primary school it had happened to.

Why is this happened earlier these days? 11 was absolutely not the norm circa 2000.

OP posts:
BHX3000 · 06/12/2021 18:20

@Changernamerjoker

She’s in a class of 9 kids (private sector) and only two of the kids actually had a clue. Both were boys. She’s told me that two boys new how the sperm got to the egg abs that they said ‘you don’t want to know’

Periods have disturbed her a lot tonight (which I think is fair as I personally think it’s a disturbing concept for a child) but we have to fill in the gaps now as she is adamant she needs to know (again fair after today’s conversations at school)

Keep to the facts, it’s scientific information she needs to know, very factually.

Has she never seen you deal with periods or buying pads or tampons? Periods really are one of those things that kids should grow up with thinking it’s completely normal and a ‘fact’ of life. Because it is.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:23

Ok this is is my fault, but no. I am extremely private about periods and they don’t see the products or anything so it has been a completely
Shock to her. I know this is my fault but I’m basically a massive prude and find this really hard to talk to her about - I have gotten over that and shown her everything tonight snd given her loads of cuddles as she has cried a fair bit.

OP posts:
titchy · 06/12/2021 18:24

Whilst I agree it would have been sensible for the school to give a heads up generally that they'll be looking at this topic this term, I think the main fault, if that's the right word, is with you sorry. You've left it very very late - she should have known this from much earlier. It wouldn't have been a big deal at all if you'd done that. Heck how would she have felt if she woke up with blood in her pyjamas bottoms last week? Starting age 8 is within the normal range!

BHX3000 · 06/12/2021 18:24

@Changernamerjoker

No heads up at all. Nothing.

Is 11 seriously the average now?! Im 34 and was 13 (just) when it happened to me, and I was easily one of the first. I was definitely at secondary school. I think we knew of 2 girls at primary school it had happened to.

Why is this happened earlier these days? 11 was absolutely not the norm circa 2000.

Yes it’s the norm. I’m a decade or so younger than you and I got mine at 11, half the class started before secondary.

My sister was almost 13 and that was considered fairly late. By her classmates, and the GP and paediatrician (whom you’re under until 14 where we lived at the time).

White European cohort, so no big genetic differences at play.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:27

I’m sorry but 8 isn’t normal. If kids are getting their period in year 3 (and this is seen as normal) then I’m living on a different planet because - although possible - 8 is not normal and it would be very sad for any 8 year old to start a period.

OP posts:
Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:28

Also there is so much helpful and non judgemental posts here - which are gratefully received.

OP posts:
titchy · 06/12/2021 18:31

Sorry OP, but 8 is considered medically normal - uncommon, but normal. Why would it be sad? That's an unusual emotion to feel about primary children having periods.

BHX3000 · 06/12/2021 18:33

From the NHS website:

Your periods will start when your body is ready. That's usually between the ages of 10 and 16.

See a GP if your periods haven't started by age 16 (or 14 if there are no other signs of puberty either).

8 would be early, yes, but 10 is considered ‘usual’. There is always the odd girl in school who starts at age 9/10, and they might talk about it.

The NHS website also says that typically, you'll start your periods about 2 years after your breasts start growing and about a year after getting a white vaginal discharge

So around age 8/9, these signs could start appearing. It’s not a period, but it could freak them out if they don’t know why it’s happening.

Original poster
Changernamerjoker · 06/12/2021 18:33

Their children! I think it’s sad that periods happen to young children. 8 year olds believe in Santa where I live. I find it very difficult to get my head around that I’m ‘unusually’ for finding it sad that periods may happen to an 8 year old.

OP posts:
JacknSally · 06/12/2021 18:36

Sorry op, but this is on you. She needs to know this stuff and you should have told her before now

stickygotstuck · 06/12/2021 18:38

@Changernamerjoker

Ok this is is my fault, but no. I am extremely private about periods and they don’t see the products or anything so it has been a completely Shock to her. I know this is my fault but I’m basically a massive prude and find this really hard to talk to her about - I have gotten over that and shown her everything tonight snd given her loads of cuddles as she has cried a fair bit.
In that case, OP, be glad the school has broached the subject for you.

So much trouble and misplaced embarrassment would be avoided if parents spoke to their children about such things in good time - i.e. way before they are due their periods (totally normal from around 9 YO, not outliers).