Sex education year 4

[Changernamerjoker]

Hello - just trying to gauge of what happened was ok today.

Daughter is in year 4 and they started learning about puberty. We had started planning on bringing this up ourselves, but school has pipped us to the post.

So daughter learned about periods, breast development, BO, hair growth as well as what happened to the boys.

Boys and girls stayed in the same
Class (girls and boys were separated for this in my
Day, is that not longer done?)

They also discussed ‘the boys worms getting to the egg’ but my daughter has no clue how that happens. I obviously need to explain this to her tonight (feel a bit taken by surprise)

Daughter is both confused and upset.

Parents were not given the heads up on this lesson plan.

Is this right? Do schools just do this now with our parental consent?

DD is in the private sector if that matters?

Thank goodness @titchy has clarified this with no evidence. Hail
@titchy

@Changernamerjoker I'm not sure about the weight thing. I'm not a nurse like your aunt but I was almost 11 stone when I was 11 years old (very very overweight) but didn't start until I was 10. My very slim friend was the one who started at 10 years old. Thinking back to my school friends I can't think of a correlation between weight and periods. My mum was only tiny (five foot tall), a war time kid so very skinny and only weighed 7.5 stone when she got married and she'd had her periods since she was 11-12 years old.

Oops, not 10 - I was almost 12 when I started my period. It was New Year's Eve so I've never forgotten it!

I read threads like this and wonder why people can’t just be kind to other people :(

OP, I’m sure you’ll not be alone in feeling this way about periods and not saying anything to your daughter. Your daughter will be fine she’s just in shock. I’m sure you’ll be more open with her going forwards. The school should have given you a heads up that they were going to be covering this. My DSs school did it as part of well-being week and gave us some stuff to read so we knew what they were being taught and the terms used.

A bit of (kindly meant) advice, if I were you I’d step away from this thread now and tell people you won’t be replying to any further comments. It will soon fizzle out. Replying will only keep it going and I don’t think you’re going to hear anything new.

Thank goodness @titchy has clarified this with no evidence. Hail
*@titchy**

To be fair, you haven't presented any actual evidence for the opposing view so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'd be pissed off too if school discussed this first without giving me the heads up first! (Granted my 2 are only 1 and 3!)
I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time with periods and I agree some of the posts here are so judgey.
I'm similar age as you OP and I started when I just turned 13. I was also such a naive and innocent pre-teen. Had no idea about periods and god forbid sex until 11...the latter I did not want to believe!!! lol.
Also these things were never ever discussed at home and sanitary pads etc were always hidden etc. Obviously I wouldn't want my kids to go through! At the same time I wouldn't want them to be scared with what and how they are taught these things want, be it from school or myself. I'm grateful I have a few more years left to educate myself on how to go about it.

Hey op - I'm Y6 teacher.
The school will have a policy on this so that you can see when and how these topics are being taught. Some of it is under the national curriculum which you can view online. They don't have to inform you about this part but lots of school do. The sex part may have just been an answer to a question and not part of the lesson which is why your daughter wasn't given the 'full' explanation - this comes later. Again, schools have to produce policies on this which are available for parents to see and they have to make the materials available as well. It's probably on their website somewhere or you'll certainly be able to ask for it. Most schools tend to publicise this later on when the sex and relationships aspect becomes more detailed. It might be worth having a look so you know what's coming in year 5 and 6.

I taught year 4 (and 5 and 6).

We would outline all topics to be covered at the start of each term.

Some parents would want more information on the exact content of subjects pertaining to puberty/reproduction.

I can't remember any parent withdrawing their child from these lessons. But I can remember children being withdrawn from these lessons when I was 'of that age' in school.

My daughter started her period on her 9th birthday, just as her friends started to arrive for her bouncy castle party. Her class had had the information from school very recently. I was completely unprepared. There weren't any obvious signs - and she was only sight in weight.

Like you OP I felt quite sad that this had happened so young and I felt very sorry for her at the thought of her having to deal with blood loss for many years to come (which was heavy and painful and very regular from the start) but she was excited and couldn't wait to tell her friends and we had a great discussion about this topic with her friends and their parents (mothers) on her birthday.

When the fuss died down we had more serious discussions during quiet times of the day. She's autistic and very literal and can talk about any subject in a matter of fact way without any embarrassment, whilst some of her questions could make me squirm.

I think that your school should have let parents know in advance of the lessons to be covered so that parents have the choice to either broach the subject (menstruation) first with their children or just allow school to introduce the topic.

My mother was shocked to start her periods as she had no knowledge of them. I knew of them through the magazine Jackie of which we used to laugh at the problem page in the playground (some of the other children had much older sisters).

I think you have had a very hard time from a lot of posters and this makes me feel bad for you.

There are nicer ways to disagree with people and be supportive. I know if I'd have approached parents asking me why their child hasn't had a new reading book this week, so passive aggressively, I would've been in some kind of trouble. (Personally - if an 11yr old can't change a reading book as per the routine, there's no hope.)

I understand where you are coming from. Sadly there are always those who will be contrary.

Thank you ❤️

Hi OP I was 14 and a half when I got mine and I found it (and the build up towards it) quite traumatic! The end of a carefree childhood - you need a bag and supplies with you all the time just in case, everything feels different and there’s a sense of heaviness, a responsibility I couldn’t quite understand. When I learnt about periods I felt so different to my brother and boy friends, knowing that this would divide us irreversibly by marking us as different. I can’t imagine experiencing that at 8 or 9. I cried a lot when I got it even though it wasn’t much of a surprise and I was the last in my class.

Obviously I know it’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of but I do find it gross!! It’s a messy and uncomfortable experience and I wouldn’t want to have seen my mother menstruating and equally would not want a child to see me! I still find it a weird concept and up until I actually started was freaked out at the thought of bleeding into my knickers. In year four I probably had little fairies and days of the week on my knickers! I’m pretty squeamish though.

I had a very vague idea at about 10/11 from books and one of my friends who was very mysterious about it had started. I would definitely have been confused and upset to learn about them at your daughter’s age. Bless her - it’s a scary thing and I think it would be quite a burden to know from an early age.

It’s amazing how different everybody’s experiences on this thread are but there seems to be a distinct lack of sympathy for a confused and upset little girl. I used to get upset at the thought of starting just because it’s weird and scary. At that age the idea of “it’s your body getting ready to have a baby” is a bit weird too.

I definitely agree that it’s sad that little girls experience it so young and obviously there needs to be information available for those who need it but normalising a somewhat unpleasant bodily function to the point some posters suggest is odd. What’s next - “Menstruating Barbie - She really bleeds!”

Sending love as it sounds like you and your DD are having a tough time. Hope she feels better in the morning.

My DD had that lesson in Y4. We were told in advance about it. You had to have a very good reason for withdrawal. Boys and girls were taught the lesson together. But I gave DD a copy of Mummy Laid an Egg in Year 2, and I told her about periods before we were notified about that particular lesson. We spoke about body changes etc too.

My mum never spoke to me about periods and so when one of my classmates got hers at 10 years old all the girls were talking about it and I hadn't a clue what they were on about. This was about 1988.I felt stupid for not knowing. When I got my period at 13 I was at my Gran's house and she got my first pads. So I made sure my DD knew about it because it's normal to have them and to learn to cope with them.

I think the criticism you have received here is unfair. You probably never discussed it with your mum? Is your DD an only? To prevent further surprises, you can look up PSHE curriculum (state school) online to give you an idea what is taught and when.

Thank you - and you really made me laugh with barbie!

I can't believe your daughter doesn't know some of this already.
i'm 47 and my mum told me everything as I asked the questions. ie where are babies from
Has your daughter not asked?

Kids take their cues from us. If you are upset and dramatic about this your dd will pick up on this. I have been covering puberty and reproduction with my y6 class. We have discussed it in a mixed class completely sensibly. They can see that I am not embarrassed and therefore they are not embarrassed. You are the issue here. You need to put your prudishness aside.

We’ve discussed it with her - She knows all the facts. You’ve missed the point. Thanks for your contribution.

@Changernamerjoker

No heads up at all. Nothing.

Is 11 seriously the average now?! Im 34 and was 13 (just) when it happened to me, and I was easily one of the first. I was definitely at secondary school. I think we knew of 2 girls at primary school it had happened to.

Why is this happened earlier these days? 11 was absolutely not the norm circa 2000.

All my friendship group were in year 7 (in 1999), so 11 or 12. I was embarrassed because I didn't start til the summer holidays and I had 2 friends at primary school who started in year 6, so I don't think it's that unusual.

I was 14 in 2014 (going into year 10) and most of my friends started in year 7 so 11/12. The youngest I knew personally from my age group would have been 10 but that was unusual. 8/9 seems very young!

I started on my 10th birthday back in the misty past of 1989. I was always very tall for my age and did have some other signs of puberty.
It does suck to be a kid dealing with periods- mine were regular and heavy from the get go.
My DD is only 5, but I do feel sad at the thought of her being like me - I knew what was happening and my mum prepared me really well but it is crappy to have to deal with it in primary school. Fact of life though it may be.

@Changernamerjoker

Who are you people?

When my friend started her she begged her mum for a hysterectomy.

The girls I was at school with (2000’s Leicestershire way) we’re absolutely traumatised.

I’ve lived in London since 2005 and about 90% of women hate their period and also
Have horror stories about them.

Who are you people?

What kind of school did you go to!?

I think the only two girls I could consider 'traumatised' by their periods at school were: the girl being raised by her grandparents, who hadn't talked to her about it, so she was really scared once it started (and otherwise fine after), and one girl who fainted a couple of times because she had awful periods so she dreaded it, understandably.

Everyone else was weirdly smug and knowing about it - it was a mark of being 'grown up', if anything.

I don't know anyone who loves getting their periods but I don't know many who hate it, either (except those with really terrible ones). It's just an occasionally-inconvenient fact of life.

Oh come on. I’m not a particularly protective parent, definitely don’t believe in this idea of complete innocence but I actually agree it’s a bit sad, thinking of my DD getting her period. She knows all about it and I haven’t burdened her with my own feelings, but for the majority of women, myself included, it’s a PITA. An added hassle I could do without and (probably during the throes of PMT) something I can feel resentful about. I understand it’s a biological process but I’d also have been quite happy for my DH to be the one pregnant, in labour and breastfeeding. Female pain and medical research is drastically lower down the scale of priority in comparison to male conditions and the biological burden on women, although not technically an injustice, does feel so unfair at times.

Don’t suffer horrifically with my period, although it isn’t great with my PMT rages making me feel completely unstable. But, my DD having the joy of randomly getting period a week early on a Greek beach holiday or bleeding through a dress at a friends rural wedding or whatever does make me feel a bit deflated. Same as I feel about the sexism she will undoubtedly face.

I didn’t start until I was nearly 16, similar to my 3 sisters. I knew I was a late starter but I’d have said 13 the average and am always shocked reading (but obviously don’t doubt) the statistics which say otherwise.

Initial lessons in primary are mixed in class. In every Yr4/5 class there's prob a girl who is having periods.

In the nicest way possible op, you sound like my mum and it gave me massive issues about it that it took me years to get over (like having to wait twenty mins for the ladies' to finally empty incase - SHOCK - a stranger might hear me rustling a tampon even though I've just heard them dispose of their pad!!!).

Pretty sure mine were 3 or 4 when they noticed I had periods. Totally normal, happens to women when the egg hasn't turned into a baby. No it doesn't hurt or anything. (With explanations growing more complex the older they get). Mine started at 10 and it was a total non-issue because she'd grown up knowing it was just as normal as peeing and it happens to all of us.

I'd do the same if I had boys to be honest 🤷🏻‍♀️. Went to school with a girl who was raised by her dad and we were constantly helping her out because it just didn't occur to him that she'd need it!

I'd do everything you can to normalise from now on. Crying over it etc is really, really sad.

Just a question... I hadn't realised that sex ed would be happening in year 4. My DD is in year 3 but they have mixed year classes, so she's in a mixed year 3 and 4 class. So, will she be having this lesson too or will they take the year 4's off to do it separately? Anyone with experience of this? thanks.

My 4 year old knows about periods. She often likes to accompany me to the bathroom 🙄😂 The first few times she really noticed, she was quite concerned but I explained that teenagers & grownups get a period every month for a few days and it’s just bleeding that doesn’t hurt (in the context when she sees blood, she assumes an injury). I showed her my tampons & pads and explained these help stop the bleeding. I explained that it’s nothing she needs to worry about for a long time. She’s totally non plussed by it now, she likes to get me a tampon from the drawer 😂

I started when I was 11 and in yr7. That was pretty average amongst my friends. That was back in 2000.

My mum isn’t the most talkative & but she was really open with me about girl stuff & it’s def the best approach, I really hope both my DD’s feel able to talk to me about it with minimal embarrassment! If you find that hard OP, deffo one of those occasions you need to push past your own feelings & open up for your DD ❤️

There is only a couple of lessons where the details of intercourse are discussed which is usually in year 6 and school should notify the parents that they are coming up. These are the only parts of sex ed parents can withdraw from and hence they need to know when they are coming up and to be ready for any questions.